Not sure when I realized what death was but I have always been comfortable with it. No one is eternal and I prefer to treat folks really well when they are alive so I have no regrets when they die.
It was when the doctor told me the only other person in the world with a similar medical condition (and age range) only lasted two years. ...and that my condition appeared much worse than theirs. Oh, and finally ended with the whole, ‘you might not survive even the surgery tomorrow’ bit.
A long time ago i was 5 or 6 (been a long time) there was a gang war outside in my neighborhood, living in California at the time. I didn't understand why my family told us to hide under the beds and laydown on the floor. As the violence was happening throughout the neighborhood when you hear a person screaming then all if a sudden stop into silence as a kid I understood that somthing bad happened. I didn't understand what death was, or people killing each other, or gangs, and when the later when the cops finally made it was eerie to see them take dead bodies that have been shot up. Kinda realized that those bodies dead at that time. Took some time till i got it but thats the first time i thought long and hard about death.
When I was small, I used to stay up at night and contemplate my parent's mortality, and whenever they came home late, I would panic and wonder if they met with a car accident. Not sure why I had this fear.
Well, when I was 7, just a bit over 20 years ago, I was in an accident. I fell off from the second floor, all bloody. I wanted to move my body, but I can't. The worst and probably good thing is? I fell because I heard my mom's voice, but thanks to that I could get admitted to the hospital quickly. I remembered seeing my mom was carrying my bleeding bodies as my soul floated above her- yes, I have a Near Death Experience. As for missing someone... I'm sorry I've became apathetic. I couldn't cry even during my loved ones' death. Last time, I went to my cousin's granpa death. I keep wondering, why are they crying, and I couldn't console them well. I... ugh. I looked emotional outside but I'm actually emotionally dead inside, apathetic and no sympathy? It's confusing.