So this is more like a bit of rant and a discussion lol. So here goes. Hoshi believes in true love. Hoshi believes in this one ideal desperately. If I did not honestly believe in true love, I would become an antisocial hermit, living without any contact from people and humans. I’ve read so many novels and books about OTPs and true love. And how two people shelter through all this crap together and finally fall in fucking love. That I can no longer not believe that such a possibility exists for me as well. Hoshi’s philosophy in dating is to be honest and direct. I am an honest and open person. I have no secrets, just things that are yet to be heard. And Hoshi’s philosophy in dating is that if two people are getting along well, and you feel that magic spark that makes you think, “maybe he’s the one”, then you should lay out all the cards and just be honest about everything. I feel, it is best when dating, that you should attach warning labels to yourself. So to better prepare the person who you wish to engage in a serious commitment with. Thus, it is what makes me be so open and direct. I want to be understood, but you can never be understood if you never reveal what it is that you want the other to understand. This further reinforces my mindset that I should be honest even more so. Misunderstandings breed nothing but endless worry and anxiety, and I do not want to deal with such inferior complications that I would rather nip it in the bud and kill it early. And so, recently, Hoshi was talking to this guy.. we talked to each other striaght for about 3 days, and one day the conversation lead to here and there. And it goes like this. “So, lol, is you really want to know. Then I don’t mind telling you, as I’ve said before. I don’t really have secrets. Just things yet to be heard. But I must forewarn you that I fear this may change your view of me.” “Lol. It’s okaay. Just tell me! It won’t change anything!” “(I tell him.)” The conversation dies. I get blocked from every form of social contact and media, never to be heard from again. ... so from This experience, I’ve learned it is best to keep secrets? I just feel bad if I enter into a serious relationship, and the guy isn’t at least a little prepared beforehand. I feel like I’d be misleading him or possibly lying and hiding things. Thus, it makes me be more open. But sadly, is such honesty bad? Is it better to keep secrets? I am so honest, that my heart is always open and revealed, that each time the honesty fails and is never appreciated, the heart is scarred and forever wounded and hurt. I’m a little sad actually. Hoshi, is contemplating people. I’ve always hated people. But the idealism of love has been forever ingrained within my heart and body, that I can not not hate people. I, honestly hate people. They are unconfirmed variables, nuclear bombs that always have the chance of explosion. And in such a case, you will self destruct with them. And even if you survive, you will still be left scarred and battered. But I honestly just want to find the true love I’ve read about so many times. This journey is so harsh, that idk if I can survive the storms. The ocean, it drowns Me. My ship, it is unstable. The sands, they burn me. The desert taunts my with mirages of a possible love. A possible one that can never be found. The jungles, it reminds me of all the Possibilities with its beautiful, poisonous flowers. I’m so tempted to touch them all, but I know deep down, that it may be a trap waiting to kill and crush me in its entirety. The glacier, it stings me with its cold. It reminds me of what I wish I could be. A cold hearted soul who is forever above the reality of life. To be perfectly in lonely bliss, just like this glacier. The cities, they fill my head with endless futures. And I am only finding the worst of the possibilities.
There are things best left unsaid. If you are able to find someone to confide in then great. If they leave I guess it was just not meant to be. Finding someone that will accept you is hard, and the only thing we can do is just move on and continue looking.
Sorry if what I said was off topic. Lacking sleep and going cross eyed so was unable to fully read...
Although relationship advice is always dangerous to give and seldom welcome, I see a lot of myself in your story, so here goes. At least for me it was a lot of pain and hiding in my shell until one day I just gave up on relationships. About that time I met a group of people I really enjoyed hanging out with and who I felt super comfortable with. I had stopped trying to find any love, but unexpectedly it found me from that group. And when we both thought about it we were honest with each other and dating started. On a side note, we were long distance dating and on our second physical date he proposed to me. We've been married for 12 years. Don't change, it may take longer than expected, but there's definitely someone else out there with just your honesty waiting for you too.
My advice as someone who's never dated before, is to not use novels as reference. I can't offer anything more since I have no xp in the school of relationships. Be sure to vent more on here, since it will make you feel better (maybe) and I'll get to learn from your experiences.
It’s okay haha... I know I should just move on. But this happens quite so often, that I’m beginning to doubt if my philosophies are right or wrong? And I’m just a bit sad, so I’m just venting. A bit.
“I hate people...” Same~ But people/hoomans in general... I have specific people that I like tho... Who said honesty is bad!? I've been honest to my friends (well maybe not too much to my family), but it's not that bad! Just that people have varying opinions and ideology and that makes them unable to understand others not in the same string as them... Luckily, my friends understand me and able to accept even the worst types of things (mostly that I and my other friends do)... Hoshi... Dun be sad... I can be a friend too! My little circle (comprised of only 6 irl) can accept each other... And I am thankful of that... To the point that my friends know me best than my family and closest relatives... My family's culture just binds them to some beliefs that makes them unable to understand me so I don't bother telling them... Ahh~ I tell people my secrets even outside my circle of friends... I've been telling my experiences in nuf, even my darkest thoughts... (Alright... Maybe unconsciously...) Well point is, not just anyone could accept another... Being honest is not bad (depends on your definition of bad coz I am now utterly confused on its ideal definition) and that you don't know everyone... Each person has their own thoughts, some just conflict to your own, making them unable to accept yours... *sigh* Side note: Humans are selfish, despicable, and shameful creatures...
