Spoiler: My personal family issue that relates to this question. So--my brother has been very "sensitive" about me telling him "to be a man." He started to list videos and arguments. I had agreed on some of the stuff he said and disagree with some of the stuff he said. What do I think? I think he's using this excuse "you can't tell me what a man should be" to not do the things that I, as his sister, expect of him. Let me tell you a little of his behavior from my perspective/subjective observation: he is over 20 years old; dropped out of college; barely--doing the minimum chores around the house; bully his younger teen sister (calling her fat and ugly); force younger sister to do chores he had been told to do, cuss--calling all women in his family except his mom, whores, hoes, and sluts; no job, play games all day long, and refuse to actively look for a job; when I won't buy him his bread, his almond milk, he gets irritated and put up attitude. None of his behavior encompass what a man is or what a decent adult person is. The women in the family works very hard to keep all of us away from an empty refrigerator and a roof over our head because we don't have a father in the home and when we do, he wasn't the "father figure"--yet my brother goes saying I am a liberal leftist that demand men conform to our feminist ideology. Oh boy--I don't even support the modern feminist movement. When I explained, as a man he should find a job and starts paying household bills. His response was "oh--a woman can't do that either?" He knew exactly what I meant when I say he needs to be a man. A man and a woman hold responsibilities. A boy and a girl don't. I love him very much and I tell him this everyday--but he says I am just lying cause if I would, according to him " i would have gonna him the pizza he wants etc." If another man--person, telling me I can't tell them what I expect of them (as a man, a woman, or a person) when they live in my home free of charge, eat my food free of charge, makes demand on what I should buy for them, and then call me whores/slut/hoes/a liberal leftist--I would just kick them out, no negotiating. If my mother isn't living with me, I would have kicked him out to live with our father and restricted his days at my house under strict condition. How would you have handle sibling issue like this. In your opinion/tradition/culture, what does it mean to be a man or a woman? With so many woman working to help provide for their family, what still separate a man and a woman aside from their biological reproductive ability and physical strength?
Gender roles have weakened so there isn't really too much nowadays. The term you were looking for is "try not to be a toxic shit stain future waste of money that contributes nothing to society and takes all they can get." Side note if you can somehow spin "a man's job is to support his family" and make it into a FEMINIST comment, that's weird. Not a very feminist thing to say at all, and not really liberal either, the pride of supporting your family on your own as a man is kinda a conservative masculine thing, not the exact opposite 0-o
Maybe you can just tell him to be an adult / grow up. It means nearly the same thing as what you're trying to get at without any of the male/female/gender/feminism baggage.
i'll tell you he's a man-child... From what i see, he isn't even a productive person and laze around infront of a computer and typing ayayayaya on chat, much less being a man lmao... Hope he matures well and be responsible to your family
Sounds like you should find a real man to come and kick his butt and beat the idiot out of him thats what a proper father does for children they discipline and temper them the way a blacksmith does iron thats not to say a father doesn't love his children but the way a father loves is different from a mother
Yea. It really isn't about gender at this point. It is simply about picking up responsibility and having pride in what you do. He can get by how he is now so that is why he isn't doing anything. If he gets all hissy about not getting the things he likes to eat it is simple. "Sorry, I didn't have the extra cash for it." (You don't even need to explain why to him either.) He can either eat what is available or go work and afford it himself, even if he doesn't really contribute towards chores. If he at least gets a job/help for whatever for some spare cash that'd be fine. Even if he wastes most of it. He'll at least be on the right track.
to be an adult, which means taking responsibility for your behavior, which would mean not cussing people that can make your life worse, aka the hand that feeds you? also, traditional mans are "strong", "leaders", "agressive" while woman are "weak", "sheep" and "docile" culture, due to shift in values and thus shift n child education the gap lessened significantly or even interchanged and in my opinion there is no difference apart from biology, most of what we are is how we were raised and what we experienced, of course gender plays a role there in how others treat us, but its only a part of the whole from your description it sounds like a manchild or psychological problems and the second part i only say because i have psychological problems, while i lived with my mother we regularily had conflict, me shirking household chores and only sitting at home gaming or whatever.. well, i am still sitting only at home and read like ~13 hours a day which i know is not healthy but i just don't go for other stuff cause i am kind of a wimp, at least i am self aware
What college education did he pick? If college is too hard, he can learn a prffession. I don't know if you have it there, it'a a after high school you can apply there to learn more practical -- different from college/univeristy.
