Novel The Man of Future

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by Link_0021, Aug 24, 2019.

  1. Link_0021

    Link_0021 Well-Known Member

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    I just need your feedback, correction, violent reaction..............

    SYNOPSIS

    Genius, billionaire and playboy defines Andrew Mercado.

    A self-centered business magnate of 21st century. His rise to wealth and fame has a humble beginning. From rugs to richest, Andrew strives to prove to the world that had shunned him.

    And when a man’s wealth is too big, he gathers the attention of everyone. True enough for Andrew’s success is showered by controversies.

    Money, sex and power… Andrew has it. But to him, it is never enough. He was hungry for more.

    GENRE:
    Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Romance, Drama, Comedy

    WARNING:
    It contains scene not suitable for very young audiences. Parental guidance is advise.

    BEFORE YOU READ:
    Always remember, this is fiction. It is not real.
    Fuck off if you sue me.

    ---

    TABLE OF CONTENTS
    Act 1: A Change of Fate
    Act 2: Starting a Company
    • Chapter I -
    Act 3: Nothing's Small in Vegas / Living the Vegas Dream
    Act 4: Famous in Wall Street




    ---
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
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  2. Link_0021

    Link_0021 Well-Known Member

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    PROLOGUE

    March 15, 2032

    12:27 AM

    In the midst of rain, a man can be seen running.
    He made a quick turn in the narrow alley and stopped when he reached the far end – under a bridge.
    There are several families living under the bridge and they lived without electricity.
    It was very dark. However, his eyes are accustomed to dark that he has little trouble moving around the place.
    He scanned his surroundings, making sure that no one is following him.
    He calmed his breathing, before kicking the rat (which is the size of a cat or it was a cat that looked like a rat) that was in the metal door, where a chain and a simple padlock secures it.
    The place is small with only a single broken bed, a chair and a small table. Another small table with a single stove located in the corner makes for a kitchen. And a toilet seat can be found in an adjacent room which has no door.

    He slumped to his bed, still wet.

    His body is shaking from cold and need of substance.
    His hands are shaking as he took out a small sachet of Methamphetamine and a small syringe which he place in the table.

    He then took out a small box under his bed. Inside the box, he took out a small sheet of aluminum foil and a cheap plastic lighter.
    He folded the aluminum, placed the fine powder of Methamphetamine in it, then he placed it under his nose, before lighting the foil with a shaky hand.
    He inhaled the white smoke emitted by the melting powder.

    Soon, he found himself drooling in hallucination as he smokes a cigarette.
    Then, he reached for the syringe that has a small dose of blue liquid in it.
    After flicking it lightly, he gently injected it in his arm. He then leaned back as his system absorbs the drugs.

    His eyes turned bloodshot. His body began shaking uncontrollably and white foam started oozing from his mouth.

    “Papa… papa.” A sweet smile from an angel that called him.
    “Yes, papa is here.”
    “I’m hungry. I want eat.”







    “Let’s play games, papa.”
    “Not now, honey. Papa is busy. We will play later, okay?”






    “Papa, are you angry with me?” Asked the crying girl.
    “Yes, I’m angry!... Oh, come on. Now, you’re gonna cry, really now? Shut up!”







    “Papa, why’s mama not with us?”
    “Mama has lots and lots of work to do. So she will be away for now.”
    “When will she be back?”






    “Papa… Where are you going, papa?”
    “I’m sorry, baby. I have to leave for work. So when I’m away, I want you to behave and listen to your aunt, okay? I will be back when I’m done with work. Ah, what would you like papa buy you for a present? I will buy it, so wait for papa, okay?”






    “Papa… papa! I, I don’t feel good.”
    “Here, here baby. Hold papa’s hands. Papa is here. Shh shh… Don’t worry, papa will care for you. Hold on, papa will buy you a medicine. Shh… shh…”







    “Julia… Julia… Hey, eat your porridge. Hey, wake up sweetie. Hey… JULIA!!! NO!!! NOO!!! Not Julia!!!” He cried.

    ---


    4 hours earlier…

    8:22 PM.

    Andrew carefully watches his surroundings, looking for a trace of patrolling police while checking for a potential victim.
    15 minutes later, he found his target – a woman in her late 20’s. She is wearing blue jacket while carrying a leather purse. It wasn’t an expensive bag, but by looking at the way she held her purse, she may have some cash with her.
    After eyeing the target for a moment, he followed her.
    The woman is very cautious. She looked left and right, and sometimes taking a glance behind, but Andrew is no amateur. He was very careful, keeping a significant distance from her, so she wouldn’t notice him.
    If it was another person stalking her, she would’ve noticed it already, however, it was her bad luck that she was targeted by him.
    He followed her diligently for almost an hour.
    As the time goes by, the number of people in the street decreases.
    It’s time to take action.

