Hatred Of the "other woman"

I see it a lot in communities especially for k dramas even epics like Martial Universe.
What is all the hate on the perceived other woman?
In most stories, especially Korean dramas, the other woman is actually the current girlfriend whom the male lead is cheating on by having an emotional affair with another woman (the female lead)
@ludagad @AliceShiki @readerz
Please enlighten me.

I am having trouble reading books now that I am older since now I feel 90% of what makes a story Enjoyable is the music.Well more like 60% or even 51% so most novels already fail in my book haha

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It's just a plot element. It makes the reader like the MC more by gaining pity.

 

If the "other" woman is not shown in bad light, then the ML and FL become scumbags 4 going behind her back. Imagine how that would affect readers "vicariously" enjoying the story! After all, the readers relate (or r supposed to relate) more to the lead characters.

 

This is why I don't watch drama.

 

Everyone in these dramas are selfish sociopaths anyway

Why try and make sense of their worldview? Just watch it like you would watch Seinfeld; completely aware that there are no good people in the show

 

It's the "I am right" rule. The MC does something, he is in the right, the other side is the wrong one. What "something" is does not matter. Few books put the wrongdoing MC in his place. The "revenge" type novels are just psychopaths justifying their massacres with self righteous anger. In K dramas, anything that oppose the leads romance is bad, whatever it may be.

 

This is why a lot of revenge against the main character quick transmigration stories are a thing

 

Boy, you want me to explain, but I need an explanation as well . I remember a friend ranting to me about a soap opera (those South American ones) where the female lead is a surrogate mother chosen by a rich family. The male lead is the husband of the family who falls in love with the female lead. The villain is his wife who gets jealous and wants to get rid of the female lead before the husband ends up really cheating. Also, the wife is really overbearing and the relationship has gone cold. And I was like, yeah, a guy wrote the script. I mean, the husband and wife were both in their thirties, and you get this fresh-faced 20 year old surrogate mother, haha. In the example you gave - the original author is male, the director is male, and I couldn't find who the script writer is, but in this case it matters less since it's an adaptation. I've started checking these things since no matter what the PC crowd says, the gender of the writer really reflects on the final product. Not that I want to put the blame entirely on male writers for this trope, but if you see that the female lead is the third party, but is younger and bubblier than the wife, and the male lead is emotionally abused by the wife or the wife takes him for granted and ends up pushing him away, so he can't help but fall in love with the female lead, and the wife is the antagonist getting her just desserts - male author. I'll just give this example that sums it up: Flashdance. It's like a wish fulfillment, escapism thing, and it's fine. Not my cup of tea, but I'm not gonna bash it, knowing the trash I'm into that most men would scoff at lol.

 

Just to be fair though, you can have a very similar scenario written by a female writer. It's gonna be like this: the female lead and male lead knew each other before the evil bitch wife. Because of some intrigue by the bitch, they got separated and male lead got forced to marry the bitch (the part where I roll my eyes, but whatever). The female lead is prepared to give up, but evil bitch won't calm down until she ruins female lead, which then leads to the female lead's counterattack, intrigues getting exposed, male lead divorcing, happy end (or maybe star crossed lovers sad end, who cares). In any case, there's a nuance to it, that screams to me that it came from a woman's mind.

 

Hahaha, finally an answer that I wanted.
I was hoping someone would take the bait give a long answer
Yeah, it struck me one day that the leads were having an emotional affair and I was like what the...!!
The sex of the writer plays a big role, it is not even much better for female writers who have male directors or male producers who will affect the story's direction. It is very common in Hollywood with all the rewrites. And stars like Ben Affleck who force the directors to rewrite the script or rewrite it themselves when they take the role.
One other thing is all the ugly women dramas, when the actresses are usually beauty queens...
It makes no sense.
Female writer is usually not a surety for a good story if her mentors or influences are all males.
That is why I enjoyed Moteki so much
I discovered that the author was female who used a male pseudonym on the advice of her editor
She also wrote Yuri on Ice.
Moteki had the best female characters: they all would be villains in your standard romance story.
I watched a few lakorns and I find myself supporting the female villains haha

