Silver's Oneshot Workshop (week 2 prompt up)

Discussion in 'Author Discussions' started by Silver Snake, Jan 21, 2021.

  1. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    TLDR at bottom.

    :blobsalute: Hey, all, Silver here. I really like writing, and I really like it when other people write. A lot of people think it takes talent to write, and that if you don't have it then you can't write. But I don't think that's true, even though people have thought of me as talented. I'm only any good because I worked at it. I think anyone can do it, but it's just that they don't think they can. What's that quote? Once you believe you can do it, you're halfway there?

    But that's not to say writing is for everyone, you may simply not enjoy it, it could be work for you, you may be the sort who would rather do something else. And that's fine too. There are many kinds of human beings. But it's still fun to try new things, isn't it?

    The aim of this thread will be very simple. I'll post a weekly prompt, try to read all the submissions and tell everyone what I think. The aimed word count will be 600, that's right, I only ask for 2 pages. And people could tell each other what they think of their stories; it could be like a writing circle.

    I'll try to refrain from making this an advice thread, as that stipulates there's a set wrong and right way to do things. My only measure of success is whether it makes me feel something. It'll be on the writer to decide how to improve specifically, if they wish to.

    Oh, and one last rule, please post your oneshot in the community fictions section of the forum and not in this thread. And remember, you could always turn that oneshot into a full series. Please @ me in your thread, so I know to read it, and you can not @ me if you don't care for me to read it.

    This thread will be specifically for talking about the oneshots.

    This was inspired by @MisterBubbles and @Halcyon Observer, though the idea was knocking about in my brain for a little.

    TLDR:
    1. Weekly writing prompt
    2. Aimed word count of 600/2 pages
    3. Post in the community fictions section
    Weekly Prompt 1:
    Non-human protagonist.
    Weekly Prompt 2:
    Rivalry:
    Our scene opens on an open plain. There are streaks of lightning and balls of fire flying across the field. All emanating from two individuals. One is dressed in black, the other red. Between blasts of arcane energy the mages gasped heavily for breath.

    The black mage said to the red mage, "We've been doing this for too long. The world can not sustain itself in the presence of two archmages. How many civilizations have burned because of our squabbling?"

    The red mage responded, "If one of us would bow to the other or stay hidden in the shadows none of this would have happened. But you know we can't. If we see someone with the potential be be more powerful we fight to snuff the other out, it is simply our nature. As is the nature of kings to fight for neighboring territory."

    "You're right, and that's why I have to finish this."

    The black mage clasped his hands tightly together, then opened them. Within the opening of his hands a black speck appeared. This black speck grew to the size of a baseball and surrounding it was a vacuum that seemed to pull everything toward it, including the very light surrounding it. As the ball grew larger it became increasingly difficult for the black mage to control.

    The red mage said, "What the hell is that!? Space magic? You know space-time magic is strictly forbidden. The fabric of reality could be shattered from the tiniest miscalculation of manipulation."

    Straining for breath the black mage said, "And this... this is how I'll finally become stronger than you. You don't want to take risks, you're a coward."

    "And you are a fool."

    The black ball now had a diameter of three meters. When the black mage was about to lose control of it, and be pulled by its crushing force, he you used the remains of his mana to manifest a force field that pushed it toward the red mage. Seeing the torrent of limitless energy rushing towards him, the red mage did not run or waver. He gathered all the magical energy inside and surrounding his body. He knew if he didn't do something about this... thing, something unimaginably worse than anything he witnessed before would happen.

    I might have enough power to cancel it out, but I'll need to come into physical contact with it, the red mage thought. Not enjoying the idea of being overpowered, he opted to jump into it instead of it pulling him in.

    The red mage lunged toward the black hole, he was pulled right into it. Once in the center of it the red mage concentrated his mana. He had no idea how this black hole worked with his understanding of the world's science and magic, for it had been an unexplored field. At this moment the red mage thought to himself perhaps he may have been wrong, perhaps everything should have been given a look. In the recesses of his mind he looked at a faint memory of teleportation magic, not portal magic, but true teleportation.

    He theorized that he would need something that would have an opposite and equal force in order to disperse this black hole's horizontal pull. But to create something with such mass was, well, honestly speaking, out of his wheel house. His only hope was to teleport a large enough chunk of the black whole to somehow destabilize and then disperse it.

