I want to hear something funny, so tell me the best joke you remember, or that you came up with on the spot. Either's fine really.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Obligatory "your/my face/life". Jokes aside, someone got burned pretty bad recently. He volunteered to have children with someone with natural elf ears, and another person immediately told him "we want elves, not orcs".
Two men sit on a boat near the shore and fish ... ... Suddenly one of them reels a mermaid in ... he looks at her from top to bottom ... and throws her back into the water. ... "Why?", asks the other man. "How?" answers the first one. ...
This one is translated from French so it loses some meaning in English but it was the last joke I laughed at recently: -why do cows don’t talk? -because it says “la ferme “ (farm) on the door. (La ferme is also like a slang for shut it /shut your mouth or shut up in French)
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work! What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me something smells. What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur? Jurassic Pork
Spoiler: Thanks u/DevilBusterRage Picture this: you're just two dudes starting up a survival world. Your base in the side of a mountain overlooking a massive plains biome is coming along great. Food sources from animals are hard to come by. You know what ain't? Wheat. You've been breaking your back mining endlessly for a couple hundred days now. You think of the sunlight and the clouds you've been missing...and bread. You're not sure why, but something compels you to go out and make bread. After nearly a year of mining, collecting, and building, your body craves some wheat-based food product. You and your friend think about it for a moment before he tells you: "Gonna make a big wheat farm, I'll be right back." You watch him leave the mountain fortress. The eerie solitude gives you a shiver, even as the sun rises and the undead cease their prowling of the rolling grasslands. Shortly after he leaves, you realized he's already come back. The iron tools he had brought with him had shattered to irreparable bits in the fields. He makes an offhanded suggestion of breaking into the diamond supply. *"Are you mad?"* You desired to shout at him, but found yourself at a loss for words. But it was as though he could read into your very thoughts. He replied: "Maybe I am insane." He spoke it with a hint of pain in his voice. He knew, of course, what it was he was going to do. It was a forbidden act in this land. The watchers from the far reaches of the universe would never forgive him for the hellish course he had chosen. The sun was almost down that day as he walked back out to the torn ground in the center of the grassy plains. The twilight glinted off the new implement as it would a mirror. And it was raised to the sky, and it was brought down to the ground with a might swing. As it tore through the ground, you thought to yourself: *"This is still just tilling the ground..."* As your head hit the pillow that night, you wondered just what might become of the beautiful rolling hills of green that surrounded your mountainous home. And as you awoke to the sound of unholy creatures sizzling into nothing, you spared not a moment before glaring out the small porthole that your bedroom had. You spied a patch of tilled land out of the corner of your eyes. You had the urge to see more of it. You ran to the front end of your castle, impatiently running out to take in the bleak landscape that had taken root overnight. There he sat, in the middle of the fields and under a small wooden shelter he had likely propped up only a few hours prior. He was unmoving. Still alive by how he was clutching an object tightly in his arms. The long-handled farmers tool made from nearly indestructible stones found well below the surface of the earth. The shaft broken around the middle, wood splintering outward. The business-end of the hoe, cracked and ready to fall off. A small note attached to the bottom? *Do us both a favor and destroy this thing, would ya?* There was one small patch of ground that had not been tilled on this side of the mountain. You grabbed what remained useful of the wretched tool and lugged it over to the untouched plot. You lifted it. And paused. The materials that this wretched thing consumed... Was it worth this? Was it worth having a nigh infinite supply of grains? You pondered the question for a moment, and swung downward violently enough to shatter what remained. The answer was yes. *"Well..."*, you thought to yourself. *"Let's get this bread, gamers."*
Why does the chicken cross the road? Spoiler: Answer To get to the gay guy's house. ........................................................ ** Knock knock ** Whose's there? Spoiler: Answer THE CHICKEN!
from what i understand, is the fact they wanted to eat bread...but the scam is the fact, outside there are field of weath so the whole story is a joke itself since it's doesn't have a meaning.. so the story itself is a prank to the readers....
The punchline is that he was wasting ores, even diamonds on hoes in order to farm wheat and the punchline was at the end
Scientists have created an AI, and asked it, "Is there a God?" The AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer." The scientists connected the AI to a powerful supercomputer and gave it access to Wikipedia, and asked it again, "Is there a God?" Again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer." So the scientists put the AI on a distributed cluster of millions of computers and gave it access to all the data on the Google, then once again asked it, "Is there a God?" And yet again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer". The scientists spend years and years, and finally got the AI to be installed on every supercomputer, network, PC, console, mobile device, smartwatch, anything with a chip. They gave the AI access to every database, website, book, social media platform, every piece of software ever written and every piece of knowledge ever obtained by mankind. And for the last time, they asked the AI, "Is there a God?" The AI replied, "There is now." Spoiler: Bonus Joke And that is how Ai-chan became calling herself your goddess
Friend: "Hey loveboat!" *woman turns around* Friend: "Not you, shipwreck!" I know it was bad, but it made me laugh. Yes I know. I'm a terrible person and I'm going to hell.