Start ‘em young— kidding, but communication is key. You’re not always gonna match up with people who are looking for the same things as you, especially if you’re the one looking for it instead of letting it come to you. It also sounds like you are entering the “situation(s)” not being entirely honest (like maybe they thought you were just being friendly and then boom you tell them your “secret”). It sucks, but it will get better my friend.
Sure, it depends but uh, has netorae taught us nothing? Literally, 99% of that shit happens because a person (pretty much always a woman) didn't tell the person she loved she was raped, blackmailed, etc and then it's too late. "The truth hurts". I find that those unwilling to tell their partner/ person important to them something that CAN have an impact on their relationship, do it because the person in question doesn't want to get hurt. Meaning, they are so caught up in protecting themselves, they don't care how it could affect the other person. I mean, ya, it sucks and the other person could take it badly, you never know. But, unless it's something genuinely dark or screwed up, that's on them for not wanting to accept you, not the other way around. Since that is the case, it just means that person wasn't meant to be. I ain't saying its easy or fun, but easy and fun don't create solid foundations for a relationship. That's why I don't sugarcoat things, ever. If I need to say something, I'd rather be honest than fib and feel guilty about it.
I certainly didn't read much aside from the title, but my 2 cents are that the more you lie to keep something hidden the harder it becomes to admit the truth later on
They say the secret for a good lasting relationship is being honest with each other but that doesn't mean to reveal all of your cards (it doesn't hurt to keep some secrets to yourself, if the secret desn't involve him or affect him in anyway then don't tell him, although, in some cases it is a good way if you want to know if he is the right person or not)
People often say they like direct honesty. But most don't really. They hide from truths with a thousand masks. I know this because I believe I am like you, in that I value direct honesty, and do indeed believe in the possibility of love. One thing I have learned in interacting with most people, is that they can only take the truth in small doses. You have to be slow and gradual with most folks when it comes to your deepest self. If you give them too much, too fast, they will be discomforted and likely run. It sounds to me like this is what happened, as 3 days is not enough time for most people to be wholly accepting. You often have to play this social game, and for the record I hate it. I sympathize with you deeply Hoshi, for based on your one post I do believe we are somewhat similar. Just remember, love is a game of patience. Even as that seems counterintuitive when we are in the midst of our passions. You have to slow things down and make sure you are really seeing your perspective partner for who they are, and that they are coming to see you, and not an imagined self.
I’m a little bit sad to clarify this all the time, but cough. I’m a boy. Lol. (Am I so.. girl sounding online.. lol?) And I’m trying. Ugh. I’ve pulled out so many weeds, but sometimes, the weeds are sharp, and they scratch my hands. And leave me bleeding, and sometimes scarred. It’s an effort to persevere. May I ask what things you do know about me?! Lol Frankly, I’m a bit scared of what I am going to hear haha. And I know true love is an overblown ideal and way overrated. But you have to at least BELIEVE in the possibility. Believe that it may be real and true. And believing in such a possibility is the only reasons that makes me interact with people, not hate them. And thank you for the advice. I’ll keep being me. I was just confused, is all. I’m a rational person who runs on data and facts at heart. The data and statistics show that, being open and honest has always left me feeling hurt and sad. And my rational mind is telling me to stop, or I’ll just keep getting hurt, and maybe one day. I’ll be so hurt, I’ll lose everything, I’m just a bit confused is all. An emotions cannot be rationalized.. so it is an unending paradox. I am being honest though. When we first start talking I tell them. “Hey. I’m a little crazy. You’ve been warned.” And my profile for my dating sites all say this. “I’m crazy. And weird. You’ve been warned.” And its like... they aren’t even reading the warning labels. I make it quite clear I’m a bit complicated. Just GRR! And thanks for the advice and help! That’s what I said haha. But more literal and in laymen’s terms lol. I put a poetic twist in what I said haha.
@Hoshiandme, I remember you from the time you read my novel and I read yours. I hope you are the same Hoshi? Not being sincere will hurt you more, believe me.
I'm not exactly an expert at relationships, but I think the first thing is getting more accustomed to each other. As for more personal stuff, you'll learn that about each other bit by bit. Maybe you'll eventually meet someone who you can be completely open and honest to right from the get-go, but unfortunately dating doesn't usually work like that.
I hate the social game so much. It’s too slow. What if in the end, I’ve wasted my time for nothing? I used to play the game actually, but recently, I’ve grown tired of the slow wait, and the pathetic push and pull. I don’t want to waste time. And i am a bad player of the game. I get attached easily and become blinded by happiness and affection, I know it is wrong. But I cannot stop myself. I’ve tried, but happiness is too much an addiction. And it’s too late for me to rehabilitate. And since I attach so easily, I hurt just as easily. I don’t like being hurt.
