This is a sequel to thread Should I stay or Should I go, I think I called it that anyway. To sum it up, it was about a bunch of guys I play basketball with who usually stay for a beer and kept inviting me. I did stay a few times and got bored out of my mind coz we have little in common and no one really tried talking to me. The conclusion is that I decided it's not worth the effort and I should just leave after the game. Now there is an event coming and they keep asking me am I going to be there like I'm their friend, and when I say no they ask why not and I have to lie I'm busy and shit. It's super annoying, everytime a different person asks me the same thing and the fking event keeps getting postponed so they keep asking me again. I mean they're nice guys but we're just aquintances, why the fuck do they keep bugging me about it when they practically ignore me when I'm around.
Maybe you don't feel included because they are busy making memories together while you just say no. Its kinda hard to keep up and contribute to conversations about last Friday's party when you weren't there. Then again, maybe you just don't want to be part of that friend group.
Maybe you should just tell them that while you enjoy their company in a game of basketball you, unfortunately, have nothing in common with them and as such don't feel comfortable staying for a beer or doing any other activity. Sometimes, it's best to draw a line. Although, if you've refused a few times you'd think they'd get the hint by now.
That would just make any basketball time with them super awkward. That's why white lies exist, to be polite n shit.
There's a possibility that you're the reason they make that event, they're trying to become closer with you through that event. Perhaps it's not that no one try to talk with you but they just don't know how because you guys have little in common, and of course this is just a speculation of mine but try to look from different perspective
Why lie? Saying you’re busy now would naturally lead to them asking next time when you might not be busy. Just say thanks for asking but it’s not really my thing. Good chance they might not ask you next time~
Tell them exactly what you just said here. Being blunt won't make friends but it does a great job of putting people in their place. Who knows. Maybe someone will appreciate that and apologize. If not. It's no big loss.
I guess... Do what Alice said, say "it's not my thing" Or if you end up going again for some reason, try talking to one of them first and reattempt to find something in common. But yeah that's an awkward situation, good luck.
dude go out with people who are trying to connect with you. Look everyone on this site has some kind of social anxiety or introvertive whatever. But this is no excuse for refusing a group of people who are genuinely trying to take an interest. So what if you dont connect right now. They aren't antagonistic toward you right? You're not the butt of every joke right? Then go out there and make some friends or at the very least some new experiences. Go outside your comfort zone.
The event is football + bbq + booze and I already said I only have basketball shoes. I got, well just come hang out and eat bbq and drink. So that would be saying I don't want to hang out with them. Dude just because a lot of people here don't have friends, doesn't mean I don't. I've known most of these guys since we were kids but we were never actual friends, I'm just not fitting in. They probably think I'm a part of the group coz we're all in the same neighborhood and have known each other for so long, but I'm not good with anyone of them. Well I guess I answered my own question here. We could be sitting on the side for an hour and no one will say a word to me, not because they intentionally ignore me, it's a big group. When I try to strike up a convo it dies off after a couple of minutes.
Since you have friends (and don’t want to say no), Do you have someone that can come with you to the event? Not for talking but for not looking like a loner. You can both be on your devices (if the event has wifi) without being out of place. Or, if you like talking, then bring someone whom you can talk to. If you can’t bring your device, then find someone who is good at conversing with strangers so you can listen and join in when you feel like it. If you can’t find someone, then bring things that you like and hopefully they either leave you alone or join you (if you brought games). Then, you can show up and leave without waiting for the event to end. *Not guaranteed to work
I assume you're also a guy, so anything I say may not apply. Men and women have some differences in communication and social gatherings. When I was younger, I had the problem of not knowing what to say and staying silent in a group, unless someone else put the effort to talk to me, which resulted in some more awkwardness. A girl I knew since we were babies told my friend not to invite me to gatherings anymore for that reason. It's easy to jump into the conversation if it's your kind of topic, but it needs more skill to talk about things you don't care about just to keep the mood going. Here's some things I do, if you find them useful and actually want to integrate in wider social groups: look at the speaker and show enthusiasm and interest, interject some exclamations when appropriate, and try to make the person keep talking if it looks like they're enjoying themselves. While you listen, prepare something to say in case they turn the topic to you, just in case to avoid silence and awkwardness. You can always be evasive like 'I'm just hearing about this' or 'I don't know, but I find it interesting, I might look into it later', along these lines. Getting bored is normal, just don't show it. You can meet them once every three times they ask or something, but trust me, knowing more people really helps you later on in life. You can't know who it is beforehand, but at some point in your life, one person in your social circle will be able to do you a huge favor. So it's better not to burn any bridges. Just try and hang out with more people, especially the ones who actually seek you out. It's also good to invest in the relationships - help out with some small things, some moral support or with whatever they're going through. That doesn't mean you should be a doormat that everyone uses though. Just be someone people like, or at least don't hate. Ok, preaching over. Now, if you really don't want to go, but they keep pushing you, just show up for the first 15 minutes and then prepare an emergency to bounce out of there.