[Poll] Would you watch your language around a senstive acquaintance?

Umm, after reading the base scenario of the poll, I have trouble deciding which option to choose. Going with the hypotethical situation:

If I'd known before hand, I'd have tried to be considerate but after the stunt she pulled I'd think twice before teaming with her again. After all, leaving your team in the lurch like that, unless you have a sudden power outage, is bad form, no matter how triggered you are. I'd ask my other friends what they wanted to do and depending on their answer, I'd just go to sleep. And this A-kun would go onto my watchlist as well, because a PM saying "My friend is a bit sensitive. Pls watch your language around her. Don't say *** and ***", would have been very nice at the beginning and would have spared a lot of trouble and hurt feelings for everyone involved.

So, I guess you can say my answer is "No - for other reason." (But I am quite soft-hearted )

EDIT: Re-reading the scenario and the question again, I need to amend my opinion a bit. If it was just about a sensitive person around I'd definitely try to watch my language. But for this particular scenario, my answer stays "No". I somehow managed to skip over A-kun suggesting muting myself on voice chat, in light of that, it would be the blacklist for A-kun because that doesn't come over really well and I don't think a friend would suggest something like that.

 

indeed, but coming from a background of bullying as compared to abuse I personally know that there are always 3 actions to a negative event.

1- do nothing and allow it to continue
2- let someone else solve the issue for you
3- face the problem head on and do something about it

if you have never been in a scenario, it is impossible to sympathise or "imagine" that persons feelings. you will just make an assumption and act with it as if it were the truth. so unless you have faced the same triggering reaction, you cannot possibly act with it in mind to understand/prevent it occurring in others. to do so would be to set yourself up for a much worse situation to occur down the line.

we can neither force our views on another, nor can we expect others to see the world through our own lens. people can be creatively imagined and perhaps come close to what that person feels, but completely miss the reason why and the exact issue in the whole event. did girl-chan really leave because of the word? or perhaps just because of the whole behaviour in general. is it in fact the person who was shouting bitch that caused them to leave, or is it just a convenient cover for the thing they really had an issue with? etc

I know people who don't find issue with the abusive language itself, but rather that nobody else in the area is saying anything about it. you can also hear a specific word and feel uncomfortable and not know why, then just conveniently say it is the words fault you feel like that. so while the trigger words are the same for them, just asking the foulmouthed one to be more polite doesn't solve the issue that is really at hand.

the scenario is just a really troubling one with the hypothetical of "would you do X around Y because of Z?"

 

Unless she actually is a child I wouldn't really care regardless. Terrible for her and all but no reason why I should want to play with her again.

 

I’m really curious, but if the scenario were tweaked —

Let’s suppose MC was saying offensive profanities about religions.

— and consequently everyone who was religious felt insulted, would you feel different?

I’m just curious if there’s a certain aspect of language that you would care about or personally be offended by?

 

I have different swearing tier near different people. Practically nonexistent with the upper generation or stranger, mild with little ones, basically sailor with my sister and gaming squad. That's just common courtesy.

 

Even if I was offended I wouldn't be triggered to the point that I quit mid match without saying anything. I've had people start cursing at me specifically in a game and pretty much just mute them if they get too annoying. I don't see myself being so upset by something someone says that I can't control myself and have to turn the game off immediately.

Edit: Wait. If they start naming off information about me then that would probably cause me to do so. Like "this is your address and I'm gonna come put a bullet in you." Then I'm gonna be triggered.

 

??? I do swear a lot, not gonna lie. But when it comes to to playing game, I rarely say anything other than the important stuffs. Like the position of the enemy, who's low, who's rampaging, how's the best way to deal with them. Playing game is one of the rare moments where I'm very calm despite no matter how intense it is. No matter how bad the game was, I don't swear at all. With that kind of attitude, you'll never git gud. Especially when you're dominating a game, never ever get too excited or else you'll overextend and will likely lose. When you're losing, group up, come up with new strategies, swearing not gonna help.

