Novel ✪ Memory Corruption (R-18) (Book 1 and 2 Finished) (Book 3 on release now)

Chapter 31


They ate in silence, although she had been dying to ask him why he had been glancing so much at her.

The only time she heard his voice was when he complimented her for the cake, saying it was the best he ever had. She knew it was a lie. She herself had made cakes way better than that. He was flattering her, but instead of making her feel proud, it made her feel like he was trying to deceive her.

She was still thinking about a way to convince him to tell her what had been bothering him, when he got up to clear the table.

-Are you done? -He murmured, avoiding her eyes.

-Let me help you. -She nodded and got up too.

He sighed and made a gesture for her to lead the way as she gathered the glasses. She knew he was observing her from behind.

-What's going on, Desmond? -She couldn't take it anymore as she realized he was gonna keep silent even after doing the dishes.

-We should talk... -He snorted, crossing his arms and looking at his feet. -I don't think they'll summon you during the weekend, but I want you to have some time to think…

-What are you talking about? -Her stomach churned in fear. She immediately thought about Bill.

Had they confirmed that she was involved in his death? She was so scared about the possibility of being responsible for his suffering that she almost didn't think about being sent to prison. Her eyes watered and he looked at her with worry.

-Why are you…? I didn't even explain it to you, why are you crying already? -He creased his eyebrows and sighed. -What's going on, Belle? When I think you're getting better something new comes up...

-I'm sorry. -She wiped the tears and turned her back to him to hide her face.

-No, don't apologize, I know it's not your fault. But it's frustrating. -He approached her as if he wanted to hold her but backed away, letting his arms fall to his sides. -I'm doing everything in my power to make you feel better and to keep you from thinking about things that would hurt you. Still, you keep drifting away. I feel useless, it's as if everything I've done till now was good for nothing… Do you understand what I mean to say? It's not your fault, I know it's not. I'm not asking you to do something about it, I just… To tell you the truth, I don't know why the fuck I'm telling you this.

He shook his head and pressed his lips, scrutinizing her.

-I'm sorry, Desmond, I'm just scared. Is it about Bill? -She put a hand over her mouth and tried to suppress the sobs. -Did you get the video? Did I… Do you know who did it to him?

-It's not about him, but yes, and it wasn't you. -He said bluntly. -Don't ask anything else about it, please.

She felt her chest tightening and couldn't understand why hearing it didn't relieve any of her pain and tension. She should be glad to know she didn't kill him, still nothing changed. Maybe she already knew that she wouldn't be able to hurt him, even under drug effects. Or maybe it was just the fact that even if she hadn't drawn his blood, she could've avoided his death if she hadn't left him alone.

-Belle, let's sit and talk. Stop trying to guess, it's useless. Just listen to what I have to tell you and get to your conclusions only after you get answers to all your questions about it, ok? -He sighed, pushing her by the small of her back toward the living room.

They passed by the sofa and he led her toward the chairs in front of the fireplace. He leaned on his his knees and looked into her eyes for some time before starting to explain.

-The Marshals decided to intervene in my case. It's totally my fault and the chief is profoundly displeased with me. In short, I won't have a say in anything related to the process and even if I manage to find a way to block them, I won't have her help. I have powerful friends and contacts, and I know I have quite a backbone but it isn't strong enough to bar them from reaching you. -He said it in a monotonous tone, as if he had gone over that speech many times in his mind. -I'm telling you this so you understand it isn't something I planned and that I'm not forsaking or giving up on you. My hands are tied.

-Desmond, what are you talking about? -She didn't understand a word of what he said.

-You'll be summoned to the precinct this week. They'll offer you an agreement to get you under protection. -He huffed and looked away. -The truth is: you are in true danger, Belle. I can't guarantee your safety here. To tell you the truth, if that group is as big as we believe it is, I don't think they can either. Still, they surely have a lot more resources than I do. And I can't hold you here forever anyway, you're gonna have to resume your life at some point.

-I still don't understand, Desmond, can you please stop talking to me as if I knew how those cop things work? -She crossed her arms, annoyed by the impression that he was telling her that he wanted her to go away. -What do you mean by an agreement to get me under protection? Are they sending someone to watch me? Am I getting back to my apartment, but the police will follow me?

He stared at her for a while, grimacing.

-Remember when I invited you to stay here? I told you about the witness protection program… -He said, slowly.

Her face went pale.

-Are they forcing me to move to another state? -Her hands began to tremble and she felt her eyes burn. -Are they taking me away from you?

-They can't force you. -He shook his head. -They'll offer you the agreement. You're gonna have to turn your friends in. Chloe, Trevor, Daniel, anyone else that took part in attacks. You're gonna have to tell everything you told me and… They'll probably show you things I didn't. And you're gonna have to tell them the truth about those things. If you agree, they'll keep you safe in another place. They'll basically erase you. And create a new identity for you.

-And if I don't agree…? -She raised her eyebrows, worried that his answer might involve him kicking her out of his house.

-Then, you don't get in the program. -He shrugged. -Still, Daniel might find out where I live and come to kill you.

-And how would they know that I'm here? -She pressed her lips, trying to understand what he expected her to do. -Wouldn't it be safer for me to be with someone that can protect me, than being alone in a strange place?

He didn't answer, just stared at her.

-Say something! -She exclaimed.

-I can't. The decision is yours to make. -He looked away, leaning back and putting one foot over his knee. -You should think about it and decide on your own.

-What do you think I should do?

He stared at her again and pressed his lips.

-Can't you tell me your opinion? Is it illegal?

-Not illegal, I just don't want to. -He muttered. -Anything I say about what I feel now will either be a lie or… Or I would regret it sooner or later. It's better if I let you think by yourself and know in my heart that I didn't lead you in your decision. I don't want to have one more permanent blame over my shoulders.

-Do you believe they'll find us? Do you believe they'll find out where you live?

