Discussion How to refuse goodwill?

Just explain things to them, then. I mean, if they can't understand you, they don't love you, they love a version of you they made up in their imaginations and forced you to play the part. If they refuse to understand you, things would come to the same point eventually anyway, and if they don't, then it's all good

 

I'm pretty much indifferent myself and see nothing wrong about it. What makes you get into a fight due to indifference? Do you want your brother to reach out more? Care more? What exactly would make you feel like your is finally okay?

I like the meeting in the middle option too, I'm still thinking how I could make him go that route tho. In my head, the character is still pretty much on the isolation route.

Inheritance is definitely enough. The thing about the character's inheritance is that most of them are assets that would grow even without his efforts. And his liabilities aren't big since his not that interested in luxuries and stuff.

 

Let’s be real.

Only in healthy close relationships your parents will not give up on you ever. But, if you just have a distant parent relationship where most of the times as a child you did everything to meet their expectations and now you are not, they will probably start caring less and less about a child who they cannot brag about.

Do you think your parents are actually going to keep supporting you financially forever even if you do nothing? Only if your parents have so much money they don’t give a f*ck about sending you away to wither on your own or if they don’t have that much money, sooner or later, you’ll need to get out to face life.

As someone said, it’s extremely exhausting to help someone who doesn’t want your help, and as I said before, may only happen if your parents really love you and are constantly showering you with love.

At the same time, there are other cases, where for example you need help from your parents to get out of this situation, but many times parents do not care enough to provide financial or emotional support and that’s life. You are an adult and they do not have the obligation to babysit you at this age.

Let me be clear, it is your family that has money, not you, you need to work hard to earn your own money, they have zero obligation to actually give it to you.

I could go on and on about this.

 

I sense the fatigue of having had this conversation before coming from you in waves. Have a cookie.

 

Yeah life is tough

 

Tell him that most the inheritance will be donated to charity and only little is left for him?

 

*pat pat*

It doesn't get better but you get better at dealing with it. If it's ever overwhelming come ask for a cookie.

 

Haha I’m good now don’t worry. It’s mostly in the past. Thank you <3

 

So, its better for the parents to let him live independently if they really wanted their child to do something.

 

The life you have chosen. While easy and care free. Leaves little else.
Personally, I agree. The life you were living was someone else’s. Mostly it sounded like you parents. For me college is the time to find yourself and what you want to do in the future. That’s what I suggest you do. Find your calling. Either in college or out, but find something your passionate about. Than pursue it.
Since your here. You must love reading. Have you thought about writing a novel?
Some advice. Don’t live for someone else happiness, but your own. Follow you dreams and have fun

 

<3

Im glad you have it figured out. Come ask for a cookie nonetheless.

 

Not my story, just some similarities. I already got my steps planned out. And I'm going through it. I like your advice though, I do think that finding what you're passionate of is a great step into developing into the person you want to be.

 

Sometimes other people good will is simply poison for you even if they mean well. I went through roughly the same thing for about 3 years. I wasn't the best student tho mostly because I didn't want to.

I spent 3 years doing absolutely nothing after high school I had no ambition no goals and I was simply tired of school I was burnt out and decided I was going to stay home play video games read novels watch movies and earn simple income I was getting $50-$250 a day help ppl fix their electronics or installing them. I had posted a listing on craigslist when I was 18. <-- class of 2007

I wasn't well off, but even now dealing with ppl is massive headache for me. The money I earned was mostly for buying anything I liked, but I did have to give some to my mom to help once in a while when we were in a tight spot. I thought it was ok for the time being, but around 21 I realized I wasn't going anywhere in life my gf broke up with me my car was lousy honda 1998 (they last forever).

I had 3 languages I was good at after realizing I need to do something in life to better my situation I signed up for college even tho I had a goal I didn't know what career choice I wanted nor had a clue what I was going to do in college. I not social at all while I am not shy I am not one to walk up to other to start conversation either. at first I thought I'll try computer science and I did and got a degree collecting dust because I was never able to get hired because no one was willing to hire anyone fresh out of college 60k in student loan yep.

Then I was introduced to an import and export company that needed people on the business side to translate Spanish/English(I speak German too but haven't needed it yet) and I applied since it was probably going get hired and that what I have been doing for almost a decade now it mostly business talks and I write the contracts then I send them to lawyer to fix and edit them so that there is no loopholes. The reason I picked this career path was that it let me travels to a lot of countries and I have a lot of free time.