 

I always take the bait, lmao. Honestly though, women write a lot of trash, too, it's not like they're any better. I'm fine with all the tropes used by either male or female authors. Some would turn me away as a reader, but that's just a matter of personal taste. If we exclude the very talented writers with an astounding life experience and empathy as an anomaly that can't be generalized, you can pretty much generalize the rest of male and female authors. Male authors would be better when writing adventure, sci-fi, action, fantasy - I like how it's more structured and you get a clear picture of the plot, like watching a movie. Female authors would be better at emotional novels, writing about family, love, intrigues, you get me. You'll get more introspective characters, lots of inner thoughts. And lots of visual descriptions of the characters.

I need to clarify though, that it's according to my taste, both as a woman, and as a personal preference of certain things. When I say one is better than the others, it's according to my tastes. For example Nicholas Sparks is a very famous male author who writes romance books that are loved both by male and female (can't say for sure, but he's probably more popular with female readers tho). However, I'd rather read trash erotica than his books. It's not that he's bad, his romance is just unappealing to me, kinda unexciting. The drama he introduces tires me out mentally, because it's not exciting to me, or surprising in any way. I think his romance books would be a lot more appealing to men, if they're willing to give this genre a chance. John Greene's books, also not my type. His female characters tend to annoy me in most cases, and the drama and tragedy is just tiresome instead of emotionally exciting. Can't think of any female authors writing adventure, action or fantasy, other than JK Rowling. But I can think of YA novels that try to dabble in dystopian futures, fantasy and so on, and boy, are they fcking boring. The genre is just like a setting for the romance to unfold, the action or adventure is uninspired and doesn't get your blood pumping. Sadly, the romance there usually ends up boring me too - and it's supposed to be the only redeeming feature, lol. It's probably because I've gotten old and entry level romance doesn't do it for me anymore. And honestly, even though I loved Harry Potter as a teen and still see it as a decent book, I could tell it's written by a woman even then. At no point while reading it did I entertain the thought that it was written by a man. There's a certain sensitivity to it (compared to Ender's Game or Naruto that are more straightforwardly action and politics oriented).

And to be even more sexist and generalize further... Compare these tropes: the bad boy and the good plain girl, the rich playboy and the virgin good girl, the snarky stepbrother and the snarky stepsister, the bad boy neighbor and the awkward neighbor girl. And the poor boy and trapped/repressed rich girl, the good boy and the troubled girl, the nerdy boy and the girl in a toxic relationship with the jock, the plain boy and the abused neighbor girl. Like can you actually tell which ones are female writers' go-to, and which are the male writers'. Since I'm feeling kinda bored, here's a synopsis of a movie, try to guess whether the writer is male or female:

"Jenny and Tim. Tim recently lost his mother, still mourning and struggles to maintain the perfect GPA that worries him that he won't get into the college he wants, only to be comforted by his musical talent. Jenny works hard on swim team to please her overbearing father who can't seem maintain a healthy relationship with anyone after his divorce, causing her to question her own struggling relationship. When the two's parents fall madly in love and marry, they're under the same roof dealing with pressure of a new adjustment they find comfort in each other, and after a time they fall madly in love with each other only to upset the balance of the family causing much turmoil, putting everyone in their home in a rather uncomfortable position and decision no one will want to make."

Hint: the girl is repressed, and the boy's a good boy. Here's the movie: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091958/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_81

And here's a rare example of a movie made by men, but with a totally appealing female lead (to my sentiments at least) : Heathers. Of course, the romance is total crap, but it's a parody of teen romance movies anyway, so I'm not gonna complain, lmao.

Anyway, movies might be a bad example, cause most directors, writers and screenwriters are male there. And that might be the reason why I yawn at most romance movies. Pretty Woman was kinda okay, but it would've been perfect if the male lead wasn't so much older than the female lead. Pretty in Pink almost gets the female writer's trope, but if it was written by a woman, you'd get a triangle with 2 hot rich guys, instead of a sympathetic nerdy childhood friend who steals the scenes when he shows up, lol. As a movie - great, as a romance - doesn't get me tingly at all. I feel bad for the childhood friend instead. Legally Blond - written by women, and you can fcking tell. Not exactly romance tho.

