Discussion What do you think about romance and marriage?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ExcitableFoci, Jul 10, 2021.

  1. ExcitableFoci

    ExcitableFoci Well-Known Member

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    What do you think is the end goal of dating someone?

    Life-long happiness? Companionship? Complying with some expectations from society or your parents? Getting your sexual needs fulfilled?



    In a world where the 50% of all marriages eventually end in divorces, I think that this man has a point in that people suck at real-life relationships.
     
  2. PaladinWolf

    PaladinWolf Well-Known Member

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    I love Jordan Peterson he's one of the greatest thinkers of our time

    People don't know what love is first of all people aren't taught what love is anymore nowadays if you just feel any level of affection or attraction for somebody people tell you that you are in love well I had a great deal of affection for my dog it doesn't mean I was in love with my dog I have a great deal of affection for my best friends doesn't mean I'm in love with my best friends people are no longer able to differentiate between the many forms of love and so they blindly jump head long into relationships and marriage and in some cases there isn't even affection just attraction second we live in a society that pretty much discourages commitment and responsibilities and so most people don't know how or are unwilling to make the commitment to be married to have children to be an adult

    I was raised to understand the many different forms of love and to look at all of my relationships with a distant and critical eye so that I can differentiate between what they are and what they are not I can honestly say I've never been in love there have been girls I've been attracted to there's even been girls I have had a affection for but have I ever been in love? no. At least not yet but at the same time I have applied this critical eye do all kinds of relationships I see springing up all around me and I can see them for what they really are and I can know when they will succeed and unfortunately when they will fail

    Do I think dating should lead to marriage and a lifelong commitment? yes. I think that the goal of dating should always be to look for a lifelong partner it's not for fun it's not for for sex it is a quest for the greatest of rewards and it is a difficult quest that will have ups and downs and there are no shortcuts no matter how many people try to find them or make them if you can't commit to the quest and it's difficulties it will only ever lead to failure
     
  3. kkgoh

    kkgoh Well-Known Member

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    First of all, the 50% divorce rate is a complete myth. Some dumbass made a prediction when the trend is actually declining.
    There's also a ton of different ways to calculate the rate, from rough rates to probability statistic.

    https://qz.com/306166/the-divorce-stat-that-just-keeps-cheating-50/
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201702/what-is-the-divorce-rate-really
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...4/do-half-all-marriages-really-end-in-divorce

    People seek marriage for an opportunity/chance at whatever perceived happiness they wish to get out of it, possibly have children and have some form of care/insurance when they grow old.
    You exercise and work out for a chance to look like a stud-muffin like @elengee, and also for a chance not to die early from heart disease. You go to school for a chance to find a well-paying job.

    Ruling out marriage just because of a mythical statistic would be a fallacy.
    Depending on which stat article you're reading, actual divorce rates are down to low 40s.
    Chances of staying married is 75%. Why are there two different numbers? Depends on how the question is phrased and it varies widely depending on which demographic we're talking about (older couples, younger couples, ex-divorcee couples, etc).
     
  4. Vilidious

    Vilidious Well-Known Member

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    Well, Jordan Peterson aside (I don't qualify him as a reliable source of any information), I think the end goal of dating and relationships is to satisfy both physical and emotional needs/desires.

    If it was only physical, anyone might do; if it was only emotional, friendship/platonic relationship would be enough.

    The necessity of need/desire is that if there is none of those, then nothing/not enough will happen to make dating a reality and/or it will die out.

    Sure, there is also the possibility of arranged relationships and ones of convenience, but in those cases I feel that those needs/desires come from society/parents and not the persons themselves.

    Kinda like the society/parents are dating with your significant other, using you as a mindless proxy for their own needs/desires.

    In those cases, if society etc. didn't have a need/desire for your relationship, no one would bother to go through the effort... us individuals aren't really as important or valued as we like/hope to think.

    Lastly, since need/desire is born when something is lacking, I don't really think dating etc is for people without (at least self-perceived) flaws or weaknesses.
     
