How many faps out of ten was my first in depth sex scene? [R18]

I don't write sexual content at all so I'm not sure how good it is so any critique would be helpful.


WARNING: NSFW CONTENT/R18/

Spoiler

At the very peak of the largest mountain was a familiar building.

It's foundation melded seamlessly into divine stone as if it had been since the beginning. It was Ariel's grand palace.

"Mmm.. ah.. ah.." From within one of the many rooms in the palace, a soft moaning could be heard.

The origin, a woman's voice was unspeakably beautiful and haunting, one which put greatest songstress's to shame.

Inside the room, it was dark. The only light was a dim blue star hovering near the ceiling. The room was fragrant with smell of sweat and an indistinguishable floral scent.

On a large bed in the middle of the room were two naked women on the velvet sheets.

Lain looked at Ariel who knelt before her with an expression twisted in pleasure. Her hand gently caressing Ariel's long satiny platinum blonde hair.

Above Lain's hairless slit where her clitoris should be, sprouted a long thick male member. It was hard as steel and filled with veins that pulsed vigorously.

Ariel looked into Lain's eyes with a misty gaze as she traced her soft tongue along the rigid rod.

Lain moaned as Ariel arrived at the tip which disappeared into Ariel's succulent lips.

"Ahhn!"

A vacuum suction came from Ariel's mouth as she bobbed her head up and down, her tongue elegantly gliding around the glands in a circular motion.

Unable to help herself, Lain's hips started to move forward with a gentle motion. Her hands firmly locking Ariel's head in place as she thrust into her throat.

"Suck.. harder!" Lain demanded with a fervent expression that was drowning in ecstasy.

Ariel eyes curved into crescents as she constricted her throat crushing the invading rod and with a single breath her cheeks suctioned.

Lain thrust harder and harder as a feeling of inevitable release swelled from her member.

She held the back of Ariel's head and stared into her shining golden eyes, with a final thrust her long rod sunk into her throat right down to the base. In response, Ariel clasped Lain's springy bottom with her fingers sinking into each cheek.

"AH! AHHN!"

Lain felt her glands opening wide as a thick viscous liquid shot forth from her urethra, her eyes glazing over as she watched Ariel's throat suck down her fluids.

Her ejaculation was so long that it was as if she were peeing but Ariel didn't mind as she continued to greedily lap up Lain's seed with glee in her amorous eyes.

With her rod leaving Ariel's mouth, Lain collapsed onto the soft, sweat drenched sheets with a satisfied smile.

"My turn hubby.. " Ariel said coquettishly.

"N-no darling, please I'm burnt out." Lain pleaded with her beautiful obsidian eyes.

Ariel put her finger on Lain's lips silencing her. She mounted Lain who's member was still hard and ready for battle. As her thick, curvy thighs dropped down, the rod passed through the thin blonde hairs covering her moist hole piercing deep into it.

"Mmm ahh.." A sensitive moan escaped Ariel's mouth as she lifted up hips up and dropped down with a loud clapping noise, the motion continued as her bountiful ass slapped into Lain's strong thighs repeatedly.

With her protests snuffed out by the tight crevice, Lain gave into the pleasure as she kneaded Ariel's monstrous breasts that far exceeded the size of her hand. They were soft as a cushion as her fingers just seem to disappear with in them.

Ariel's hips thrust up and down as sweat dripped from her glistening body coating Lain beneath her.

Sitting up, Lain nibbled on Ariel's pink nipples causing her to moan.

"Hubby.. be gentle with them.. " Ariel said softly as she felt Lain's tongue swirl around her sensitive erect nipples.

Lain sucked the nipple gently eventually causing milk to flow out. It was sweeter than anything she had ever eaten, so sweet that she might become addicted to it. It seemed to turn her on even more as she moved her hips in unison with Ariel causing the pleasure to increase.

The duo had entered the final stretch as Ariel wrapped her powerful legs around Lain's waist, rocking back and forth eagerly awaiting the arrival of Lain's seed. Like two stars meeting two moons, her gigantic breasts pushed up against lain's modest chest threatening to swallow them whole.

With a rising feeling in her loins, Lain held Ariel tightly as she kissed her deeply. Her tongue wrapping around Ariel's like a snake.

*Splurt!*

The two shivered as an immense gush of Lain's seed flooded Ariel's womb.

"AHH! HUBBY!" Ariel's lips separated from Lain's as she screamed in climax, her voice like a heavenly melody, both angelic like a pure untainted angel and succulent and mature like a hungry succubus. The orgasm was so strong Ariel's tongue stuck out into the air as her majestic body twitched and her headwings fluttered.

