I don't really know how to title this, but I was reading a novel about a BIG player ML who sleeps around like every night and a virgin MC. My question is ... do yah really think they can find true love and be seen as equals? I mean, I'm a pretty open person when it comes to sex and relationship but I feel that when I read these character tropes (player ML and virgin FL) I just feel so wrong. Now I can understand that it may be unrealistic to expect both ML and FL to be virgin, so maybe like they've slept with like 1-3 other people, but I feel that it becomes a different situation when they've slept with over dozens of people and have lived a true player-like life (assuming that only one of them is a player-like while the other is not). Like in most of these romance novels how come the ML gets to be able to indulge in pleasure with like dozens of people but then the FL MUST be a pure virgin and have ONLY EVER slept with ML? I just think that isn't this ever an obstacle in their relationship of true love. I mean, if I was in this situation where I have only ever slept with my girlfriend but then I find out that she has slept with dozens of other people already ... while I still love her and don't blame her I still can't help but feel a bit slighted you know ... and I imagine this situation is even more complicated reverse where guys can sleep around but girls MUST remain pure virgin maidens and have only ever been seen and slept with their partner ... These type of situations always throws me off as a reader. Especially situations where the ML has a CHILD already and FL is still a virgin. Also the fact that the ML constantly subtly hints and flirts with FL that HE is the ONLY man for her ... like dude can have slept with dozen of people but FL must be pure? I wish there were more FL character that aren't portrayed as PURE VIRGIN for ML to devour only. Like, FL can still be just as likable even if they've slept with other people besides the ML. Why is the plot always either FL gets betrayed by boyfriend, oh but don't worry they've never slept together even after dating for like years. Then FL gets with ML and "ML pls be gentle. I'm still a virgin ... blah blah waist hurts tomorrow morning") Obviously this is portraying FL and ML unfairly and I hope more novels treat ML and FL in the same manner rather than allow ML to be a player but the FL must be pure maiden for and ONLY for ML. Doesn't the FL ever think "He slept with someone who's aggressive in bed, someone passive, someone gentle, someone with big breast, someone with big bust, someone who likes toys, etc. Like he has experienced pleasure with other people while I have only ever experience it with him. This is not to say that FL doesn't like him and has someone else she wants to sleep with but just that he got to try sleeping with other people while she won't ever be able to do it ... sucks huh? (I guess should've slept around more before meeting ML then I guess it would've all been fine" I guess it's about the specialness of sex. To pure FL they will treat it as special moment in that they will only sleep with ML while although ML does treat it special, he has had A LOT of sex too with other people so it is not as special. Anyways thoughts, I'm genuinely curious?
Although I'm not straight and neither do I discriminate against people who's had lots of s*x around, I never accepted a playboy as a romantic partner. And at times where someone did try to pursue me, I just completely lose any giddy thoughts/feelings around that person but I do not hate the said person. It might be a matter of preference actually but it does throw me off when the ML has a child and wants to be with the MC and I can't help but think that he probably said that to his former companion before and it gives rise to repulsive feelings.
Well, even if they say it is a thing called love... At the end of the day habits are hard to resist. That person who is a player is just addicted to sex which can also lead to obsession over this (nympho) and once it is integrated in the mind it will always find to release this urges. So, yeah at the end players will always stays as a player.
I think the reason for this is based on the historical context and social/cultural norms. Virginity has been an important part of marriage for a long period of history. However, only female virginity can be determined due to the presence of the hymen so this became important. Females became considered pure if they were virgins and were more valued. It also preys on the idea of male dominance and desire to be the first and only partner of a woman. This context made it so that there is a difference in perception where if a woman slept around she was seen as unclean or dirty while if a male slept around he would be seen in a positive light especially to other men. It is only recently that the norms have changed and purity isn't held to such a high standard but many of the perceptions still remain. Considering that these novels typically cater to a male audience, then they make use of the desires/perceptions of typical male individuals and so having an MC who sleeps around, gets multiple girls/harem, and having virgin females who devote everything to the MC became normal. As a straight male, while I do not mind if my partner had other relationships and isn't a virgin, that doesn't mean that I don't desire those sorts of things after all this is how the norms/perceptions I grew up with shaped me. As for love that depends on the people involved. After all, weirder pairings have occurred and will occur. I mean there are cases of women marrying/falling in love with captors (suspension bridge effect), historical scholars marrying prostitutes, etc. Historically, what you are talking about with player males and virgin females was normal until perceptions changed in the past few decades.
I read romance where Female lead actually get aids/hiv from her player ML. I think female like player man since they read romance like this. When their BF cheated on them, they act like victim when it was their fault for finding player boyfriend. I am virgin, so my partner should be virgin too. I hate romance and ceo, player ML. I feel disgusting toward player men. Reading ancient romance novel, I get feeling MC got HIV from ML. But author trying hard to eraser it. Lol
I can very much understand OP's feelings. It's at least excusable if the novel is set in very old times (like all those palace drama style novels) because that was the sort of double standards of the time thus a playboy ML yet virgin FL is a lot more believable. What i find really stupid is when the whole thing is applied to modern setting stories where it just feels so ridiculously forced to satisfy the "virgin fetish". Same with MLs who are like poster children of how not to respect and get consent from the other party in the relationship. now i kinda want to see a novel with an experienced FL and a completely pure virgin ML (basically a complete flip of the usual relationship dynamics) but i know that's unlikely because even virgin MLs tend to turn out quite rapey once they get a taste.
what's weird to me is that novels catered to female audience were also seen using this formula. while i haven't read that much (compared to male-audience-focused novels), very rarely do i see a non-virgin FMC. those that ARE, the FMCs either lost it (at the beginning of the story) to the MLs (by some generic tropes), or the novel is a pure reverse-harem smut genre.
Ah, I've had this thought before too. Although I wouldn't judge others or condemn them for this matter as their relationships are their own and I do not wish to stick my nose into it, but for me personally, it still disturbs me. I mean, wanting a virgin partner, especially because they think that somebody who has lost their virginity is 'dirty', is morally wrong. But the possibility of contracting HIV/AIDS or other sexual diseases from my partner scares me a lot. When reading novels with the kind of trope that you mentioned, I can't help but feel disgusted towards the character as well because I'm being affected by my own mindset. It's... let's say, unfair? The idea that only one person in the relationship has the freedom to sleep around while the other has to remain pure for their partner is very disgusting. I often find myself thinking, why doesn't this person sleep around too as a form of revenge. But nope, my wish never came true hahaha. The view that a female is 'dirty' after she's lost her virginity is pathetic, but this view is very common and deeply rooted in most Asian countries. Men losing their virginity is glorified, while women are condemned and treated like whores. I remember reading a post saying, men are like master keys, they should be able to unlock as many locks as possible. But women shouldn't be useless locks, able to be unlocked by any keys. I'm living in a fucked up society.
one of many reasons I stopped reading most romance. its a part of the "good girl+bad boy" trope. lots of women tend to go for the bad boy thinking they can fix him and a playboy is more palatable for most readers rather than someone like a drug runner or arms dealer. the problem is made even worse because most women are written as spineless and naive (and often their IQ drops to around 50 as soon as the guy appears) so its much easier for the playboy to bedazzle and then take control. other people have gone into the whole female "purity" thing so I won't go on about that but it's still a big deal in most Asian countries.
HAHAHHA yeah authors should stop this trope now. Most annoying thing is that when in the starting MC bf cheats on her and then she feels like 'glad i didn't kissed him or fucked with him' like come on you were not even in love with him when you didn't even feel like kissing him or cuddling or doing 18+ stuff with him. And after fucking ML once you fell in love with him!!!?? Like how can you move on from your ex when you were so much in love with each other. Playboy MLs are shit to the core. They don't respect anyother girl and consider them dirty unless it's MC. They'd be like ' i'm rich so i can be a manwhore/ i don't like protitutes cuz they are dirty, i only like virgins' and they think that MC was virgin when he fucked her so he can own her now.
From what I can tell, Chinese (and Japanese) writers value virginity way too high and I'm sort of sick of it. There's nothing wrong if someone has had sexual experience but a lot of writers certainly act as if there is. I appreciate it when writers don't give a damn and just give their characters a full range of life experiences.
Well my thoughts on this when I wrote it was a similar situation to this: ML: Rich CEO cold type that has a reputation for hooking up with a different girl every night. FL: Virgin (it seems like in these novels, her attitude never matters except that she MUST be a virgin. Rather she be a hard headed virgin, cool headed virgin, strong independent virgin, mary sue virgin, So FL catches ML in the act of sex with a woman multiple times. ML just brushes it off and then ask if FL wants to take their place. blah blah blah -> later on ML and FL fall for each other. BUT and I mean BUT how can the FL degrade (in my opinion) herself to this kind of ML. I mean it could be true love but at the same time, you've known he's been sticking his dick in who knows what with how many people and you are able to just let it all go and say "well I love him." ... seriously ... Honestly, the trust issue and just the fact that you KNOW his personality! I mean, is he just going to magically be able to resist sleeping with others now that he has you? Even if he does, can you honestly sleep with him knowing that before he was a player who you've caught multiple times (of course before you got together officially) sleeping with other people? If it were me, I don't think I would be able to truly love and be committed to being with someone who I know is promiscuous. It's not about if they have caught any disease or what, I would just feel wrong every time we slept together to know that I've only ever been with them while this person has slept with who knows how many people. Just makes me uncomfortable.
It goes way beyond the history man~ Wanna talk about history? There's also gender discrimination and fender superiority. Also, gender differences and characteristics. Male masculinity is all about sex, bro. A virgin man, will always be associated with weak, coward, no charm, and such. While men who couldn't count how many times they have sex, is equals to being Idol. It's means he have what it takes to be a man. You know there's so many girls pilling up just to have sex with you. Something like that. But when it comes to girls. Pure girls, more like virgins were very significant in a story. You know how virginity represent girl's purity. It's means their first time. In our country, before everything became opened, girl's would could only have sex after marriage. At the wedding night. That's also the time when they would.lose their virginity. It's means giving everything to your husband. But that meaning is now invalid in today's time. But in Novel's plot. These cliches meant to express fl's loyalty towards the ml. It could also, represent amny different challenges of their relationship. You know how, ml got so many ex and it will sure wrecked havock in ml and FL love life. But that cliche plot is not that famous now. Now, ml being an abstinence, cold hearted and have a mysophobia is cool. How he was a virgin since the day he was born. How FL was going to stole his first time and made FL responsible for it. Hehehe...