Question Typing crying dialogue in english

Discussion in 'Translator's Corner' started by UnGrave, Apr 21, 2020.

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  1. UnGrave

    UnGrave ななひ~^^

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    I'm trying to think of how to make proper crying dialogue, but given I've never cried before I obviously don't know how it sounds. Does anyone have any techniques for writing crying, sobbing, bawling, or anything of that nature?

    Of course, I'm trying to translate
    「あ、ああああぁあああぁ、うわあああああああああああん!」
    but I can't think of how to reform it
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2020
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  2. in_awe

    in_awe [Daisy's Pet][Tilgar's Master][Evil Chaotic Fluff]

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    I think it would just be normal dialogue with some stuttering for effect. But the main focus should be on the details afterwards.

    For example.

    "W-what...what are you saying? How can this be?" MC's shoulders shook as a heartwrenching sob ripped out from her shaking body. Her hands shook in desperation as hot teardrops rolled off her cheeks. A soft whimper followed her sobs as she collapsed to her knees.

    Edited. Whoops. I didn't see your edited part before I wrote this. Sorry
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2020
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  3. in_awe

    in_awe [Daisy's Pet][Tilgar's Master][Evil Chaotic Fluff]

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    Oh, I've seen some like:

    Wuuu *sobs*
     
  4. Shem

    Shem ┃ᐕ) ⁾⁾「Lv 69 BL Hunter」☆ Vrelty's Seme ♤♡ ꪋς꧖ ☆

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    Prefer this one. This gives more feeling
     
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  5. Galooza

    Galooza The One True Walapalooza

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    There are two ways depending on the tone: For context in which the cry is a purely sad cry, the Waaaa(h) spelling is more correct. If it's an enraged cry, just Aaaa(h).
     
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  6. Bakaturq

    Bakaturq Tell me, what do you see?

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    Maybe use emoji(kaomoji)?
     
  7. Hacalyhd

    Hacalyhd Well-Known Member

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    "*sobs* *snief* Wuaaaah" I/you/he/she/it/we/they cried.
     
  8. eray.gns

    eray.gns Well-Known Member

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    This is the reason why I stopped reading jp webnovels, too much onomatopoeia instead of describing the situation. It makes the novel so childish and cheap. You can search for "onomatopoeia crying" and decide on one depending on who/where/why. There are tons of alternatives. "Sniff, sob sob sob, uwaaah, sob sob, sniff!" is what I would go for.
     
  9. Shem

    Shem ┃ᐕ) ⁾⁾「Lv 69 BL Hunter」☆ Vrelty's Seme ♤♡ ꪋς꧖ ☆

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    Hmm if you want the feels, writing a dialogue is better than using an onomatopoeia like *sobs*, *cries* or huhu, wuuu. Its weird.

    Example for dialogue:
    Kei straightened his back, refusing to let himself breakdown, refusing that he felt like someone had torn out his heart and stuck a knife in it. But the knowledge that Itsuki had left him with no intent ever to return had come over him in tiny droplets of realization.

    And each droplet of comprehension brought its own small measure of hurt.

    He then crumbled.

    He gasped, dropping his head and shaking as he started crying. The tears spilled down, and he couldn’t breathe. He pushed on his chest over his heart, willing it to stop trying to beat through his skin.

    But it didn't. And it hurts.

    His sobs were silent, but it was truly heartbreaking.
     
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  10. Bakaturq

    Bakaturq Tell me, what do you see?

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    Which means the writers are instinctive writers, kind of like those instinctive geniuses who can only describe what they are doing by sound effects
     
  11. fteg123

    fteg123 Well-Known Member

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    Something like a baby crying?
    "W-wWaAaaAAh, UwaaAAAAAAAAH!"
     
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  12. Geor

    Geor Well-Known Member

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    first sorry, I just had to fix that heart wrench. Second this way (as in_awe wrote it), with the dialog at the end or using the dialog to split the description text is the most common ways in published English professional works. With the most common being either the dialog at the start or the end and the split as a pass but a dirty look from editors or English teachers depending on both the dialog and the description, but it won't have the stutter when the dialog follows the description as that is as redundant as writing and and.
     
  13. hexfirwe

    hexfirwe Active Member

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    Funny you bring that up, because I've never even heard of describing things in sound effects outside of Japanese anime. I think it's just a Japan thing to use lots of onomatopoeia while talking and it bleeds into the writing. Just a guess tho
     
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  14. phucanhcr02

    phucanhcr02 Well-Known Member

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    WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
     
  15. The Hamster Overlord

    The Hamster Overlord Mad scientist/Revered wizard/Alleged antichrist

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    *bawl* *sob* *hick*
     
  16. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

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    I think you could just switch that to something along the lines of "and then [character name] started crying."
     
  17. UnGrave

    UnGrave ななひ~^^

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    The style of the author is to say it and describe it, so I'm basically left with the choice of either keeping the dialogue portion in or removing it...
     
  18. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

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    Ah, I'd just cut the crying paragraph entirely tbh. Not much is lost at that point.

    Like, I remember once I wad translating a fight against a thunderbird and the author was like... "And then the Bird sent a lightning bolt with a Zap!"

    I always cut those SFX parts, they didn't add much that the description hadn't already said anyways.
     
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  19. UnGrave

    UnGrave ななひ~^^

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    Yeah, I guess it looks like that's what people usually do. I guess I'll go with that.
     
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  20. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

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    Good luck! ^^)/