The main reason I believe in it so desperately. Is because I’ve long lost faith in people. Wether it comes to being friends and more. I’ve long lost faith, believing in true love is the only thing that helps me to socialize and interact with other humans. If I didn’t believe, I’d be an anti social hermit, forever hiding within my cave. Never to see the sun. Oh I do remember you lol. But I frankly recall your name as something different lol. Wasn’t it Twilight Forest? Lol xD Okay. I know being sincere is best, but it’s very sad when the sincerity is never returned. And no ones returned it. You’re right. And I dislike the slow game though ._. I fall so easily, and when I fall, I fall hard. So hard that I’m unable to get back up and climb back up. And i dislike wasting time and energy pining for someone who will never share the sentiment.. I just, want to be open is all. I dislike the slow games
It's okay to be honest, but you shouldn't reveal everything until you're sure that it's the "one". You have to be red pilled hard to wake up from the harsh reality that there is no the "one", there is no perfect person and there's no perfect love. Just an opinion of a guy who never had a relationship before and only says the shit my mom watched in TV and I'm coincidentally in the living room for a long period of time. Although I am interested in what you revealed though. Is it " I unironically subbed to r/MaltyMeltomarcSquad" or some shit?
Was your secret that you talk about yourself in the third person? Cuz that would generally send some peeps running.
@Hoshiandme, just after I posted my comment I realised that I'd actually changed my name haha. Well, i know it hurts like hell. Still, be what you are. Stick to your true self. It's useless to be otherwise, for the one who will love you truly, will see through you and then you won't be able to defend yourself.
Your Philoshopy and way of think is not the problem here. The Man is the one having the problem. I can relate to the man that rejected you. I've done the same thing in the past once and still feel the lingering guilt and fear, because I made mistake handling the problem. I can give you word from my viewpoint as the one who rejected the 'truth'. First, if possible try to act as how you've been interact with him previously. Do not show the extreme affection and Do not show pained and sad emotion when interacting with him. If you keep forcing him by showing extreme emotion it will make him to keep more distance from you. The reason is because he felt guilty and fear, since I'm sure He just think you just as friend. Guilty since he can't accept you and Fear as he isn't ready. Act as usual, make a joke, try to be easygoing until He calm down and sart befriending you again. After He calm and slowly forgetting the matter, How you want to procced is up to both of you as I do not have experience and advice for the next problem. That's all. Not sure it could help thought, it just me and my random scribbles
I know how you feel too well. But you set yourself up for a trap, and you do it knowingly. I fell for a girl, hard and fast not all that long ago. I tried to share everything with her, thinking she was the one. The truth is I wasn't looking at her, I was so caught up in my emotions, and wanted to be loved so much I ignored quite a few red flags. On her part, she resented me for my honesty in the end, and felt stifled by my behaviors. She didn't really want me, I was simply a stopping point in her life. And that soon became very apparent... There were massive faults on both sides of the relationship. I tell you all of this, just so you know I'm not just blowing smoke. I've been through what you say you feel. And I still very much want to be loved, but that addiction you describe is quite dangerous. So be careful. I also know in the throes of that chaos nothing anyone says will help. But I wish you well.
two types of dating: for fun, or serious with intent of eventual marriage. if youre looking for a marriage partner then yeah be honest bout all of you, because once you get married theyll find out about it all anyways, and marriage/divorces are expensive.
Hmm....just my heterofilter showing...perhaps if you state you are a male in your gender, it may clarify that point for people? If not, we all use the filters that we have. \o/
that's why you should meditate and find yourself in yourself. What's the true you? Maybe you usually should listen to people giving advice to you. But, they don't know the realities in what you live in. did you live in USA? What kind of people habits is at there? What culture is mainly in there? What is the people's mindset there? The questions are numerous if you try to ask it online without the circumstances of what you have there, that's why you should try to ask any trusted person if you have any. In the end, without these people online knowing these things, you could even be led astray by them. That's why you still have to think these things quite closely. For example like myself, contemplate these things yourself and meditate. I myself have contemplated and see that this life is nothing. In the end, even if you carve a name for yourself, leave behind numerous wealth or something, they could still be taken away from you. We all love happy things. Yet they all are momentary. It is not everlasting. Yes, your everything you have right now could be taken away by anything, anyone.