Discussion (Poll) Friends with Benefits!

No. Coz graves. Duh...

I'm male. No, coz i don't have a death wish.

 

These are desperate times people, and desperate times need desperate solutions. I mean sex is easier to find these days than love.

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I can understand ur apprehension to religious figure but monogamy and polygamy don't have much to do with religion , it only seems like it because religious leaders need to fool the cattle so they try to get access to everything and make themselves authority in these matters. In actual fact , short of our morality and mortality religion has no right to tell us about ANYTHING AT ALL . In fact in today's world religion is an outdated and archaic concept , it was made mostly to bring law and order to people now when there r proper authority it isn't exactly needed but but people in power don't want to give it up so they try to take more power and stay relevant

 

As of right now, this response is closest to my own beliefs.

I haven't always felt this way -- and in fact, I've felt more like this the older I've gotten.

Part of this might be because I've almost exclusively only ever fallen for friends (and in multiple circumstances as one-sided feelings), but I've had a few critical experiences where some friends were totally cool with me (continuing) having feelings for them, even if they couldn't reciprocate it seriously -- and in some instances, they indulged me way more than they really needed to -- and also because they definitely didn't want the friendship to end just because of my feelings. And in fact, somehow my one-sided feelings became an everyday fixture and normal component of our friendship, which may seem kind of strange. I think after that, I've become a lot more open to the idea that the boundaries between friendship and something more can be very very very blurry.

And some of those friendships were some of the most valuable and precious that I've ever had.

So to some extent I sort of disagree with this kind of characterization:

I think there's a certain degree of irreplaceable intimacy that comes from them being your "friend" -- that isn't quite the same as it being a stranger -- at least, based on my impressions of what it would mean to me.

And clearly, they're not just any friend -- because it's not like you'd do this with every friend, right?

So they're something more than just a friend, but not quite beyond anything more than a friend. It's a very very odd space.

 

If it's gonna be friends with benefits and never be a romantic, dating, or martial relationship, it's going against itself due to what the physical relationship entails, either sexual or comforting which are both stemmed from romantic and marital mentalities. This makes it counterproductive, because sex, kissing, and the physical acts stem marital and romantic acts, it would be depraved in how the relationship went. You wouldn't just have sex with a stranger or with a friend unless you were attracted to them in some form or way and the mentality to breed is a very dangerous thing, what will happen if one of the two went too far and broke the boundary in order to seal the deal, they're playing a dangerous game. The Heavenly Book of Fate is literally lying in this regard, mainly because if you go too far in said the physical relationship which involves the concept of benefits between friends albeit sexually. Then in the end it either works out in the end having sealed the deal in a more engaging manner or they eventually break apart and never meet up due to what happened between the two, having shattered preconceptions and causing awkwardness.

 

You indicated this person as "new friend" then its its likely that you have no attachment yet. Which is no different than stranger that you pay to be your one night lover. Furthermore there is also service where you pay people to be your "friend" and take them places as well in my country. They will be friendly but hold no romantic feeling what so ever. I see no different from this to your angel's "friend". Willing to jump the bone but will not hold feeling, willing to be your friend but not lover, end relationship at your own term, the definition of "paid friend with benefit"

 

It sounds like a workable concept...in a novel setting. Probably won't work out very well in real life, depending on what you're expecting out of the affair, really.

If you want companionship, I'd say it's workable, but if you want love, no. So in the end, the question to me just means 'would you want an extra friend given that romance will never be possible between you two'.

So ja, I won't mind an extra friend, but don't expect any spicy physical activity out of it.

 

I have always followed the law of my heart. "What greater love is there than suffering?", I often quote myself. There are no contradictions, because when I suffer, I am loved, and when I make others suffer, I love. Be it harmful, empty, warm, cold, twisted, or healing. "Love is boundless and is beyond rationality of men and women alike.", I remind myself how little, insignificant, and powerless I am before this force called love. There is no need for me to go insane in this fruitless endeavor of understanding the mysteries of the divine and the natural world. I only need sins to show me pure your soul is, and it is by the commandments I hold in my heart, that which love keeps or forsakes shall be revealed to me. To me, hurting others and others hurting me is another form of our love.

I hatefully agree with you. Power enforces what one desires. Power is a terrifying curse. Nobody can escape power. Everyone is affected by power.

