Discussion [Poll] Your friend is too attractive...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by lychee, Dec 23, 2019.

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Who do you side with?

  1. I'm male - I support the Outsider (Perspective A)

    5 vote(s)
    8.8%
  2. I'm male - I support the Attractive Friend (Perspective B)

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  3. I'm male - I support the Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Friend

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. I'm male - I use my own values/judgement to determine who's right

    10 vote(s)
    17.5%
  5. I'm male - I would support whoever is my better friend

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  6. I'm male - I would remain strictly neutral

    2 vote(s)
    3.5%
  7. I'm male - I would run away as fast as I can

    9 vote(s)
    15.8%
  8. I'm male - I'm unsure

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  9. I'm female - I support the Outsider (Perspective A)

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  10. I'm female - I support the Attractive Friend (Perspective B)

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  11. I'm female - I support the Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Friend

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  12. I'm female - I use my own values/judgement to determine who's right

    14 vote(s)
    24.6%
  13. I'm female - I would support whoever is my better friend

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  14. I'm female - I would remain strictly neutral

    4 vote(s)
    7.0%
  15. I'm female - I would run away as fast as I can

    1 vote(s)
    1.8%
  16. I'm female - I'm unsure

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  17. I do not wish to respond

    7 vote(s)
    12.3%
  1. lychee

    lychee [- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀

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    I had a conversation with one of my online friends (not on NUF), and I decided to convert their drama into a discussion topic for NUF. Maybe you can help me come up with advice for my friend? :blobxd:

    Once upon a time, imagine that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You like them a lot.

    Your boyfriend/girlfriend has another attractive friend who is the same gender as you. In fact that attractive friend is crazy hot, and 1000X more attractive than you. They're kind of attractive to the degree that they could easily be a model, and they look good in virtually anything.

    The three of you are in the same friend circle.

    You currently have an issue because you are 100% sure that your boyfriend/girlfriend is attracted to the attractive friend. Well, the attractive friend is objectively attractive. The problem is that sometimes you get the vague idea that your boyfriend/girlfriend is lusting over your attractive friend. This is made worse by the fact that your attractive friend likes to post their hot selfies/photoshoots on your shared social media. Of course, your boyfriend/girlfriend denies lusting over your attractive friend, but you've caught your boyfriend/girlfriend staring excessively at those selfies/photoshoots.

    You are beginning to suspect that you boyfriend/girlfriend likes your friend.

    But you also suspect that your attractive friend is messing with you. Your friend seems to have no regard for the fact that you're dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, and they've continued their previous friendship with no boundaries. For instance, your attractive friend and your boyfriend/girlfriend still hang out together (alone sometimes), and you attractive friend also still sends your boyfriend/girlfriend gifts/packages. For instance, your attractive friend got a very expensive present for your boyfriend/girlfriend's birthday, and you're positive that your boyfriend/girlfriend likes their gift better than you own gift.

    You tried to confront your boyfriend/girlfriend as well as your attractive friend, but you got an extremely negative reaction from your attractive friend. They accused you of being possessive and trying to separate your boyfriend/girlfriend from their previous friend group. Furthermore, they say that you are just jealous and they go as far as to say that you don't deserve your boyfriend/girlfriend.

    And here's the reverse perspective.

    You are the Attractive Friend. You've had a long-standing friend of the opposite sex.

    You have a somewhat playful relationship with each other — a little bit of casual flirting that doesn't mean anything. You do not actually like your opposite sex friend. However, they are a very reliable companion who is always there for you when you need them. Your friend has played a major role in improving your self-esteem and they always compliment/support you whenever you're feeling down.

    A couple months ago, your opposite sex friend started dating somebody in your friend circle (Scenario A Outsider). At first, you were supportive of this relationship and you liked both of them.

    However, gradually your opposite sex friend's outsider boyfriend/girlfriend started to isolate them from your friend circle. Your opposite sex friend refused to go to an event that your entire group goes to every year, saying that their significant other doesn't want them to go.

    You are starting to feel that their outsider significant other is manipulative and toxic. They are too controlling and always asking your opposite sex friend to do things they would normally never do. For instance, you opposite sex friend always liked doing XXX, but your opposite sex friend hardly does it anymore because their significant other isn't fond of it. Additionally, your opposite sex friend also started doing YYY, which they never liked before.

    You opposite sex friend also started developing strange ideas. For instance, you opposite sex friend mentioned some negative gossip about mutual friend Z — which absolutely isn't true — and you're shocked that your opposite sex friend could say such a thing. You are positive that the source of the negative gossip must be their new outsider boyfriend/girlfriend, who is feeding them bad rumors about people in your friend group.

    You had a confrontation with the boyfriend/girlfriend, and it was extremely negative. They basically told you to stay away from your long-standing friend, and they basically admitted to thinking that you were a bitch/asshole. This made you furious, and after this point you're sure that they're a horrible match for your opposite sex friend. You want them to break up as soon as possible, because it's clear that they are corrupting your opposite sex friend.

