Discussion What are your thoughts on arranged marriage

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by FIEND, Jul 16, 2021.

  1. FIEND

    FIEND i eat crayons

    Joined:
    May 17, 2020
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    4,347
    Reading List:
    Link


    In general what are your thoughts. Do you think it works or not?
     
    Wujigege and Cutter Masterson like this.
  2. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2016
    Messages:
    18,553
    Likes Received:
    18,153
    Reading List:
    Link
    a system where
    - parent control still huge
    - marriage still huge deal on society, nah more like perception and the succession of family and prosperity?
    - business deal~ err you know like noble married with other noble for power and influence stuff~

    interesting stuff to look at~

    can it work? it used to work but dunno now~ some still exist tho~
     
  3. Deleted member 97520

    Deleted member 97520 Guest

    Reading List:
    Link
    Personally, I think it depends on how much your whatever authority figure knows about you and the person you're getting married to... and if you and your arranged fiancee/spouse are willing to trust the judgement of the person(s) who decided on the marriage and on if you're willing to try it.

    Basically, it depends on a lot of things.

    Political marriages are a whole another thing, tho.
     
    violar, otaku31 and Sabruness like this.
  4. Sabruness

    Sabruness Cultured Yuri Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2016
    Messages:
    3,986
    Likes Received:
    4,594
    Reading List:
    Link
    the concept itself has some value even in this day and age. It theoretically cuts out a lot of the hassles of normal dating if the one doing the arranging does their research and really considers things from all aspects.

    How it is, and has been, employed by cultures and societies? not so great, especially when it's more like horse trading for the value of others disregarding the couple themselves.
     
  5. Night Phoenix

    Night Phoenix The *Eccentric* Person

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2017
    Messages:
    829
    Likes Received:
    1,031
    Reading List:
    Link
    Meh, tbh, I'd be happy enough since I don't think I can feel love, so I'd just get married to pass along them genes.
     
    nevelvir and Kurotsubaki like this.
  6. Vilidious

    Vilidious Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2017
    Messages:
    699
    Likes Received:
    892
    Reading List:
    Link
    Well, arranged marriage isn't to me a relationship between the people in the relationship, but between the groups behind them (relatives etc)... basically outsiders selling your body for their own interests.

    As such, I don't really believe there is going to be much romantic feelings behind it, but it can probably at least outwardly seem to work.

    If nothing else, the peer pressure should make divorce much more difficult and force the pair to "work it out".

    Whether it satisfies any emotional needs of the partners in question is another matter entirely, and I'd say any love born of someone else's matchmaking and decision is more a stroke of luck than a guaranteed outcome.
     
    violar, nyamachi and xnvesha.14 like this.
  7. Isaac20

    Isaac20 Dark Lord | RS

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2020
    Messages:
    2,039
    Likes Received:
    6,307
    Reading List:
    Link
    It depends.
    Although the divorce rate is between 40-50%, the divorce rate for arranged marriages is only 4%.
     
    Cutter Masterson likes this.
  8. Goblin Sleuth

    Goblin Sleuth Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2016
    Messages:
    1,849
    Likes Received:
    2,514
    Reading List:
    Link
    That statement is misleading because it implies the couples in arranged marriages are happier because they don't get divorced. You also have to take into account that societies that have arranged marriages are much more traditional, so even if divorce is a viable option it very heavily frowned upon.

    I have heard that arranged marriages can be more successful because their participants don't view it as a romantic relationship, but more like a business partnership. Only instead of running a company they are trying to raise a successful family. That isn't to say there is no romance, but that comes secondary. As they enter the union committed to a sense of marital duty, rather than the whims of their emotions.
     
  9. Toralk

    Toralk Certified Grouch

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2018
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    658
    Reading List:
    Link
    I don't see much upside to arranged marriages. Even if the parents are older and wiser, and so in theory should be better able to decide than their swimming in hormones kids, parents seem to always make things worse when they try to make life choices for their children. At best their judgment is warped by wishful thinking, at worst they just force their own desires onto their children.

    The worst of it is, it destroys any chance to learn and grow. If you chose the wrong spouse on your own at least you can hopefully do better next time. If your parents chose the wrong spouse for you you've just had your life ruined for no good reason.
     
    ExcitableFoci and xnvesha.14 like this.
  10. Nightow1

    Nightow1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2019
    Messages:
    2,494
    Likes Received:
    2,992
    Reading List:
    Link
    Arranged marriages are good. If you have an unarranged marriage, you'll have absolutely no idea what to do after the "You may kiss the bride" stage. :p

    Ok, humor to off:

    My opinion is that any marriage has the potential to be a happy one or a miserable one, it all depends on what mindset you approach it with. If you're still trying to "go solo", your marriage is bound to fail, arranged or not but if both are willing to accommodate to make it work, it can be a happy marriage, so it really does not matter if it is arranged or not, it just matters about how you see your life with someone else.

    Even a "date" marriage has a lot of negotiating at the honeymoon stage where the two of you find out about each other and try not to kill each other during the process. That is why you very often hear "You're not the person I married!". The truth? He/she is, you just did not see it while dating and only discovered it after.

    A pastor I once knew described marriage as "tossing 2 sinful, selfish people into a room, locking the door and throwing away the key". The important thing isn't the marriage, it's how to accommodate each other's selfishness and sinfulness. As such, marriage is an awesome method to encourage Christian living since both of you can no longer do whatever you want without consequences lol.