Lol his argument is stupid and rather than a man, it's more of living like a basic, decent human being. I'm sorry, but it seems like he is living in feigned ignorance with all the crap he can feed his brain from the internet just to justify the life he is living. Don't give up in convincing him, the easy way or the hard way. Otherwise, society is already full of these combustible wastes and you'll brother will end up adding onto it. (sorry for calling your brother trash)
As a few others said, it's not a question of being a man/mâle/having an Y chromosome and enough testosterone to have hairs were there wasn't when he was a toddler... It's all about being a responsible adult helping his family and doing his part for their well being (and its own too). If he hate that much "liberal leftists" than ask him what "conservative rightists" would think of an adult that does what he does (and then list all the thing you said before about sponging off his family, being a general nitpicking prick about stuff he could do if he could lift his ass of his chair, not doing any chore and being generally less usefull than a door stopper... Of course, you can use your own terms if you prefer be more tactfull). And then just ignore him and left him to himself until he start putting his shit together... Some though love is sometimes the only way to make people move forward with their life. I think most "conservative rightist", or reactionist as they are usually called, would drag him by the scruff of his neck straight to the army as it's usually their answer to most problems with a misguided young adult.
Fill out a demand for domestic violence, phycological damage from him and kick him out of the house, plus a restraining order to keep him away. That dude is beyond saving. Involve the police and present evidence too, try to make some voice recordings of his actions. And rather than to be a man, he needs to be a person, and a decent person at that, your brother is what is called a family parasite.
Your brother is just distracting you from focusing the topic on himself you know? It seems to me that no matter what you say when bringing up that topic, he will find some sort of fault with you to put you on the defensive, since that's a much easier way to argue with someone. All you can really do is figure out how to maintain a strong foothold when attempting an argument with him since you're really not doing a good job. Maybe look up some videos on how to deal with a narcissist, since I don't think you're capable of that right now.
Nothing? In Europe, as slow as it is, gender equality is progressing with each passing year. Other than some old sexist men, no one would look at a woman working as a mechanic and think about telling her to go back to the kitchen or something lol. Men being house husbands isn't even that weird anymore.
I wouldn't say he has to be a "man" and the stereotypes that comes with it. You can be whatever you want and that's completely fine. Someone can push certain expectations on you, but they can't truly force you to do anything, so you don't really have to care all that much (it's still stressful, I know.) But... and it's one bigger than Nicky Minaj's, your brother really shouldn't be such a leech. Or actually, if you, at some point, start to hate him, babysit the shit out of him. Do everything for him. Allow him to play games all day, never having to lift an arm to cook, clean or bring food to the house. Then at some point, through him out and leave him to fend off on his own. With no skills and no family to rely one he would live some really shitty weeks, months, years or maybe even life, if he never manages to get back up or no one helps him out because he is still being an entitled prick. I would opt more for "be a reasonably responsible and independant person" instead of "be a man." What you probably mean with "be a man" is to be a responsible person, but if you think about it, it's not about being a man or a woman and it's actually not that help to say to someone. It's super vague, if you only say, "be a man." People use the phrase in so many situations, you can't never be sure what people exactly mean by it and the people saying it might not know either (at least no well enough to give concrete examples of the conduct they want to see in you.) I say responsible, because while you are not 100% obligated to do shit you said you would, it's usually in your favor to do what you told someone you would do. For some things, like taxes, you didn't really say you would do them, but you should, unless you want trouble. Same for doing your job, actually meeting your friend like you said you would, not bailing out of a date with your significant other, because you couldn't be bothered with it, etc... In my culture/tradition (Western, Latin American) a man is expected to provide for his family, protect them, fix some things around the house, be assertive, dominant, be strong (physically and emotionally), be reliable, be confident... A manly man, a macho. In my opinion, being a man is whatever you want it to be. To me, good qualities to have (but a woman could and should also have them) are: be confident, be independant (but also be able to ask for help, so also reasonably humble), be able to pull up your weight in emergency situations (knowing first aid, being somewhat fit/having good endurance, things like that...), be honest, be wise(so that your honesty doesn't screw you over too much) and be open minded. There might be some other things, but I think if you have those qualities, then you are an objectively good person, at least in my eyes (good like, good grade, not good and evil kind of good.)