-Yes. But I think it will take time. The house is in my mother's name, not mine. And I'm not stupid, this isn't the address I use for civil purposes. -He shook his head. -But I can't guarantee they won't find us. And I know for a fact they are looking…

He looked away, as if trying to decide if he should go on or not. He nodded, first slowly, then more energetically as he frowned.

-You should know...I actually shouldn't have kept it from you: I have a price on my head on the black market. Since last week. Never happened before, and it wasn't there before I had that talk with Daniel. -He looked straight into her eyes, with a fiery gaze. -He is very afraid. He should be. He thinks he'll do the same to me. But I'm not afraid. Not at all.

Belle gasped. She had no idea that his life was at risk too. She wondered how he knew it and if Daniel really had the power to make it happen.

-What does that mean? Is a hitman coming after you? -She shivered.

-He's offering a price for anyone that kills me or takes me alive, but disabled, to him. -He said it calmly as if he was informing her about the weather. -He's been raising the sum, though. I believe that's because he finally realized you're with me.

She trembled and felt the familiar sensation of panic as she thought about the possibility of having someone else dying because of her. First Bill… No, I can't let this happen.

-Remember the car chase? -He looked down. -Those kids didn't know better. One was arrested, the others died in the crossfire or escaped. There were at least five of them. All kids, around your age or less. Both apprehended cars were clones. The boy we caught told us about the offer. It's on the dark web, so it's virtually impossible to associate it with Daniel, but it's quite obvious it's his deed. He knows I'm coming for him and closing in.

-But it was me they were tracking… My phone. -She shook her head, confused.

-He probably got word about the warrant to confiscate your phone. - He shook his head. -He must have planned it as soon as the warrant was issued. He waited till your phone left your house and put his plan on track.

She nodded. It made sense. Thinking about it Daniel did try to make sure she wouldn't be with Desmond that night.

-Do you think he would leave you alone if I turned myself in? -She said after thinking about it over and over to make sure she meant it.

He stared at her with a blank face as if he hadn't understood what she said or was waiting for her to finish her phrase. Then he seemed to get it and frowned deeply.

-Are you out of your mind? -He raised his voice. -No, Belle, they wouldn't leave me alone. And you'd be stupid at least and fucking selfish at most if you did this.

-Selfish? How would it be selfish? -She tilted her head, trying not to flinch under his anger. -I don't want to die, Desmond.

-And do you think I want you to? How would you feel if I were the one who did this? -His voice was full of anger and she started to regret saying anything at all. -There's a difference between sacrifice and waste. If you have the choice, choose to live.

-I didn't mean to…

-I don't care what you meant, you shouldn't have thought about this possibility at all! -He shook his head, with the wrinkle between his eyebrows impossibly deepening. -And I didn't give you that option, anyway. You have those two only: stay here with me or go under protection. I won't have you throwing your life away like that!

She gulped, but nodded. He fell silent but his face showed that he had a lot more to say and was doing his best to hold it, clenching his jaw.

-Do you want me to go? -She said, almost to herself. Then she looked up, looking into his flaming gaze. -Will it be better for you if I leave? I mean, you'll have one less thing to worry about, you'll be able to protect yourself without having to fit me into your plans, and your privacy back… Is it safer and better for you if I go?

-Are you just answering your own question or are you hoping I will tell you you're wrong? -His voice had no emotion. -I told you I won't give you my opinion. I already told you: you have to think only about yourself now. Forget about me, it doesn't matter how your decision will affect me. You're not doing it for me, it doesn't matter which will please and which will hurt me. Think about what you believe is the best for you.

-I'd rather stay here with you.

He just stared at her in silence. Not even a strand of hair moved. He was expressionless and he kept like that until she crossed her legs, feeling uncomfortable.

-You'll still have some days to decide. -He said, simply. -Focus on getting better till then, just so you won't have to go through this alone, in case you change your mind and decide to go.

Her heart sank. She couldn't blame him for wanting her to go away. She had been causing harm to his health, to his career, to his relationship with Magda… She was a motherfucking trainwreck and she had rampaged into his life. Now there was an opportunity to get rid of her without having him feeling guilty and irresponsible.

They sat in silence until it was too dark to see without turning on the lights. He was lost in thoughts with a frown. He got up, lit the room and sighed.

-I think I'm gonna work out a bit. Do you need something? -He looked around. -I don't want to leave you alone, but I don't like to waste my time. I'm gonna wash your clothes, the ones I brought from your apartment, they must be smelling of smoke… The clothes I used were reeking too.

-May I go with you? -She asked, cautiously.

-I won't be able to talk with you, my training is kind of heavy… -He shook his head. -It would be boring for you. Why don't you get the iPod or watch some tv?

-May I get a book and read it there, near you, while you workout? -She insisted.

-Ah… -He followed her gaze to the bookshelf. -I don't think you'll find something interesting in there either. Maybe in my study, but I can't let you get in there now, there's confidential material.

-What are those about? -She crouched to read the titles. She lifted her eyes full of excitement as he stepped beside her. -Ah, did you go to law school? How was it? It's one of my career options. Do you think I should follow that path?

-No, I didn't. -He said with an irritated frown. Seeing her confused expression, he added after some hesitation. -It was Samantha's, although I'm pretty sure she never even opened one of them. I just didn't have the time to put it on sale and they are too expensive to just give away.

-Did she go to law school? Magda told me she was a model…

-Why did Magda talk about Samantha to you? -He tilted his head and bit his upper lip.

-I asked… I… I don't wanna tell you why. -She shivered when she remembered Samantha's bony fingers trying to rip her eyes off. -I was just curious. She said you never saw her without her makeup on, and then explained that she was a model.

-That's not true, I saw her without her makeup a lot of times, especially before we went to sleep. -He shrugged. -But I get her point, she wouldn't let me see her true nature if she could have avoided it.

Desmond put his hands in his pocket and looked up in the bedroom’s direction. He grunted something under his breath and Belle frowned as she thought she heard the word “bitch”. Did he just call Samantha, me or Magda a bitch?

