Title: 触不可及 Author: 小竹子君 Status: Completed (67 chapters) Links: http://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=2788244 https://ck101.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=4255700 Main characters: Gu Anze (顾安泽), Qin Chu (秦楚), Xu Zimo (许子墨) Summary (MTL): When I was alive, he never turned his head and looked at me. His gentleness, his kisses, did not belong to me. I was just a substitute during his drunkenness. Now that I am dead, Qin Chu, are you satisfied? Tags: modern day, angst, abusive relationship Note: There're two endings, HE, BE and alternative pair extra.
Spoiler: Chapter 1-3 MC woke up in the shared house/apartment of him and Qin Chu (ML?). There were people coming in moving furniture, removing belongings and changing wallpaper. MC soon found out that he was dead via suicide in a house purposely bought in a remote area for that purpose. When night fell, Quin Chu (ML) and Xu Zimo (XZ), the little lover, entered and banged each other on the couch and then the bathroom. MC tried to leave only to find that he couldn't go outside because of an invisible wall. In the morning, ML got annoyed because he was used to some of the small little favors from MC and things just weren't there anymore. ML's secretary showed up with their clothes and breakfast, surprised at XZ being introduced as ML's lover instead of MC. A girl from a pet shop came by to return the MC's dog, which annoyed ML because he didn't want dogs. At night, they came back, looked at the mess on the table because the dog ate the leftover. ML tried to call MC about the dog and found that he couldn't connect. They had some awkward time doing housework. MC found that he could touch the quilt that night. MC figured out that he could leave the house if he followed ML. He sat in the car and went to ML's company. MC remembered the few times he tried to come here and got mistreated by ML. ML had a business meeting with Chu Yunshen (CY), and CY's lover, Duan Ruizhen, MC's friend. They asked about MC because they couldn't contact MC. ML said they broke up and MC should be in the USA. MC tried to leave the company only to find the same invisible wall again. XZ showed up with lunch for ML who had no appetite. MC was happy when he saw that ML looked at his disconnected phone number and got sad when ML deleted his phone number seconds after. ML and XZ kissed and had sex. MC was very sad and wanted to disappear but he was concerned about his dog. At night, they returned to the house again. MC played a bit with the dog. ML came out and locked the dog in the storage room for making too much noises. At this point, MC found out that he suddenly could touch the dog and hug him to comfort him. (Btw, forgot to mention that the dog's name is Qiu Qiu.) ML smoked, found the ashtray full and ordered MC to empty it. MC apologized. Angry, ML knocked it on the floor, slammed the door and went to bed. MC got the broom and cleaned up the mess because he still loved ML. Um... why does the MC even like this asshole?
Spoiler: Chapter 4-6 The dog smelled bad and needed a bath. MC couldn't do anything about it. He started thinking that it wasn't too bad if his world only had him, the dog, the hospital where he worked and his friend. XZ was starting to get bothered by ML's foul temper when he cleaned up. ML saw that and thanked XZ. ML showed his annoyance at the dog again. XZ told him not to lock the dog up or the dog would get depression. MC was triggered by the word 'depression'. XZ left for his home, leaving ML a lot. MC once again helped ML to fix the quilt. Chapter 5 was about the past. ML was forced to be with MC due to some arrangement (I'm unclear about this) but once the grandfather died, he gave MC a check and told MC to move out. MC shamelessly didn't. ML asked him if the check wasn't enough and threatened MC. Seeing that MC still refused, ML got violent and MC felt, hitting his head. From then on, ML didn't return home for a while but MC still faithfully cooked for him everyday. Once ML returned, MC agreed to move out. He wrote ML a letter, took his belongings and left. MC resigned from his job, not wanting to fight his depression and live anymore. Back to the present, ML took the dog out to the pet store for a bath, agreed to buy some dog treats. Pet shop girl gave him some free biscuits that could be eaten by human. ML returned home, fed the dog and ate the biscuit, seemingly thinking about MC (or not). XZ showed up at the apartment and they kissed. MC once again realized that ML never loved him. Ok, going to bed. I probably will read some more tomorrow.