The two sank into the bed with expressions of bliss.

Lain laid her head on Ariel's supple, pillow like breasts. As she traced her finger around the pink nipple,she smiled while gazing into those dreamy golden eyes.

"Thank you my darling, I really needed that." Lain sighed in contentment.

Ariel giggled as she stroked Lain's chestnut hair. "No problem hubby, you've looked pretty stressed recently."

With a curious look she asked. "What's been troubling you?"

Lain rubbed her forehead in frustration. "My ultimate calculator finally deduced the 6th method to becoming one of the 7 and it's a real pain!"

"Just thinking about is giving me a headache." Lain whined helplessly.

"Oh? What could have my powerful hubby so stumped?"

"Nothing much, I just need to wait for a being to swallow a multiverse. Actually there are already a few candidates but.. at the rate they're going, it's going to take a very long time. What really irks me is that I can't interfere or give them a boost, it has to happen naturally." Lain replied with a sullen tone.

Ariel covered her mouth as a laugh escaped. "Aw my cute hubby has nothing to do now right?"

In response to Ariel's little tease, Lain flicked her nipple causing her breast to ripple like the waves of the sea.

"Ahn, bad hubby!" Ariel scolded with a startled expression.

Lain twirled Ariel's long hair around her fingers as she remarked. "Now that you mention it I am free for the moment. Maybe I'll check up on that universe I created years ago."

"That's surprising, I didn't think you of all people would make one." Ariel chuckled.

"There was a time when I was new to all this you know, like you I created my own little universe. I had more people in it though, yours is pretty barren haha." Lain perky breasts shook as she laughed.

"Humph! I was about to create some more races when you suddenly appeared out of nowhere demanding my body!" Ariel felt something poke her thigh after she said that. Looking down, she saw that Lain was once again erect.

With an embarrassed smile, Lain whispered. "Darling, how about another round?"

Ariel rolled her eyes and sighed helplessly. "Fine, but then you need to go! Otherwise I'll never complete the finishing touches on my four heavens."

Lain kissed Ariel as she remarked. "Prepare yourself darling."

"I'm gonna wring you dry!" Ariel kissed Lain back fiercely.

The two giggled before tumbling through the sheets once again, a new battle had begun!

 

0 faps... but I'll give it 10 barfs.

 

It only goes up to 9! 1 for readability.

 

...you know, this is the reason why i stopped myself from even writing, not only does i fuck up the first monster battle aka crybaby session, I also cannot properly write an awkward sex scene as my MC is sexually illiterate.

Thank you for further confirm that writing is not my strong forte, nothing is.

...I wish I can bring back the 18 yo me who wrote a short bondage gay scene.... it was so well done that all my friends fled and forced me to completely destroy the manuscript...

 

Congratulations. As someone who loathe futa, you successfully baited me.

9/10. Not my proudest rating, but the work must be done.

 

My lil' bro said he'd give 9 out of 69.

 

Not a bad story. It has potential.
Not my genre. Also I’m more of a quick release or moderate one. Not a long run one, unless the story is incredible. To much build up. To many surprises. I like knowing something coming. It’s like a tease. I have more anticipation and even a little eagerness on it happening. Than the climax. Surprises just throw off my grove. As to the fantasy thing. It sounds to complicated. I like it simple. If I have to think. That just ruins the mood. As for the sex. It ends to quick. I don’t mean they have to keep going non stop, but I don’t like stories they get you up and drop you like a heart attack. The stories I like are quick, but still detailed. Description of characters would help before the action. In the beginning there should be several intriguing possibilities. Not a wam bam thank you mam. I story should start like this. Start with one sexual encounter, but don’t drop it right after. Lead to another sexual encounter. I guess a short interlude is ok, but I wouldn’t. After the third encounter than maybe a pause. Also their should be a little conflict of some sort in the beginning. Otherwise it’s just to easy. What’s the fun in a game if it’s to easy. Like a modest character with lots of shyness being convinced by a sexual charged lead. I mean having married couple having sex. Is pretty basic and not at all interesting. The fantasy part is interesting, but I prefer more hints of other possible encounters. Even before the sex starts.
At least that’s what I think. I hope this helps.

 

Thanks for that awesome critique but this is just a small part of my eighth chapter.

 

How you do feel when you know that some of us here faps to your writing? Just curious.