 

typically, most gamers don't even speak at all. you can see it in games like CoD even a few years ago, the cliche 12yr old American cussing into the comms stopped happening, and it became utter radio silence unless you had a preformed team for competitive matches which never saw member swaps.

so the hypothetical scenario is already specific towards those who talk to begin with, against a girl-chan who sort of represents the silent gamers, in that leaving will be done with no specific notice or cue and then an excuse can be passed along via messaging or a later convo.

as for swearing. it has no correlation to player ability, or the players growth pattern. some top players can be utterly silent just as they can also be complete potty mouths. the cussing doesn't even need to occur when they are losing, so that argument isn't valid either.

 

Argument? My reply is not open for debate. Chill, I'm here not to discuss stuffs. So you can stop pretending to be all-knowing. People never talk unless it's a preformed team in competitive? I can see that you don't have that much of an experience playing game or maybe you're hardstuck at low rank.

Swearing don't affect your performance? I have so many experiences in comps that my team lose a match that could have been won if they're cool instead of trying to trash the enemy.

Ah yes the pro players, do you think they win all of their matches? They win and lose just like any of us. In video games, mechanical skills are what set you apart from other people, your ability to judge is what push you even further. Mechanical skills have a limit, once you have mastered it, you can't get any better. Now it's up for your situational awareness and calm judgement of the situation during playing the game to push you up the ladder. Decision making is very important, do you think you can make correct judgment while cursing like an idiot? It's the same whether it's FPS or MOBA.

 

LOL

"Chill" and "stop pretending to be all-knowing". definitely find it funny that my talking from experience has you supporting my beliefs that running your mouth off has nothing to do with competency. cause I highly doubt you are being emotional right now yet you are still acting in such a childish manner. did I perhaps "trigger" you? cause you were awfully fast to launch a personal attack. opening lines no less.

in video games, mechanical skill is what allows you to play period, while your ability to plan and process is what sets you apart from the "riffraff". you can have the best mechanical skills in the match but if your ability to think sucks, you will perform accordingly. you seem to deny the existence of people whose mental state is detached from what they display to others. judgement will be impaired from being emotional yes, but just from cussing? no. you seem to imply that somebody cussing means they have to be emotional and distracted.

so sure, you should "chill" and "stop pretending to be all-knowing". I agree with you there. you are very good at linking across statements to form your own conclusions, just don't waste my time putting it in a ridiculous response.

 

It also depends on part of the world and upbringing. In very conservative parts of the world, talking like how you would in the Bronx is a sure cure for someone ordering you knifed. When you play on an international stage, it is very important to remember this. Culture clashes can and have gotten people killed before.

I'll be honest and say that if the words that were reportedly said were said in a game I was in, I would have walked out too. I've seen someone pick up a baseball bat in an internet cafe once to go look for someone who took it too far, so no, it is not all potty mouth fun and games if someone's skull gets shoved into his brain.

I once did a Dale Carnagie course on speaking and one thing I was told there was "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can kill.". And insults are one set of words that can cause people to get aggressive very quickly.

 

I really have no idea why you get all defensive and then repeat what I said.

Who's putting a ridiculous response now?

 

I pretty much never swear, so whatever triggered the person was just some random word I use often... In this case it's probably a big issue to the person, because it is definitely a random word.

So sure, I don't mind policing myself to avoid "Random word A" around a person that has an issue with it, it can't be that hard~

 

Eh, I would just tell A-kun to go fuck himself.

 

Part of my response is going to be written the way I normally talk, sorry for sensitive eyes

In my day to day, when speaking with friends and family 70% of my vocab is cussing, is this good? Probably not. But it is what it is. Now do I have a problem watching my language around children and other impressionable one's, not at all.

But first and fucking foremost if you are someone who is uncomfortable with "R rated" words and prefer the chat to be "PG", you say that shit upfront. You are an adult and I have no problem with you if you would rather not be around that language, but instead of bitching out in the middle of the fucking game because " you didn't like their language cuss it triggers you" (speak that with the highest voice you can imagine) then fuck you. You're going to fucking hear worse shit playing fucking video games then a bitch or fuck here and there.

No I wouldn't want to play with this person because next time it will be some other trigger that will cause them to quit.