-About the books, it's actually a funny story... It's a lesson to not being a sucker if you ever fall for a guy. -He pinched the bridge of his nose. -We went out for dinner. I didn't know her, a friend had insisted that we would get along and make a nice couple. I didn't have anything to lose, and she was gorgeous. The worst that could happen was end up wasting my time and not even making out with her by the end of the night. I know it sounds awful, but she was there for it too, we both were just looking to have a nice conversation and a couple of hours of sex and then go in our merry opposite ways.

He checked her expression, squinting his eyes when he saw no judgement there.

-But I made the mistake of giving her the benefit of doubt and believed in every single bullshit she threw at me. First she told me about her deceased father, saying he died in the war. I had lost my brother two years before and she knew it, because my friend had told her. Turns out her father was a fucking alcoholic. He died in a car crash. The piece of shit caused the accident and killed a eight years old girl and both her parents in it. Did I check her story that day? Of course not. I only thought about it after her death. But that was just the first lie... Ah yes, about the books, right? She told me she had started law school, that she had gotten a scholarship but gave up midway because the books were too expensive…

He lifted his hand in the bookshelf's direction to illustrate the story.

-All bullshit! I found out only when we were already engaged and she sent it with her moving boxes. She said it would be nice to have them displayed somewhere so the visitors might think we were intellectuals! I am an intellectual! -His voice raised in annoyance. -I used to read a book per week by the time, how could she not know about it? When I inquired her about the law school, if she didn't intend to go back after she recovered from the depression, she told me she made it up only to impress me. And you know what's worse? She was right, it did catch my attention! Don't trust people, don't be a sucker, no matter how much you want to believe in them, always think twice before trusting someone. People lie, all the time, for the most frivolous and selfish reasons.

 

is it little too late to answer this one?
so I reread from Bill's death scene to car chase scene again, since they were mostly mentioned in the criticism. I cant tell if my comment can be seen as a constructive criticism, but here's my best try at being objective and helpful :
1. I would say Desmond's character should be described as brute, sarcastic, straightforward + ill-tempered. It's in no way childish and stupid. Throughout the story he had been acting professional and straightforward, and seemed little irritated at the whole "Belle and her friends" situation. And him mocking Daniel, and throwing sarcastic remarks at Daniel and Belle is mostly because he is seeing them as "immature" like greenhorn and looking down on them in a way like the scene in front of doughnut place. I would say his character has been consistent and realistic throughout the story.
2. And I did think Belle's character is rather dubious like a little child getting distracted. her emotions change like she's jumping through hoops (i thought it was supposed to be her personality trait, changing from extremely sad crying to coming to normal in matter of minutes almost) most unrealistic parts come when she start having random romantic thoughts or casually giving sarcastic remarks about Ryan when she is supposed to be mourning Bill or when having anxiety attack in the cabin scene
3. the whole sex cabin scene was gross and I had to sort of sweep through it. the description in that part was quite good, understandable and made me immediately shudder at the thought of the disheveled new-comer girl, messy cabin, leftovers, photos etc. I could easily picture it in head.
4. whole doughnut place situation was supposed to serve as shallow and fluffy, no?
By hinting how early she got to Bill's house, you can point out how much time they spent in the doughnut place, I think. if you want to make it more obvious. I initially could tell they didnt just drive by there, rather stayed quite a while to make sure she was okay by eating and talking. the intention was clear from the time Ryan nagged and suggested to go there.
Desmond saying "My fiancée never complained" was okay I would say, maybe when thinking about cooking, his time with Samantha unwittingly came to his mind and slipped. This sounds acceptably realistic to me. But to connect to the next part "she never liked to cook", there we maybe need a short description about how he is suddenly deep in thoughts and him unwittingly saying those words out loud that might smooth it out a little.
5. i would say car chase was intense maybe little short. I think you need someone who drives crazily there

 

quick addition :
in the restaurant scene this might seem little contradicting :
she is sobbing and talking about how Daniel hypnotized her without her consent and next scene she is hungry, thinking the "food is delicious" this almost implies she totally forgot about the videos and happy. Again what I wrote up there, jumping through hoops.

 

Please, don't quote this comment, I think I'll delete it later because of the spoilers =)

Thank you so much for this insight! S2 I actually think "negative" reviews can help a lot, depending on the intention (then someone just says "Oh, that's stupid, I don't like it", it hardly helps, but "I don't like because I think it should be..." always helps.
I like the slow pace, 'cause I think the story has two sides: the falling in love part (which can't be rushed, if you know what I mean =,) and the "terrorist group trying to do something that we don't know yet, but is clearly big, without getting their plan ruined" (which too can't be rushed, as they have to be cautious and the police won't stop trying to get them).
I have a hard time with the foul mouthed part, because I don't use bad words when I'm angry even in Portuguese and I don't know someone whose English is their first language that has this habit. But when I envisioned Desmond I saw him as a person that felt the urge to have the control at all times at the same time that he wanted to show he couldn't be controlled (and I think this kind of person tends to do things that people would disapprove, as swearing when you're a teenager, for example, and it's a habit too hard to loose). This was my intention with the swearing, just a mark of personality. But he can control it, he doesn't use any foul words when talking to superiors or when he needs to show professionalism, unless he's angry enough to loose control (another trace of his personality). I changed a LOT of parts because when I reread it I was like: Ok, even if I had a crush on that guy, I would walk away right now if he did this to me!
I hope I manage to develop that ability of turning the dialogues more natural before publishing it =(

No, its totally not late! Thank you so much for this, I read it exclaiming form time to time "YES! YOU GOT EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT!"
It made my night =P
1- Exactly what I tried to do, except

Spoiler: about Desmond X Daniel

that he truly hates Daniel and wants to make him feel impotent and afraid.

2-I really need to work on it. She is a sarcastic person, 'cause she's smart but insecure. It's a form of dealing with the pressure she feels for not believing she's good enough, she mocks, but at the same time she's a very kind person and doesn't like to make people around her feel bad (even when they are mean to her) so she instantly regrets it. The romantic thoughts I tried to make them seem natural =( like as if she couldn't control them and felt ashamed of having them.