 

I'm flattered, If my writing can pitch a few tents and soil a few panties I'm doing something right lol

 

I'm just gonna add my novel's sex scenes here for anyone interested ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YURI SCENE: Context- Ariel is cucking the yun che parody in my novel by taking away his little aunt. Yun che, under the effects of a lethal aphrodisiac has his desires satiated by his paternal aunt who is unfathomably ugly.
Appearances-

Spoiler

Ariel/AKA/MC:

Spoiler

~The woman had legs that were long and grew curvaceous at the thighs, a willowy waist, perfectly shapely rear along with velvety fair skin showing no imperfections. Her bosom was truly grand, voluptuous and perky. Mount Everest would have to bow his head in shame for his peaks could never reach the heights of this woman's chest.

Long silky blonde hair that was bordering gold with a few specs of white flowed down her back to her feet. Her face was the very picture of the most beautiful of angels, holy and sacred. Her nose was elegant and straight, jawline perfect as if it were sculpted by Michelangelo himself and her lips were soft and rosy, the upper lip a little pouty and the lower lip succulent and sweet. Her eyebrows curved gracefully like 2 white phoenixes soaring through the skies.

Upon her head was a crown of golden light that shimmered like the stars in the sky adorned with many jewels that shone with a supernatural radiance, within supreme jewels were what looked to be tiny universes. Two white feathered wings sprouted from the her head and they spread wide like a proud peacock, they flapped in a cute manner.~

Yun Lee/AKA/Yun Che:

Spoiler

~His new body was pale and slim, with the looks of a porcelain doll.~

Yun Lingxi/AKA/Little aunt:

Spoiler

~The little girl had long shiny black hair that stopped at her waist, soft features and cherry red lips; her charming brown eyes were full of innocence. Her young body was like a budding teen with a slender shape and large bottom, her bosom had yet to fill out but it was quite decently sized for her age.~

Yun Zhulin/AKA/Yun Lee's ugly as sin paternal aunt:

Spoiler

~A chubby woman with fat in all the wrong places waltzed over towards him with loud steps, the luxurious robe covering her body was too tight making various areas on her body want to break free from restraint.~

~She had looks that would make the most valiant of men turn away in fear with her crooked nose, beady eyes and large, hairy mole on the right side of her cheek.~

SEX SCENE

Spoiler

A red vial flew toward Ariel and Yun Lingxi.

"Big Aunt! Watch out!" Suddenly from a nearby treeline, Yun Lee appeared!

In just a few steps, he had already found himself barreling towards the two women. He managed to get to Ariel and Yun Lingxi in time, just before the red vial. Although he had already noticed the shocking beauty that Ariel radiated; he had no time at all to think about such things.

"I will save them no matter what!" He thought firmly in his mind.

Yun Lee's hands landed on both Ariel and Yun Lingxi's shoulders but to his surprise, only Yun Lingxi was pushed out of the way. The other strange woman with golden hair was like a firm mountain, an immovable object!

Caught off guard and no longer having the momentum to get out of the way in time, the red vial hit him and shattered. Red mist exploded forth covering a distance of 3 meters, both Yun Lee and Ariel were engulfed by it.

Stepping out from the treeline, Yun Yulong showed a baffled expression as he looked at the red cloud and then at Yun Lingxi who was outside of it. "Did I miss?"

His two goons came out from the trees, causing them to rustle. Standing behind him, they too had puzzled expressions.

As the trio were looking at the red mist with various thoughts flashing in their minds, a human figure came dashing out of the mist at speeds their eyes could not keep up with.

They had no time at all to react before Yun Yulong and his subordinates had their heads separated from their bodies, horror flashed in their eyes as they spent their brief flight time watching their headless bodies fall to the ground. The last thought that ran through Yun Yulong's mind as he caught a glimpse of the reaper of their lives was. "YUN LEE! HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE!"

Yun Lee collapsed onto the ground, his body was heating up as his skin turned a shade of red. "Shit! How could the Ground Poison Sphere be ineffective?!" He cursed in his mind.

"The creator of the Ground Poison Sphere was a real weirdo, he made up strange excuses saying that if he made it so the Sphere could cure aphrodisiacs; the chosen one would no longer gain access to the damp caverns." Yasmine remarked with a hint of confusion.

"Ahhhh!!"

Yun Lee cried out in pain as he slammed the ground, his veiny fists causing the hardened ground to explode into a small crater surrounding him for several feet.

Hearing Yun Lee's agonized shouts, Yun Lingxi jumped up and ran towards him. Immense worry could be seen flickering in her eyes.

"Yun Lee!" As her frightened voice left her mouth, tears began well up in her eyes.

"S-s-stay back!" Yun Lee held out his hand forming a small barrier in front of Yun Lingxi, he felt an endless heat welling up from his loins. His member had long turned to stone as it threatened to tear itself from his pants.

