Hi everyone, I have written a story about fantasy in colonialism. I built the power system based on legend, but I don't know if people from other regions can understand it. If someone is interested in giving me an advice, I'd really appreciate it. Here's the story, btw the power system is in chapter 3 and 5 http://wbnv.in/a/cdg2u95 or https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/44110/the-inhabitants
Okay, having read those two chapters, I can see a rough outline of what you're planning. Each person has a Soul and 4 "Spirits", where the Soul represents the conscious mind, and the Spirits represent "Hopes", "Vitality", "Nutrition", and "Fears". The Vitality and Nutrition Spirits remain with a person throughout their life, no matter what, while the Hopes and Fears Spirits typically go out into the world and need to be brought back to develop. Hopes and Fears Spirits (named Kanda and Ari Spirits) relate to nature energy absorption (Kanda) and manipulation (Ari), while Vitality and Nutrition Spirits (named Geti and Navel Spirits) relate to distributing energy (Geti) and centralising & refining energy (Navel). I am unaware of which representation refers to which, but suspect that Kanda the spirit of future hopes, Ari is the spirit of future fears, Geti is the spirit of Vitality, and Navel is the spirit of Nutrition. Please note, I am the one who came up with the terms "Hopes", "Fears", "Vitality" and "Nutrition", as that is how I interpreted the spirits as how they displayed themselves in chapter 3. The purpose of the Soul/Conscious Mind is to direct and control the Spirits, and the Spirits work best in conjunction to each other, though, it could be argued, that an individual could attempt to become more of a physical specialist by ignoring the Ari Spirit, or a manipulation specialist by neglecting the Geti. I hope you have something that sets the people who attempt to min-max their own bodies like this to cause it to backfire miserably when one of the souls start getting too far behind the others, though. At first I only read chapter 3, and started asking the question "Is this unique to the MC, or is it universal?". The reason for me starting this question is that the MC ended up following the power system instinctively, while in the midst of despair. In chapter 5, it's revealed that it isn't something unique to the MC, more "it's theoretically possibly for anyone to do it, but the knowledge is restricted by those in power". Looking at the information revealed in Chapter 5, I suspect that most "Mutants" are humans or animals who stumbled upon the power system naturally, and the local government stomped down on them in order to keep their advantage over the populace. If this is the case, then having both the characters in Chapter's 3 & 5 producing powers similar in nature to that of some mutant/s would be good foreshadowing to the fact that the killing of "Mutants" is purely an unjustified method for the government to oppress those below them and create more of a power gap for themselves from ordinary citizens. As for the power growth and other such information, I'd need to read deeper into the story in question to actually attempt to answer. I hope that my words and interpretation help. Though, I have to stress, that they're the words and interpretation of a person reading purely while attempting to work out how the power system in question works, rereading and quoting when necessary. I can't speak for how an average reader would interpret them.
Yeah i feels it a bit hard to understand. That was a great eye opening for me, i forget about some limitations. What i mean here is 2 diferent system power (and one more on letter chapter), which mutan by fusion (become one) and martialarts by gathering inside body (still 1 soul and 4 spirit, but work under one body system). Maybe i should makes some change on the two chapters. Actually, those "mutants" term from colonialist who looks at locals as animals (because no human/their people have mutation). Thank you so much dude
The reason for my assumption about "Mutants" is due to the term's relation to Xmen, and only reading the two chapters in question. I half-assumed that "Mutants" were merely natives or actual animals who gained obvious environment-manipulation powers (say by instinctive or trained use of Ari Spirit), or who underwent a physical transformation (through Geti). If it's something different, then those two specific chapters didn't give sufficient information to inform me otherwise, nor give any details on how it differs. Which is actually fine, since you shouldn't try to force all that information into a singular info dump chapter. But, yeah, the way you introduced it and the concepts was a bit info-dumpy. Bringing it up and introducing us to the information over time would be better, particularly since chapter 3 gave practically no information relevant to the power system in question. All the details I had to work off of actually came from chapter 5, even if chapter 3 was the first introduction to the power system in question.
Actually I intend to explain about mutants as the MC's character develops, i worried the introduction too absurd to understand.
That makes sense... unless the MC is a Mutant who became one in chapter 3, while the other character's power system is completely unrelated. Then it doesn't make sense, only looking at those specific chapters, because what happened to the MC in chapter 3 definitely sounds just like what is described in the manual the person in chapter 5 has.
add drawbacks and hard limits for the powers, otherwise they will grow out of hand introduce people stronger than the MC so we can get an idea of how strong people gets at that level, and so you dont lose a sense of scale when building up to that level of power Power creep is the main enemy of power systems