Discussion My rant about cheating

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Martialegg, Apr 8, 2020.

?

Whose fault do you think?

  1. A's fault, because cheating is wrong for whatever the reason.

    29 vote(s)
    55.8%
  2. B's fault, because she asked for it. She's lazy and become fat even after A warned her.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Both's fault. or rather, all three's fault.

    17 vote(s)
    32.7%
  4. C's fault, because she's tempting A to cheat. Ignoring B's feeling.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. I don't know and I don't care >.>

    6 vote(s)
    11.5%
  1. Anra7777

    Anra7777 All powerful magic grammar hamster queen pirate.

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    For one thing, I’m not post pregnant. For another, anorexia is unhealthy. For a third, anorexia triggers my depression. So...
     
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  2. StuffedDuck

    StuffedDuck Stuffed with Fluff

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    There is no reason to justify cheating: you either talk about going open relationship, non-monogamous - but then it isn't cheating anymore ... or you break up.

    And C isn't at fault at all imho - unless she has some magical powers to overwrite A's moral compass.
    You could consider it a dick move if C is on 'friendly' terms with B tho ...

    And btw B is just following and supporting social distancing rules by 'making' herself less attractive - she is saving lives.
     
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  3. Snowbun

    Snowbun

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    *huggles Anra* x1000000

    I'm the opposite. I was at my heaviest by the time I got married since I was eating away my stress at work. After I quit, I had more time for myself and decided that I wasn't happy with it. My husband has always been an active and fit person and when we meet, I was playing amateur sports during college so I was more energetic and lively.

    I knew he didn't really like my chubbier self but it was never a reason for us to separate because we still care a lot about each other. I tried some different diets by myself and found out little by little what worked out. I think it took almost 1 and a half years to lose around 10kg (I got back to my weight as a high schooler, lighter than what I was at the beginning of our relationship). There's a lot of people out there that lose way more in less time but I was very happy and fulfilled with my achievements because I did it at my own pace and I was able to keep it without rebounding drastically.
    I actually dislike exercising. Most of my previous physical activities involved ball sports, martial arts...things I could do with other people's support. I only started going to the gym when I decided it was necessary to change my mindset and get stronger by myself.
    Currently, a lot of my close IRL friends are struggling with weight as we're advancing into our mid 30's. Some of them recently discovered that their weight gain was influenced by food allergies and autoimmune problems like Hashimoto's disease. It's stuff people don't realize they have while younger since their bodies can still deal with it.

    TL;DR
    I don't think you need to lose weight as long as you feel healthy and happy with it.
    Mr. Hamster sounds like a wonderful guy so you can probably talk with him if you're feeling self-conscious about it!

    *huggles Anra again* x1000000

    Edit: A, B & C are being troublesome. If they want to complain about each other it's okay, but don't go dragging other people in their mess.
     
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  4. Kutaifa

    Kutaifa Pokémon trainer

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    And what plea did she ignore? Being lazy and fat? That isn't a plea.

    If he wanted her to change, then he should have acted like an adult and taken it up with her and not cheated. You placing some blame onto B sounds to me that you are reaching to place some culpability onto her. If their relationship was strained, then he should have taken it up with her, like provide an ultimatum or something. He wanted to cheat and he used her laziness and fat as an excuse.

    And if he was so angry with her, why did he not break up? Did he think that his cheating would magically cure her of being lazy and fat? Jeez
     
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  5. Shio

    Shio Moderator Staff Member

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    Lol
     
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  6. MadraRua

    MadraRua :: ˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎) :: Divorcee

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    No matter if it was the tip of the iceberg or not, he was unhappy so he should have just said it straight out and told her (B) that it was
    over rather than proceed to have an affair and further make a bad situation worse.

    There was absolutely no fault on (B) for (A) and (C) deciding to have an affair. You don't sound impartial at all. Twas better you said nothing at all rather than judge (B) by (A)'s standards.

    Also what is wrong with a female carrying a little weight. I'm sorry but who are you to say she
    has to be thin to please her husband? Jesus, where do I even start with that statement?

    @Anra7777......... I was a bulimic for quite a number of years, anorexic even at one stage, so I hear you girl. Major hugs being sent your way.

    First and foremost, the person themselves decides at what weight they are happy. It's not or never should be about pleasing others. It's about pleasing themselves and deciding for themselves what weight they're happy at.

    Sounds to me like (B) was unhappy and (A) was a control freak who liked to chip away at (B)'s self esteem.

    And as far as 'it'll make your husband happier to see you thinner' ~ are you attempting to speak for all men here? Not everyone is that shallow I hope.
     
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  7. pandaqueen

    pandaqueen Immature Dork

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    *hugs* ignore what martialegg says... ur mental health is way more important than being thin to satisfy any second or third party!


    And OP, u are sounding more and more impartial.
    Let’s say you are standing somewhere in a wide space, A came by and told u to move cos u are on his way. Before u could do anything he shoved u down “cos u are on the way” despite there being a huge space for him to maneuver around u to get to where he wanted to be.