 

Ah, I probably haven't explained the situation enough. What I mean is, he's indifferent to grades, friends, and career. I'm also pretty indifferent to my future matters, but I at least try to set up a foundation for myself by working on my schoolworks and stuff. He holds a 'the future doesn't matter since I don't care about it' kind of attitude. He actively cuts himself off from people and barely remembers to do his part in group projects at school, and doesn't reply when his teachers try to reach out to him. His situation is a bit more self destructive than your hypothetical situation. If it was the same as yours, I suppose I wouldn't be getting into arguments with him all the time. The decision to drop out of college would probably make me have a coronary though.

The way of living that is envisioned in the scenario definitely isn't the norm, especially in traditional families. After all, working to make your own livelihood is the general belief. If I was dealing with someone like that, I guess it'd take me a bit more time to accept that living like that is what can make them happy. I'd still be nagging them to find at least one thing they're wholeheartedly passionate about, though. I believe everyone should have at least one thing they really care about and are willing to work for/on. Living like a salted fish is nice, but one should have their own passions.

 

Anyway I think I need to write a positive post after the other depressing one.

The best step is to go to therapy. Therapy will teach you more about yourself and help you heal. Even if you think you don’t have problems you probably have.

I don’t think it is normal to actually not want anything in life, don’t get me wrong, I am the same, I kinda stopped liking things as I grew older, but I don’t think that’s normal.

Therapy will help you see yourself, your family, your friends and how there hope in life. But find a therapist that suits you. If your parents have money have them pay up and if they don’t want to work to go to therapy or if your country has free mental health try there.

It is not a one time thing, it will probably take a couple months or years to actually start getting on track.

If you have no ambitions, try at least to do something, work a part time job or get a dog lol, something that will get you out of the house and when you fulfill your obligations you will probably feel better.

Try to find hobbies or try to build new friendships or improve previous relationships with either friends or family. To be honest, I find these quite hard myself but worth a try.

You do not need to go back to college but if you don’t feel comfortable going out, maybe try learning something on your own.

 

The family background was the same as mine when I checked out your first rant. But the difference is that I don't want to change things the way they went. It took me to where I'm now and I live the life I dream of.

But yours is different. Talk to them if you want to change it mate. No matter what others say, it's the only solution you've.

 

Sounds familiar as well.
As the family I would just wish for them to find something they want to do where they will be happy. If they are happy staying at the house and taking care of our parents, then that's totally okay. As long as they're happy then I'm going to support them. But if they are completely lost, like they are doing nothing at all, then that's when I'm going to try and convince them to find something to do. Being stagnant for a long time will gradually damage your mental health.

If I'm the person in question, then I'll try to explain as much as possible that I'm happy this way. Yes they wouldn't understand immediately, but seeing as they care for me, I'm hoping that they would at least listen. Even if they can't totally wrap their heads around it.
I would understand that they are worried because of the drastic change, but I would show them that this current state of mine is what makes me happy. Someday, maybe, they will understand.

 

For me it's all about being able to talk about it.

If you talk to your family and they listen, even if they disagree, you can explain how you feel, what you enjoy doing, and what are your goals... And if they really care for you and want your best, they'll try to understand, maybe research a bit on the topic and try giving their own thoughts... But will ultimately support you. Like this things will probably turn out alright in one way or another.

The problem is when they don't listen, when they feel like they are the only ones that know the truth and know exactly what is right for you, then they'll keep on pushing and pushing you to do whatever they want and not listen to whatever you say that counters their argument because they firmly believe they are the ones in the right... At this point you just tell them to fuck off I guess? What else can you do? It's not like you can convince a door.

 

If i think that it's for myself then i can't really say that i care too much about refusing people, it doesn't really matter who they are.

 

.... Some of that stuff are kinda familiar....
But well for real if they want me to change I'll tell them what I really think.... And even then if they can't understand..... Well I don't know what to do.... But I do know I'll not change for sake of them....
But considering myself I don't think my parents will ever listen...... They are the annoying type who aren't willing to listen to what you've got to say and will suggest you something which you've got no intention of doing and tell you that once you do it you'll know it's for your own good....