    “Don’t make a scene or I’ll shoot you. Give me your wallet.” He said while gripping her left arm, dragging her along the way.
    The woman panicked when she looked at him. She felt threatened that she thought of screaming for help. However, he covered her mouth with his free hand.
    “I said, don’t make a scene or I’ll kill you.” He threatened her more by showing his gun hidden beneath his jacket.
    “Please, I need this money.” She pleaded to him.
    “I just want the money.”
    “Please, please… I need it, my son is sick.”
    He gripped her arms forcefully, “I don’t care! Just give me the damn money!”
    “Please mister, I really need it.” She pleads once more.
    “Shut up! Give me the damn money or your son will never see you again.”
    Just then, someone approached them. It was a man in his mid-30’s. “Hey, what’s going on there?” Although, he already had the gist of the situation.
    A robbery.
    Andrew draw his gun out and point it on the woman’s head.
    “Stop right there.”
    “Help me, please.” The woman cried.
    “Hey, hey… easy man. Easy…” The other man said to Andrew.
    But Andrew shot him instantly that the man couldn’t react. He knew the man has a gun, so he decided to take the first shot.
    The man was hit in the shoulder and he screamed in pain.
    The woman panicked and struggled to break free. Andrew readily caught her hand bag and forcefully threw her. She hit the ground and her slender legs received some bruises.
    Andrew hurriedly ran away from the scene. He escaped through a narrow passage when he crossed the next block.
    He got away with a purse on hand. He rummaged it, throwing away things which are useless to him. He found a red wallet and a smartphone.
    He opened the wallet and one by one, he found 3 credit cards, receipts, and an ID with the name Hannah F. Torres.
    He tossed all of it in the sewage.
    He then found 2,550 pesos stacked inside. He took the money before tossing the wallet in the sewage.
    He could sell the phone for 1,000 pesos and along with the cash from the wallet, he got an amount of 3550 pesos.
    After that, he moved on.

    ---

    11:33 PM

    Andrew reached the park.
    He waited for around 15 minutes when a man approached him.
    “Hey man, do you need it?” Asked the man.
    “Yeah… Same as usual.” Andrew said before giving the man a folded bill.
    The man took out a small sachet of Methamphetamine and gave it to Andrew. Their transaction happened in a most secretive manner.
    “Ah right.” The man started, “I got something here. Would you like to try it?”
    “What is it?”
    “They call it ‘The Dreamer’s Blend’. It is a new type of drug in the market and it’s cheap. It is quite popular right now.”
    “How much?”
    “5,000…”
    “I don’t have much right now.”
    “Then, how much do you have?”
    “3,700…”
    The man paused for a moment, “Fine… Since we knew each other. I’ll give you a discount. But, there’s no next time.”
    The two exchanged hands.
    “I’ll gotta go.” The man bade farewell.
    The rain starts to pour and it became heavy by the minutes.


     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
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  3. Link_0021

    Link_0021 Well-Known Member

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    CHAPTER I

    (A chance upon death)


    “Hey, Andrew?”
    “What?” I asked in confusion.
    “What the hell, Andrew. I’ve been calling you over and over, but you’re not listening.”
    “W-what the?” I muttered.
    I looked around and saw several teens looking at me.
    I knew all of them.
    No.
    The correct term is… I remember all of them.

    But what the heck?

    Soon, a flash of memory overwhelms me – memory of my past self or should I say, my future self.

    Absorbing these memory, I thought it was but a dream. But the feeling of experiencing all of it firsthand drowned me.

    It was unbelievable.

    ‘I returned into the past!’ I almost blurted my thought.
    I then looked at the pitch-black stone I held in my hand. It was 3 times the size of my fist with a smooth surface and weigh around half a kilo.
    ‘Is it because of this stone?’ I thought as I examined the rough shape of it.