Thanks for the poke~ Spoiler: Danmei Sect Sect Leader: @alexfilia @Aeli @aNonYm0U5 @azure_sea @Ami @Ashie @ahsudole @Ash Astin @AaronKing @aresk @Anra7777 @AimieNam1003 @blaze27 @byebye @Boinkers @blues86 @bitterblackrabbit @byunnie @cici @clear @Corensi @ChuChi @Cohran @CrazedCookies @cheerydandan @curryninja @Cian-Chan @Cypress @DarkBlue @dustmite @dontwanttotell @DJdragone @Dayong9909 @DeanRae @darkchocolatesan @dreamxx @Ezralva @Ease @etern @EveningWind @Elestrea @ferrelrose @foxymirage @Food food @Fieyy-Qa @FFAx27 @FujoshiOnDuty @fox23 @GD2318 @GinDole @Grandia @GaiaJupiter @Gossymer @gnessa14 @Hotato @HesheFell @Haigi @Hatchy @Hasr11 @Haruka1409 @haweii @Hanaru @Hikari_Akari @hmudara @Helaine @hikaharu @Hikari111 @iampsyx @insteadofdeath @imsodone @i_amhandsome @Inland @lykizan @jadelin @jyuuxvii @JadeBunny @Juria @JellyJellyFishy @Japorea @Julles @kiara8 @krrizis @Kittsune @kly @Kailyria20 @-kiai- @Kleep @kumquatsjingleheimer @K-ralara @Khysylia @KazeYuki @KuroBaraHime @Karry @LaDyViL @ludagad @Luen @lalalyly @leva @Leir @Land of The Fallen @leedalys @Loriel @LavenderBlizzard @LiYao @li.king24 @Lisstr @Levanta @Lunnear @LoneSoul @lifeisbittersweet @Li hir @Lost Happiness @MoMoePom @Matsurika @Misaki Yata @mereumsama @MikotoP @Matthew9999 @missycin @Miri-Bell @maya_sov @MidnightKaito @michoux @misminor @Moocakey @Moonlightlily13 @Misogi @midnight reader @Mnemosyne @maripants @mesoara @Novel otaku desu @Neelambori @NerdExpress @Nokiyoh @Nokita @Ninjagal @nixxara @Nami Heartfilia @PKitty @Popipopipoi @purple_mangosteen @pcheshire @psychobee @Pandababa @PurpleMousse @pocketbear @pongpilaipruk @Queue @readerz @Rilise @Regalia1896 @Raneday @Raizendeville @Rabbitanairy @rainbowturtle @Ryss @Rurella @Rucce @RoseColouredSin @Rainess09 @scriptor @Sakhyu @SnowTime @SummerX @Shem @sinyueliang @smr85 @Shizun @ShenHua @Shizuka15 @Skyelyne @Selax @Shiina @Shizuka Mikki @SmilePlease @Sasakira @Storymonster @solomaize @Silver_Moon789 @Shigure Hakuya @Shionismad @shouahang58 @SecretLibrary @SeiraJLoyard @_seven_ @soie_yoie @Saikyi @savvyblue @ShiraAichan @sonzaishinai @Squirrel270 @SoothingLonesome @susanty.smile @Toyo @Taida07 @theragingpanda @Tintl @ThePinkHotPot @TomiNdumplings @Till_IDie @Tsukkin @totoroteddy @UpInTheAir @Victuuri @vsukio @Vi.M @veihakase @Veedah @winter-t @Wildelily @WagKalimutan @waraa @wolf.prince @winterblossom @White Head Ice Prince @XD @xiin @xilainia @XiaoPingGuo @Xylia125 @Yuslia @Yukki576 @YukiShiiro @Yuen @Zennie_613 @324722
im not sure what to feel bout tis. Especially don't like double endings so much... cuz its just to satisfy both sides... anyways. as to why mc can love such a guy, some ppl like that kinda personality, like a kicked puppy tsundere o.o
Spoiler: Chapter 7-14 MC cheered himself up, reasoning that he was already dead and only wanted ML happy. MC was sad again when he thought about how their kiss was always violent during their 10-year relationship unlike how ML treated XZ. ML decided to hire a maid. He went through his call history and readded MC's phone number, which cheered MC up. At the restaurant, ML met the other pair and their surrogate child. XZ found out that the other pair didn't like him because of MC. XZ asked ML if he hated MC. MC replied, 'Probably'. MC consoled himself that ML took care of his dog and readded his number. MC worried about the dog not being fed. When they got home, the pair went to the bedroom and MC comforted the hungry dog. Later, XZ came out and asked ML to feed the dog. ML saw the water bowl MC left for the dog and asked XZ who replied that he forgot. In the morning, the maid showed up to clean. ML thought about MC. MC asked him what he was thinking about and he seemed to sense MC. ML left for work even though it was weekend. absent-mindedly, ML thought about MC in the car when he saw the ornament MC gifted him. ML talked to himself, saying that he actually didn't hate MC and put the item in his pocket. ML realized that he didn't hate MC and regret not taking care of MC's injury that one time. Arriving at the company, ML asked his secretary if he had contact with MC. Zhang advised him to check with the embassy because MC might use a different phone aboard. ML told him to forget it. At this point, ML got a phone call from XZ saying that the dog was in a car accident... In the surgery room, MC stayed with the dog, holding the paw. The dog lost vital sign and the vet seemed to consider him dead. Distressed, MC blamed himself because he didn't put the dog under his coworker's care before he died and wished to disappear in exchange for the dog's life. MC