    The red mage extracted all of his available mana into his casting of teleportation. In the next moment a sizable chunk of the black hole he was within vanished and with it it began its collapse. In the next moment the red mage felt like his entire being was simultaneously being stretched apart and smashed together.

    The red mage awoke, his back to a cement ground. He attempted to see his surroundings, but when he opened his eyes all he could see were blurry shapes. He had to rely on his ears and what he heard was the murmuring of many onlookers. He couldn't understand their language. Barraged by unfamiliar things all around and at once he attempted to use flight magic to escape to the skies.

    In failing to do so he remembered his empty mana reserves. Unable to do anything with such hindered eyesight he covered his eyes in hopes that it would ease their transition. As his eyes adapted he saw towering building that seemed to scrape the skies. Bright lights radiating from these building in countless arrays. And gigantic screens that displayed moving pictures plastered on the buildings as well. The people were staring at and photographing him, creating countless flashing lights, hindering his already sub-par vision.

    To them he said, "Get back at once! I have no quarrel with any of you!" To the people, all they heard was ques bark ak all u vase un cowel ith on in vertay. This simply made them more interested in this stranger that spontaneously popped out in midair into the most inhabited city at its busiest time (which was often). Though the mage would not come to know of it in some time, he was transported to our world.

    Submissions 1:
    Inhuman Impatience by @IReadWhenBoredSoWhat
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2021
  2. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    I really liked the worldbuilding, and how the worldbuilding informed the plot, and how the plot informed the characters' arcs. It was quite seamless, and a textbook example of how a good story should be written.

    And you characterized the main characters by being abnormal and normal at the same time; the abnormal only occurring because of circumstance, but the circumstance was believable in that it was informed by the character's predisposition.

    It is very very good. When you got literal wows, I was thinking to myself, come on guys, it can't be that good, but it actually was wow worthy. And then you have to account for how my expectations were built up after reading a comment like that.

    You used the opportunity for otherworldly worldbuilding perfectly. You accomplished everything you set out to accomplish in that piece.

    It really is quite good, yet after reading it, I couldn't help but be underwhelmed by how seemingly simple it was, only able to recognize its goodness after some reflection. Your way of writing didn't leave much of an impact on me, at first.

    My only complaint is the smallness in the scope of the story. Because of their longer lifespans and, in comparison, short meetings, you can't explore much more than the same meeting ceremony in different times and different places. You're kind of stuck there with the same characters in the same event.

    But that's not to say you can't explore and finish their initial arcs in a short story. I basically did the same thing in my previous story, the scope was small and so the story was short, but it was still a good story. My complaint isn't really a complaint, and more like a stylistic choice on your end, on how long you want your story.

    But I must say, the more you try to do, the more ambition you put into your story, the harder it will become, so I suggest writing something short if you're just starting out, but of course, if you so wish it, you can start with a saga as well.

    But that's presuming you even want to continue that story. As a standalone by itself, as only 700 words or 2 pages, it truly was quite good.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
    IReadWhenBoredSoWhat and Naraina like this.
  3. IReadWhenBoredSoWhat

    IReadWhenBoredSoWhat Well-Known Member

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    I'll admit, it turned out better than expected. I look forward to the prompts as my main problem has always been actually writing stuff down so these will be a great challenge! Thank you! (side note: how bad of idea would it be to continue to use this pair for every prompt so I can avoid dialog)
     
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  4. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    Do you not like writing dialogue?
     
  5. IReadWhenBoredSoWhat

    IReadWhenBoredSoWhat Well-Known Member

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    ...well, it's more like I like it a little too much and when I get going it's hard to stop and any serious moment turns comedic if I meant to or not... It goes well with my philosophy that most humans have humor as a defense mechanism when things get scary or tense but it's hard to write while cracking up from my own jokes...
     
  6. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    It's normal to be unable restrain oneself when getting into it. The first thing I ever wrote with vigor, I was so into it I couldn't translate my intent onto the page. I could not read or understand what I had written; it was literal gibberish. I needed to practice to hone my edge.

    To write with feeling, you must be mindless, but to translate that feeling into intelligible words, you must be mindful. But you'll never be able to control yourself if you never at first allow yourself to be out of control.

    If my words thus far have been too vague, then I'll simply say that you should write more dialogue, become more comfortable writing dialogue.
     
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  7. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    Bump. Week 2/new prompt up.
     
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