Not understanding dating

I always see this shit in light novel, manga and anime.
Where characters think they can't date because they don't know each other very well.
THAT'S WHAT DATING IS FOR!!
It's to get to know someone before starting a relationship.
So my question is.
Is it a cultural thing?
Or is it because these authors have never actually been asked out before.
third option: it's a lazy way to pad out the story

 

Coz author need a reason why there is a harem. If the guy officially date someone then all the other girls would not be hording around him. By making it the MC never actually get into an official relationship author can use that as excuse to have many girls around the MC.

 

....
This is one of the few instances where all three and Other should be selected. But I do agree with the above, author needs/wants to create a harem, and couldn't be original enough to have his harem seeking GF do the looking for him.

That just leads into your other options, as most writers dont have or have the courage to get a gf. It's bad enough it's become a cultural phenomenon, and cliche enough many writers have gone the copycat route hoping to ride their coattails.

 

Not just a cultural thing, it's a personal view thing.

Some people use dating as a way of knowing each other better... Me? I wouldn't date someone if I couldn't see myself marrying that person some day.

People take dating with varying degrees of seriousness, some hold back a lot more in dating than others do. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable with calling anyone my boyfriend if I wasn't in love with them.

So for me, knowing each other well is a basic requirement before even considering dating, it's never something I'd do with someone that wasn't my close friend already.

 

My guess:
1) Culture
2) Teenage drama... If the novel is targeted to teenagers, it will have logic and reasoning at the same level

 

It is not cultute but more to a mindset? I’m not sure with other Asia countries but here (Indonesia) most of the time you only go on date if you already become a couple. If not we call it hanging out and normally it will be with other people.

There is a phase where you go out only with your potential partner but it normally standard lunch and maybe watch a movie but it won’t be considered as date

Not sure if the youngster right now have different mindset.

 

Japanese cultural wise, dating someone usually has a lot of intentions and implied meanings behind it. For example, the famous "they don't know each other very well". Dating for Westerns usually tend to be more lax and breaking up tends to be a normal thing. Dating in Japanese culture is more important and both parties usually need to be at least interested (if not in love) with each other in order to start dating. One reason why girls refuse confessions from guys in anime/novels/manga is because she doesn't even know them or just doesn't know enough about them to date them. For the female side especially, if they are constantly seen dating boys left and right, it'd make them seem like they're a "slut" or a "bitch" or something negative because dating as seen as more of a "love" things rather than getting to know each other. In Japan, when two people are dating, they usually would know a decent amount about each other before starting to date. In Chinese and Korean cultural, might be different, but that's how common Japanese people view dating. It's not a thing you can casually just do, but more of a "sacred" thing.

 

True, if some random dude that you don't know suddenly confesses to you, call the police and install an alarm at your house because he is probably a stalker.

 

It sounds like a great excuse someone would tell themselves when they are insecure about asking someone out.

Or maybe, some authors think that the usual relationship progression would involve friendship first before actual dating?

I'm not really sure either.

 

Don't know how they do it in the west. But over here, before you want to start dating, you start as friends first. Or even if not as friends, at least acquaintances. You ask your friends who happens to know that person what he/she is like, whether he/she is single or what he does or anything relevant. You greet that person on the way to work, ask how their day went in the evening, share some of your extra food. When you feel like you're comfortable with that person, maybe arrange to go shopping, have tea or whatever together. This is not yet dating.

Dating is when you express that you like the other person and wants to get closer. The other person must agree for it to be considered as dating. I don't know how it's done in the west, but here, there must be explicit agreement on both parties. A proposal must be made and the proposal must be accepted. It's not to the point of promising marriage or exchanging rings yet, unless if you consider it an engagement. What it does is only specifically informing each other (as well as other potential suitors) that you're both unavailable to other people until it is concluded.

 

I think it is a difference in the understanding of the definition of “dating”.

You stated “dating” is to get to know someone before you start a “relationship”.

But to many people the term “dating” IS “having a relationship”.

Unless you mean “going on dates” when you said “dating”...

Pretty sure going on dates (while udk the other party that well) happens commonly in manga/anime/novel.. people going on dates without any relationship.

What you mentioned is that they are adverse to “dating” cos they dunno each other that well, which yeah, happened lots in manga/anime/novel.

 

Thanks for all the responses so far, even as a 20 sumthin I never could say what is "dating" and what is DATING.

 

I thought the same thing. All of the above fits the poll.

Op does have a little bit of a point but i guess that's just the cultural disconnect between east and west about how relationships tend to form.

 

Well we here in the west have been dating independently for years and years, sure there were always arranged marriages for the yupper crust or for the stray oddball, but in general us plebs found our own wives, husbands, mistresses and gigolos. For those in the east it's very common for their marriage to be arranged, or have had visited a matchmaker... So it isnt a simple disconnect, the whole damn phone company was burned to the ground before they had to file chapter 11 bankruptcy...

In my first post I think I went to far off on a tangent. The answer is a resounding yes that it is a cultural thing. From what I've learned from second hand odd sources, a couple discovery channel documentaries and in those same manga, lightnovels and anime, is that most marriages are arranged by their parents or a matchmaker. In a lot of cases there is little to no love between the husband and wife. It's also common for there to be little contact between parent and child after a certain point. It is a complex and often alien culture to those of us in the west.

Their cultural baggage has made western style dating a difficult hurdle to overcome. This isnt to say that everyone is as inept as in the plots of said media you're currently describing, but there is enough of a problem that the Japanese government worries about it and once in a while tries to fix.

 

You know, heading off on a tangent myself, that's something that has, at times, puzzled me. Then you consider certain different parts of the culture and you suddenly understand how they've dug themselves into a hole called 'declining birthrate'. Their work culture tends to suck, their cultural baggage around relationships still hangs heavy not to mention their cultural baggage around foreigners as well.

 

Yupper, I've always been attracted to Asians. Their culture before the west fucked it up, their looks, their history and their single minded pursuit of their crafts, combat, and arts. Everything has been so formalized, from marrage, how they talk, right down to practically every motion as if it was some kind of esoteric ritual. It's to the point they are slowly drowning under the weight of it all.

 

Lazy writing is lazy?