Oh no, you don't have to lower your expectations~ When interacting, it's actually very beneficial to assume the best. If you assume someone has friendly intentions, you will be nice to them, which in return will cause them to be nice to you no matter what their actual intentions were in the beginning
You sound like someone I know...You talk exactly the same way. But that's beside the point. I think you actually already have your own answer to this question, but you're probably here just to double-check if it's the right thing to do. Even pessimism has to have a limit~ I'm seeing quite a lot of people from the same timezone...Color me surprised
If you wanna get netorare'd to your face then keep on holding onto her. Seriously, the fact that shes having her ex as a drinking buddy is already a bad sign for you. Youre wasting your time on her if she, herself doesnt want to keep your relationship. Damn it, it hurts to see another dude getting wasted for the same reason ive just gotten moved on.
> Regular Drinking party > with her Ex among the regular male friends > Won't allow you to join Yeah we have enough stories and IRL occurrences to know that this wouldn't end well for you. She's just treating you like a wimpy toy with how you describe your current relationship. Just get rid of her. Breaking up would feel bad, but only for a moment.
I think by the time we are in college, we will go into relationship with marriage in mind, or at least, a serious relationship. You just need to ask yourself 2 questions: Will she be a good wife? Will she be a good mother? If the answer is no, then there is absolutely no point in continuing the relationship. After all, why are you wasting time with someone who you think won't even be a good partner for life?
There a few things you should consider. Is there a future for both of you together? Why do you love her? Are you in this relationship for the right reasons? Are you happy? Why did you fall in love with her? How did you meet? While arguing is a form of communication. It’s far from being healthy, but you do need to sit down and be adults about it. At least write a letter and say everything you wanted to say. You should calmly explain your point of view. Your concerns. Your fears. Sometimes people don’t realize how great their life was until they loose a part of it. I can see your girl falling into this situation. I am a fond believer that ones true love will find them somehow. Some way. If it’s meant to be, it will be. To tell you the truth. I have a terrible suspicion that’s she’s cheating on you. I think you should leave. It’s a one sided relationship. Your supposed to be partners. Good luck
For me, yes. What is your goal/ expectation from this relationship? Where the commitment to this relationship? Idk for a serious relationship at least you need 'some' agreement before entering the relationship
Yes. Break up. If the situation is truly as you said with no element of bias or exaggeration, then you really should break out. But of course, this is really only based on what you tell us. They may be something deeper that you're not telling us either because it weakens your position or you frankly do not know. I'm not saying that you're hiding it intentionally, but people have a habit of being biased. Ai-chan doesn't know you personally, so Ai-chan't can't say anything about you or your girlfriend. It is up to you to do what you want to do based on the details you already know. But just based on what you said, Ai-chan doesn't understand why you're still with her. Is she super hot? Super rich? Super popular?
Because im a fool who want to try his best before giving up...I want to do everything i can before giving up... Atleast i wouldn't have any regret after that...
Can't tell you what to do about your relationship. Although I agree with you about your addiction to her. Here's a helpful video. https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch...ad&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare I can tell you that weed (marijuana) isn't a big deal. There's enough evidence that it's less of a health hazard than alcohol or tobacco. If you study the history well enough, you'll know one of the biggest fears by authorities was that it's a "gateway drug" (leads to use of other drugs). That's been disproven. Alcohol and tobacco are just as likely to cause cross-sensitization. And that's why it's slowly being legalized in the US, and is already legal in most of the EU. So the only big stigma from it now is that various governments frown upon it and declare it illegal. And because it's illegal, people think it's bad. (i.e. it's not because it's bad, that it became illegal). It's always funny to see older, more conservative folk argue in that circular logical fallacy. Recreational chewing gum is illegal in Singapore because it gunked up public systems. And now Singaporeans are afraid to be in possession of it and think it's bad
How our typical conversation looks like.... If im lucky and hit a certain topic she's interested with, then we can talk like normal.
I think its illegal because its extremely addictive and some people can do some horrible sh*t when on drugs...
Yea, and that's what you think. The point was to help you rationally remove weed from the equation. It's also fine if weed is an absolute no-no for you, and you want to factor that in when deciding to stay with your gf or not. Some people can't stand smokers in their partners. Some people can't stand alcoholics. Some people can't stand those who watch porn. I can't stand people having curly hair. That's a personal preference that I factored into my equations a long time ago
But it was still illegal. Don't you think it isn't a factor then? I even confronted her to why she use it, she can't give me any valid reason and she keeps pointing out that she wasn't addicted. So I asked her to stop it if it doesn't have any benefit aside from feeling high. Its risky to get that pleasure if its illegal in the first place so stopping is the most logical choice...but she didn't wanted to.