"Yun Lee...you must have sex otherwise you'll die! I don't know how that brat got his hands on it, but that aphrodisiac is from a lust dragon and it's extremely potent to both males and females! You need the vital yin from a woman to calm down the poison." Yasmine advised.

Yun Lee shook his head in disagreement. "No, I won't! No matter what!"

"Look Yun Lee, your Big Aunt is before you. You've been friends since childhood and it's clear that she harbors feelings for you, this is your chance! The moment you take her vital yin, your cultivation will soar!"

Seeing that Yun Lee continued to adamantly refuse, Yasmine looked towards Yun Lingxi who was banging worriedly on the barrier.

"Yun Lingxi, Yun Lee is suffering from a lethal poison. If he doesn't have sexual relations soon, he will die...you're his only hope!" Yun Lingxi heard a mysterious female voice resound in her mind, she now understood why Yun Lee put up the barrier.

Looking at his painful expression her heart melted. "If I can help him...I'll do anything!" Her eyes shone with determination.

Yun Lingxi put her hand on the barrier as she stared deeply into Yun Lee's eyes, there was endless warmth bursting from them. "Yun Lee..It's okay, my body...I'll give it to you!"

The moment Yun Lee heard that something within his mind snapped, all reason left him as he pounced towards Yun Lingxi like bull in heat!

Before he could lay his hands upon the delicious meal which would satiate his overflowing desires, the golden haired woman appeared beside Yun Lingxi and held her in an embrace.

He was stopped and held in mid air by some invisible force.

"Oh...that red cloud really put me in the mood...Little girl, you're going to accompany me." Ariel said in seductive voice so enchanting that it made Yun Lee's member increase in size shredding the front of his silk pants.

Although Ariel's heavenly voice nearly put her in a daze, Yun Lingxi managed snap out of it and whimper weakly. "But Yun Lee.. I need to help him.."

"This one?" Ariel pointed to the growling Yun Lee who had saliva dripping from his mouth.

Yun Lingxi nodded her head weakly, she felt limp and comfortable in the embrace of this foreign woman.

Ariel looked towards the Yun Lee.

Yasmine was panicking right now, although she had scanned the two strange women with her divine sense before, she didn't sense anything so she didn't bother with them. But as it turned out, they were unfathomable experts that far surpassed her current perception. Even with her vast knowledge, she couldn't tell what power was holding Yun Lee in place and it frightened her.

As Ariel glanced at Yun Lee, amusement flickered in her eyes as she smiled widely. She had discovered something interesting!

Ariel waved her hand and a rather familiar chubby woman appeared who had a mystified expression as she glanced at the surroundings curiously.

"Where am I?" Yun Zhulin asked with her overly sweet voice that became unpleasant on the ears, the day had been hot and the those cursed Elders had her running doing many tasks resulting in her rather unbecoming, sweaty appearance.

As she looked around, she spotted Yun Lee, Yun Lingxi and two strangers...she also caught a glimpse of three headless bodies! "Just what is going here!?" Yun Zhulin thought in her baffled mind.

Ariel's voice resounded in Yun Zhulin's mind. "Yun Lee has been afflicted with the poison of a lust dragon and he needs your special.. care.. I think you know to do, right?"

All of her unimportant questions disappeared into a puff of smoke. Yun Zhulin's eyes sparkled as her breathing became heavy, her mammoth, out of proportion breasts heaved up and down.

"I know what to do.. " She mumbled as she stared lasciviously at Yun Lee's exposed member, she felt a wetness in her lower region which she hadn't felt since she sniffed his underwear a few years ago.

Yun Lee was released from his restraint as he landed before Yun Zhulin.

Yun Zhulin took off her robe revealing her bare body to the world. A nearby flying beast, a spiritual vulture who was eyeing up the three headless bodies below smashed into a nearby tree as it caught sight of the hideous naked form of Yun Zhulin!

"Come to Auntie...Little Lee.. " Yun Zhulin said in a coy voice.

Yun Lee gave a beastly roar before he pounced towards the chubby woman before him. He pushed her down and sunk his rock hard member into her dark moist valley, the sweaty stench coming from her body only seemed to arouse his base instincts.

"OH!OH!OOOHH!! LITTLE LEE!! YOU'RE SOO BIG!!" Yun Zhulin moaned as she was ravaged by the animal-like Yun Lee who grunted and groaned in pleasure as he felt the wet folds wrap around and strangle his rod. "YES, SUCK ON MY BREASTS JUST LIKE THAT! AHHH!!"

