Disclaimer: Word vomit. Nothing substantial. The closest strangers, they say. If you never heard of that, it's about family. You can't choose your family. You're born into it. It's both a blessing and a curse. Maybe you're one of those who won the lottery and was born into a very healthy family. Or maybe you got the short end of the stick and have been born in a very dysfunctional one or not have a family at all. But even so, everything has its flaws. Even a picture perfect family have their own troubles and ordeals. We all have to adjust accordingly into different situations. As we grow older, we gain our own person. We grow and become individuals. We'll have our own thoughts, beliefs, dreams and hopes. We also gain our own insecurities, fears, dislikes and person issues. Some we keep close to our hearts, never to be shown. Some we can share, little stories during meal time. Everyone is part of the family but at the same time everyone has their own life to live. However, life is like a pie sometimes. The more you give to yourself, the less you give to others. Give what exactly? IMO, it applies to quite various aspects. Time, Attention, Care among other things. Humans are very limited. And we do many things to supplement these limitations. But will it ever be enough? Who knows? I don't. Sometimes, I wish they knew me better though. I wonder if they wonder what I do with my time. I know some of what they do with theirs. I know some of their likes and dislikes. I know little old stories about them. They know some of mine. I wonder how substantial those we know about each other though. Do they know I've been in a novel forum for almost four years now, talking to people from all sorts of places? Do they know how obsessed I am with a certain game? Do they know I really like writing and many of those I scattered around this place? Do they know I wake up in the middle of the early morning from nightmares i can't even recall? Do they know I like reading beside the window during rainy days? Would they even remember even if they know? So many trivial details. So many simple happiness. I believe that I don't have anything unique about me. Writing? Someone does it better than I do. Reading? Heck, even this forum got thousands of book lovers. Music taste? I don't even dare to guess how many people listen to the things i like. There is nothing in me that has no overlap with someone else. There's more than seven billion people in the world, what do you expect. But you know, i believe that I am unique as a whole. Everyone is unique as a whole. Because all these non-unique traits converges into one person. Imagine how many possibilities those are. With that much possibilities, I let myself hope that I'm not a speck of dust floating in space. I have worth. I have matter. That's why sometimes, i wish people know me better. And people try to know me better. But the funny thing about family is that since they've known you for so long, there is this passive belief that they know you enough. And they take actions base on that belief. And sometimes these actions crosses a little line you draw on the sand. A line they never knew about. But they are family, you adjust. You forgive. You let them erase the little line you value so much. Let yourself lose a little for everyone. Most of the time, it's okay. Just a little line. Don't think much about it. But sometimes, I really hate it. I hate the action but couldn't hate the people who did them. And that sucks. And when this happens, i stare blankly at the ceiling and think about how much sometimes, I want people to know me better.
Are you able to tell them directly? Like "I don't like this" or "I like this", so they can know you better... like, without having to guess or probe and stuff.
They already know too much; anymore and I'd be terrified. If they still act like they don't know, it's mostly because they think they know better, which, admittedly, they sometimes do. P.S. As a kid I used to search for spy cams around the house... not because I read too many crime thrillers, but because of my mother's preternatural ability to always find what I was up to and what I was thinking.
My family knows pretty much everything about me, given that I lack the ability to shut up. I will declare every single thing I do to them, and I rarely hold back unless it's one of the few things I don't dare tell anyone. Honestly they know very well that I really like Nanahira.
I feel this so deeply. Even though I know that I'm not the only person in 7 billion wrapped up in my personal insecurities and minor selfishness of wanting to be better understood by those I care about, seeing someone else put into words and so perfectly explain the things I feel is... relieving, if that makes sense.
My family know everything about me except for things I do on internet or like, who I usually chat with. Because Everytime I chatted with my friends she always think I chat with a boy and that always make me so frustrating to the point of just want to pull her to meet them. It's not funny when I'm white and she paint me black for no reason. If I ever have a boyfriend and did fishy things before I would not mind, but I never and she always say things like looking down on me. She doesn't know about everything I like and dislike because she always think I lie. (Seriously, my aunt always tell lies, my father also lies to her about a lot of things, but can she at least give me some faith? For 20 years, I feel so done with this) sometimes even if we tell them we don't like it but they believe in themselves more than us, kids.