Im sorry you're going through this. It's really going to be up to him to change but if he is all up in arms about anything coming from a liberal perspective (even though that isn't what you're doing) I would suggest Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life. It's a book but there are plenty of videos on YouTube. He is somewhat right leaning so maybe he would take it better. If he doesn't change, I would have a conversation with your mom and make her understand that he has to grow up so you are both on the same side when dealing with him. I hope your situation gets better.
Nasty stuff but I think it's necessary: Tell him he has one week to find a job, part-time, freelance, anything. Or you'll kick him to the curb. (Wait, that's not possible in the pandemic...) Or: he has one hour to decide whether he prefers washing the dishes or looking for food in trash bins. Then drag him out, kicking and screaming. (He doesn't need to know you'll let him in later, just let the panic sink in.) (If that doesn't work you can kick his butt... I hope you're fit enough to do that.)
heh if using old argument simply ask how much money you make~ yeah that kinda low but harsh pricky to the point to ask how manly are you lol~ tbh just use sentence, " Grow up"~ its enuf to end argument, leave it at that no need to argue back and forth about what is grow up~ next teach lil sis self defense move such as martial art and physical way to kick him~ yeah this cat support harsh stance to deal with dickhead~ respect is earn not given no? leave him be while be hard stance toward stuff such as money~ 20? still young well I hope you not experience this, there plenty of boys who turn over become men only after hit 30s or 40s or never at all so prepare yourself I guess?
True. We were talking about it. The lack of a father figure could have brew his lazy ass. That guy can be a troll. He says things like “you lying. You just don’t wanna buy the stuff I asked of you.” “You were just at the grocery store” which I wasn’t. “Yea, you forgot. Just admit it, you don’t wanna buy me my stuff” while we have three grocery stores across the street, he could have just walk. My brother did bought that up—house husband. We just stray from the origin of the conversation, if u can call it that, yet he’s not even close to being a house husband. I’m prepare to kick him out the day my mom no longer lives with me—his response was, i don’t care I don’t mind being homeless. Yup. I have used that “Grow up” before. I have gotten to the point where I will not buy certain thing without him giving me “cash.” You want a Dutch bro, where the cash? . He gets so annoyed. You want pizza, where the cash? I’ll give it later, he said. Okay, I usually respond, you can walk yourself to the pizza shop across the street. That shut him up. If he respond he doesn’t want to, my answer is usually, then you won’t be getting pizza tonight.
haha, at one point I did call him a narcissist cause he’s always saying he’ll be so rich, he’ll get that car and that car while sitting in my car. I usually just tell him, say that when are actually driving in your own car. I am doing a horrible job in debates, but I am trying.
Keep in mind that when I use the term "Narcissist" it's from dealing with all the Narcissist support groups a friend of mine was in awhile back when he was dealing with his mother. Your brother seems to be ticking all the boxes, so you can now tell him that a random internet person has officially diagnosed him as a narcissist. Good luck dealing with him!