Say, would you rather be in the relationship with the possibility of falling out of love, or not to love at all? I'm not being pessimistic, really. It's just...they say nothing is forever, then what makes love the exception? And to be completely honest, the feeling when you finally fallen out of love is very scary to me. I had bad experience in the past and it made me realized that in a way, love is really just a game. It's up to you whether to take it seriously or just to pass time. And back then i chose the former, so...it's quite traumatizing. Do you ever experienced similar situation? And what will you choose if you did?
Find someone who you truly love, not because you find them to be the right ones. Why? Cause there's no the right girl or guy. Also, too many people fell in love with the idealised version of their other self. Freaking annoying to have such relationship. Dating is for people to figure out if they will be compatible, so of course most will fail.
As an older man that already has kids, You need to understand that the word love in your mind right now is not the correct one. The right word for what you are saying is attraction; what would you do when you are not attracted anymore? Well the solution is to love that person unconditionally. Does that mean you let him/her walk all over you? No, but it also means you will not hate him/her for walking over you. If you don't think you can love him/her, and the other person can not love you back, don't bother with further levels of relationship. Loving a friend is still love.
Love is something I can't hope to understand. Its quite fickle. I once had this girl I liked in high school(she's human). We're on different classes when I were a freshman, and I find myself unconsciously looking at her. I thought I liked her because she's wearing glasses. Yes, I used to have glasses fetish when I were younger. I though it was love, but it was not. 3rd year in high school came and we became classmates. I got to know her after working with her for a few group activities, then became friends. When I got know her more closely though, I realized. It's not that I liked her. I like her glasses. I'm just curious about her glasses, that I thought I liked her.
There's many cases that love get cold and eventually lost. In example if the target of affection have changed over the time, in example of external factor driving them apart, in example that they're just made of misunderstanding from the start. Yes in a way love is a game. Which is why a marriage out of love have much large chances to end up in divorce than marriage that are made of common interest or needs (getting married through marriage interview).
Tbh, I have never been in love. At least not in a way that I would describe it as love. Fondness, yes. Obsession, yes. Lust, yes. Deeper feelings, no. Exasperation, yes. Annoyance, yes. I do realize that love doesnt happen in a day or a week, but I have been in relationships that lasted months, but I never really fell in love. Apparently that became obvious and I got told that I broke their heart, even though I was always 100% honest and open. Maybe because of that? Welp, I didnt really care too much, I have never cared much about anything. So, back to the question: I would want to experience of being in love. what is that feeling? Can you describe it? Do you mean taking off the rose-coloured glasses or what? Realizing that only you were interested in a serious relationship? I am genuinely curious.
It's your choice. It's your life and you will live it on how you wanted it. Whether it's too late for regrets, no one can do over, so it's the phase of moving on. Right now I'm torn on myself actually. I'm torn cuz I am courting someone (not the old way), but as timid as I am the girl is more timid than me. And as someone who had a trauma on courting, I don't even know what to do. But as they say regret comes last and you can't do anything about it, I'll use this opportunity to ask you all too. BTW at the top was my answer.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what’s with people asking for advice on significant topics from strangers over the internet?
Isn't it fine to take everything in strides one day at a time? Life is a game. Bugged. Unbalanced. You don't choose your starting point. You might not even get far from it as you level up. Does it matter if one little element (love) is another unpredictable thing?
Eh, I had the same situation. It is horrible and likelyhood is that you will have a lot of problems even if you get together, but go for it. Cant really do harm, no? Just dont beat yourself up if you dont go for her.
