I fought with my friends... Okay, maybe it can't even be described as a fight since it was just my one-sided stupid period tantrum. There is this person I hate, or more like everybody dislikes her but I'm the only person who has actually said it to her face. Let's call her X, and last night I dreamt of X. In the dream, my friends went out with her and I saw them, I got mad and left our discord group but none of them cared. I woke up feeling super pissed and being on my period doesn't do anything but worsen my mood. Then, being the stupid bitch I was, I told my dream to my friends, and one of them said something along the line of, "Yeah bet what are you even going to do if we really went out with her." At first, I was like okay... it's a joke. A few moments later, one of my friends told us she just got ice cream. Being the same stupid bitch, I answered, "Did you get one for X?" and she replied to me "Yeah, I did." I know it's a joke. But I wasn't in the mood for jokes. So when another one of them said "My wifi just went off, guess I'll go hang out with X now." I lost it. I left the discord group and it's been hours since then. None of them reached out to me. My ego doesn't allow me to message them first and say I'm sorry. Can't believe I'm turning 20 this year but still hasn't gotten rid of this shitty childish personality.
Brain development doesnt finish until you are 25 so this isnt particularly unusual, especially with that time of the month plonked on top. Only at that point is the prefrontal cortex fully developed and rationality exerts more control.
First of all I'm sorry for that and I'm not sure that I should reply to your rant or not, but I did experience some of that childish outburst as well with some of my very close friends... well, let's say I regret it because I have never reached out to them anymore after my stupid outburst (with the exact same reason as yours). Its been years and I really regret losing my friends that way, so I hope you won't end up like me.
So your dream turned into some kinda self-fulfilling prophecy? Just apologize. Let them know you were not in the right frame of mind. If they're friends worth having, I'm sure they'll understand.
To grow old one can still be childish. Age gave you the wisdom to know when you are wrong. Whether or not you say sorry is only attributed to your pride.
Let me pat you I'm a tsundere to my close friends so most of them can't really figure me out well. I rarely mad and keep it inside if I don't really like something, hoping I'll find some clues that's only my worries. Tho, my close jie (big sis) was pretty similar like you. Burst out suddenly and kept mum for hours. Try to calm down for a few hours or days. And maybe by then you're brave enough to speak up first. Sometimes its okay to act like this. Just slowly fix it. It's part of growing up.
Thank you for replying, I actually needed somebody to judge me and point out that I am in the wrong. I feel very uncomfortable not reaching out to them but my pride keeps telling me to wait for them to reach out to me instead, it's a bitch move, but I will do something after I calm down. And I'm sorry for your case as well... Yes I totally agree with this, but I also wish to point out that hormones do have a part in causing emotional disturbance and this is what I'm currently experiencing. I'm in a bad mood and can't think straight for now. Uhh, self-fulfilling prophecy... I like the sound of that. I know I should apologize, but again with my pride... I keep thinking that if I am a friend worth having to them, why don't they reach out to me? Sigh, I hereby self-diagnose myself with the prideful bitch syndrome I do know I am wrong... I'm just too prideful... Thankyou, I also feel like what I need to do the most currently is to calm down, wait until my period is over so that I can think straight. Again, I know I'm wrong but my ego doesn't allow me to apologize. Sigh...
They might be thinking the exact same thing, y'know? And since you realise you're more in the wrong, why not be the one to break this stalemate? Saying sorry can be hard, I know, but once you've done it, you'll realise (prolly) that it was never as difficult as you thought it to be. There's also the fact that you do understand you were at fault instead of being forced to unfairly apologize all the while believing you were in the right. Just make it casual; doesn't have to be an abject apology and consequently, humiliating to the one proffering it.
Your situation sucks, but I respect you for having the guts to own it. If you dislike a person, that's not the end of the world. I saw in your follow-up comment you already admitted your wrongs and you'll do whatever you need to do to rectify it. I wish you wouldn't call yourself a stupid bitch though. I'm hoping you only described yourself that way out of temporary frustration. Words have real power and I hope you say the best shit to yourself on the daily. Tribes (including social ones) are a bit tricky. Even if everyone else or almost everyone else doesn't like this person it's quite normal for the one who says it to get punished. Because group unity and harmony is normally more important. I learned this one the hard way when I was in my teens. I pointed out one of the girls in our group was a user to her face. Although I'd had conversations about this with other friends in the circle and they'd agreed, nobody backed me when I actually said it. The group desire for general harmony was much more important than their annoyance/dislike of what she was doing. I wish you all the best OP.
having emotions is nowhere near childish. The only problem in this situation is that you told your dream to your friends. Dreams like that should be forgotten and never let up to see the service.
Thankyou so much for everything, I would like to say that I've sorta made up with them. The reason they didn't reach out to me was because the damn discord doesn't show anything when somebody leaves the server, and none of them noticed. They actually conversed like usual, even mentioned and tagged me multiple times. They've only noticed I wasn't even there this morning. I'm ashamed to admit it was really my one-sided stupid tantrum all along.
Meh... Just find new minions.. Theres always a bunch of them ready to cling onto the next B**th's thigh.. Or go back in there like a good girl and apologise to your childish tantrum... Sure you'll lose your position in the herd, but you won't feel left out and unwanted in society anymore! .. Ps- Don't worry, I'm sure one of them will get in touch with you... At least to ask why.. Learn to not hate what you don't like.
No shame, you're learning from your mistakes and becoming a better version of you at the same time. I'd say it's worth it.