Yes or no?? Spoiler: Rate~ The new world was still young, yet the gods of old continued their feuds. The dredges that remained of their people were dying. They were on the cusp of destroying themselves. Then, from the heavens beyond their new home came a nightmare, came an Ancient of the Universe. This Dreaded One tainted all that it touched, distorting all that came into contact with him into abominable/eldritch reflections of what they once were. Even gods fell to him. Divided, the age of gods would cease. They would become something else. Though they loathed each other and scoffed at the idea, they came to fight as one. Their peoples stood side by side. The war was great, the planet shook, but they sealed the remains of Dreaded One within his citadel which the gods of the depths sunk below the waves. A new world lay before the gods. They tasted the fruits of cooperation and desired the progress and peace that came with harmony. Yet their war was not over. The Dreaded One’s touch still lingered. Of their children, he would claim daughters for himself… "Don't care. That has nothing to do with us." Something unrelated
change your title.no one knows what you are referring to. what is interesting or boring? what am I looking at? who are you? those are the first 3 questions I had in mind before clicking.
Sorry to say but the idea is too common by now. Just from this summary, it's hard to say whether it will be interested on not. The idea that the alpha evil with touch that corrupts everything is already used a lot now, such as the Lovecraftian beings and the latest incarnation, Amon from Starcraft 2. Perhaps to make it not so generic, how about instead of The Dreaded one tainting everything it touches, make it so that the gods themselves are creating The Dreaded One and the fell came from their own hands. Maybe if you want to keep the idea of The Dreaded One, make it so that the gods' own evils become the persona known as The Dreaded One and that the only way for it to be defeated is to kill all gods, the source of its power. The idea that feuding factions would fight together against a common foe is present in almost every story these days. So that is already overused too. Perhaps you could make it so that the gods used all their powers to hold The Dreaded One, but failed to do so and left the spark of victory in the underdogs of the universe, humanity. Sure this is the plot of Diablo, but you could make it work still. Ai-chan doesn't know what you mean with the last paragraph. Seems like two different plotline merged together.
The premise seems nice but you should try to use a different writing style? It feels as is someone’s plainly speaking out the lines, like in the beginning of a movie. If you’re going for a narrator then it’s good. Personally, I couldn’t picture the world you were writing about, not even the rough sketch that comes into our mind and slowly expanded with the progression of the novel. Keep working!
It's interesting enough, but your writing style make it seem like you're a 3rd-rate narrator that procastinated your project and only had 18 minutes left to write a script.
Anyway, Ai-chan is going to join in and here is the summary of Ai-chan's yet unwritten story. Yes or no, boys? It doesn't matter what your answer is, Ai-chan's gonna write it anyway. Tell Ai-chan what you think regardless. In the beginning, there was chaos. It was a time when elements were formed and destroyed, when existence lasted for nothing more than mere seconds and the concept of permanence did not exist. For untold eons, nothing could gain prominence, for anything that stuck out was destroyed or merged, and all sentience wiped out. Then came the Age of Strife, when Halma fell from Chaos and became the first land. Then Orim came, and set fire to Halma, burning Halma for a time too long to measure. Lumm came into being and feeling pity for Halma, Lumm left Chaos and washed Orim off from the land. Orim retreated to the highest mountains and continued to throw fire against Halma, yet it was instantly quenched by the soothing embrace of Lumm. From this strife, came the first lesser beings. The firstborn Rusha, the secondborn Kurr, the thirdborn Marja, the fourthborn Hayaash and the fifth ones, Arta. Each fought for survival in this dark and foreboding world, scavenging worthless morsels the greater ones left behind in their fight for supremacy. In the end, their scurrying attracted the attention of the greater ones. Halma granted them the boon of food equally. Lumm granted them water equally. And Orim granted them fire equally. With this, they were able to fill their bellies and build their civilizations. And so the Age of Myths began. Yet not all was well. They soon turned on each other. They stole land that was granted equally. They denied water that was granted equally. They snuffed flames that were granted equally. In the end, the last fire disappeared, and the world plunged into darkness again. Yet this new Age of Darkness was different from the previous. A new being emerged from Chaos, bringing with it new strife and an insatiable desire to eradicate all who exist on Halma. They called this being Orn, the Consuming Darkness. Fearful of the lesser races being consumed, the greater beings set aside their petty differences. Orim came down from his peak and gifted Halma a piece of his flame and denied it the right to harm Halma. And so Halma became the cradle for the flame. Lumm too gave it protection, so that it would not be harmed by water. This flame was called the Purifying Flame, created to push back the encroaching Consuming Darkness. The greater ones granted the Purifying Flame to the lesser beings, to the steward of the flames and the hegemon that fights back against the darkness. The monstrous Rusha was offered the flame, yet their gluttony, just like their size, was so great that it consumed them, entirely. The vile Kurr was offered the flame, yet their greed was so great that they were left disabled and disfigured. The arrogant Marja was offered the flame, yet the flame consumed their vanity, punishing them with the torments of undeath and an eternity of unreasonable scorn. The lustful Hayaash was offered the flame, but they refused the right to wield it, fearful that it would consume their lust and beauty, leaving them disfigured and tortured like the vile Kurr and the arrogant Marja. The weakest child Arta was offered the flame, yet the flame found nothing to consume. For the Arta were creatures who wanted nothing more than the sincere right to exist. To these people, the Purifying Flame became their charge. And so the Age of Fire started.
I read it and forgot about it after 3 seconds. reread the second time and forgot about it after 2 sec. my database(brain) is already filtering this as clichè and doesn't waste his time to update. since, i can't give my opnion. i choose to *nom skullie*
It's a perhaps. The underlying content is fine, however, the way that it's written makes it monotone->dull.
I read it but I want to give you a sincere breakdown so I'll do that tomorrow and hopefully it'll be useful to you. Might turn my response into a blog post. Anyway I'll edit this post tomorrow since I'm tired right now and would rather wait until my energy recharges. Thank you for sharing.