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  5. MasterCuddler

    MasterCuddler Handsome Chicken

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    I think the end goal of relationships is finding that one person you can be crazy, stupid, and intimate with. Because you can’t be like that towards your parent, friends, coworkers without them being uncomfortable or not having the time to be invested in you in general. Of course then it turns into responsibilities after marriage. And people hate that because it becomes the same as what the other relationships are, expectations and responsibilities. In the end we human beings are a lonely species.
     
  6. ExcitableFoci

    ExcitableFoci Well-Known Member

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    It honestly varies a lot depending on where you are. I just rounded up the percentage I got from Eurostat.

    upload_2021-7-11_0-28-51.png
     
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  7. Owl1412

    Owl1412 Well-Known Member

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    I think the goal is lifelong companionship. So tbh emotional needs prob trumps physical needs after you get to your end years
     
  8. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

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    the goal of dating?
    entertainment, probing, try something, romance~ the mindset dating not mean end up as marriage~

    marriage looking for lifelong companion~

    divorce is just the result of various problem call it fail of real life relationship hmm how about relation divorce with education, income, mental health, age ect? well there interesting stuff happening during this pandemic~ a couple who rarely interact each other cuz work suddenly stay home for long time, their income affected, their stress pill up, blablabla divorce~ sound weird? maybe not~
    saying divorce and bad at relationship imo oversimplifying stuff~
     
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  9. phonebinder

    phonebinder Well-Known Member

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    How do people get to know each other these days? Like do most people meet other people mostly on Tinder? Or do they meet at work? Or do they first date as girlfriend/boyfriend at high school/college? How do relationships start these days?
     
  10. ongoingwhy

    ongoingwhy Meat Pie Lover

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    The real question is, what percentage of people are actually happily married? People stay married despite not feeling anything for each other for various reasons. Some stay together for the children, others for financial reasons, or simply because they're used to it etc.
     
  11. Mr. Tired

    Mr. Tired Professional Idiot

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    Edit:
    I start with saying summarized, but end up into a rant.
    Excuse my foolishness.

    Summarized, imo, as long as the people love each other and FOCKIN' communicated and were open and had trust, they'd have a much better and more lovely time.
    Being in a relationship means trusting and being exposed to each other, and why would you marry and try to spend life with someone you don't love? (Money, arranged marriage, etc. out of the context).
    Love is different for everyone and can't all be summed up, but generalized, it's still freakin' confusing and takes a shit ton of work, but that work usually pays off since you can be with the person you enjoy being around and would follow to the edge of a cliff.
    Romantic relationships aren't for everyone, but all are different, and arguably some are just companionships with extra benefits. But both parties agree and are content. So that's that.

    I just don't like the pressure some families put on kids about growing up and finding someone. Maybe they want to marry their work, or focus on their dreams. Though life changes and no one knows what other plans are already made for ya, but others are hopeless romantics who want to seek out the one they can love and start their own stories together.

    Expectations from parents are something we should listen to, but most of the time I think it should be taken with a grain of salt.
    Unless they're trying to explain to you that this person has obvious red flags or is an alien from outer space trying to take you as their own, go out with who ya want.
    My biggest irritation with discussion in relationships is the swoony hopeless romantics who think every relationship has no work, no time needed in it, and is just sunshine and rainbows, and they try to ignore problems and not fight.
    How is it a relationship if you never fight? Not saying fighting is good...well yes, but no. The point is, you're BOUND to have disagreements, you're ALLOWED to have scuffles, and hate each other in the moment. What matters is if you can calm down later, COMMUNICATE, listen to each others, discuss their point of view, find some common ground, and then hug (or, well, whatever else goes) it out. The end.

    Or it ensues as a constant issue and you are not compatible for each other, then you sob for 5 months and should move on.