    “Hey Andrew!”
    “W-what?” I stammered.
    “Tell me. Did you fall in love with that stone?”
    “What?”
    “Because the moment you found that stone, you fell in daze for 15 minutes!”
    “No I wasn’t.”
    “Then why the hell are you not responding? We’ve been calling you since forever and you keep on looking on that stone!”
    “Oh no, it’s nothing. You must’ve misunderstand.”
    “Then are you with us now? Come on, we’re near the lake.”
    “Ah right, I think I don’t want to do it.”
    “What?” Kevin blurted out, “What do you mean you don’t want to do it?”
    “Let’s not do it Kevin.” I said calmly.
    “Are you chickening?”
    “You know it’s wrong. What you’re thinking is a crime, Kevin.”
    “So you’re really backing out, huh? Coward!”

    I remembered this incident.
    It was the time when me and my friends decided to take a trip in the lake to have some fun.

    But Kevin and I, together with the other boys has different plans for the trip.
    We raped the two girls who came with us – Anna and Kristine.
    It was Kevin who put something on their drink and then we took turns while taking photos and videos of the act.

    A crime I committed at 16 years old!


    I never regretted it and most of the crime I committed, until I become a father to a daughter.

    “Let’s go back, Kevin.” I said sternly with the thought of convincing him.
    But instead, it angered Kevin that his face turned red.
    He pushed me back, “If you don’t want to do it, then fine. We will go without you.”

    However, if the crime came to public next week, I will still be drag in this case. Even if I will no longer be involved in the act, I was still indirectly involved.
    Though, I was sure I will not be implicated like in my previous life. But, remembering my parent’s remorse, it’s painful for an already old man like me.
    I was a parent myself, only then, I came to know regret. I don’t want my life ends in drugs.
    I am thankful for this chance, a chance to change everything wrong I’ve done.
    ‘I will change my fate.’ I was overwhelmed by determination.

    “I will tell Anna and Kristine what you plan to do with them.”
    “You will tell them ‘our’ plan?” He said pointing to the other boys, “You mean, you will tell them ‘our’ plan.” He pointed to the two of us.
    “…”
    “Don’t forget, you are part of this plan.”
    “It’s my mistake and I am going to change it.”
    I then walked towards Anna and Kristine.
    “No you don’t!” Kevin exclaimed.
    He raised his fist to punch me. However, having the experience of my previous life. I was quick to avoid his punch. Not to mention, I was athletic and a kind of troublemaker myself.
    I punched him in the face that he slumped back. Seeing the situation, the others hastily came to stop us.
    “What are you doing, Andrew?” Justin asked warily.
    “Are you okay, Kevin?” Anna came to Kevin.
    “What happened?” Kristine asked.

    Kevin quickly got up and tried to get back at me, but it was futile. I was a better fighter than Kevin, even before merging with my future self.
    I effortlessly brought him down with a body slam, slamming him in the grass. He tried to struggle back, but I trapped him between my legs.
    I raised my fist threatening to punch his face. He quickly put his hands up to cover his face.
    “Stop it, Andrew!” Anna called nervously.
    Justine and Gerald came to stop me, holding me up, while Luis and Prince helped Kevin.
    At the same time, I said to them, “Let’s forget what happened today and go home.”
    “What do you mean, we go home?” Justin asked while hinting something.
    “Let’s stop it, Justin. I don’t want to make a mistake (this time of life).”
    Justin and the other boys looked at each other. But I quickly told Anna and Kristine, “I’m sorry. But, you two shouldn’t be here.”
    In the end, I was able to convinced them and we returned home.



     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
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  4. Link_0021

    Link_0021 Well-Known Member

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    Side Information:


    Andrew Vargas-Mercado is the most wanted man of Manila.
    At the age of 16, he was charged of rape and was sent to a welfare institution that shelter juvenile delinquency with 2 years of probation.
    During his probation period, he created his own gang called “BTS”.
    After serving his sentence, he returned home. But he left home a year later and found his way in Manila with the help of his friends where he became a pickpocket.
    He was soon discovered by “Mario”, one of the notorious drug syndicate in the area. He trained Andrew in the ways of the underworld.
    At first, he became a runner for the group. The underground taught him many things which are unlawful. But none the less, it’s all about making money. And he adapted quickly.
    At the age of 22, formed his own syndicated group.
    When Mario died, the syndicate split which resulted to an internal conflict. Andrew took an immediate action and assume control of a third of their territory.
    Soon, he and his group became the most dominant force in the city, the “BTS Alpha Syndicated Group”.
    For 4 years, they notoriously monopolized crime activities in Caloocan, Valenzuela and Malabon, and some parts of Metro Manila and Quezon.
    His group involved in carnapping, drugs, prostitution, kidnapping, theft, robbery, illegal firearms, gun for hire, etc.
    And in 2016, in the heat of governments war on drug campaign, most of the original members of Andrew’s group were killed.
    Without the support of his trusted allies, Andrew’s control over the syndicate diminished. 3 years later, the syndicate collapsed.
    Andrew managed to escaped the government pursuit and had hidden himself quite well.
    He lived peacefully and became a father when his 24 years old live-in partner becomes pregnant to a daughter. However, his relationship with his partner didn’t last long and she left him for another man.
    Then a tragedy befalls to him that devastated him more than anything when his 9 years old daughter passed away.
    He died at the age 42 from the overdose of drugs.