...

Away from the eye bleeding sight, Ariel and Yun Lingxi were laying comfortably on a large soft king sized bed, the sunlight shining off their nude bodies. With a beautiful crystal clear lake, tall snow capped mountains in the distance and the various lush trees which surrounded the area as their scenery; the two began to engage in some intimate matters.

"Please..stop..ahn." Yun Lingxi gave out a meek moan full of pleasure.

Ariel was kissing Yun Lingxi's neck as she gently teased and pulled the little girl's hardened nipples. From Ariel's caresses, Yun Lingxi felt as intense tingling sensation coming from her cute pink nips which caused her skin shiver.

"You're such a cutie, come I'll teach you how to kiss.. " Ariel moved her sexy lips towards Yun Lingxi's.

Yun Lingxi was about to protest but her lips were immediately sealed.

"Mmmmm-"

Yun Lingxi felt Ariel's hot fragrant breath combine with her own and then a soft, wet tongue coiled around hers. The saliva flowing from Ariels mouth was sweeter than the desserts served at Levitating Cloud's top restaurant!

Her own tongue attempted to escape but it was fruitless, Ariel's was long nimble as it latched on and pulled her tongue into Ariel's own mouth.

The moment Yun Linxi's tongue entered Ariels mouth, it was vigorously sucked as Ariel's succulent lips wrapped around Yun Lingxi's petite tongue.

While she was distracted with the tongue battle, Ariel's hand had slid from her breasts, to her belly button; to her slit which just had begun to grow a little bush.

Two long fingers traced Yun Lingxi's labia, with gentle but intentional rubs on her sensitive clitoris. A cloudy liquid began to flow from her entrance, coating Ariel's hand thoroughly.

Ariel's colossal breasts engulfed Yun Lingxi's own, their nipples rubbing against each other rhythmically with their bodies movements.

"AHN! AHHN!" Even though her little tongue was being firmly locked down by Ariel's lips, muffled moans still managed to leak from her mouth as she felt an intense pressure building inside her, like an electric current that danced along her folds.

Ariel's fingers continued to tease Yun Lingxi's lower lips as she now had began to gently flick her erect pearl, sending shocks of pleasure running through her body.

The teasing of both areas, mouth and the labia below increased as time went on. Ariel was now back to sucking deeply on Yun Lingxi's pouty lips like she was trying to smother the little girl under her assault.

Pleasure had building deep within Yun Lingxi, a pulsating feeling that caused her body to shake and tremble. She felt her thighs quivering, her body began to heat up as her skin flushed with a light sweat.

The feeling accumulated until it reached a pinnacle, a stopping point; she was now at the edge of a cliff, all it would take was a single push to cross that final line and then bliss would overwhelm her.

But it didn't come, Ariel continued to tease her and keep her on the edge. It was maddening for Yun Lingxi!

She couldn't take it anymore!

Yun Lingxi looked deeply into Ariel's golden eyes with a pleading, begging expression. She wanted release!

Ariel seemed pleased with Yun Lingxi's reaction as she sucked hard on her tongue and then plunged her two long fingers deep into the little girl's flooding honypot tearing through her hymen and accurately striking the G-spot just beyond!

*Boom!*

An all encompassing eruption of pleasure burst forth from within Yun Lingxi's moist depths as her essence squirted outwards like a geyser!

"AAAAHHHHNNNNNN!!!"

A loud moan that was bordering a scream escaped Yun Lingxi's mouth as her back arched upwards, pushing against Ariel's pillowy breasts which rested upon her chest.

Her eyes rolled backwards as she sunk into an abyss of pleasure aftershocks, her body giving out faint twitches before finally sinking back into the soft bed mattress.

An immense feeling of contentment and calm washed over Yun Lingxi which made her feel sleepy, she looked towards Ariel with half closed eyes and a wide smile.

Ariel brought her two fingers which were now covered in a maiden's blood out from Yun Lingxi's entrance.

She smiled at the little girl, satisfaction glowing in her eyes. "I took your first time...do you regret it?"

Yun Lingxi shook her head with a glazed look in her eyes, a deep love for Ariel could be seen brewing within. She shyly replied. "I don't... is that strange?"

Ariel chuckled as she kissed Yun Lingxi's lips. "Not at all little girl, not at all.." She sat up from the bed as her signature robe covered her body.

Yun Lingxi quickly held Ariel's hand, with a look of unwillingness she asked. "Will.. I ever see you again?"