    And then not all relationships (while the majority, yes) are sexual, and most parents are helicopters and are pressuring you for grandchildren, you have no need, especially if you are NOT ready, to suddenly pop out Jr.
    ...especially if the relationship is lacking a baby oven or batter maker, or conceiving is an issue. cough
    But in relationships, sex is a very important activity and bond. And fun. There's even specific couples counseling that focuses on this frolicking and romping activity and is sometimes the downfall of a lot more relationships than you'd think.

    A lot of relationships fail too because of the lack of intimacy and emotion. Not just sex, but intimacy as an entirety, the vulnerability with each other, trust, and emotional connection. I can't find statistics and am too lazy to right now, but I vaguely remember reading a chart about reasons why different wives and husbands left, due to lack of sex, emotional intimacy, and financial issues I believe. I always find the latter two more interesting.
    I myself can't imagine leaving someone I love because of their lack of sexual contribution to the relationship. If it were emotional, I'd definitely seek counseling, and especially for financial issues too.
    But that shows how different and vast people's ideas of relationships, marriage, and love are. And not to belittle, but how (not 'weak') fragile some people's love for each other is too. I think calling love weak is not the correct word since love can't seriously be measured, but there are stronger and more fragile relationships. And if someone or both of the parties are under pressure from keeping the fragile relationships standing, maybe it's best for both to let go instead of trying to keep something so brittle that's bound to break from falling in the first place.


    I'm honestly not sure where I'm going now but I wasn't expecting to write a fockin' essay bout love on NUF when all my relationships have failed, aight, Imma head out.


    Edit:
    Okay, but now, with all I wrote and my beliefs, I wonder if I've caused a problem in my relationships or if I just pick shallow people with no good morals or effort in love.
     
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  12. reizleigh

    reizleigh Wicked Oni

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    Haa.. Marrying someone means you found your other half right? More importantly your life-time happiness. You married your partner because you are 100% sure that you'd be happy with her. Having children and your sexual desires are just bonus when you marry someone. I've seen many couples still lovey-dovey without children. Though, some people marries for responsibility then divorces in the end they still re-marry when they found their own happiness. Staying in that marriage means you found your happiness, companion, bff, enemies etc etc. its cliché yes but thats the truth.
     
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  13. Mr. Tired

    Mr. Tired Professional Idiot

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    Ooh, yes~
    Cliché, but true/makes sense. Especially the part of having children etc. is being more like a bonus, an extra piece of happiness. (sometimes hehe).
    Although I prefer thinking you are already your own half; you're not missing a piece. You're both whole, and come together to make an even cooler piece.

    I only say this, since one time I heard someone say they will never be an entire piece without another, and their only purpose was to love someone and have nothing else in life, and something about that seems sad and twisted.
    There's just something about that concept that is...ech Dunno. It just makes me feel icky. There is more to life than just love, but I think that's one of the best things about it. Feeling and being trusted and loved are pretty awesome feelings to have and give back too.
     
  14. Deleted member 367916

    Deleted member 367916 Guest

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    Marriage=Happiness!
    Is a misconception. There are certain milestones that we think are needed to be crossed as we move ahead in life and marriage is basically one of those. We are wired to think it as one of the basic necessities for one to attain unconditional happiness and joy in one's lifespan. *Sigh*
    Love and Marriage is not the same. When we love we only see and watch what's in front of us. When we get married we see the REALITY and that's disappointing 'cuz we never once expected the guy/girl we loved like 'til death do us apart' to be someone who farts and picks his/her nose. ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯
    This is the reason for marriages falling apart— hidden hideousness, idealistic expectations and lack of communication!!!


    So, Love but also accept the unforeseen! If you accept then you can have your 'Happily Ever After'!!! ~^^
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2021
  15. reagents 11

    reagents 11 disaster personified

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    "Life-long happiness? Companionship?" Just this and full stop. Believe it or not two people are better than just one especially if they're lovable, amicable, trustful, dependable, beautiful, etc etc. Keep someone like that with you for sometimes and believe it or not you'll be feeling wrong without them around.
     
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  16. Lois.

    Lois. ❲.❳ Wooosh.