felt that his vitality was sucked away and the dog was alive again. Outside, XZ apologized. XZ suggested ML to contact MC about the dog. XZ apologized again when they came in to see the dog who suddenly became excited, trying to get to MC. The nurse suggested them to comfort the dog but the dog bared his teeth at him. ML told XZ he couldn't contact MC. XZ asked ML to leave him an online message and ML said they weren't friends. MC remembered that they used to have each other's contact online but ML deleted him 10 years ago. ML and XZ left. MC decided to stay with his dog and not follow them. After 7 days, the dog was completely healed and discharged. MC noticed the heavy atmosphere between ML and XZ. Back in the apartment, they started a one-sided argument and ML silently blamed XZ for the accident. XZ asked ML if he was thinking about MC and since ML didn't answer, left. Alone, ML thought about MC again. XZ gave ML a call, seeming to break up with him. Suddenly, the dog knocked over the water and food, barked at ML and bit his leg. Instead of getting angry like MC feared, ML just cleaned up. Zhang the secretary called to talk about work. Afterward, ML asked Zhang about MC. Zhang told him that MC asked him about ML's schedule and wanted him to deliver words to ML about going home for dinner. ML wanted to know why Zhang never told him about it before and remembered that he forbid Zhang from mentioning MC in front of him. XZ came, inquiring about the maid and wanting to hire another. ML refused. MC thought that he was an orphan who only had his grandfather so he knew how to cook and clean up. Upset because he didn't want to do housework and ML never helped, XZ asked ML if he loved him. ML didn't answer. MC was also upset because of their quarrel.
Spoiler: Chapter 15-21 MC thought about the past. His largest mistake in life was to break up ML and XZ 7 years ago. His father, a soldier, died because of his teammate's mistake during an exercise and his mother jumped off a building. His grandfather, an ex-soldier, and MC moved to a new city. MC's grandfather and ML's grandfather used to be comrades in arms so MC met ML during the frequent shared outings. XZ, on the other hand, had known ML for 18 years and they were in love. MC secretly loved ML from afar. His grandfather got sick and wanted to fulfill MC's wish before he died. MC blurted out that he wanted to be with ML. ML's grandfather agreed to the request from MC's grandfather and MC's grandfather passed away. ML's grandfather started strong-arming ML. He informed XZ's parents about their son's homosexuality and XZ was sent oversea. MC was moved into ML's house and ML was forced to come home everyday. ML slept on the sofa and didn't touch the dinner MC made. MC thought that he could make ML love him after a while. One day, ML got drunk and forced MC but yelled XZ's name during sex. For 10 years, they stayed in that kind of relationship. Presently, the pair finished arguing. MC hoped that they would be happy but the pair's relationship got worse. They had a cold war. XZ stopped cleaning up after ML. ML chain-smoked a lot. Winter came. It was ML's birthday. MC remembered that he once bought a watch for ML on ML's birthday but he threw it into the trash. MC recovered the watch and since then didn't give gifts to ML anymore. ML didn't go home on the next 3 birthdays. MC bought 6 gifts, used a service from a store to keep them and send it to ML every year. Now, Zhang gave ML a box, saying it was a birthday's gift from MC. ML accepted it this time instead of throwing it away and laughed. The gift was a scarf MC made with a short message on a card. ML was disappointed because the card didn't say anything but still seemed happy when he held the scarf. Then ML stopped smiling and whispered XZ's name... MC was confused after witnessing all this. ML realized he missed MC and always thought about MC even when he was in bed with XZ. ML regret deliberately shouting XZ's name while having sex with MC in the past. ML thought about his relationship with XZ and MC and hoped to mend the relationship with MC. When it was time to leave work, ML checked the box for the address. At this point, it'd been four months since MC's suicide so MC worried that ML would find his decomposing body. MC tried to tell ML not to take the gift box into the apartment but he did it anyway. XZ welcomed him home with some catered food but found that ML's behaviors were off. XZ asked ML about the gift box and he said MC sent it. After dinner, ML asked XZ to break up... ML said he couldn't forget MC and apologized. XZ cursed and punched ML. He threw his gift for ML at him, told him to take care of the dog because he wouldn't come back. ML picked up the lighter which had fallen out of the gift box and said sorry. ML fed the dog who barked at him. ML talked to the dog, asking if MC would forgive him. ML then cleaned up, telling the dog to wait for MC to come back. MC was confused because ML never loved him and now he was dead and ML wanted him back. MC thought about his depression which pushed him to his death. At the time, when ML kicked him out, he didn't want to go but ML always stayed at XZ's place. MC recalled the suicide scene with the scalpel in details. He thought he was happy for dying but now he regret it. The dog comforted MC. In the morning, ML picked out some clothes to wear, took the gift box and the dog, and drove to the address on the gift box. ML was surprised that it was a store and not a dwelling. ML asked about MC and found out that it was a gift-sending service. Of six gifts, the place had sent out four and now there was one left. The store clerk asked for his ID and gave him the last gift from MC. It was a glass with their initials and a heart. ML kissed their name and promised to bring MC back and be good to him. A few days later, after work, ML visited the hospital where MC used to work. ML found out MC resigned half a year ago. ML met Dr. Lin, MC's friend and the psychologist that treated MC. ML wanted MC's contact info. Instead of replying, Dr. Lin asked ML if he was aware if MC's severe depression. Mu Ran and the MC should compare notes.
Alright....I'm crying over here.... Dont think have the guts to read, summary is enough T T I wanna punch and make the ML suffer till he enters the grave! And the dog! Cruelty!!! So, I'll wait for more summary
Wow this is so sad.... Its just a summary but idk. I got attack by the onion ninjas..... I like this story because usually death is the end. I like that it continues with the ghost prospective. Im looking forward to seeing the ml discovery of mc's body.
...double endings....nah...pass, i usually avoid multiple endings novels...it feels like a visual novel lol! Not that i have anything against visual novels, i love them but this is not a VN so i believe it should be just 1 end imo...unless it's like 1 end but a 'what if' spin off, because QT:AC has such a thing also...that one is a bit sad.... On subject, lol this is one of those angst novels i'm guessing... well have fun, Imma stick to like counter attacks genre for the time being.
Spoiler Funny thing is ML really does suffer till his grave-- which was basically 18 years after MC's death. ML got into a car accident while holding MC's urn. While holding the urn, it resulted in his spleen being ruptured and removed. This incident later leads to the direct cause of ML's death 18 years later. The way he suffer's was very fitting imo. He unknowingly took control of MC's dog's body after getting into an accident and saw MC's spirit. He saw what MC saw and did during the 3 months MC had been by his side and felt his heart rip to shreds every time he saw how his former self treated MC and acted around his little lover. What I enjoyed the most was when MC was at his lowest, ML was watching MC as a spirit (when MC was still alive). He literally couldn't say a word and couldn't touch MC, all he could do was internally shout and cry while going through MC every time he attempted to hold him. I was crying the whole time but enjoyed it. Another scene that really impact him was he actually got to see the moment MC suicide... Spoiler I thought death was also gonna be the end-- till I read further to find out ML finds himself back in time the moment where he told MC to leave home (3 days prior before he suicides). It doesn't end there though, just because he came back to MC afterwards and tried to make things right with him, it wasn't as easy and simple as he thought it'd originally be (he tried to learn more about depression but he let his guard down resulting in MC's former self attempting suicide again because he thought ML only wanted to stay with him to prevent him from killing himself). The way he finds out about MC's death was unexpected on his end. After he broke up with his little lover, he was trying to find out where MC went because he realized his feelings for him and wanted to get back together. After investigating, he then found out MC didn't go overseas. After coming in contact with MC's doctor friend, the doctor friend took him to a far away place where MC's mother was from, and presents him... MC's tombstone.