MOTHER SON SEX SCENE: Context- Ariel created an incarnation called Qin Tian who she and her maid Rong Xiaoman often control via incarnation controller. 8 years have passed since the incarnation's birth and Ariel's maid Rong Xiaoman has had a great, fun time controlling the incarnation. One night Rong Xiaoman notices a strange phenomenon called a boner. As she is a female and has no experience at all having a male genitalia apart from urination, she panics.

Ariel quickly takes control of the incarnation and with interest in her eyes, she wants to test the boner it out. Her target? The mother of her incarnation, Qin Ruyan.

Appearances-

Spoiler

Qin Ruyan/AKA/Incarnation's mother:

Spoiler

~The woman in front had a divine, mature appearance. Long silky obsidian hair that cascaded down her back and ended at her plump round bottom, curvy hips that swayed mesmerizingly as she walked; spotless jade skin and a perfectly shaped, mountainous bosom that her loose long sleeved satin dress struggled to keep restrained. Her face was a soft oval shape with a defined jaw and luscious red lips. Her nose was long and straight which fit well with her high cheekbones. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel that had tints of green.

Her appearance was absolutely alluring, so much so that any man who saw her would never be able to keep a calm appearance.

Her temperament was elegant and graceful and expression stern and cold. In her eyes there was a deep wariness as if she had suffered many woes.~

Qin Tian/AKA/Incarnation/Ariel herself:

Spoiler

~He was young around 8 years of age with beautiful long golden hair and shining golden eyes. He had pale skin and soft feminine features.~

~Long glossy golden hair that shimmered in the moonlight came into view and she saw a face so beautiful that it would make angels weep rise from her crotch. His face was childish but seemed to have a hint growing masculinity and his mesmerizing golden eyes shone with a unfathomably deepness.~

SEX SCENE

Spoiler

Looking over she saw Rong Xiaoman squirming, her neck and the lower part of her face which was exposed under the helmet was flushed red.

"Oh? What's happening over there?" Ariel quickly contacted Rong Xiaoman with her mind and received an answer.

"M-Mistress this-this male part has erected! It-It feels weird mistress!"

Ariel's eyes brightened with intense curiosity, she swiftly took the helmet off Rong Xiaoman and pushed her off the comfy recliner chair.

Rong Xiaoman landed on her bottom, her breathing was heavy and her face had flushed with embarrassment.

When Ariel entered the incarnation's body, she noticed that she was in her room laying in her bed.

She felt a throbbing sensation below and it was strange feeling to her, looking under her bed sheets she noticed her silk pants had a tent poking upright.

Ariel curiously reached under her pants and the moment she touched the mysterious rod that sprouted from her body she shivered in pleasure, touching the tip was just like touching her clitoris but less sensitive; but it was wide and large, giving an altogether different but pleasant sensation.

Her eyes shone with interest as she muttered. "Who to test it on?."

...

Qin Ruyan laid comfortably on her large bed, the only light that lit her bedroom was the soft glow from the moonlight that shone through her window.

Her body was covered in a silk nightgown that was thin and transparent which barely covered her voluptuous body.

She closed her eyes, her thoughts remained on the information her head attendant had given her a few hours ago.

Her son completed his body tempering in minutes! It filled her with joy knowing her son was such a heavenly talent.

"My little boy...I'm so proud."

As she drifted into deep sleep, dreams of her son growing up to be a peerless cultivator filled her unconscious mind. A smile formed on her lips.

While she was dreaming she began to feel an extremely comfortable sensation from below.

"Ahhn.. " A soft moan left her luscious red lips.

The sensation continued to grow stronger as her dream changed to an old memory of her and her husband making love.

"Husband.. a little more.. yes.. " She mumbled under a heated breath.

The pleasure was growing with every second, it was so intense that her bountiful chest had begun rising and lowing in tandem with the pleasure waves.

This caused her dream to crumble and her conscious mind to slowly awaken.

"Mmmm... what?" As she opened her eyes, she felt a wet, hot slippery thing entering her womanly area. The feeling it was giving made her body shiver in delight.

When she looked down she noticed that something was under her bed sheets, between her crotch. As her mind finally clicked with what was happening, insane anger flared in her eyes as she whispered in a furious voice. "Who dares.. "

She quickly removed the sheet that was covering her body, and when she saw who had intruded upon her bed and violated her while she was sleeping; her heart almost stopped as her eyes opened wide in disbelief.

Long glossy golden hair that shimmered in the moonlight came into view and she saw a face so beautiful that it would make angels weep rise from her crotch. His face was childish but seemed to have a hint growing masculinity and his mesmerizing golden eyes shone with a unfathomably deepness.

It was her own son! The very thought caused her mind to short circuit.