    Over the years, you've collected a lot of screenshots of chat conversations you've had with your opposite sex friend. Because of the quasi-flirty nature of your relationship with your friend, there is a lot of "incriminating evidence" of your opposite sex friend being unfaithful for their boyfriend/girlfriend. Some of the screenshots are relatively recent as well. Many of the screenshots are not actually serious, but taken out of context, they could give someone the wrong idea.

    If you sent the boyfriend/girlfriend these screenshots, you could use it as a means to break the two of them up. You would argue that their opposite sex friend isn't faithful to them anyways. Since you know that the boyfriend/girlfriend is the easily jealous type, you're fairly confident this would work. However, using this kind of underhanded method would likely also cause your opposite-sex friend to hate you too. Doing such a thing would be counterproductive, but you have it as a means of last resort...

    1. What would you do in Scenario A (Outsider Boyfriend/Girlfriend)?

    2. What would you do in Scenario B (Attractive Friend Perspective)?

    2. Is anybody right here? Is anyone wrong?

    3. Should you separate from your existing old friends if you start dating someone?

    4. Would you be jealous if your boyfriend/girlfriend had a close friendship with someone who is the same gender as you? What if that person is especially attractive?

    5. Bonus Question: Which one do you think is @lychee's friend? xD
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2019
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  2. Cascadian Rex

    Cascadian Rex Villain with a thousand faces | Lychee's rival

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    Attractive Friend
     
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  3. Shio

    Shio Moderator Staff Member

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    2. Is anybody right here? Is anyone wrong?
    Meh, if your friends already have a lover, it's best to never hang out privately with them anyway (with just the two of you).

    5. Bonus Question: Which one do you think is @lychee's friend? xD
    Let me guess. Your friend is the second one. The description on that one is way more detailed.
     
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  4. SenjiQ

    SenjiQ [Wise, for a Bird]

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    That sounds like a recipe for disaster if everyone involved doesn't have the maturity to talk things through and be open about what they're feeling, as well as open to listening to and understanding the other's are say/feeling
     
  5. Sabruness

    Sabruness Cultured Yuri Connoisseur

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    Seems to me like the attractive friend might be the manipulative, toxic one. Basically setting up a situation where the outsider is getting a message that "hey, maybe my significant other is actually more interested and wants to be with their attractive friend. Perhaps they're already cheating on me" is not going to end well for anybody.

    the friend is a douche for not being considerate and the significant other is being a total idiot for not noticing the stupid situation they're, perhaps unwittingly, helping to create
     
  6. Ddraig

    Ddraig Frostfire Dragon|Retired lurker|FFF|Loved by RNG

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    Too much drama and too much dumbass-ness for me
     
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  7. Capsize

    Capsize Would you like to be isekai’d? ψ(`∇´)ψ

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    1. & 2. : Dump them. TRUST is the foundation of any relationship. You can’t trust your future to an unfaithful partner. Also, with a ‘friend’ like that, who needs enemies. :blob_thor:
     
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  8. pandaqueen

    pandaqueen Immature Dork

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    how is it OUTSIDER when they r in same friend circle? confused
     
  9. Shizun

    Shizun 《Jack of all trades》《Artist/Author》《Dao of BLedia》

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    Three way relationship. Solved.

    Everyone gets a share

    I dont see that option
     
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  10. lychee

    lychee [- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀

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    A newer friend in the friend circle.

    And you're right! :blobxd::blobxd::blobxd:
     
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  11. DocB

    DocB "I see you, little mouse! Run along"

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    sharing is caring, and if she wants to be double penetrated , who are we to say no and if he want a harem it is his headache to deal
     
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  12. VeraH

    VeraH eternally lazy

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    Just talk things out with the long-standing friend. I think. Not the long-standing friend's boyfriend/girlfriend. Make the long-standing friend understand your perspective and let them decide themselves.

    It's very hard to tell when it comes to feelings and relationships. I would say there is no right nor wrong when it comes to feelings and relationships.

    Personally, I don't think so. Unless of course your friends are asking you to hang out with them on Valentines or something???


    :blobpopcorn::blobpopcorn::blobpopcorn:
     
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  13. Shizun

    Shizun 《Jack of all trades》《Artist/Author》《Dao of BLedia》

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    Or he wants the double banana :ROFLMAO:
     
  14. pandaqueen

    pandaqueen Immature Dork

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    1. What would you do in Scenario A (Outsider Boyfriend/Girlfriend)?
    Would probably sit them both down and honestly told em bout how I honestly felt uncomfortable bout their closeness and the flirty nature of their relationship
    If bf refuse to change then break up is the simple solution, policing someone isnt something u should do in a relationship. Trust is essential.

    2. What would you do in Scenario B (Attractive Friend Perspective)?
    Uh, I personally wouldve stopped the quasiflirting whatever once he has a gf, is just rude otherwise. Also would talk to my close friend n ask him if hes cheating on the gf n try to advise him not to.
    Sending chat record whatnot is just a superbitchy thing to do, whats wrong w this B???