Spoiler: About Belle's naughty thoughts

She's been bombarded with drugs that messed up with her libido, so she's inconstant with that. I think I'll add a part where Magda explains it to her, maybe that would help reduce my lack of ability to show it in her acts. She's a 19 yo that never had intimate contact, but took a drug that was made to make her want to do it, for years, and that can cause the lack of libido when overused, as it was. Now that she's craving for the drug, her brain is like HOLLY SH*T, I'M FREE, I CAN THINK ABOUT SEX NOW! Besides, her contacts with sex until now were all negative (Chloe being abused, Bill being abused, she and her friend almost getting raped etc), it's the first time she has contact with someone that clearly wants to have sex with her but won't try to.

3-Nice, I wanted it to be uncomfortable to read, especially for men. I wanted it to be intense and feel like "God, why would someone even think about doing it???", because it happens in real life. It happens more than we know, in a lot of countries, and we pretend it doesn't, because it didn't happened to us. I know I'm not going to save the world with my book, but if I can get some people to stop and think about some sensitive themes and maybe be aware enough to not let it happen to people they love / help them if it happens, I'll be very happy.
4-Yes, I didn't get it =( It says she left her house as early as she could (let's say 6am) and it hints that the sun was up when they leave for the doughnut house and it's almost night when they leave it.

Spoiler: About Desmond talking about Samantha

About Samantha, I tried to hint some things, but I think what I meant was to show that he was constantly comparing them (Belle and Samantha), and seeing Samantha's flaws while noticing Belle's qualities. I didn't want to make it so clear, because it would be weird and grotesque, but I think my intention was it. The fact is: Desmond is always thinking about Samantha, even when he tries not to. It's a wound that he can't stop poking at, so it won't heal.

5-Yes, it is xD But I didn't find words to prolongue it without repeating myself or making it seem too impossible to happen.

Spoiler: Why it I couldn't make it longer

If the bandits tracked them for so long, the police would have to intervene with them both still there. I didn't want it, I wanted Belle to be clueless of everything, I wanted her to be like: Ok, was it real? Was it really dangerous or is he just paranoid?

 

Chapter 32


She stared at him, shocked by the awful story. It sounded like Samantha was a horrible person. How could he love someone like her? She remembered the corpse’s face and shivered again.

-Are you feeling cold? -He asked her, bringing her back to reality. -You should take a shower and change those clothes. I'll get a warmer shirt for you. Sorry for not having pants that fit you. Tomorrow you'll have it. Maybe tonight, if I rush.

She nodded and followed him to the bedroom. She took a shower while he went to the basement. She sang a bit, as quiet as she could, since he probably wouldn't be able to hear her.

When she got out of the shower, she grabbed the iPod and chose a book that seemed to be recommended for first year's. She looked at the comfortable chair and her lips pouted involuntarily. She wanted him. It would be uncomfortable to sit and ignore the fact that he was a few steps away, but hidden from her eyes.

Desmond didn't see her coming down the stairs, since he had her back to her. The room smelled of sweat and was slightly warm. He was throwing punches in a punching bag repeatedly. The sound of the blows made her cringe involuntarily. If it had been a person there, they could have their bones broken. He shifted his weight and kicked hard, over and over and over, with loud grunts before every impact. She looked around, trying to find a place where she could sit without disturbing him.

-I told you… -He grunted alternating between punching and kicking, without glancing at her. -Not to come here!

He kicked the punching bag one last time, hard, and held it to steady it. It was still swirling and swinging when he turned to her. She involuntarily leered at his soaked bare chest and abdomen.

-You won't feel comfortable here. -He took his gloves off and started to wipe the sweat from his face with a towel. -I know I'm reeking, why don't you just stay upstairs?

-Am I disrupting your training? -She intended to keep her eyes into his, but her brain still tried to force her to meticulously inspect his body. -Do you want me to go away?

-You're a bit of a distraction, but you're not a disturbance. -He scratched the back of his head. -You can do whatever you want, just don't hurt yourself, ok? Even if you're curious, don't touch anything without my permission.

She nodded. He pointed to a machine that looked like a chair when he noticed that she was looking for a place to sit. She tried to read the book, but her eyes had something much more interesting drawing their attention. It was like a huge magnet. She would drag them back into the lines of the book, but they would eventually be attracted back to his glistening muscles.

He kept exercising as if she wasn't there, but she saw a glimpse of a suppressed smile from time to time in his beautiful mouth.
When she saw him lowering the barbell back to it’s place and sitting up, she quickly looked back at the book, hoping that he hadn’t spotted her peeking.

-Is it that heavy? -He mocked her after a while, approaching slowly, like a lion would approach it’s prey. He grabbed a bottle of water and turned it in his mouth, letting some of it drip down his chin as he was panting a bit.

-Uh? -She looked up from the page she had just turned and wrinkled her eyebrows.

-The book… Just six pages. I thought you liked to read. -He smirked, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the towel. -I don't think you'll do well in law school if you take this long to read a book that thin.

Belle looked down at the book. It wasn't a tome, but it was thick.

-I love to read… My mind was just elsewhere. -She blushed when he smirked. -The reading is actually smooth, the authors made an effort to keep it dynamic between topics.

-Do you like it? -He wiped his chest to stop the drops of sweat that her eyes were following as they made their way down to his belly. He cleared his throat to call her attention back to his face. -Did you like reading it? You may keep them all if you're really gonna use it. I doubt they are outdated.

She shook her head, then realized her answer needed explanation.

-I haven't decided yet if I want to be a lawyer. I haven't even decided about my bachelor’s. -She pressed her lips. -But I'd like to read them if it's not a problem for you, just to know if it suits me.

-You're smart… You're perceptive, insightful, humble, patient, honest… -His breathing was becoming steadier now that he was cooling down. Belle blushed with his flattering, looking down and he smirked. -Those are nice qualities in an attorney, and even more desirable in a judge.