    ***

    Kevin Lanedo is Andrew’s childhood friend. He came from a well off family. His father was a local politician and his mother co-owns a business. In Andrew’s previous life, Kevin and the other’s faced rape charges. And Kevin, with the influence of his father, managed to bail out from the 2 years of probation. He then went to Canada to escape scrutiny from the public.

    In December 2012, Andrew received news of Kevin’s murder.

    ***

    Justin Sarcedo is Andrew’s childhood friend. He came from a well of family. His family runs 2 small apartment building. In Andrew’s previous life, Justin and the other’s faced rape charges and they were sentenced with 2 years of probation period.
    He and Andrew and several others founded a small gang of juveniles during their years of probation at boy’s town. Later, they run a small syndicate.

    In 2016, Justin with several others, became one of the first victim of the war on drugs during the first 2 months’ tenure of Rodigo Duterte as the president of the Philippines.

    ***

    Luis Martinez is Andrew’s childhood friend. He came from a poor family. His father is a construction worker. In Andrew’s previous life, Luis and the other’s faced rape charges and they were sentenced with 2 years of probation period.

    He and Andrew and several others founded a small gang of juveniles during their years of probation at boy’s town. Later, they run a small syndicate.

    In 2016, Luis with several others, became one of the first victim of the war on drugs during the first 2 months’ tenure of Rodigo Duterte as the president of the Philippines.

    ***

    Gerald Ortega is Andrew’s childhood friend. He came from a well of family. His father owns a fishery while his mother works as public servant. In Andrew’s previous life, Gerald and the other’s faced rape charges and they were sentenced with 2 years of probation period.

    He and Andrew and several others founded a small gang of juveniles during their years of probation at boy’s town. Later, they run a small syndicate.

    In 2016, Gerald with several others, became one of the first victim of the war on drugs during the first 2 months’ tenure of Rodigo Duterte as the president of the Philippines.

    ***

    Prince Carl Gamboa is Andrew’s childhood friend. He came from a well of family. His father works in a big company while his mother owns several flower shop. In Andrew’s previous life, Prince and the other’s faced rape charges and they were sentenced with 2 years of probation period.

    He and Andrew and several others founded a small gang of juveniles during their years of probation at boy’s town. Later, they run a small syndicate.

    In 2016, Prince with several others, became one of the first victim of the war on drugs during the first 2 months’ tenure of Rodigo Duterte as the president of the Philippines.

    ***

    Anna Peralta met Andrew’s gang in her 2nd year in high school. She has a feeling over Kevin. When Andrew and his gang raped Anna and Kristine, she was devastated but remained silent about it. She was abused further by Andrew’s gang for several days, until finally she confessed to her parents.

    Several months later, she was found dead in the bathroom.

    ***

    Kristine Peralta is Anna’s cousin and a year older than her. She’s Andrew’s classmate in their 3rd year. She introduced her cousin, Anna to Andrew and his gang in their fourth year (while Anna is third year).

    She has sexual relationship with Justin. When Justin confessed his feelings for another girl, she tried to convince him otherwise.

    Justin told her of the Lake trip and that she will consider her feelings. But on the premise of bringing Anna with her. Blinded by his promise, she accepted.

    After the incident, Andrew’s gang threatened her and Anna of leaking the pictures and videos. She complied and tried to convince her cousin to say nothing.

    When she heard of Anna’s suicide, she came to hate Andrew and his gang, particularly Justin. And most of all, she blamed herself.

    Later in her life, she studied criminology and psychology. She became a policewoman when she finished college. She solved numerous crimes in her later years. And at 38, she became a provincial director of Antipolo PNP.

    She is married and has 3 children.