Her son was nude and had his soft red tongue buried deep into her moist hole, his little head bobbed up and down as he stared into her eyes with a soul piercing gaze. It was as if he were staring deep into her soul.

"Ahhhnm."

The waves of pleasure suddenly came back as an almost beast like moan left her lips.

"No-no son please.. don't.. it's wrong.. please.. " She begged her son to stop, her pleading hazel eyes became wet with tears.

Her son didn't listen, in fact he seemed to enjoy her reactions as his little lips curved into a faint smile.

It took all her might to thrust her hand forward and attempt to push her son away but her efforts were futile, he caught her hand easily and massaged it with his little fingers, it made her feel weak and limp; her body felt devoid of any strength.

As she felt the climax nearing, her mind began to slip. She could no longer hold any coherent thought as the primal desire for pleasure overwhelmed her.

He started to move his tongue more vigorously, exploring every inch of her causing Qin Ruyan to moan louder. Her jade hands latched onto her son's head as her slender legs spread wide open.

*Splurt!*

"AHHN!" Qin Ruyan screamed as her back arched upwards, her large breasts shook under her nightgown. Her essence squirted forth from her body and entered her son's mouth, an audible gulping sound came from his throat as he greedily drank not letting a drop escape.

A quivering weakness came from her lower body as flushes of heat rippled across her skin.

Her back slowly dropped as she sunk into the soft bed, she looked at her son with dazed eyes as he removed his tongue from her shivering hole.

As clarity came back to her, questions flooded her mind.

"Why?" She whispered weakly with a shaky voice.

"Lend me your body." Her son said with a tone she recognized, it was the personality that never called her mother.

She watched as he got up from her crotch, kneeling, his naked body was revealed to her. Childish in appearance with a clear definition on his growing muscles, his rod was long, thick and pulsing with ridged veins. Not at all inferior to an adults, clearly his genetics were beyond peerless.

A forbidden desire welled up in Qin Ruyan's soul as she stared vacantly at her naked son, at his large male member. Her nipples erected as goosebumps covered her body. She knew it was immoral to have relations with her son, that it was the most sinful thing she could ever do but the thought grew bigger in her mind.

It was like it had rooted itself so deeply that she could never remove it. She would never be the same again if she took that final step, no longer would she see only her son; she would also see a man.

Unknowingly her eyes had misted over with an alluring gaze, her breathing had become heavy.

Her son gripped her nightgown and ripped it from her body, her curvaceous nude body was revealed in full as it glowed in the moonlight.

He stared at her with his golden eyes as he continued. "Your body, I demand it!"

Qin Ruyan's heart sped up, the insatiable desire that was growing within had reached a bottleneck. All it would take is a single push and she would be lost in it forever.

"C-call me mother." She whispered in a soft voice, the greatest desire in her heart still held strong. It was simple but the only thing she had wished for these recent years.

Her son looked at her amusedly, he smiled as he whispered. "Mother."

Once the word left his mouth, all her thoughts flew away. Something deep within her mind snapped. A warped forbidden desire had overflowed her entire being and taken complete hold of her.

She spread her legs open as she bit her lip, expression was absolutely amorous as her eyes shone with lust. "Come son.. come to me.. " She whispered in a tone full of desire and wanting.

Her son wasted no time at all before he guided his rod to her slit and pierced through with a thrust.

"Ahhm!"

Qin Ruyan felt her wet hole forcefully separated by her son's throbbing hot member. Her folds wrapped tightly around his member in an attempt to crush it.

In the missionary position, he began to shake his hips as he pushed himself into her deep embrace. His thrusts were slow at first but gradually increased in speed.

The bed shook from their movements.

"My son! Ahhn!" Qin Ruyan cried out as he rammed her moist hole repeatedly, he was reaching the deepest parts of her being. His golden eyes glazed as he felt the newfound pleasure.

She wrapped her curvy legs around his small waist and he reacted by gripping her ample bottom and lifting her up, she sat on his knees and moved in rhythm with his thrusts.

Although she was much taller and larger than her son, he lifted her up as if she were as light as a feather.

Looking into his eyes, she kissed her son deeply. Her tongue skillfully sliding into his mouth as their two tongues wrapped around each other.

Obscene sounds resounded throughout the room as she slapped her round and perky bottom onto her son's thighs, his rod gliding along her wet inner depths.

"Ahhan! Ahhn! Faster!"

As the pleasure increased, the mother and son pair became faster with their movements. The sweat which covered their bodies glistened in the light.