    That was how I felt the situation was like.

    A had other choices. But he shoved u down AND blamed u for it instead.
     
  8. Rumby

    Rumby Rumbly Tumbly

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    Honestly I think a& c are at fault. Like a&b could've broken up and not cheat. C probably is aware a is cheating on b since c is also your friend aka your circle of friends.

    B is not at fault from what I see since it sounds like b wasn't aware that a wanted her to stay skinny. (Though possibly the reason for cheating probably much bigger than you're fat but idk it sounds shallow and gj for b. I don't think a is worth it. C sounds like a bad friend too unless A is just damn good at lying & C fell for it)

    Though I get why you're upset that b told u to stay away from a because yes, you have right and freedom to befriend who you want.... But if u really think about it why would you want to stay friends with a cheater? I think b likely told you as a concern to get away from those group of friends.... Like were you aware a&c were cheating before the breakup? In a way it sounds like a&c were covering up their cheating likely lying to you and the circle of friends as well so it does affect your friendship relationship because they lied, not just hurting and cheating on b. And I think that is valid reason to bring up and consider.

    Sure might be stretch but that's probably why I'd stop being a&c friends... And the excuse of cheating cuz your fat is just:facepalm:
     
  9. Ai chan

    Ai chan Queen of Yuri, Devourer of Traps, Thrusted Witch

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    The cheating one is in the wrong. If Adam thinks that Ben is fat, he should've just told him to get in shape or it's over between them. It could be that Ben never noticed that there was anything wrong and decided not to do anything about it. If Adam thinks he doesn't like the look of his boyfriend Ben, Adam should've told Ben about it, instead of cheating on Adam with another man. This is what communication is for.

    The fault lies 100% in Adam, who cheated on Ben with Cory. Adam is shit, through and through. It is clear that Adam isn't ready for a relationship and the responsibility that comes with it. Dump his ass, Cory. If Adam can do this to Ben, he can do this to Cory too.

    By saying both are equally at fault, you're making yourself sound shit too. Make up your mind. If something is wrong, say something is wrong. Don't try to be diplomatic. You're not a politician, you're an average person stuck between two friends who both didn't think they were wrong. Tell them they were wrong straight to their faces, that's what good friends do. You're not siding with anyone, you're roasting them. They asked for your opinion, you can go safety off now, no more mincing words.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
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  10. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    Whooops, I think I've stepped on a landmine here :sweating_profusely:
    I think I've omitted too much details here, but I did not think it would be this severe :blob_teary:

    Oh... I thought it was a post-pregnancy stuff. I rarely met your type of case, so I jumped into conclusion. My bad. A lot of my friends actually worrying the same thing and say that they're afraid their husband won't like them anymore.
    As I've talked directly to the husbands afterwards, their relationships become much more open about what they truly feel. Most of the husbands expressed that they are responsible for their wives' changes. Even if their wives can't get their old bodies back, as a man, most of them would still love them because of that. That's it.
    That said, if their wives could get their bodies back, they would be happy ofc. Some of the wives able to do it because of such program.


    @StuffedDuck @Shio @Snowbun @Kutaifa @MadraRua @pandaqueen @Rumby
    I apologize if you guys are offended because of my wordings. I honestly has zero intention to say anything offensive about chubby or fat women. I just deliver what is his key reasoning, but now that I read my comment again, it is somewhat a dumb way to write it.
    I didn't think it through enough from a third party perspective.
    You see, I've known A and B for more than 18 years now. We've known each other since elementary. A and B have been going out for more than 12 years. B is basically is going through a lot of stress and depression atm, because she lost her job. A also having a hard time with his business because of the virus and all.
    At one point, they have a fight because B don't want to find a new work (For a while), while A is paying the whole bill for half a year (They lived in the same apartment). A's irritated because of it. She's also raised her weight from 40s to 60s in just half a year. So, they have a huge fight since then. I told A to be patient because B is also having a hard time. A says that what B's going through is nothing compared to him. He's under pressure to pay his company's bill, while B is doing nothing to support him. Lazying around all day and getting fat.
    Tldr, the situation has become a chain reaction.

    I just find it to be a pity because A always say that he wants to propose to B when he got enough money to buy a house. Now, things just go south because of this goddamn pandemic.
    And I think A and B just shove it to me because they're currently emotional. I don;t blame both of them at all for that. Just a little upset.
    Also, I think A and B is just currently in a mending process. I think B would forgive A for what he'd done, or at least that's what I hope for.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
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  11. MadraRua

    MadraRua :: ˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎) :: Divorcee

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    @Martialegg

    you added more perspective yet my answer still remains the same ~ they were both unhappy obviously, but cheating was not the answer. (A) should have manned up and told or gave (B) an ultimatum about contributing more before he decided that cheating was a good idea!