Honestly, I got addicted to Chinese novels exactly because I can find exciting romance novels with fantasy/sci-fi/supernatural/adventure elements and not annoying female leads and exciting male leads and so on. I mean, some adventure novels totally rip male adventure novels, so that's why they're good, but whatever...At least I get variety. Now if some female authors get over their older male lead fetish, I'd be more than pleased. That 10+ year age gap is so creepy to me (xianxia is an exception of course). And yeah, I can sit around all day and offend a bunch of people with my ramblings and opinions and generalizations. I think that's enough for today.

 

Haha it is like I am looking in the mirror.
Unlike most guys, I grew up on Harlequin and Silhouette romances. The most memorable one is about a woman who was a POW .she always wore long sleeves and long pants.
She made love with lights off because she had so many scars. I believe the male lead kissed her scars to make her feel better.
My bar for romance is also too high. I can only stomach average stories if the female lead has more power than the male lead. That is why I enjoy wuxia.
Rich female leads are nice but most lose all their money 5 mins into, episode 1 lol
There is a male Japanese author that is famous for writing romance. I think his romance is crap though.
Touch and H2 are popular works by him.
I watched a bit of Touch anime and completed the drama of H2.
This line pissed me off : she chose the guy that she loved less because he won't cope without her. She is not his mother. I was so pissed.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/H2_(manga)
I watch a Chinese drama , well Hong Kong that did it better. It had an unforgettable quote " A woman should always pick a Man who loves her more than she loves him"

 

Lol, you started with Harlequin, that's a pretty low bar to start off with. No wonder you're more tolerant. I started off with Anne of Green Gables and Little Women and a bunch of other classics written by mostly men. The ones written by men were damn heavy though - lots of cheating women or prostitutes, and tragedies. Like, damn. Notre Dame de Paris left me scarred. I moved on to Harlequin after that to soothe my heart and develop my taste for trashy novels. Although the drama there is RIDICULOUS. I read a ton of those and forgot almost all. Only one sticks out in my memory for some reason - the female lead got pregnant, but when she told the male lead, he broke up with her and told her to abort it for all he cares. I think she miscarried and couldn't get pregnant afterwards.. Apparently, he's supposed to be sterile (due to an operation he had, I think), but there was a very low percentage he could get someone pregnant, lol. There was so much drama over them getting back together and his redemption arc. At the end of the novel I was wondering what I'm doing with my life. It was so stupid. So now when I see a Chinese novel with CEO in the title, I get triggered and immediately put it in the dropped pile if the synopsis sounds Harlequin-ish.

The rich female leads losing their wealth at the start of the story...haha, I feel your frustration, I also feel very frustrated by this. It's like she's too elevated, so the author cuts her down to let her struggle and learn some life lesson. Whatever. She usually ends up getting humiliated by others (sometimes even the male lead). Too annoying to watch. This movie comes to mind: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093693/?ref_=nv_sr_2?ref_=nv_sr_2

Relationships are so difficult tho. Like the girl choosing the guy who can't cope without her - doomed relationship. He sounds like he could develop into a clinger, too co-dependent. Also, she had to choose, her feelings aren't that strong to begin with. She'll end up resenting him and idealizing the one who got away. Realistically, she'll end up cheating at some point out of being fed up with babysitting the boyfriend, and pure boredom. Doesn't sound to have an exciting romance in front of her in any case.