We almost share the same concept of happiness, but the originality of one's own happiness does not matter in the final result of their endeavors. I remember this saying from the Chinese novel Kingdom's Bloodline that it doesn't matter whether if you can do something or not, but will you do something or not. A slight difference in words but indeed, the terrifying power is there in those words. Like karma weaved in spider webs, we're all entangled and slowly poisoned by the spider's venom.

 

I refuse. Or more correctly I refuse the angel's offer. I dislike if superior entity gives me an offer like this. Are we just toys to them? But this is a bit off-topic.

Removing the premise of the angel, but instead, I have that person that comes to me, became friend, and after 3 months she asks me if I want to change our relationship into a physical one. This is... a hard question for me. I'm most likely going to accept and try to understand her. I'm not trying to do it just to move into a more romantic relationship. I want to know if she is really happy with that kind of relationship. I want to know if there is a way for her to have a more healthy relationship even if it means we are going to break up. But this is just a hypothetical scenario. I don't really know if I will accept. I cannot really imagine how the situation will develop. I only know my beliefs and I will follow them.

 

Sorry, but I only make deals with the devil.

 

If I were single... It'd still be no.

I'm demisexual, so no matter how pretty they are, a friend just wouldn't be sexually attractive to me. If there's no romantic component, they never will be.
And right now, I can only imagine that trying to have a sexual relationship with a relative stranger would be completely exhausting. If it's never going to progress to love and it will all fall to pieces as soon as I snap my fingers, what's the point of putting in the work?

Friends with benefits can be nice for some, and I won't judge (except that I've seen it go horribly wrong many times before and will probably think you're making a mistake). It doesn't interest me at all, though.

 

I already do to a degree, but there's only so much difference when your friends are all also cis het males. As far as perspective goes, it's like having many shades of blue rather than a hodgepodge of colors. It'd be interesting to have a friend with a more varied sexuality (and maybe gender) that I can discuss these things with.

 

While I can’t argue with your insight. After all love can make people do some interesting (dumb) things. It maybe heroic, masochistic or tsundere. But it’s still a show of love.
After reading over your posts I’ve come to realize your love isn’t shallow, but incredible deep. A person would be lucky to have your love because I can see you would in a sense die for your love. And as such your love deserve nothing less. So in essence the suffering you are saying is in actuality not so simple. It is a mirror reflection. A reverse of the initial thought. It is not a whole negative response on first sight as you would take on a first impressions.
You’ve chosen a difficult path, but a life worthy quest. The divine may make light of us mortals and laugh at our assumptions. But sometimes even us mortals can surprise the gods.

 

I like this response a lot!

Hmm, I’m not particularly sure if it’s more workable in fiction than reality. Casual dating and casual sex can be a prominent part of modern society, depending on where you are located and what your culture is.

Where I went to university, there was a lot of this type of thing going on.

Like many people alluded to, it can be associated with a lot of heartbreak. However, like you said, it’s entirely a matter of expectation or a miscommunication (or lack of communication) of expectations.

I’ll sort of give an example: suppose an exchange teacher goes from Germany to Japan, and knows they will be there for exactly five years. They absolutely intend to return to Germany at the end of that term, so they realize that a serious relationship may not be terribly realistic with a local during that period — and consequently aren’t looking for commitment.

However, I think some people in our generation would still seek temporary companionship, and consequently search for low-commitment low-expectation relationships in particular — which by some regards is quite close to the “friends with benefits” label.

That said, whether or not feelings develop is a critical step in determining whether there is heartbreak or not.

 

Hmm, to me, there is still a distinction between a physical-only relationship occurring between a stranger and a friend.

To me, I have an intrinsic amount of distrust towards strangers, and I think in most cases, strangers aren’t looking out for your interests.

In contrast, to have a physical relationship with a “friend”, by definition, you are already friends with them and already have some form of connection with them that occurred in advance.

My personal definition of a friend includes (A) someone I trust, and (B) someone who looks out for me just as I look out for them.

And I think both of those elements are distinguishing factors that can really make a physical-only relationship with a friend different from physical relationship with a stranger.

As for why a friend would engage in a physical-only relationship despite not having romantic feelings?

For me, the poll choice I selected was:

I'm female - Yes, I'd be interested in a friend with non-sexual yet intimate benefits (e.g. cuddling

Largely because I think these things would be the first things I would miss if I had been out of a relationship for a very long time. So in short: comfort, really.

 

As an aromatic pansexual myself, i'll say hell yes.
Does the angel themselves also included in this arrangement, tho?