Family is pretty much the only relationship I don’t have anxiety about. In no way are we perfect or even close. I keep myself a comfortable distance and I let them know what I want them to know and I don’t tell things I plan to keep secret. You should stop letting your family actions go just because they are your family. Sometimes this line pops into my head a lot,” I love you but I don’t like you very much right now”. I still hold people in my family account for their actions and only forgive when they deserve it.
Family….is weird. I think they know a lot about me, but at the same time they don’t. There are too many things and aspects I keep to myself and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t feel as if I “love” them passionately but I also don’t feel as if I dislike them. They’re kinda like a extension of own body, something that just exists, and something I can never let go of or forget even if I tried. They’re a part of me, simply having my unconditional care because well I’d care for them just like I care for a part of my body. I protect and love my siblings, and my parents, even though I get mad at them a lot, I understand they are my parents and give them this sort of love for that. it’s worth nothing not all are blood related to me as well. Which is why I believe family is not something limited to blood. Somehow they are family, and something I cannot see but if I look hard enough, they’re always there. I think you should try being with them more and even if you aren’t the type of person to “talk” to them about stuff like “hey I feel like I want you to know me better” (I know I’m not. I’d rather be caught dead than have sentimental talks with my family) just know that they will always love you, because ur family. They may not know u the best, but u co-exist unconditionally bound to each other in life. It’s kind of weird, but try to notice the happiness that comes from just being with them and the familiar, subtle, and sometimes dull existence of family.
you are absolutely right . family members think its just a phase but no its not sometimes there's no solution just cry ourselves to sleep . but when we share our sorrows and they act like they care for us and afterwards tells our conversations to just make relatives laugh and make fun of us . but sometimes we just want to die but always that one person in our life that makes us happy it a may be our pets ,friends , classmates , bf \gf, cousins or a complete stranger that makes our life Joy full .at the end of day everybody has their own reason to keep on moving forward to reach our goal .
Well there is a saying “give them an inch and they will take a mile” , just start setting boundaries with your family. At the end of the day it is arrogance to think they know someone completely
@Bad Storm That was well written, I enjoyed reading it For years I thought my mother could actually read minds (she tricked me into believing it at a young age).
This is the truth right here, and it's precisely because I've experienced it that I'm terrified to share my mental and emotional struggles with my family again. Then, because I'm mulling over it alone, I just get more depressed. It's a vicious cycle to say the least.
You know I only know of two cool people who might say a line like that and that makes you cool to me Spoiler: Click here if you want to know them Spoiler: First one Spoiler: Second one
My whole relavites are hypocrite, selfish, boot licker, and money oriented. I grew up seeing how bad a human can be, and learnt selfishness to the bone. I chose not to be like them. Hence I decided to become someone entirely different. I try to be selfless, to be more forgiving, to be true, and get rid of greed. I hate that my family thinks money is everything, and money is tools to measure respect. They think I am hypocrite because I don't love money like them. They see me in reverse. And my only mother thinks too. It hurts many many times and the scar is still there. I am not good person, I try to be one. I believe we don't get born in this word to be good and bad person. Every action is our decision. A murder can show benevolence, a saint can show violence. I wish too many times to find where I can belong to, where I can find comfort, people who can understand me just a bit better than my family. That is all. But I learnt the hard way, that no one will save yourself except you. No one will appreciate me better than Jesus. No one will stick by myside beside God. And God is an essences we can't see, we can't hear, we can't touch. So guess how lonely I am. But I am in peace. I want to be content in every circumstances that I have and maybe after that I will find many people likes me. Family is not always by blood. Some day I wish all of us find a place of comfort surrounded by people who can understand us a bit better, appreciate our struggle better, and love us. A person mind and heart is deeper than ocean. We can't even understand ourselves, how others can say they understand better than us. Sometimes we are hurt with "I have never know they are capable to do this" and "how could they do this to me after all of it" we just mistaken that we know them.
i've come to believe that every family is dysfunctional so my dysfunctional family is just normal. i can't choose them and they can't choose me. sometimes it feels like whatever you do is not good enuf. so i'm done trying to please others, i'll just be myself.