The room became thick with their combined scents creating a lewd atmosphere that drove Qin Ruyan and her son into a frenzy of passionate lovemaking.

Each time the head of his rod rubbed against her core, she cried out loudly. It took her son no time at all to locate her G-spot and rub it his member.

As her most sensitive inner spot was stimulated, Qin Ruyan felt her womb descend and tightly suck on the head of her son's member, her climax was near.

"My child! Faster! I'm almost there!" Qin Ruyan sucked her son's lips as her eyes shone with a primal desire.

He flicked her erect buds as he made a final powerful thrust.

"Ahhhhhhh!"

Her legs wrapped tighter around her son as the feeling of climax exploded from her wet slit, liquids gushed forth from her hole like a river as drenched her son's lower body.

Her son buried his head into her bosom as he moaned. "Mother!"

She felt a pulsing from her son's member and then a fluid which shot forth and hit the top of her womb. She was too consumed by pleasure to notice the impossibility of such a thing coming from someone so young.

The two collapsed onto the sweat drenched bed, Qin Ruyan cradled her son in her embrace as he rested his head on her breasts.

She felt strange as she drifted off to a blissful sleep, it was a feeling she couldn't fathom but one thing she did know is that her heart felt content like never before.

...

Morning came, the waking sun shone through the windows illuminating the room. The smell of sex permeated the air.

Qin Ruyan slowly opened her eyes, the memories of last night still buried deeply in her mind.

"To do such a thing.. with my son.." There was no remorse or regret in her eyes, only a faint smile and eagerness in her brilliant hazel eyes.

She sat up and noticed that her son was no where to be found.

"Son?" She looked around curiously for his location but found no trace.

"Big brother, I'm here!" A cute voice sounded from outside.

Qin Ruyan's brows knitted as she got up from the bed, wrapping a robe around her nude body she walked over to the window.

Below, a young girl could be seen waiting. She looked to be around eight years of age had long black hair, her face was exquisite and doll like. She radiated a vivacious aura.

"You came little Ying? Well let's play!" Qin Ruyan saw her son leaving the manor.

Jiang Ying nodded with a smile. "Big brother, lets go play in the park! The black orchids are in bloom, they're sooo pretty!"

Her son patted Jiang Ying's head as he chuckled. "Come on then."

Jiang Ying giggled, the two left the manor grounds and entered the street; leaving Qin Ruyan's sight.

*Crack!*

Qin Ruyan's eyes were bloodshot, a endless jealousy filled her mind. Unknowingly, she had gripped a nearby ornamental vase and crushed it to dust.

"That little slut.. how dare she be so close to my son.. " She mumbled with tone that had a tinge of insanity in it.

Behind her came a knock. The door to her room opened as Qin Chen came in holding a bucket of water and a towel.

"Mistress, I've come with your morning accessories." Qin Chen said before stopping and sniffing the room curiously. "It smells funny in here.. " She muttered as her eyes darted around the room.

"Mistress?" Qin Chen spotted Qin Ruyan standing beside the window, the vase next to her broken.

"Tell me Qin Chen.. who was it that arranged the marriage with that Jiang girl?" Qin Ruyan asked as she stared vacantly out the window.

Qin Chen shivered, the tone of voice coming from Qin Ruyan was full of murderousness. "I-It was y-you M-Mistress." She stuttered in a frightened voice.

"Oh.. That's right.. hehehehehe." Qin Ruyan laughed creepily leaving poor Qin Chen shaking in fear.

 

Honestly 0. I didn't get aroused at all.
Maybe jumping straight to sex scene isn't a very good idea. The way you describe the scene also isn't stimulating enough. Somehow, I am having a hard time imagining the scene as I read.

 

4-5/10

• Lacking moaning, gasping, gritting, gurgling, jiggling, choking.
• Lacking viscous sound effects.
• Lacking physical interaction with surrounding effects.
• Lacking hormonal effects.
• Background description slightly redundant.
• Kinky euphemism is needed, as the scientific terms for their sexual organs fail to arouse imagination.
• Sex talk needs more intimacy, as the word "hubby" just doesn't register as one.
• Lack of facial expressive ecstasy and body outline.
• Their positions could do more shadowing, and should blend with their surroundings.
• Their climax is too soon, so it felt more of a R-17 content than R-18.

 

#1 Don't do vanilla sex scene.
#2 At least make it very rough sex.
#3 Good sex scenes can be SFW.

In general, it's the teasing and the graphic effects that give sex scenes the sexual element.

It's not the sensation or the action but the reactions. "She buckles in her bonds as pleasure flooded her. She helplessly arches her back as she wailed in her gag."