He crouched in front of her and forced her to look him in the eyes. She sighed as she was intoxicated by his beautiful sight being so close.

-But you're terrible at reading people, you really need to work on it if you're gonna deal with law and criminals. -His eyebrows furrowed. -You might get hurt if you try to get into this world with your naive nature...

-You totally underestimate me, right? -She moistened her lips then bit the lower one. He watched it and smiled.

-In fact I think I do. You'll do fine. -He looked away and sighed. He got up and took a few steps back. -Perhaps you can get whatever you want from almost anyone without having any malice. You can actually force them to want to do it, for you.

She frowned, certain that he was mocking her. He jumped a few times to drip the sweat from his shoulders, wiping it before heading to the stairs.

-I'm gonna take a quick shower. -He looked at her wiping the back of his neck with the towel and her heart pounded. She didn't think he could look more sexy than that. -What are you planning for dinner?

-Can I fix it without you? -She tilted her head.

He paused with a slight crease in his eyebrow. Then he nodded. She jumped to her feet and followed him upstairs.

He seemed glad to see that she was in one piece and humming when he got into the kitchen, and was surprised to find that the dinner was ready. They chatted about his rare visits to the court and about the challenges a lawyer has to go through in the different paths of career while they enjoyed their meal.

They went to sleep much later than usual because Desmond found out there were channels dedicated to music videos twenty four seven. She already knew about them but hadn't remembered, because she too wasn't used to watching TV.

He let her watch it while he read a book sitting beside her, sporadically zapping through the security cameras to check on the neighborhood, then giving her back the control. She tried to read the title, but he held it in a position that made it impossible to check the cover. She eventually fell asleep with her head resting on his lap.

Ryan put the book aside and smiled as he watched her peaceful breathing. He brushed the strands of hair away from her face, caressing behind her ear and her chin. It felt good to have her so close. He could get used to it.

He yawned and turned off the TV, then lifted his knees to bring her upper body to his chest. She shifted her position sideways still deep asleep, resting her cheek on his chest, taking her knees up and curling into a ball. He chuckled quietly as he held her. She looked so fragile and so small... How could someone even think about hurting this woman?

Ryan leaned back and let her wrap herself on him as he slid to lay down. She let out a moan as she hugged him and he cursed himself as he felt his groin instantly respond to it. He stretched his arm painfully to reach a pillow that was too far and put it between his legs before covering them both with his blanket.

Ryan woke up soaked in sweat again. The nightmare was different but the subject was the same. He knew he was about to lose her, one way or another. It was only a matter of time or luck… Or lack of both.

This time he couldn't immediately get away from her, since she was laying on top of him, clutching his shirt firmly in both fists and with her legs wrapped around one of his.

Fuck, why do you have to do those things? He sighed, trying to force her to open her hands without waking her up. The worst part would be taking her legs away, while hiding the stiffness caused by the pressure of her thigh between his legs.

She moaned and took her hands away from his chest, bringing one to her own chest and the other to his neck. She wiggled and pressed her face against his throat inhaling hard. Unbelievable, you must be doing it on purpose!

Ryan snorted and lifted her body to put her aside. It didn't disturb her sleep and he covered her up to the neck, rushing to the shower. He was getting sick of bathing with cold water every morning, but it helped a lot.

The day didn't last. He prepared their breakfast and asked her if she wanted to sleep a bit more in the bedroom after they ate. She refused, but didn't stay with him, sitting by the fireplace and reading avidly.

He pretended to be occupied, trying to stay away as much as he could, stealing glances at her every time he had the opportunity. First it was her clothes. They were dry and he needed to give her her pants. Then, there were the dishes, he absentmindedly left a glass behind and came back to get it. The book he had been reading last night, he needed to put it back in place. Never mind, he just remembered it used to stay in his study, so it would be better to get it back and put it where it belonged.

But then there were no excuses left. He had a headache and the uncomfortable feeling that the day had been useless. Ryan sighed as he leaned by the doorway behind the bar and watched her as she turned the pages. It was already night, but neither were hungry, since they had a late meal for lunch. He sighed and gave in, sitting in front of her and resting his chin on his hand.

Belle looked up. There was a cute mark between her eyebrows as she had been frowning in concentration for the last few hours.

-Is something wrong? -She raised her eyebrows, worried she might have done something that bothered him.

-No. - Everything is perfect… Ryan sighed, admiring the freckles on her bare shoulder. -Why? Do you need anything?

-No… I just thought you wanted to tell me something. -Her shoulder went up and down and he suppressed his smile. -What's on your mind, Desmond?

Ah, damn, so you want me to taste my own medicine, right? He chuckled and looked away. He couldn't leave her without an answer, it wouldn't be fair. He looked straight into her eyes and said in a low voice with only one side of his mouth giving away his smile.

-I was just admiring how beautiful you are. -He knew it would sound flirty, but he hoped she would get the joke.

She blushed from head to toes and bit her lip, making him laugh out loud. He was glad that her lip was getting better fast. It bothered him profoundly that she might get a scar in it. He stared at her lips longer than he intended to, so he quickly looked away, knowing that she could feel uncomfortable.

-I'm gonna go take a walk. Do you mind staying alone for twenty minutes or so? -He asked her, avoiding her eyes.

-No, it's ok. -She said, but pulled her legs up, against her chest, leaning back on the chair.

I know you won't feel safe if I leave you. But I really need to cool my head before I end up making a mistake.

-Don't worry, I'll be near, and I'll be right back. -He murmured to reassure her.

As the cold air stung his face, he cursed himself repeatedly. What the fuck do you think you're doing, you dammed animal? Are you gonna destroy her life too? Wasn't Samantha enough? Do you want to have another death on your list to blame yourself? He walked with his hands in his pocket, but alert, in case he had to draw his gun. I should just let her go. This routine doesn't suit me anyway.