If you don't like the Rated R stuff, you be an adult and let everyone know ahead of time, I would be willing to be more sensitive if I knew better beforehand but if you're going to throw a tantrum
Like a child, I don't want to play with you.

I'm not psychic and I can't read minds. Tell the group of strangers you're playing with that shit makes you uncomfortable and I will police myself because I'm not a complete asshole.

Throw a tantrum after the fact and more or less rage quit because I didn't know you didn't like those kinds of words and you didn't say anything then I WILL be a complete asshole.

Be respectful and respect will be shown in return, be an ass and an ass will be shown to you instead

 

While my response was written without this knowledge, I still stand by it, if you have trauma associated with language like this and you are on an online game, first, why? That's like asking for Vietnam flashbacks. Second, be an adult and at the beginning of a session with random strangers or friends of friends, TELL US THIS SHIT!!!?!?! I will absolutely police myself if it's a problem for you,(I do so with middling success online) even if it's not associated with trauma, but I HAVE TO KNOW THIS AHEAD OF TIME. it's not like children who I am 99% reasonably sure haven't, don't, and shouldn't hear that kind of language. You are an adult and I am going to assume because you play online games you have been reasonably exposed to trash talk and cussing.

Please for your mental safety and mine, tell us before I go into a thirteen-page dialogue about how much of a fuck-up cunt boy tree stump looking mother fucker this assclown with the shotgun is

 

Swearing only happens a) in surprising, usually traffic, situations b) when I'm by myself or c) I am ridiculously upset. Don't really like cussing around others for some reason. It also makes the words hit harder when you do say em if you don't say em often. When typing swear words they're usually self-censored, or I use substitute words like schnitzel, so not much interesting there.

I know how it feels to be unexpectedly triggered by something when you feel like you should be perfectly fine with it, so I sympathize with A-kun's friend and wouldn't hold it against them. Once A-kun's friend became aware of the trigger, I would hope they would notify other parties beforehand because, as others have mentioned, they can't expect us to somehow magically know if they don't tell us.

 

Hmmm I don’t game online and I don’t think I ever will because I suck at collaborating with strategies. Viva solo Jrpgs!!!

But lemme take this to irl situations I’ve been. I had one coworker who would swear to death when things got heated up and stressed at the job. Did the swearing bother me? No. His attitude bothered me. All he did was vent his frustration and it wasn’t even helping him get the job done. Again, same job, one senior also had similar response. But instead of swearing, he would get defensive and shout at everyone else why they weren’t helping him out and start to do a lot of mistakes and be visibly stressed. But he didn’t swear because he was “polite”. Both of them brought equal levels of stress and frustration to me. In both cases, I spoke directly to them and asked to tone it down otherwise it would make our work environment unsustainable. Discuss, find out what’s causing the problem, go on with our lives.

So, IMO, the main issue would be if the “game”, “job”, etc was affected by it.

If person B has a problem, and needed to step down, they must be able to talk about it directly after. They affected the overall performance/environment so they need to take responsibility for it. If they can’t even see that this is a problem that affected others and only take a defensive position, then I don’t care about it either. A-kun trying to put the blame solely on my side would obviously TRIGGER me. Because of that if I must work/play/interact with them again I will do what’s necessary but don’t expect me to like it. It’s not that hard but it’s definitely not pleasant either so at most I would try to cut off interactions with that person as much as I can.

 

Somehow I missed this part,
Edit:as I wrote I got heated so avert thine sensitive eyes.

Dear A-kun are you not my friend?

Spoiler: I kinda went off on a tangent and a rant

Do you not know me? Why didn't you warn this poor girl about my language or the groups language?
Are you a fucking imbecile? If you made it into my ever-shrinking friend circle then you ABSOLUTELY know the way I talk when I am heated.(kinda like this topic of being forced to police myself has made me a heated). Why wouldn't you have warned me in the first place? If you didn't know, then maybe you don't know this girl as well as you thought you did and we should probably have a pow-wow about what's going on in your life. Are you Ok? Have you been living under a fuckng rock? Should I get your thick fucking skull checked to see if your dumbass brain is still inside?