Spoiler: Chapter 22-28 MC got upset. He didn't want others to know of his mental problem. ML thought Dr. Lin lie to him. The doc pulled out a black document and MC recognized black medical records was for the deceased. The doc knew he was dead. Looking through the records, ML didn't believe because how could he not notice that MC'd had depression for 3 years. He noticed the first time stamp was 3-years ago on New Year's day, the same day XZ returned to China. MC was sad because he knew for sure that he was dead and not unconscious in a hospital somewhere. Taking the file back, Dr. Lin told ML a few things about MC's feelings and guilt and said ML shouldn't have given MC hope if he didn't like him. He mentioned that MC didn't take the depression drug because the loss of sexual desire side effect might alienate ML further. ML said he wanted to make up for MC and treat his depression. Doc snide at ML for thinking depression could be treated easily and it would be a simple thing to make MC fall in love with him as before. MC feared that Dr Lin would mention his death and remembered his suicide note. Doc didn't. He told ML that MC went to see him and left for the USA and wished ML happiness when he found MC. ML walked outside and saw MC on the TV in the hospital. The video was recorded 2 years ago. ML returned home, fed the dog. When MC was about to touch ML's forehead, the dog barked and ML thought the dog was in heat. ML smoked in the balcony and thought about the event 3 years go. At that time, their relationship was decent. ML would alternate between bullying MC (like no lubrication, not foreplay, no kisses, degrading him in bed, etc.) and giving MC hope when MC was sad. He realized that if he didn't like MC, he wouldn't keep sleeping with him. On the day XZ returned, ML deliberately got back to their apartment with hickeys to provoke MC but MC didn't react and even helped him with his bath and set out ointment for the bruises. MC always smiled to pacify him and even pretended to enjoy the painful sex. ML realized he didn't know anything about MC and pondered about the signs of depression he saw in MC and remembered MC's strange tearful smiles. MC watched ML in the bathtube. Suddenly, ML called MC's name, started jerking off and said "I love you" after he was done. MC later kissed ML's forehead when ML was sleeping. The dog barked at ML in the morning but MC calmed him down. Next day, ML went to work and called XZ during lunch, wanting to meet. At the coffee shop, XZ knew ML's purpose right away. ML wanted XZ to find MC because XZ had a family member in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. XZ agreed to help on the condition that ML told him why he broke up with him. ML said he didn't know his feeling and it happened before XZ returned to China. XZ became surprised because on the day he returned, ML went to XZ's place and said he still loved him. ML couldn't explain. XZ asked why ML always showed his disgust to MC and said he hated MC. ML again couldn't find words. XZ mocked ML and wanted to know if ML still slept with MC during the time they were together and ML confirmed. Then, XZ questioned ML's nasty behaviors towards MC when they were still together and said ML probably only considered MC as a housekeeper and a bed warmer. ML couldn't answer the question why he liked MC and XZ concluded that ML was selfish and didn't care about his significant other. ML said he would change but XZ didn't belive him although he promised to help ML. At this point, Yan Fei (YF), XZ's ex-lover in the UK during his 7-year stay, showed up at the cafe. (Btw, info about YF was from the author's note.) XZ was angry but got dragged out by YF. From the hickey on XZ's neck, it implied that XZ got intimated with YF recently. ML went gome to drink instead of going to a bar. MC felt hurt, wondering how that could be love if all ML wanted was homemade dinners and sex and ML's ill behaviors toward him was certainly not love. Once again, he scolded himself for being too greedy and wanting ML to love him wholeheartedly even though he was dead, thinking he wanted ML to be happy so it was good that ML didn't really love him. ML got drunk, put the scarf on himself and kissed the glass again, regretting for causing MC's depression with his mistreatment. ML talked to himself and the dog some more in his drunkenness and said he'd changed. MC didn't believe him, only wanting ML to realize that he didn't love MC so that when he found out MC's death, he wouldn't be sad. ML fell asleep on the sofa. MC didn't help him to get to the bedroom because the death and living should stay away. The dog barked and MC went to the dog. Suddenly, ML regained his consciousness, asked MC not to leave him, tried to walk and bumped into the coffee table, and fell on the ground, calling MC's name. MC cried because he didn't want to see ML suffering for him who was dead. The dog acted erratically but couldn't touch MC because they could only touch if MC initiated the action. At 3 in the morning, ML woke up on the floor, went to get some water and suddenly asked if MC was there. Next day, ML turned normal again but kept checking his phone for XZ's news. After three more days, he finally got a call from XZ and knew MC didn't go to the US. ML became sad, knowing he lost MC.