I'm not sure I see the problem about telling him. The summary seems to be: He had a mental image of you, you shattered it, he wasn't fine with the new image. If he was going to find it out someday then this, or some variation, would happen. Are you really thinking that if you say married him, waited 30 years, then told him that makes everything okay? The only question I'd suggest you ask is, did I explain it all well and lead into it in a way that is understandable. Or did you just jump into like "I'm a serial murderer and there are 14 hearts in my fridge, but I'm not selfish, you can have a bite."
Aw. That’s honestly beautiful. Thanks for the advice, it helped. And it so sincere i felt all the way over here haha. And I don’t think such a situation like yours would work for me. I’ve stated in the post that I hate people. And it is a bit true. I’ve been swung around so many friend groups and met so many people. That I’ve grown bored of friendships entirely. It always ends up the same, and even with long distance friends. They’ll say “I’ll all be there for you.”, but if they are never really THERE, are they ever here? I’ve had so many online friends, who when I’m going through soemthing, they always say, “I’ll be here for you ” that it no longer makes me feel moved and makes a difference. They are never THERE, and I need someone to be there, and here. Haha.
Hard one....without knowing what it is I can't give you much advice... I believe in true love, but my definition of true love has grown and changed with time and relationships. It's not easy believing in love and honesty..(my real name literally means honour, try living up to that when you have aspects of yourself that may put people off). XD When it comes to things yet to be revealed.....sometimes its easier to make a bold statement at the beginning to weed out the losers. Sometimes, it's easier to keep some of your 'secrets' to yourself and only tell those few that really matter. There are not easy answers BUT the path to true love is worth it.
No matter what it is that you said, if the other person cannot accept it and reacted that violently, he's not worth it. This is my selfish belief. If you want to change, don't do it because of other people, but do it for yourself. Yes, they could influence or initiate the change but at the end of the day, you make the decision on who you would be. When the day comes that someone accepts you for who you are, flaws and all, it will be absolutely worth it.
Well, this might not sound weird coming from someone who doesn't believe in love (but I don't hate anyone ) but you found the wrong guy, so what is the problem? just be yourself, be honest, you will find the right person at some point.
...wait, was I as a friend suppose to do more than simply share my resources with the group to have a mutually good time? I suppose I've never really tried to dump any baggage on those people, but if they came to me with problems that I was in a convenient position to solve I would step in. However, in the case that they just drop a bunch of crap on my doorstep and hope I'll fix everything for them they obviously haven't read me well. I don't hate people, but I'm not sure I'd trust someone to have my back unless they seem like they also would rely on my support in an extreme case.
It’d be great if we could be irl friends too haha. I kind of have none that are so close, just the casual ones. You come. You chill. You hang out. You have fun. That’s it. No deeper meaning. Your words are what I tell Myself when another possibility dies lol. “Don’t WORRYc Hoshi! You’re just weeding them out!” And, I’m just sad at the audacity of it all really. He seemed nice. Like very nice. We had a good time talking, and I say this one thing, and I’m just rather causal about it. I wasn’t pushing it into his face or anything. It was more like “Yea and that’s what happened.” I’m just confused and shocked by his follow up actions. I got blocked from everything, and I thought he was nice?
I don't think romance novels and movies are the best reference for the romance in reality. Also, there are time, place and person to tell things to. You can't always just come out and say stuff, even if someone asks. And you absolutely can't tell everything in your head to anyone.
I replied about the idea of honesty, but I'll give you a story about dating from an ex-coworker. He had opened up a year earlier about how his first long term relationship ended in her dumping him and when he wouldn't accept it cheating on him. That happened a few years earlier. Later on he was dating off/on while working with me, and apparently another coworker of mine might have slept with his 'gf'. A couple years go by and eventually explains that he thinks all of his last 5 gf's have cheated on him. And I explained that maybe it isn't them, maybe he is attracted to cheating sluts and should make them fill out a questionnaire on if they have cheated before he dates them. An asshole move on my part, but eventually you have to realize that maybe the people you are trying to date aren't the right dating pool. If your last 3 relationships were abusive guys, or cheating gf's, the common factor is you and who you choose to date. If you keep getting rejected after opening up about some issue, maybe you should look for a dating pool of guys who accept that issue or have some understanding/compassion about it.
Thanks , it’s just, I’m a bit confused on my philosophy is all. And I’m a person who is rational at heart, and I learn from experiences and use those experience to better prepare for the future. And from my recent experiences, and using statistical data, it is best to keep secrets now? You have a point. But in times of need or peril, or mental distress. It is good to have some actual comfort yes? Comfort is something that everyone would like and need.
You should weed them out, like vicious little weeds. XD It's what being a woman is all about until you find what is right for you. And Mr Right is not Mr Perfect Fit either....it's all so confusing. >_>
Hoshi, I know you a little bit and from that point let me tell you a few things. True love, as depicted in novels, at least in novels you generally read, is in itself an inflated and unrealistic notion. Better read classics like Anna karenina, Wuthering Heights, Doctor Zhivago, to name only a few. They will make you see love's trials and tribulations from a fair point of view. What does honesty have to do here? You are honest about yourself, that guy is honest about his intentions. If he stayed and played with your heart would it not be far more disastrous? If it is to be a break then the cleaner it is the better. Honesty and openness you say? They come later in a relationship. The first is the unexplainable magic spark that will tell you that there can be some compatibility between you two. Your honesty and openness are your characteristics. You can't hide them anyway and you shouldn't either. If that spark is really there, endless possibilities will come up before you two. Even if there is love it may not develop into a sustainable relationship, so please don't lose your heart over this.