    2. Is anybody right here? Is anyone wrong?
    It’s all a matter of perspective

    3. Should you separate from your existing old friends if you start dating someone?
    No. But you should stay away from toxic ppl relationship or no, and sometimes you’d only realise people’s true faces after certain experiences (for example, when u have a new relationship)

    4. Would you be jealous if your boyfriend/girlfriend had a close friendship with someone who is the same gender as you? What if that person is especially attractive?
    Would be jealous, nothing to do w attractiveness, but also... if something should happen between them, shouldve happend before I was even in the picture

    5. Bonus Question: Which one do you think is @lychee's friend? xD

    Second one lol else youd be portraying her way too bitchy-ly without even knowing her
     
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  15. ludagad

    ludagad Addicted to escapist novels

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    1. What would you do in Scenario A (Outsider Boyfriend/Girlfriend)?
    Break up. If I feel insecure in the relationship, it's not meant to be. Just amicably break up and keep being friends with everyone.

    2. What would you do in Scenario B (Attractive Friend Perspective)?
    Keep my nose out of their business. It's incredibly manipulative and controlling to meddle into friends' relationships. Doesn't matter what you think about their partner or how it affects them. It's up to them. Unless the friend comes to me for help with clear intentions of wanting to break up, I won't do a thing to influence them. Honestly, if the friend is so weak-willed to be influenced by their partner's words, then let it be. If not their partner, someone else will influence their mind, and it's all on them.

    2. Is anybody right here? Is anyone wrong?
    Everyone's wrong lol. I get the feeling they're like 15-18, cause it's not adult-like behavior. If the partner feels insecure, then why hold onto an already stale relationship. The opposite sex friends flirting with each other is wrong, and I get the feeling one of the friends is actually in love and ready to jump into a relationship as soon as the hot friend gives the ok. While the hot friend, whether they realize it or not, are keeping the other friend as a backup plan and someone to boost their ego. They need clearer boundaries. And posting sexy selfies is already a pretty clear indicator of character, even if I sound like a prude for saying so. I don't meant that the hot friend's a slut, but they obviously crave validation, and the other friend is there to give it. So actually, the hot friend feel more threatened by the other friend's partner. The partner should back out while they still have their dignity, cause this is a lose-lose situation.

    3. Should you separate from your existing old friends if you start dating someone?
    No.

    4. Would you be jealous if your boyfriend/girlfriend had a close friendship with someone who is the same gender as you? What if that person is especially attractive?[/QUOTE]
    No and no. Unless they behave ambiguously and gaslight me in the process.
     
  16. Omnicast

    Omnicast Well-Known Member

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    Smells like a train wreck either way...




    WHO WANTS POPCORN~?!? :blobpopcorn::blobpopcorn::blobpopcorn:
     
  17. Warlock Of The Void

    Warlock Of The Void Well-Known Member

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    Honestly, the attractive friend sounds like a jealous douchebag , who clearly has some unsolved feelings for his/her friend. From a third person perspective , it clear to see what is going on. The boyfriend/girlfriend is RIGHT to be jealous and worried ( my opinion here can change depending on the amount of time they have been in a relationship ) . This kind of situation is that even old couples with years of experience can enter. Yes, there is a right party here and whether you like it or not it's the boyfriend/girlfriend. The very fact that the friend is willing to use such scheming ways to break his/her friend's relationship is very concerning. The best possible solution would be to all them solve their own feelings. Also, I don't know if it's the effect of all I have seen and is my own opinion but seriously it does seem that the girlfriend/boyfriend r right and that their SO is attracted to their attractive friend ( again , just my opinion based on all the info. I have been provided with ). It's a pretty delicate situation, right now and one wrong move can bring the whole house of cards down
     
  18. The Hamster Overlord

    The Hamster Overlord Mad scientist/Revered wizard/Alleged antichrist

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    I would have a serious talk with the both of them and ask the opinion of the person we're fighting over cause it's only fair yo actually care whether or not the other party is okay with the romantic relationship they currently have and we are all civilized people. As if. It would probably end up as an ugly incident where all three of us end up hating each other as our relationships continue deteriorating. But honestly, I feel like this is the intro to a BL novel where the boyfriend and the attractive friend end up in a gong/shou relationship(cause I've never seen a GL novel with such a premise)
     
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  19. Daitengu

    Daitengu Well-Known Member

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    Neutral simply because Perspective A is jealous and possessive, and Perspective B seems to think things should stay the same even when dating. Also the significant other should have a voice he/she wants and the PA and PB should respect that. Times change, people change. Both of them should grow up and act like they have command over their fears. PA will probably be on the losing end even if PB does nothing, unless girly is a dingus. But hey people do the stupidest shit because of love.

    PS: career and confidence has alot more to say to the average woman than looks. Before he was rich and famous, Dani Divido still got mad action, from being confident and using his experience.
     
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  20. Amaruna Myu

    Amaruna Myu ugly squid dokja (●´∀`●)

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    it kinda got too confusing for me to read once it got to the attractive friend part.