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    I think a lot of people just over romanticize romance and marriages that's why maybe a lot would fail, because it wasn't what they expected. Life is life, movies and books are fiction.
     
  17. elengee

    elengee Daoist Ninefaps

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    To begin with it's a fallacy to assume a bad ending means that the entire marriage is bad. Even if people get divorced, they usually have years of a good life together, have children that they love etc. If statistics were everything then being born results in death 100% of the time, thus we should all get sterilized to prevent deaths. :blobpats:
     
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  18. Suijin

    Suijin Blood God [Medic]

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    so the source is a guy who talks about everything? LOL
    ignoring the source.

    the stats against marriage are heavily favored by those idiots who hold archaic or extreme values. both sexes included.
    marriage is a commitment. should not only involve love, but friendship, trust, companionship, understanding. willingness to compromise whenever a time requires it. to be a positive influence on the partner, to improve together.

    the guys who claim marriage is a failure and other nonsense are usually the people who never bother to achieve what I said above.
    me and my wife disagree sometimes, but we always find a common ground, agree on the result that will satisfy both. not just, she didn't agree with a man. DIVORCE.
    or i didn't agree with her, what a toxic man. DIVORCE
     
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  19. Saorihirai

    Saorihirai Well-Known Member

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    In my own humble opinion, there are many types of love and marriages. A lot of people think marriage has to be full of burning passion and endless love, or your partner has to be your soulmate, or even your "other half" that truly completes your life. I disagree.

    Now, love is beautiful. People were born to love, and be loved. The fact that two humans, male and female were made, and placed on this earth, is somehow very poetic. And there are all sorts of love. We have so many people around us to love, our parents, our friends, our lovers, etc etc. I live so I love. Of course, if you aren't the kind of person to be sentimental, look at it from the biological viewpoint. Two makes one. (Ofc you can be someone who just doesn't believe in love and think it's just a human construct. You do you.)

    However, despite my emotional speech on love, I do not think all marriages have to be sprouted from a fiery "love". To me, there is a love between lovers, and then there is a love between a husband and a wife. Having both would probably be the ideal (for me at least) but it's not the end of all means if a husband and wife do not have that sort passionate love between lovers. What marriage needs, REGARDLESS OF LOVE, is patience, respect, communication, and most of all....kindness. Sounds easy, except it's not. Clearly.

    Also, the role of marriage can be a business like agreement, a contract, a mutual beneficial situation, or because of deep love, but in the end, it's all fine. What marriage needs most of all is kindness, protection, and mutual respect. My parents, didn't marry for love. But they love each as husband and wife. They support each other and respect one another. They are partners in life, lifting each one up. My mother takes care of the household, staying up long nights to wait for my dad and give him a warm smile and hot food, while my dad works tirelessly into the nights, coming back home with a small gift for my mother and supporting her. It's all about support and being partners. You can marry because of money, or because you need someone decent to start a family with, but most of all, it's about mutual support. Not always the burning sort of "love".

    A lot of people don't understand marriage. And neither do they understand human relations.

    With all that said, I'm definitely someone who wants a marriage with burning love. But, it's not the only way for marriage to work out.
     
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  20. flowersonyourgrave

    flowersonyourgrave Well-Known Member

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    I think the end goal is also lifelong companionship. You see, the way that I see it, dating is not a way of finding someone who suits your tastes or any bullcraps but it is a way to find someone who fills the spaces or cracks within you. Someone who makes you feel complete, takes away your loneliness, and be there with you through ups and downs because in the end we could not truly live alone. Perhaps even in our death bed we will search for someone's presence for comfort.

    Most of relationships starts through online these days like dating apps, Messenger, Tiktok, social medias, etc. After some time some people will meet behind the screen to assess the person they are dating or something and sometimes people who uses social media platforms or dating apps are just using it for fun like flirting with someone or sending their *bleep* uhh yeah and that's how some of them get to know each other. Those are the only informations that I know please correct me if I'm wrong since I do not open any social medias anymore lol.
     
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