Also, should the woman choose the man who loves her more than she loves him? I'm doubtful about this as well. Sure, she'll have a sense of security, but that may end up hurting their relationship in the long run. He'll put her on a pedestal and she'll get bored or take him for granted. Same if the roles were reversed. A long time ago, I watched some relationships coach/psychiatrist or something talk about how to have a lasting relationship. It's all so complicated. But basically, the hormones only last for a few months and the newness wears off. If by then one has started taking the other for granted, it's game over. There should always be a feeling of uncertainty, like you could lose that person if you fck up. That's why people should have their boundaries and be their own person - more independent and happy on their own, before committing to a relationship. Basically, you need excitement in love. My mother also told me it's a huge mistake to think you can relax after getting the man (by getting married or whatever). The woman should still take care of her body, dress well and do make-up if she did before getting together with the man. She should aim to maintain the image/person he got with, instead of relaxing, gaining weight, not caring how she dresses around him and so on. I can totally see that. Same for the guy tho, but she was telling me this from a woman's perspective to her daughter. She followed her own advice and told me she told my father that if he ever gets a beard, she'll leave him. I don't think she'd have done it after kids and years of married life, of course. But to this day, he keeps shaving, even though she's been dead for 10 years now.

I think it's more about effort, respect and will than love at some point. I'd choose the man with an iron discipline than the one who loves me more. I don't think it would even come to choice, I'm just attracted to that - a disciplined man with his values right. He's not the type to cheat and he'll be a good father. That's really why the YA romance is trash to me - bad boys, players and so on, just not attractive. Even in fiction, their behavior is annoying to me. But you need drama and excitement in books, so I get it. Oh damn, the night is over and I still haven't slept.

 

So, the people who wrote these stories have abusive wives?

 

Lol, maybe. Or they just experienced a bad relationship or two. Or they took from someone else's experience. It's just a wish-fulfillment scenario of a guy nearing middle age and feeling stuck with the same old and with a wife who's sexually disinterested and takes him for granted. That's the reality for a lot of guys, so the fantasy of a younger woman being interested in them and saving them from this boring marriage is appealing and sells well. The author doesn't have to have an abusive wife, just the knowledge that enough guys do feel stuck in a marriage.

 

Oh boy there is even worse case that those, there is the ones where the female lead also has a first guy (that obviously is awfull) fully obsesed with her or someone that knows her for a long time ago (childhood friend) but turns into a shitty person as soon as FL meets ML. And that always happen with the female antagonist. Befor FL shows up ML is obvlious to the 'current girlfriend' flaws and bad behaviour.

 

Oh I don't think that a man loving the woman more means the relationship will automatically be successful. I just felt that the picking someone who cant cope is a bad trope and picking someone who loves her more than she loves him is more believable and even romantic than the maternal crap the former is.
About not taking care of themselves, most of my dad's friends have mistresses, the women got bigger yes but even when the women do not get bigger. There is always so other issue eg the dude blowing all his money on booze or stocks.
I probably watched Overboard but I recall vividly watching the Korean remake: it was one of the rich woman story trap where she is rich for the first 5 minutes...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couple_or_Trouble

About the woman not taking care of herself, this movie comes to mind
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_My_Wife

On the discipline thing, my preference is someone who keeps their promises. Since the pheromones usually run out after 2 years
That is where most people break up. We have the 4 year itch. Most try to go for an additional year or two with willpower lol.
People forget that marriage vows are depressing for a reason lol.
I love Son Ye Jin but this was a tough watch as a guy lol but it certainly shows why cheating hurts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Wife_Got_Married

Also, I was very young when I started reading Harlequin, it was probably better then. I couldnt stomach the recent stories though

 

I honestly have no idea? I mean... I generally like drama when it involves mainly the MC and their love interest... When it starts involving a bunch of 3rd parties, jealousy and what not it starts to bore me, so...

I guess I generally avoid the stuff that seems filled with hate for the "other woman"? Like... I'd never ever read a story with the MC being someone that is being a partner of a man during an affair... It's just wrong to me.

 

My point is that if you look closely most stories center around emotional affairs.
I am not referring to a physical relationship
Take Titanic.
Rose was basically cheating on her fiance the moment she saw Jack lol

 

Oh... Welp, been ages since I last saw the movie, I didn't even notice it when I was a teen! xD

It was cute back then, but this kind of thing is not really my cup of tea nowadays~