Synopsis I WILL JUDGE THE WORLD!!! New Beginning. ‘What where am I. Did I die, was I reincarnated?’ as these thoughts went through Deus’s mind, he opened his eyes as he lay in bed. Looking at the white ceiling feeling the cool night breeze that whistled in through the ajar window. ‘The last thing I remember was saving that girl from the burning house. Sigh seems I didn’t make it out and somehow my soul got transported to this guy’s body. Well this answers the question where memory is stored.’ Deus bitterly chuckled to himself as he sat up feeling a bit cold, deciding to close the window shut. He realized the body he now occupied, most likely belonged to a wealthy family due to his room being situated at least 4 stories up. His night gown was also made of silk and felt quite comfortable. As he stared out the window the lights of lanterns and lack of asphalt road made him realize that he was probably on another planet. Either that or he went back in time. ‘Let’s sleep.’ Putting of dealing with the situation in the morning, Deus went back to sleep and quickly fell asleep as his most vivid and realistic dream ever, began. “My name is Theo Marshall, heir to the Marshall Kingdom. I am loved and hated by many. I am successful and a failure at the same time. I died because I was poisoned. I was poisoned because I killed. I killed because I had to survived. You my friend, who now due to some miracle has taken my place, I ask of you one thing. Do the things I couldn’t and protect those close to you. I am not a useless person but was quite competent and because of that you may face some difficulties but you were a man of power in your previous life, a reputable man according to your memories, so I have no fear for your future. As you sleep our minds will join and you will receive my memories. So sleep now my friend, from tomorrow you will have a lot to do.” With that being said the voice of the original owner of this body, Theo Marshall faded and Deus entered a deep peaceful sleep as the memories assimilated in his mind. “Young master Theo it is time to awake. Young master Theo you have to go to school hurry and get up.” A rough yet calm voice aroused Deus from his sleep. “Good morning Ron. What time is it.” ‘Ah…’ Deus forgot that the world that he is in right now maybe a very undeveloped one. ‘Would they have clocks in this world?’ “It is now 6 am young master you need to hurry if you are to make it to your exams at 7.” Ron words however cleared his doubts. Suddenly, as if receiving enlightenment from the heavens, Deus’s eyes shone a golden hue for a split second as the memories of the original Theo was fully assimilated in his mind. The world he was in was called Hearth. The governmental hierarchy was structured with the Emperor being the person with the most authority followed by his 4 major Kingdoms who controlled 4 Counts and many smaller affiliated kingdoms. No baron no viscount no marquis. A rather short structure with two of the four major kingdoms being from the royal family, one headed by a beast-man who represented all citizens who weren’t human, and one made up of supreme magic and martial arts users of all races. This was structured as such in order to prevent too much complications from arising. Whilst the royal family has control of two Kingdoms, the head of one is the crowned prince whilst the other controlled by those chosen from the crowned prince. What really surprised Deus though, was the fact that the Emperor was chosen based on ability and not bloodline. The present Emperor must always choose his successor based on ability- how well he manages his Kingdom, character- how the citizens of his Kingdom views him, and ingenuity- how creative and innovative he is. There will never be more than one prince only the crown prince. All citizens are given free entrants to schools from which the most elite will enter the Royal Institute where only the best of the best gather, and it’s from here the crown prince is chosen. The presiding emperor of the Northern Empire is named Herald North a great and merciful emperor who has been going strong for 70 years straight without civil disorder. This empire was the only one without any internal disputes for the past 400 or so years, due to a strict administration of order and law. The Southern Empire and the Western Empire was in alliance with one another due to the fact the emperor of these great powers are longtime friends whilst the Eastern Kingdom managed by the demon race makes spreading the word of god and maintaining worldwide peace their main priority. Quite different from Deus’s world stories and novels. Alas, where there is peace there is chaos. At this moment in time, a holy church mysteriously appeared and constantly clashes with the demon race leading to unrest amongst the citizens of the Four Empires. It was this holy church which Theo was assassinated by as he killed four of those in the inner circle of the church in an ambush led by the Crown Prince, Asura Nyx. Quickly getting ready and leaving on a horse carriage Deus finally recalled something important from Theo’s memory. It seems right before Theo died he received some form of power. Trying to summon whatever power it was a status window unlike any other popped up. This status window was currently playing a video of the Crown Prince raping a girl in his bedroom with a caption written {Judgment…GUILTY!!!}.
Cool, but the structure feels a little TMI, i kinda got bored halfway and come into the conclusion of "everyone's an asshole, holy church, the rapist crown prince and etc"
Wait a minute. Deus- > God like DIO Is this a subtle JoJo reference? Being reborn kinda like reaching heaven? Where is the gay priest?
I’ve skimmed over the story. It is a bit much of this is a sample introduction versus a summary, I think spacing it though the story would be more appropriate. A lot of these seem to be in a reader’s POV as in it’s not relevant to the characters opinion, so therefore it should be. Deus’s opinion is the most relevant and revealing one in the story. If spacing it out means organizing his thoughts, it’s fine, or you can take reference from other Isekai where A) the discover the world slowly, reinforcing first hand knowledge rather than someone else’s memories (Overlord) or B) The main character knows things but it’s only in-depth once encountered in the story (Tales of Demons and Gods, though not the best example/story)
thanks alot for your opinion this is my first ever attempt at a novel so all the comments are greatly appreciated <3
Some quick questions on setting! First of all the start setting is basically showing off some kind of utopia right? Two would you classify protests as civil disorder? Three this church should be counted as a civil disorder after all it’s stirring dissent among the populace and some of it’s leaders were killed... 4 a reference to whether the current emperor is really old/young would be nice. 5 is the crown prince the heir to be it sounds like it but it also sounds like the emperors son. If it is the amps son then 1/2 of eligible positions would be hereditary so really it’s actually a hereditary position just passed off as not being one yes? For those rare dumbasses? 6 Neighbours? Any? none? it sounds like there is but also like it’s a world order. 7. What is Ron a concerned friend a butler a maid a sponsor? 8. This structure is way to easy to smash and sounds like way to much hard work what with basically only 16 major managers and 4 then 4 overseers... most of the territory will definitely be overlooked just due to time restraints unless the majority is made up of these minor kingdoms which would be kind of weird. 9 is the young man a young man or is this some kind of test like for becoming a detective in the police? If former why is he killing already surely someone older would have been called to do it. Otherwise how did the emperor last for 70 years as the top dog? 10 Status of females? Summary of my thoughts: pretty nice read I encourage you to continue and hopefully the questions will be answered in upcoming parts though some probably should have been answered here through the protagonists actions to cut down the omniscient directors lines. Or to spread them out more IMO.
lolol that was alot I am honored that you took the time to read my first piece and your questions will be answered in the future. because I'm new my pacing will be kinda of awkward but trust that most of what you pointed out is taken into consideration already. the management it sounds weak because it is for a reason. all other questions will be answered. I'm trying to not make this a typical isekai novel and kind of introduce elements from other isekai that I liked. I thank you foe your comment and hope you will continue to support me in my journey to complete my first novel if the first few chapters has good reviews .
After reading that, I have one word that popped in my head: What? If this was a collage of thoughts trying to form into story that you wanted to be told, it definitely needs work. There was a few bits that can make an interesting story. Is this gonna be a gamelit/litrpg with status window popping up? So the MC is gonna be someone whose gonna judge people, is he gonna assassinate them? ... That sounds contradictory because all isekai novels have some similarities or using the same tropes.