He sighed and took his phone out, checking the message he had been writing and rewriting since the day before yesterday.

“You were totally right, I get it now and I'm sorry. I'm willing to suffer all consequences, if so you decide. Please, give me a chance to fix this:

1- I promise I won't ever touch her again, and I won't even talk to her ever again if you don't want me to;
2- You can take her out of my list of witnesses, Captain Williams should interrogate her;
3- If you'd allow me, I'd like to suggest that you send her to the marshals. If they make her believe she'll be safe, I'm sure she'll accept the deal. It doesn't matter what lies they have to tell, she'll buy it;
4- My plan to make her confess and turn them in, in case you want to go on: show her the tape with William Barkley’s murder. Seeing herself hurting her, and understanding what they did to him and why they did it might make her want to talk;
5- I decided I won’t take the deal. I wanna stay, even if they take Ross. I don’t really care if they come, I’m ready for them. Let me come back to the case, I can't take this anymore.”

His finger trembled a bit as he tried to convince himself to press “Send”. But his finger wouldn't move.

-Damn! -He grunted. He hated having to pretend he was sorry and that she had won. He ruffled his hair and sighed, feeling like he could throw the phone at the wall beside him. -Fuck, I'd rather die than send you this, Riviera…

Even so, his finger was still there, and still trembling. He snorted and added a final line.

“You know you are the one who needs me more. Don't ever put me in this position again. Next time you leave me behind, I'm out.”

-You'll be so sorry when I'm gone, chief. -He nodded and pressed the button.

 

Chapter 33


The three days following felt like an encore of the weekend.

Belle noticed that something was terribly wrong the first time Desmond came back from the shower and laid beside her just to watch her sleep while reading his book and stroking her hair, getting up only minutes before Marrie arrived, to prepare their breakfast. He didn't get dressed to work, didn't leave the house and didn't lock himself in his study as he had done in the days before.

She woke him up from nightmares in the middle of the night, and he always hugged her and asked how she was feeling. She did the same, but his answers were evasive.

She thought she was in a better condition than him. She didn't have any nightmares, and besides the frightening glimpses of Samantha on dark corners of the house, which she had learned to get rid of by shutting her eyes and telling herself repeatedly that it was only a hallucination and that it couldn't hurt her, her mental estate seemed to be settling down.

Once, though, she saw Bill. She woke up in the middle of the night with Desmond's hand spasming over her stomach. She looked at his face to wake him up from his nightmare, but saw Bill's eyes wide open and blood gushing from his nose and mouth. She sat up and covered her mouth, just in time to muffle her scream. When she reached out to caress his cheek, though, Desmond's hand grabbed her wrist midair and pulled her to his chest, telling her it had been just a nightmare and that she was safe. She waited until he had fallen deep asleep to release her tears, and sobbed silently until she herself lost consciousness.

There were times when she just felt too depressed to chat with him. That was when she would grab a book and sit alone by the fireplace, knowing that he would avoid her completely. The suicidal thoughts were constant, but she had been there before, only that this time she knew they weren't natural. When reading about law and justice wasn't enough to distract her from those thoughts, she rushed to the bathroom, lifted her sleeve and stared at the long horrible scars on her forearm, promising herself that she would never go this far again. When she felt like she wouldn't be able to handle it, she just sat at the bottle of the bathtub and let the tears come and take over letting the water fall over her shoulders.

She missed Magda and wished she could talk about it with her, hoping she would help her rationalize it as she had done with the nightmares and the hallucinations. It had helped her so much and had practically nullified the symptoms… But Magda didn't show up. She would have to do with crying in the shower and keeping her mind focused on learning.

Twice she went to the bedroom and locked the door behind her, to take out the pills from the drawer and just stare at them. She didn't dare open the lid, afraid that she might lose control and just turn it over inside her mouth. The thought of him finding her corpse overdosed in his bed was enough to force her to put it back in its place and close the drawer. She forced herself not to do it anymore, as she realized her craving for the pills increased considerably after she looked at it.

But all in all, she couldn't complain. Without Magda and without his work, Desmond was practically twenty four seven hers. Being close to him made her feel more confident and comfortable, and she felt like they were getting closer by the second.

She loved everything he did. He spent almost all his time with her, laughed at her jokes even when she knew they were too silly to be funny, helped her before she even thought about asking, flattered her in every opportunity he had, and there was all the unnecessary, although welcomed, touching. The touching wasn't improper or seducing. It came in subtle gestures, like holding her waist to steady her if she lost her balance, brushing her hand with his fingers to tell her to take it away from something that may cause her harm, offering his hand to help her get down from the stool or go downstairs… Chivalrous and gentle touch.

Marrie too seemed to be uneasy by the new routine of her boss. On the third day she decided to break the polite silence and ask him if he was on vacation.

-I've got myself suspended. -He answered nonchalantly, turning off the tap of the kitchen sink.

-Oh, my! What happened? -Marrie’s eyes opened so wide that they looked like they would fall off from their sockets. -This never happened before, Ryan, how did you let that happen?

-I kind of strangled a witness. -He bit the apple he had been washing when she came into the kitchen. -Hm… It's juicy and a bit sour, do you want one? Belle?

He offered her, and when she shook her head, still speechless, turned to Belle. The girl was holding the page midway toward turning it, looking at him with her mouth half opened in awe.

He made crunchy noises each time he bit the apple, looking straight in Belle's eyes as she didn't stop looking at him with an inquiring expression, but unable to speak.

He finished his apple and got out of the kitchen, followed by their gazes.

-Do you know if he's telling the truth? -Belle found her voice first.

-I'm pretty sure he is, my child. -Marrie put the linen cloth on the counter and leaned against the sink. -Good lord, and for him to get suspended for three days…

-Five. -Belle corrected her. -He worked at dawn from Friday to Saturday, but on Saturday he told Magda that he was forbidden to work. But he said it was because his boss was worried about his health because of his lack of sleep… I didn't notice he was lying to me.