my friend once said the same thing too, that dating is for people to figure out the compatibility, but idk...maybe it's my reluctance or maybe it's trauma. I get so scared and paranoid when i open up to someone else. It's not like i want to date the right person or anything. It's just.. there r too many "what ifs" in my head, and it's quite troublesome to date someone with that kind of mindset, so all this time i have to be content being alone, though i get lonely sometimes. woah....this is deep. Thanks for the advice, when i thinking about it again, your advice really do makes sense. Maybe i'm just not matured enough to talk about love right now. Same, i also hope i can understand love lol. *sigh* hmm how to describe it? No, not rose colored glasses, at least not in my case. It feels like you lost the reason to fight for things you wanted for so long. So you might feel kinda empty. And you somehow can't imagine what lies ahead, not bcs you really can't but you refuse to imagine it, unconsciously. so you say it's better than to regret not courting while you can? Hmm i see... That my friend, is because sometimes it's easier to ask for honest opinion from stranger than someone you know, for fear that they will say only things you want to hear rather than things you need to hear. I'm not always right tho... ha, somehow i like your thinking, thanks tho for the advice~
Just an advice on relationship, Attraction has nothing to do with individuals, but has everything to do with social status. The higher your social status in your click, the most likely you will get a girlfriend. Stop trying to make a commitment to a girl, just increase your own worth socially. This means not specific to a girl, but you have to be a friend and dominant to all guys and girls. It can be through muscles, grades, social skills and money. And don't think bad for a second about girls who seems to be worried about your money trying to get you to pay for dinners and movies (unless they are brainless compulsive shopper laced with branded items from top to bottom, then stay the hell away from these girls) because eventually you are going to have to support your wife and kid/s; occasionally emergency situations of your parents and your in laws.... YEAH it's easy to forget your obligations when your hormones are running. But keep this in mind before you pull your d/@( out of your pants.
Some advice: Hang out with girls as friend. Not as love interest, just someone to talk with. With any girl you want to court, hang out with the girl in groups first (her friends, your friends, watching or doing stuff together). It will help you to know the girl better to see if you could court her or not. If not, well, you get another group of new aquitance.
*sees member title* You're not lurking at all with this thread. I would rather never had live or exist at all. Fuck my mortal existence and curse my humanity to feel and think. To never taste the earthly pleasures of this world and not envy the heavenly way is the reality I desire. I want cosmic suicide! Erase all my karma from this entire cosmos and leave not even a single information about me in any cosmos. Ah, non-life! O merciful death, the non-being claiming all thoughts! Grant me most empty promises and render heaven and earth to nothingness, for I who seeks nothingness shall forever praise the void of all creation.
Just surviving isn't living. You gotta take risks, the goal is to find someone who you will not only love for a couple of years, but continue to enjoy their company and support for quite a while even if the spark isn't there anymore. If you're counting on friends, that's a bad gamble. They come and go, very rarely do they stuck around and even if they do, you're gonna be number 2 or 3 on their list after their SO and if they have kids. They're not gonna live with you and share your burdens so you gonna end up alone, that's why people continue taking risks and getting burned until they find someone, maybe not close to their ideal but good enough. Maybe you'll find someone who doesn't believe in love so you end up being in a relationship with basically a friend with benefits. That's not a bad thing speaking from exp, I wouldn't mind spending my life with a girl like that. You could end it and risk again for a love relationship only to lose it all, sometimes you gotta enjoy what you have and not raise unlikely expectations.
Will you stay with her if things go south? When you are not in love anymore or when her is not attractive enough? Like they said there lust/attraction is different from love. I am agree with this and people will more friendly/less repulsive when you come to them for friendship rather than romance, and hanging out with his/her friends help you familiarize with his/her circle because you will included when in relationship later.
If it happens, it happens. If we just clicked and decided to become something more, Ai-chan will welcome it. If it doesn't happen, well, tough luck. Let's move on with our lives. If we one day end up separating despite Ai-chan's best efforts, then that's just life. Ai-chan won't avoid relationship just because Ai-chan is afraid of separation. We will all separate one day. We will all die and there will always be times when we need to let go of our loved ones. What's important is making the most of the time that you do have with your loved ones.
All good things must come to an end. Better to try now then regret later. Don't become one of those 70 year old retirees who get lonely because they never married, had kids, and have a declining social life after they retire.
Lmao, i am lurking...most of the time... not to raise expectation? *sigh* it's super hard sometimes... I guess i really need to fix my paranoia and just enjoy the moment. Ai-chan......that really hit me hard.