Lucky my toilet has a bidet, also has a seat warmer and opens automatically when I enter the bathroom
The best way to solve this problem is to remove the issue altogether... So you just have to become an idol, then you wouldn't need to go to toilet anymore... And it's way better than using Spoiler: this kind of accessory ...
Leaves, soft and broad seem to be good alternatives. Also a smooth rock. Definitely needs to be smooth. The Roman used to use a sponge. They cleaned it with vinegar after. But that's got to be a smorgasbord for bacteria. Up to you though. Then there's paper. Preferably the red tops and not broadsheets. A lot of these I don't recommend flushing either. Dispose of carefully. Fatbergs are real... think of the poor guy who has to deal with that..
Bruh, us plebs wipe our asses with our hands(ofc, with water). I don't know why you guys are so disgusted wiping your own poop with your hands when some of you smell other's turd on a daily basis(yeah, I'm talking to you people living in San Fransisco). I know some of you gonna screech that it is unsanitary... but what's the use of soap if you ain't using it? or any sanitary products after washing your hands? First world problems, I guess.
I think the hysteria over toilet paper is stupid, you all should have purchased food first so there's actually something to go out of you. -Crazed Conspiracy Theorist
Pine cones Of course, not everyone has access to corncobs. After all, the fall harvest was months ago. And while corn is hardy and stores well for the winter, you may find yourself looking into your pantry at your cans of creamed corn and shaking your head ruefully. No worries! If you can’t find any corncobs, you can simply substitute in pine cones. Will they feel good? Nuh-uh. Will they get the job done? Sure thing! Maybe you should skip this one. Finding pine cones this time of the year isn’t exactly going to be a cinch, either way. XD
Wiping stick. Eating your couch which wipes itself on the way out. Sponge on a stick. Toilet brush. Your left hand. Toilet paper you stole from your neighbor because he didn't stockpile weapons to stop you. Pure wa'ah from a bidet or shower.
Also sand tends to stick on wet stuff, putting sand on there will probably just have it stick to you and you'll have an even bigger clean up problem. Imagine having to thoroughly clean every nook and cranny just to get rid of the stuff.
Im waiting for the isekai hero to appear in our world with a revolutionary new way to make toilet paper and lead us into a new age of clean assed prosperity.
Fortunately, I told my dad that I don't care how much food he will buy, he MUST buy enough toilet paper. Because, yes, I can live without food, but I can't survive without toilet paper. Thank you, me of two weeks ago, thank you.