    A good friend is honest about (A) being bang out of order. I get that it's awkward for you but being a good friend means giving them the deserved kick up the ass that they need.

    And (B) needs your support as well. If (B) is going through a rough time then your job is to be there for her in a non-judgemental capacity. That doesn't mean you lie to her and tell her everything is ok. Sounds like she may need a therapist. It's alright getting a little help now & then. She's stuck in a rut and could use the help. But whatever you do, judging her is not the answer.

    And I've forgotten or omitted (C) because they're not even worth the mention. You dig what I'm saying? Please gawd no excuses for them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
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  12. Rumby

    Rumby Rumbly Tumbly

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    Eh I'm not offended not to worry.
    Still my answer is same but thanks for clarifying!

    If b isn't working... And A still got time to squeeze in cheating despite being stressed and making money. I feel A still is at fault and this dynamic makes it worse in a sense. Rich men cheating and being unloyal rulebreakers doesn't give any sense of security in a relationship :facepalm: And B is available at home for lovey-dovey not working, so A cheating sounds more unreasonable....
    But seeing they're relationship lasted so long it sounds like A is tired of B and wanted to try new things like C.... ?? So sounds good for A if they break up.


    Hmm well if A doesn't like B gaining that much weight don't think A would be able to handle B gaining weight if B was pregnant.. since I think that amount is similar (ahem random thought feel free to ignore that part)

    But aigoo I see.
    Better to social distance and stay away if they keep trying to push their frustrations on u.
     
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  13. pandaqueen

    pandaqueen Immature Dork

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    Not offended lol, just weirded out you think B is somehow at fault for A’s cheating. It is A’s choice through and through, and I assumed your question was more of
    “who’s at fault for A’s cheating” rather than
    “who’s at fault for the relationship ending”.


    Answer for the earlier is clearly A. If it is the latter you meant.. the I agree both r at fault.
     
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  14. Anra7777

    Anra7777 All powerful magic grammar hamster queen pirate.

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    Well, based on what I had written, you must have assumed then that I got pregnant at 14, as well as long before I met my husband. No, I remained a virgin throughout my childhood and well into my adult hood, thank you. And my situation isn’t abnormal from my point of view, either. It makes sense for one’s metabolism to slow down once one stops growing.
     
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  15. Lazriser

    Lazriser Well-Known Member

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    I believe you did the right thing as a judge in that situation. Judges should be neutral; and indeed, my fellow nuffian, neutrality takes no sides. Unfortunately, you are their friend; his or hers to be exact! They desired not truth but power! They desired power in numbers! They wanted you to pick a side! They wanted their side of the argument to win and not the other's! My fellow nuffian, you did what is right and had to be done. Speak the truth even if it hurts! Say it to them naysayers!

    Also, I find it interesting that everyone in this thread is blaming A for cheating, which I too have the same opinion, but mostly their reason for blaming him is due to fat shaming. I like to believe what made A cheat was likely B's laziness which led to B's obesity? If you don't mind giving a little information about how A handled B's laziness before the cheating, it would give me a better viewpoint in their matter. In great difficulty is it to redeem A, but we should not solely make A the villain in this story. Relationships fail from one end or to both ends. And in this case, it would be both, including C.
     
  16. reagents 11

    reagents 11 disaster personified

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    A should just break up before going out with C. Cheating is cheating.
     
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  17. akki

    akki [Ani's C☕ffee-mate #3] [Shady Merchant]

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    Lol you’re to blame for the way you worded it maybe.

    Also A takes blame for liking B for their weight and not for their personality. What a dick lol.

    B doesn’t really take blame in the cheating part of the relationship. Her being lazy affected the way A saw her. It didn’t make A cheat on B. A is just looking for excuses.

    C takes blame if she knew A was in a relationship.
     
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  18. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    Yeah, that should've been the way I did that. I should have not whatsoever give them advice or my opinion. It's more about giving support and cheer her up. It was my mistake to judge her according to my opinion.


    My brain told me to ignore it, but my heart told me to get involved. :blob_teary:
    Something tells me that If I don't do that, we would basically lost all the relationship that we had. Losing two people at the same time.
    At the very least, I thought that I should've try my best so that I won't regret it.
    And messed up the plan spectacularly :blobdead:

    Isn't it the same thing? Isn't cheating mean that the relationship is basically ending? :hmm:
     
  19. Nightow1

    Nightow1 Well-Known Member

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    All 4 are at fault, we should nuke them from orbit just to be sure!

    ....oh wait.... :cautious:

    Maybe I shouldn't post after playing Warhammer 40k, it puts me in an Exterminatus mood.... :p
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
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  20. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    Honestly, I don't think that A like B just because of her weight. Otherwise, their relationship won't last for 12 years.
    I don't think physical relationship would last for even a year.
    I think the lazy and weight are just the final trigger or something like that. Or I'd like to believe it that way :notlikeblob:
     
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