    Well, sex itself can be a bonding event that generates feelings. A lot of people underestimate it thinking it is only an orgasm generator but there is a reason why a lot of people end up cuddling after sex, it is also a bonding event that "glues" 2 people together. Emotions can be "cultivated", which is why arranged marriages can work. The sense of duty causes them to stick around which then turns into cultivated feelings. And of course the reverse, neglect your relationships and couples can get distant, even if you were a "date" couple. And one sign that a couple is getting distant? "We never have sex any more".
     
  11. Isaac20

    Isaac20 Dark Lord | RS

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2020
    Messages:
    2,039
    Likes Received:
    6,307
    Reading List:
    Link
    Isn’t that why I said it depends?
    Modern day arranged marriages are different from traditional arranged marriages of the past. But let’s not forget that some countries are still behaving like well frogs in that regard.
     
    Nightow1 likes this.
  12. Deleted member 314196

    Deleted member 314196 Guest

    Reading List:
    Link
    I think it works, it has worked in the past at least. Besides its human nature to fall in love with the opposite gender regardless of who it is when given enough time. I myself once found the idea attractive, especially when the other party is known. Although, whether you'll be happy or not depends on how good of a parent you have. After all, if you're a gooe parent you'll naturally want whats best for your child.

    However, if its arranged for political reasons then I'm highly against it, since they won't even consider human feelings. Using your own child as a piece to grow your own authority is disgusting.
     
    Nightow1 likes this.
  13. Despapa69

    Despapa69 Revered 17 Syllable Sage

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    1,583
    Reading List:
    Link
    Money is good. Nothing else to say. Its just good stuff.
     
  14. aegis062

    aegis062 Chaotic Demon Emperor

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,987
    Likes Received:
    1,884
    Reading List:
    Link
    It has it's pros and cons.
    Pro and a con is that the man or woman they arrange for you can be either good looking or ugly or anything in between. <--a dice roll

    I can list a ton of good and bad, but I think it's up to the 2 ppl involved if they want to make it work or not.

    Con of a regular marriage is that since it's you who decided to get married it's also very easy for you divorce for whatever reason.

    I have seen really ridiculous excuses for divorce. some are so easy to solve, but the on who wants the divorce usually has no intention of fixing the problem thinking they can find someone better. <--- they never really do

    Once your in your 30s as a man you might have established yourself and can meet women in their 20s, but those women usually don't want what you want.

    For women in their 30s they usually don't want younger men and the older men are leftovers, guys who played too much in their 20s-30s and because these women were really good looking in their 20s and early 30s they still have the mentality that they can get someone better and usually end up being 40s and single. I have seen a lot of these types. <-- they went partying and clubbing well into their 30s leaving their kids with a baby sitter.
     
    Nightow1 likes this.
  15. YoriMei

    YoriMei (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

    Joined:
    May 22, 2018
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    342
    Reading List:
    Link
    I don’t think they’re entirely bad, and they truly did have a place/use in history like as someone above said aren’t most political marriages arranged? I think for 90% of the population though, arranged marriages are out of date. We’re no longer in some sort of trade and barter system, women can get jobs, there’s no reason for a person’s parents to forcibly make their child marry someone they don’t want to. Even if their child has bad luck in dating, they can go to a match maker or a dating website.
     
  16. Owl1412

    Owl1412 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2020
    Messages:
    286
    Likes Received:
    546
    Reading List:
    Link
    Honestly people in arranged marriages can be miserable af. I think I saw a teen getting married and he went crazy at the wedding, injuring guests and a poor kid by smashing a champagne bottle/the wedding cake. The groom and bride looked around 15
     
  17. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2015
    Messages:
    5,704
    Likes Received:
    8,748
    Reading List:
    Link
    Intriguing question. Personally, I’m a little conflicted because I know of several arrange marriages working. But in general I say NO.
    A marriage should be base on love. Not a business deal.
    No ones future should be decided on by anyone else, but you.
    At least that’s what I think
     
  18. gtreed

    gtreed Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    206
    Reading List:
    Link
    I can see why people would oppose them but I can't quite hate the idea. My parents had one and I can only hope that my future marriage is as loving and wholesome as theirs.
     
    otaku31 and nyamachi like this.
  19. nevelvir

    nevelvir Master Sleepers

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2019
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    302
    Reading List:
    Link
    Arranged marriage is not the problem, I think. But maybe what 'arranged marriage' means in my mind is a little bit different with what's shown on the video.

    Arranged marriage in my mind is where parents introduce each of their children, then their children will get to know each other, and if no problems are found during the 'get to know' stage, they'll get married. The status (economically, ideology, world view) would be similar for each family. It should only be for parents to help their children achieve happiness, not for profit.

    Then, it should be no problem? In the world where I personally don't have the chance to find 'true love' for myself, it's a good choice to accept what my parents arranged for me.
     
    otaku31 likes this.
  20. MasterCuddler

    MasterCuddler Handsome Chicken

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,636
    Likes Received:
    3,806
    Reading List:
    Link
    I used to hate it, because “modern society” & “free will”. Now I don’t mind it as long as the other side is reasonable and we share similar values. Though I still won’t do it because I hate being forced by parents. I’m a brat that way