Marrie didn't answer, shaking her head with a worried expression. Then her face lit up.

-My dear, I almost forgot something… -The woman rushed out of the kitchen and left her alone. Belle went after her, wondering what it could be. When she got out of the kitchen holding the book between her arms, she saw Desmond sitting on the couch with one leg up to his chest reading his book.

-Did you see where Marrie went? -She asked, checking his mood.

-She went to the garage. Wait here, she'll probably bring you the kit to tune the piano. -He sighed without taking his eyes off the book, and turned the page.

-Aren't we gonna talk about what happened?

-What happened? -He still didn't look at her.

-Are you gonna pretend it's normal that you were suspended? -She tilted her head, confused by his posture.

-No. But it's none of your business, so there's nothing to talk about it with you. -He finally closed the book and got up to get away from her, but then Marrie opened the door and got in, carrying a box. He pointed at her and smiled at Belle, sitting down and opening the book again. -Told you. Now go solve your own problems and leave mine for me to handle.

She glared at him, but she had already learned that when he put on the blank face, she wouldn't be able to get any closer. He smirked as he saw her moving away with the box and turned to Marrie.

-Don't. It's not official, my record is still clean, there's nothing to worry about. -He waved his hand to shut her up. -Sandra is just trying to teach me a lesson that I probably will never learn. I know that if I get Daniel red handed and he refuses to talk I'll smash his skull on the wall. She just wants the right people to think that I'm being punished.

-You should learn to keep yourself out of trouble, Desmond. Ma'am Riviera won't always be there to protect you. -Marrie shook her head with her hands on her hips.

-She's totally not protecting me. She's humiliating me. -He put the book aside and stared into her eyes. -I'm the best agent she'll ever have. No one is willing to do her dirty work as I am. No one will ever give her the numbers I bring. She's suffering more than I am with my absence. People are calling me and asking for help and I have to say that I'm suspended. Do you know how many calls I got only today? Eleven. And all I had to do was copy and paste a text and ignore their calls afterwards. I wanna watch this city burn, maybe then she'll realize she can't treat me like...

He stopped and frowned, taking his phone from his pocket. Then he smiled from ear to ear, raising one eyebrow.

-Speak of the devil… Excuse me, I have a fire to put out. -He shrugged and rushed upstairs, taking the phone to his ear. -Desmond, counter-terrorism.

Belle tried to concentrate on her work of tuning the chords. Her mind tried to drift toward Desmond, but she was so uneasy about the possibility of him losing his job or his mind because of her making him lose sleep that she kept trying to force her mind to ignore the problem.

She was still on the fifth string when she heard him scream her name from upstairs, making her flinch and turn her head, startled. Oh no! Did he find the pills?

-Isabelle! -His voice sounded like thunder. Her eyes went wide and she creased her eyebrows. He stormed into the room and looked at her from head to toe. -Go upstairs and tidy yourself up, please! Stay there, don't show up here unless I call you.

-What's happening, Desmond? -She was kneeling on the bench, leaning upwards inside the piano. She leaned back and pulled the hem of his shirt back over her shoulder. -What do you mean by tidying myself up?

-You can start by wearing your own clothes! You have yours now, why are you still wearing mine? I gave you your shirts besides your pants, didn’t you notice it? -He looked annoyed. She was surprised. He hadn't complained about it, even after giving her the clean clothes. -And, I don't know, do something to look less… I don't know. Put your hair up, or something.

-Are you gonna explain what's going on or not? -She herself felt very annoyed. -You can't just come and talk like that, that's rude!

He sighed and took a deep breath.

-Can you, please, go upstairs and look less… Look like… -He snorted. -Marrie, please, help me here…

Marrie had run upstairs and was watching their heated exchange with her arms crossed.

-I think what he's trying to say is that someone is coming to check on you and it will look bad if you're looking like his girlfriend when they get here, my dear. -Marrie shrugged. -Did I guess right, Ryan?

His face was red and he glared at Marrie, shaking his head with a stern face. The woman gave him a knowing smile and held out a hand for Belle to take.

-Come, my dear. I'll help you. -She smiled kindly at her. Then turned to him. -And you, you should mind your manners and hold your temper, Ryan. You're not one to lose your mind over petty things like that.

He frowned and opened his mouth as if he wanted to scold her for talking down on him, but just snorted and gave way for her and Belle. She stared daggers at him and looked away as she passed by him, being pulled by her hand by Marrie.

Belle took a clean shirt from her backpack and checked herself in the mirror. Marrie helped her tie her hair in a bun. She didn't like putting her hair up, because she didn't really like her face and neck. Without the hair covering at least part of it, she felt almost naked.

-Why is he behaving like this? -She asked, after Marrie nodded, satisfied with her appearance. -Why did he act like I'm doing something wrong? He was so angry…

-He wasn't angry, he was just worried, my dear. -She took a strand of the girl's hair and pulled it out of the bun, curling it with her finger. -He's just trying to protect you. I'm gonna go down and make some coffee. Please, stay here until they summon you.

Protect me from what? Or from whom? Belle watched as she left and closed the door behind her. She looked around, trying to decide what to do next. The doorbell rang and she opened the door of the bedroom to try to hear something about whoever was coming to check on her.

-Desmond! It’s very nice to see you with a much healthier face! -A firm female voice could be heard through the corridor.

Belle couldn't hear the reply, but she was certain that she heard Desmond saying the words “ma'am” and “sir”.

There was silence for a few seconds, then she heard the woman’s voice again.

-Thank you, Marrie. How is Alice?

Belle snorted, looking back and torturing herself with indecision. She could obediently wait until Desmond summoned her, then ask him afterwards about what they talked about while she was away. Or… Or she could carefully eavesdrop. He would never know, if she was careful enough not to be heard or spotted. After a one minute or so of contemplation, she started to tiptoe toward the stairs.