     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
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  5. jbturkle

    jbturkle Fruit

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    I'm not a very good editor (or one at all, so take everything I say with a grain of salt), but there are a few things that I view as potential issues. One, your sentence structure. Much of it is repetitive. Like 'he did this, he did that, I did this, I did that.'
    Try to vary it a bit more. It'll help make it more interesting. In addition, I feel like the actions are being described a bit too passive. If you want to do first person, it's nice to read what the narrator senses, rather than just what amounts to practically a list of people doing several things in a row. There's also differences in tense, incorrect punctuation, and improper grammar usage that need to be addressed.
     
  6. Link_0021

    Link_0021 Well-Known Member

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    CHAPTER II


    (The Mercado Family)


    When I returned home, I found my mother preparing dinner.

    Seeing her again, I was overwhelmed with tears.

    I quickly ran towards my mother. I hugged her back and told her, how sorry I was.

    “What happened?” She asked, confused.

    “I’m sorry… I didn’t live up to your expectation.”

    “What? Did you do something wrong in school?” She sounded angry.

    But I was happy.

    “Tell me. Did something happen in school?” He eyes showed a glint of anger and suspicion.

    “Yes.” I said happily.

    “You did and you’re happy about it?”

    “I started to regret it.” I replied while still clinging to her.

    “And what did you do?”

    “Just few…” I started while giggling, “I just bully two kids at school today and kicked Mrs. Rosa’s cat... and…”

    I felt like, her eyes will shoot laser any moment now.

    “And…?” She inquired containing her anger.

    ‘I almost rape a 15 years old girl.’ Is what I thought inside.

    “And… I grope my classmate’s boobs.”

    “That’s it!” Her anger exploded.

    She took her slipper and started hitting my ass. I didn’t struggle, instead, I happily received the punishment.

    Then she stopped.

    I looked at her and said sincerely, “Ma, I’m sorry. I was wrong. And I won’t do it again.”

    “Did you eat something strange? Do you have a fever? Did you hit your head somewhere?”

    “Of Course not, ma.”

    “Then why are you acting strange?” My mother said in bewilderment.

    “No, ma… I was just sorry. And… I want you to know that I love you.”

    “Good Lord! My son is possessed!”

    “Ma!” I shouted, “I’m serious!”

    “I don’t know what happened to you today, but I’m happy for you.”

    I giggled, “Ma, are you tired?”

    “Why? Do you want to help me in the kitchen?”

    “Hmm… No. It’s just that, I can still take a beating. I really deserved it.”

    “You know, Andrew, I pray every day that someday, you would listen to me and your father. But, I don’t remember praying for my son to become a masochist.”

    And we both laugh.

    “Maybe. But, I got to be honest with you, ma. I don’t regret groping my classmates.”

    “Oh no you don’t, Antonio!”

    “Ma! My name’s Andrew!”

    “Whatever, just wait till your father gets here!”

    “Is he still fat?” I joked.

    “Bah, he gets fatter every day!”

    And we both laugh.


    “Ehem…” My sister interrupted, “What’s this drama am I witnessing right now? But I don’t see a camera? And where’s the director?”

    “Kyryll!” I hugged my sister and kissed her cheeks.

    “Eww~ Stop it! Eww~” She protested, “You’re so disgusting! What happened to you, kuya?” [Kuya – an endearment for an older brother or an older male.]

    “Nothing. You’re kuya is normal.”

    “Alright…” My mother interrupted, “What do you want to eat?”

    “Chicken Adobo!” My sister and I quickly responded in excitement.


    My father arrived before dinner and we got a good father and son conversation.

    I told him what I told mother of how sorry I was.

    I even kneeled before him, which made him flustered and hurriedly told me stand up.

    We have a good meal after that.

    My whole family is here, happily teasing one another. I never witness this scene in my whole life.

    Right now, I blamed my past (future) self. It is because of me that my family never knew happiness.

    I was a terrible child and always will be, but I’ll change.

    For my family… for my daughter Julie, I’ll be a better person.


    That night, I spend my time looking at the black stone, pondering its mystery.

    “You’re very supernatural. I don’t know where you came from. But, I am thankful for this chance.”




    ---






    Side Information


    Andrew’s father died of heart attack when Andrew left his home and 3 years after, his mother died from overworking.

    Since then, Andrew’s sister came to hate him and severed her relationship with him.

    She got married at 20 and had two kids. She divorced his husband. She later married another man at 34 and had two kids. Several years later, Andrew sought his sister’s help in taking care his daughter, Julia.