I didn't say that the legality issue (in your country) wasn't a factor. I said that it's not a big deal, for health reasons. On the legal side of things, it depends on what local (Philippines) laws are like for marijuana. If the penalties are really heavy, then she should give it up. But if it's not heavy (or just a slap on the wrist), then it's arguably her decision on what she wants to do, as long as she knows the risks/consequences. e.g. If you were in Chicago a few years ago and were black, then the risk is really high because the authorities would disproportionately arrest you on the basis of your skin color, and would disproportionately give you a heavier sentence. Now, might she be selfish/dismissive of you by not considering your perspective of things? Maybe. But I'm certainly not going to wander into that topic based on your initial post, since I don't know either of you personally to give you an unbiased opinion.
I have heard. And that's not my problem, it's yours. Already told you whatever decision you and your gf needs to make is in context of your country. So I'm not here to argue with you about whether weed should or should not be legal in your country. I've only and continue to make one single point. That weed is not necessarily a health hazard for her.
So you knew how risky it was to possess an illegal drugs here in the Philippines... So yeah, im just stating my point that she didn't need to be at risk to do something unproductive.
Everyone wants you to break up. I find it really fascinating that the advice is so lopsided. @PedoBear Version 2.0 what kind of advice did you think you would get? What kind of advice did you want? I kind of wonder if the situation is really this one-sided or if it's just the way that you presented the scenario. One thing that sticks out to me is that your story is filled with a lot of "I feel" "I think" "I am" — essentially it is very "me" centered. On the other hand, I see very little comprehension about what your partner is feeling or thinking. You've stated that: Which is quite a problem in my view. It almost makes it sound like you've given up on trying to understand her — or at the very least you're not trying as hard as you can to understand what she is thinking and feeling. If you are her boyfriend, you out of all people should know why she smokes weed or likes to go drinking with friends (or why she doesn't want to quit) — and if you have no clue, this in itself is an indicator that communication has already broken down. Alternatively, it is an indicator for a lack of empathy and you just simply don't understand her to begin with. Honestly, the OP makes it seem like you don't know your girlfriend at all. + + + I've been in situations where I've seen the line: "Let's break up — and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I love you, but this isn't working." In my personal experience, in some circumstances it's can because one party of the pair is going through major side problems. For example, I dated someone during during their quarter-life crisis, when they almost flunked out of the university and wanted to switch careers. I've also had friends who dated people who just recently started dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. If your loved one is going through hard times, it's not easy on anyone. It's not certainly enjoyable for them — and it's not going to be enjoyable for you. From the perspective of someone going through heavy problems, they already have a boatload of problems and they are already sinking. The last thing they need is a significant other who is being a burden or constantly getting in arguments (whether it's deserved or not), and sometimes people aren't capable of dedicating the amount of energy necessary to maintain a relationship. They already have too much on their plate, and the only thing they're capable of thinking of right now is (barely) staying afloat. Dating isn't necessarily always the best option for everyone. If that isn't something you want to deal with, then break up with them. That said, if you're adamant about sticking it through with someone who's going through challenging times, you're going to have to accept having a lot of sacrifice. You'll need to understand them a lot better and know what is the best way to support them (which isn't necessarily the same thing as "enabling" them). It won't be fun, but sometimes it can be worth it. Regardless of this, the last thing you want to be is another anchor dragging them down to the bottom of the sea.
Agreed that her risks may be needless in a country (Philippines) that is so tough on drugs. Let me reword things so it's a little clearer. Your posts so far have pointed out you're against her using marijuana, both for legal and health reasons (you think it's extremely addictive and people do horrible shit when on drugs). My point is on the heath issue. I've come across a lot of marijuana users, and I've taken the exact same health position you did years ago until it was beaten out of me (figuratively) with all the scientific evidence. The recreational users I've known are VERY annoyed and sensitive when people try to use the health argument against them, without any substantial evidence. They've heard the line "It's illegal so it must be bad!!" so many times. As per @lychee, this reinforces the point that you're not trying to understand your partner. In your situation, arguing a health issue to a user is likely a futile endeavor. So you're left with legal, which I think is a better approach. Again, not giving you any relationship advice since I cannot verify the accuracy/authenticity of your statements. I can only point out where your thinking/arguments might be incorrect. More importantly, I really do recommend you listen to the TED talk. It breaks down the real chemical addiction people have while in relationships. It's practical advice on what you can actually do with what you're feeling, and hopefully make more rational decisions thereafter.