Discussion [Poll+discussion] what will you think opt in future arranged or love marriage and why?

So I was curious what you all will opt in future considering your culture and nationality and Morals & values

If you think you'll end up in arrange marriage or go for love marriage, answer why do you think so if you chose any one of them?


And yea there is always the forever alone
Option.

 

i would go for a mixture of both. no reason why an arranged marriage couldnt be for love as well or at least become so. At least with the first the objective of getting married is accomplished, if that is one of the goals

 

I'm already married! ^^

 

Ofc I didn't deny that, love will eventually come after marriage in most cases

 

Hmmm i think we have already discussed this topic before, right? If i am just taking the options then i am leaning mostly towards love marriage and arrange marriage too. Forever alone is not really that big of a problem
But god forbid, I don't like live in relationships
But well the most suitable thing would be a love marriage that is arranged. Hmm that sounds a bit weird but whatever

 

As my grandfather never had a sworn brother with whom he agreed on marrying their grandchildren ... I'll go with love marriage, if at all ...
but with a prenup for sure ... so much for love

Arranged marriages shouldn't really be a thing anymore in today's society ...

 

I would only likely go for it myself if I got to set the criteria for the arranging

 

Ah yea I considered putting that as an option then I thought you first loved the person rather than marrying them first so won't it be almost like love marriage?

 

Nah I am underage, but considering I live in India with traditional parents, I can't see myself in a love marriage, I think it won't be possible for me to go for love marriage if my parents don't like the partner I chose myself, so most possible case scenario for me will be arranged marriage like almost all of my cousin's and even my brother who had said to mom to chose a girl for him.

Not like I am saying that parents will always be right in choosing partners but according to my observations in my family history 99% marriages are successful and they are arranged or love approved by parents.


My parents did tell me I can do whatever I want with my marriage after I become financially independent, they wouldn't care unless I break some rules they put forth and I won't tell those because I think it will cause controversy lol.

 

Not really, arranged marriages now days are more like tinder just via parents

 

Hmm, if you're looking for some insight, please don't mind my rambling here.

In the previous generation of my family, there was a LOT of arranged marriages and most of them worked out okayish. I mean, they were pretty stable and traditional relationships. In my current generation, a lot of the marriages already ended up in separations and divorces and some very long relationships broke down just after their engagement. I'm turning out to be a weird exception in all of these since my parents never rejected my partner (that happened to a few of my cousins) and I only married my husband almost 10 years after we met and started dating.
Well... one can say I escaped my extended family bothering me since I flew out to the other side of the world to start off my married life! I guess in that way, my relationship ended up more healthy and with lower expectations than if we had a bunch of Asian aunties fussing around.
I don't think an "arranged marriage" is completely bad if it's just like a setup blind date or something. If you can decide by yourself if you're willing to commit or not, it's completely fine!

Edit: My grandmother was especially harsh with my male cousins' wives that weren't Japanese descendants. She could be very xenophobic even though she was an immigrant herself which made things...huh... complicated sometimes.

 

Lmao nah arranged marriages now days are forced on younger generations in most middle and upper middle class and ofc rich family, they just give us lots of options they think are suitable and we just have to choose , so it's more like a tinder via parents

 

I'm curious! Do you also have to follow some etiquette rules for it? Like offering appropriate gifts for the person hosting the meeting and the family you're being introduced to? I never sat out in any of those but my mother made it sound like it was definitely a pain and she wouldn't do it for any of my brothers because of that. xD

 

I don't think so, in India as far I have seen , the people prefer to marry in same caste and religion or caste which has similar principles, so we have our own matrimony site for the caste where we fill forms ,then according to your choice you can ask for proposal to the girl/guy , if both side agree and are satisfied with the respective partner, they decide to meet up , if all is good then marriage is settled if not then move on to next, and yea during marriage ofc a lots of gifts are exchanged.
But personally giving the girl you raised for so many years with love and affection to guy is the biggest gift in itself.

 

i do not mind an arrange marriage if is for money.
About the love marriage, i think is okay anyway sometimes it do not last so i think forever alone is the right choice

 

That's true , money is one of the most important factor in it , love itself isn't completely fulfilling in a marriage, money does solve many matters,

Also most cases of love marriage I have seen , end up in divorce heart break or the partner ends up cheating with some other person as they got bored of the marriage...

Not saying it doesn't happen in arranged marriage.

 

Both are a gamble on whether people are truly compatible. I lucked out in that I fell in love and married my best friend in all the worlds, but I know not everyone is that lucky, nor knows themselves or each other well to predict the future.

From what I've heard from my friends, arranged marriage is not some terrible selling off of daughters or something like that. It's more parents filter out less suitable candidates, and also know their own kids well enough to figure if they'll mesh well with another human being.

And after hearing from a few of my divorced friends, having to reenter the dating scene, it's a fucking mess. Having someone to filter out the shit of humanity is worth it alone.

 

@_@
@Aquaa
I dont want to be alone, because its lonely. I dont want to fall in love because its risky.
I dont want to do an arranged marriage because it can be painful.

 

All the hopes for a grandchild are on my older brother and his girlfriend.

 

I'm a multi-cultural blend, but I mostly resonate with one in particular. Traditionally in my culture both arranged and love marriages are considered normal. Love marriages became more common over the generations. Neither are considered inherently better or worse than the other, though love marriages are far more common. Arranged marriages tend to happen more commonly amongst our immigrant kiwi communities.

We do have an ongoing problem with forced marriages, not to be confused with arranged marriages, within our immigrant populations. The majority of our child marriage cases are from the Middle East and Asia. Due to a loophole in our legal system, marriages that take place overseas are exempt from The Marriage (Court Consent to Marriage of Minors) Amendment Bill. The ethnic women's charity Shakti has reported between 2010 and 2019, 35 teenagers have sought help after being coerced or pressured into marriage with the average age of the victims being 16.

I have no problems with arranged marriages as they happen with the consent of both parties. Unfortunately, arranged marriages have a long shared history with forced marriages, which is why they tend to be perceived in a negative light - the latter taints the former and often unfairly so. In my culture marriage is seen as a joining of families, not just the bride and groom. While most people of my culture will marry for love, it's unusual for the bride/groom not to consider their parents (and even their greater family's) perspective on the potential union.

There are no legal benefits to marriage here as de-facto relationships of 3 years or more are treated the same as civil unions and marriages for legal purposes. You can also forget about pre-nuptial agreements. If you wish to create a pre-nuptial agreement, you must be able to prove that both parties signed willingly and sought independent legal advice, or the pre-nup is null and void. Ditto if you include any clauses deemed illegal in New Zealand, or if any of the clauses in your pre-nup clash with existing marital law.

I would prefer to live in a de-facto relationship unless my partner specifically wanted marriage. The ceremony and paperwork of it mean nothing to me and I am an agnostic with no particular religious affiliation. It's not necessary for the legitimacy of my offspring or my spouse. Again, I'd only get married if the person I partnered to wanted to formalize our union. I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to be faithful and loving to the person I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

Thankfully my siblings have had numerous children so I get all the benefits of enjoying my time with their young ones without the pressure of having to create my own.