Discussion A light hearted questions

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by leo.d., Mar 16, 2021.

  1. leo.d.

    leo.d. Well-Known Member

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    A friend said you get hurt more by your own expectation of someone than their actions. So what do you do? Lower your expectation or accept getting hurt as apart of life?
     
  2. CoupDeFri

    CoupDeFri My shadow is my best friend.

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    You will do both of them, because human mind and feeling is fickle, and get over it. Yeah that is life
     
  3. Shizukani

    Shizukani Chronically stressed

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    Hmm I say lower your expectations depending on the person you're dealing with. If you whole heartedly believe that a person won't betray those expectations but they still do, then just accept the hurt as it was your choice to expect something of them in the first place. Be flexible~
     
  4. Sayne

    Sayne if u read this u are a noob

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    Just don't expect anything at all and u will be fine :5Head:
     
  5. Deleted member 310942

    Deleted member 310942 Guest

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    Everyone gets hurt at some point in life, expectations or not. But for extra measure, don't expect too much from people who aren't wholehearted and genuine towards you. That won't stop anyone from getting hurt though- just barely. Life could frick with you and screw you over, so I think the ability to get back up after being hurt is the safest way to go. Strengthen your mentality and heart. It never hurts to be too careful.
     
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  6. melomarl

    melomarl Burning Red

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    less expectations but still expect to get hurt~
     
  7. lehur

    lehur ぼく愛エリス

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    Try learning logic and accepting reality as well as not escaping in fiction
     
  8. Halcyon Observer

    Halcyon Observer Full stop

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    Stay flexible and choose whatever you see fit.

    In all honesty, having great expectations can hurt both sides. It can put an excessive amount of pressure upon people to do well or score perfectly. It can make others take their efforts for granted. Being expected to score full marks on every exam is tough, especially on a rigorous course. And it equally more when others start brushing off your hard work with, "Oh, it's just x," or if they start labeling the reason as "That's because x is y" or "That's because x has z and I don't."

    And yet, this mentality hurts those that place great expectations equally. They can only see the results and not the work put into it, and it draws a line between spectacular others and mediocre me. It develops a mentality of jealousy and a defeatist attitude, diminishing the room to grow. "I can do this" turns into" I can't do this as well" turns into "I can't do this well at all" turns into "I can't do this."

    It leads both sides to failure. On one side of the spectrum, people start avoiding things they can't do perfectly by making excuses of polishing their strengths. On the other side of the spectrum, people give a lousy shot before confidently declaring they couldn't do it in the end, just as expected.

    Going back to your question, expectations are necessary because they keep the world running. People expect the internet to keep running. People expect that taxi driver to not drive the passengers as well as himself into a shopping center. If you do well in a certain area, people expect you'll do similarly in the future. Imagine a world with no expectations. How would it run if the mailman doesn't deliver parcels, if the teachers are perpetually absent, if your boss is always late when writing your paycheck. The expectations and the responsibility behind them are vital. However, you will need to decide whether your expectations are reasonable or not. Are the expectations you place on others as well as yourself burdens? And do you think those burdens are necessary?

    The idea of "avoiding pain" is flawed in and of itself since it assumes you won't ever get hurt in the future. Because big or small, you will suffer. Everyone will suffer. And doing nothing when you are suffering will never get you out of suffering.

    What I suggest as the bottom line is to be reasonable. Accept that you will fail, that the people around you will fail, and if you realize you have higher expectations, accept that those reaching your expectations will be few and far between. But don't lash out at someone because they failed at something (I'm looking at all of you sports fans). And make sure to be there for anyone that does fail to help pick them back up, including yourself.
     
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  9. GREED444

    GREED444 [STEP RED SIBLING] [ᏂᏁ][⚓️]

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    even if lower our expectation we will be hurt so we need to be prepared to get hurt and move forward
     
  10. Xane

    Xane Well-Known Member

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    Both. You cater your expectations on a person-by-person basis.

    Got someone that "misses your calls" a little too often when you know they're awake/free? Probably don't expect much from them.

    Generally give people the benefit of doubt until they prove otherwise.
     
  11. nightbutterfly

    nightbutterfly Well-Known Member

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    Don't have any expectations of someone xD
    Unless you know them long enough and understand their personalities. Have high expectations means you trust that someone even tho just a bit.
     
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  12. Zeusomega

    Zeusomega M.D of Olympus Pvt Ltd. Seeking [Boltzmann brain]

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    Sometimes this sometimes that..
     
  13. Fulminata

    Fulminata Typo-ist | Officer of Heavenly Inc. |

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    "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.."
    -louise erdrich
     
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  14. The Hamster Overlord

    The Hamster Overlord Mad scientist/Revered wizard/Alleged antichrist

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    Your friend loves to overgeneralise then.
     
  15. UnGrave

    UnGrave ななひ~^^

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    I tend to view people I'm not close to as NPCs so their actions are just part of the storyline. As for people who are close, I'm prepared to revert them back to NPCs if they do something that distances them from me. At this point I can only be disappointed in myself.
     
  16. MidstNost

    MidstNost 【 Reigen's Saltshaker 】【 Lingtian Raider 】

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    I'm a cynical person so I won't have to worry about my own expectations of other people :blobcheeky:. It's usually me being surprised at how good a person can be.
     
  17. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    Both. Life is not all of one thing or another. Both can be rewarding and tragic.
    Heading into any relationship there will always be expectations. It’s what drives us in the beginning of the relationship. Your always hoping for the best, but like in all things you have to be prepared for the worst. Just remember the image you have may not be the true image of that person. The image you have could be unrealistic. Especially, if you put them on a pedestal. People are not machines and have flaws. It’s a part of being human.
    As to possibly getting hurt. Unfortunately a part of finding love. Is that there is also a chance of being heartbroken.
    But I can say without a doubt it’s worth it.
    Good luck
     
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  18. anaeia

    anaeia New Member

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    For me I try not to expect much at all. It's like a mixture of both options where I lower my expectations and accept whatever happens. But it's actually sad to think like that because I became someone who doesn't trust people at all so it's not recommended lol
     
  19. layyu

    layyu Adopt me plsss

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    I'd think that this friend doesn't really know me... I have low expectations for everyone and I would only be disappointed if you are on my closest friends list, which are, so far, only three... I can't even get disappointed to them coz I really know them that I would say "As expected of them"... So I think I'll just do the latter than the former... I have high expectations of professionals though, so maybe I'll do both, but will still lean on tye latter coz if ever I really took the former one seriously, I might think all people are potato like me.