You are inviting HER to join OUR fucking group you massive pile of scabies. Why in the flying fucking Nine hells would I fucking mute myself you absolute garbage pile? If it's a Fucking trauma for the girl fine I'll shut my fucking cakehole, she could just fucking mute my stupid ass but what the fuck ever, if it'll please your fucking highness then Fine. But remember this, you, not her, YOU are on my shitlist. Till the day I die, you will be on the list of people I will remember and hate quietly forever. FOR! EV! VER!

Shitlist excerpts(in no particular order):

1.That dude who cut me off three years ago and then after I gave him the "what are you doing?" Shoulder shrug, he flips ME the bird like it was my fucking fault he cut me off.

2.The kid in third grade fucking like 25-30 years ago who pulled the fire alarm and told the teachers I did it and I lost recess privileges for a week(I didn't forget you, John Sinclair)

3.The kid in gym class during 8th grade who kicked me out of my seat and tried to jump me with his boys after class cuss I played his "little joke" off like it was nothing


4.The fucking woman, who came into the office depot I worked in at the time, made me, the fucking tech employee, help show her around the furniture section, then helped her to choose the best and sturdiest 7 piece desk setup we had in store, THEN I had to go into fucking top stock with a broken ladder,

get down the fucking Oakwood desk in it's entirety, take it to the fucking front, get NO FUCKING COMMISSION BECAUSE THE CUNT ON REGISTER STOLE THAT SHIT OUT FROM UNDER ME EVEN THOUGH I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE AND TOLD THEM MY FUCKING EMPLOYEE NUMBER FOR IT(CLAIRE YOU'RE ON THE FUCKING LIST TOOO)
WHEEL IT OUT TO HER TINY FUCKING SUV, LOAD IT IN BEING "ever so gentle so I didn't harm her husbands car"

AFTER ALL THAT WORK SHE SAYS "do you take tips?" "No ma'am that's against store policy and I didn't mind helping you out to your car, this stuff is really heavy. Better make sure you've got help to get it out" YOU FUCKING INSISTED I TAKE YOURE CUNTING TIP FROM YOU SO I DID, I DIDNT EVEN LOOK AT IT BECAUSE THAT'S JUST RUDE, GET BACK TO THE STORE, TAKE OUT THE MONEY(IT VAGUELY LOOKS LIKE A TWENTY OR FIFTY BUT ANY AMOUNT WORKED CUSS I WASNT EXPECTING A FUCKING TIP I THE FIRST PLACE), LOOK AT IT, AND LO AND BEHOLD!?!?! WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME?

A ONE? A TEN, MAYBE EVEN A TWENTY?! NO YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING FAKE CNOTE WITH FUCKING RELIGOUS BULLSHIT ON IT THAT IF YOU FOLD THE BILL IT TELLS YOU THE EVILS OF GREED AND OTHER BULLSHIT. FUCK YOU YOU DUMB BITCH I DIDN'T WANT YOUR TIP AND I TOLD YOU NO. WHY ARE YOU GOING TO PUSH LIES ON ME, CUNT BECAUSE OF YOU I'M DENOUNCING RELIGION FROM NOW ON?!?!

And I'll have you know bitch I walked right over to the printing counter and had that fuckng filthy lie laminated and I still own it! And whenever people try to push religion or God on me I pull it out and tell them a story.

5.Trevonn Rice you basic bitch mother fucker, I still haven't lost the scar you put on my fucking arm when you jumped me with that knife because I didn't bow down to the fucking quarterback of the high school.

AND THE 17 OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE ME PARTICULARLY DIRTY OVER THE YEARS BUT I DONT HAVE THE HAND STRENGTH TO KEEP TYPING ON MY PHONE.

A-KUN YOU ARE ON THIS LIST! CONGRATULATIONS ILL NEVER FORGET YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS ON THIS EARTH.

edited some spelling and stuff because I wrote this all on my phone and it looked hard to read.

 

i think the standard, common swears (like bitch) are just not an issue that if you get "triggered" by it, chances are you're either a special snowflake or you have serious issues that should be sorted out before going into a realm where swearing is common.

"higher level" swearing, i think, is very dependent on who you are talking to.