-...Just so you understand the gravity of the accusations. -A baritone voice could be heard. It wasn't Desmond's. -So you have to accept that it's quite reasonable that a deputy might find it fearful to leave another witness in the exact same conditions, under your... Possession. To tell you the truth I was baffled when this situation was brought to my attention.

He paused but continued before any of the two could say something, his voice coming like a whip.

-Or are you gonna tell me it's usual to have one of your agents keeping a witness in his own house for protection?

-I would totally agree with you, were she an underaged girl, as it was the case. But Miss Ross is an adult, she can fend for herself, sir. There's nothing in the law or in the guidelines that forbids it. She needed immediate protection and I could provide it. -Desmond's voice sounded almost monotonous. -If you allow me, I'd guess the marshals have much more interesting and important issues to deal with than a false report of abuse, sir.

-There's many things that the law and the guidelines won't cover, but still common sense is something… -The man replied in an annoyed tone.

-Is lack of common sense enough grounds for sparking a Marshal’s intervention, sir? Then I think we should discuss the origin of the report… Because I think you'd agree with me that accepting a report from a lunatic that would do anything to ruin the life of the target of the accusation, would configure a humongous lack of common sense don't you, sir?

-Desmond… -The woman’s voice filled the room, although she hadn’t really raised her voice. -I must warn you...

-You know it’s true, ma’am. You should know it more than I do. How many times has she come to you this year? What was the last accusation, again? Felony against property? -Desmond’s tone was still monotonous, but there was a hint of annoyance.

-You better have an explanation for this… -The man’s voice raised. -What are you talking about, now?

-It was Andrews, right, sir? The deputy that brought it to your attention. -Desmond chuckled at the deafening silence. -Now let me bring something really worth your attention… She broke into my property two years ago, and shattered the window of my bedroom with a brick. She did it at three a.m., and she’s so incompetent that she missed the bed by two feet, even though it occupies almost half of the room. But her intentions were fairly clear, either to kill me, either to hurt me, it doesn’t matter.

-Desmond, really, don’t bring that up now… -The woman’s voice was softer.

-Why not, ma’am? I was willing to let it slide, she clearly isn’t. She’s starting a war, isn’t she? Let’s fan the flames, let’s bring it all up at once and check who gets more burned. I know I can prove I didn’t do a single thing she accused me of. -Desmond exhaled hard. -I see you won’t answer my question, sir, but still it means you won’t deny it was her. So I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I filed a report about each one of the…

He stopped and sighed. Belle knew by his tone that he was about to swear and caught himself just in time.

-Things… That she did to me in the last twenty months. Every single one of them had evidences that could easily get a conviction in a fair trial. -He continued in the same emotionless monotone tone he had before. -We have her fingerprints, her footprints, even footage of her jumping my fence… I requested a dismissal in each one of them because I didn’t think she really deserved to have her career ruined. But if she goes to the lengths of putting a nineteen years old woman’s life at risk just to get the best of me, I’m pretty sure I’ve made a mistake.

Belle frowned. She couldn’t hear a sound for more than a minute. The three of them were so silent that she could hear her own heartbeat. She leaned against the wall and tried to sneak a peek.

Desmond was standing in front of the sofa with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was wearing different clothes than he had been when she left him. It was the first time she saw him wearing a long sleeved shirt, one she herself had used a few days ago. She reluctantly moved her eyes away from him and saw the two people sitting in front of him.

She could only see part of their faces, as they both had their backs to her, still she caught details.

The woman emanated authority through her appearance and her posture. Her black hair was meticulously tied in a bun behind the back of her neck and her clothes could perfectly belong to a duchess. She had her back straight and her ankles crossed. Her skin was slightly lighter than Desmond’s.

The man was white. All white. Skin, hair, teeth, eyebrows. She felt a shiver run down her spine as he turned his head in her direction and almost spotted her. She was so concentrated in scrutinizing him that she couldn't move to get out of his sight. But Desmond's sudden voice made his head turn back immediately.

-Here's what I'll do. I'm gonna give her a chance. And you, sir, are gonna present it to her. Either she drops this ridiculous tantrum she's been holding against me, and you assure me that if Miss Ross decides to come with you, she won't be her appointed deputy… -He let the words sink, looking straight into the man's eyes. He leaned his head back and grinned. -Or I'm gonna call the precinct right now and say that I want to take the charges to court. She most certainly is gonna lose her job and won't ever be allowed to join public service after that.

-Is that a threat, Mister Desmond? -The baritone voice didn't fit his face.

-No, Mister Denovan, I would never threaten the Chief Deputy Marshal of New York. That's not a threat. It's a warning. -Desmond's eyes flared. -With all due respect, sir… You came into my house, called me a rapist, then a liar, then an incompetent…You, sir, brought a message from a person that is so coward she couldn't even face me herself. Do you really believe I would waste my time threatening you, sir? I'm just being honest with you, if you're willing to back her up with a plan to destroy a teenager's life, I'm gonna have to…

His words cut suddenly as he looked up and saw her. She shrunken and hid herself behind the wall, panting. She could still see his eyes in the back of her mind, although she wasn't sure what emotions she saw there. Was he angry? Disappointed? Sad? Annoyed? Whatever it was he had never looked at her like that. Her heart slammed fast against her chest and her throat felt tight in anguish.

-I'm gonna have to take my own measurements to protect myself from that attack, sir. -He continued as if nothing had happened. -Will you excuse me, please? There's something I need to check in my study. I'll be right back. Do you want me to bring Miss Ross with me on my way back, sir? Ma’am?

Denovan didn't answer, probably still trying to process Desmond's words.

-Sure, it's time I know the girl already. Please, bring her, Desmond. -It was the woman's voice. -And on your way up, take some deep breaths… We all want to solve this as soon and as quickly and smoothly as possible. I know you both. I truly believe that you're considering what's best for the girl, Desmond. And I'm sure you won't take any decision without considering everything you hear here today, Denovan. So, let's let Miss Ross have her say and then we can discuss this, civilly, with her.

Belle’s legs were trembling too much for her to stand, so she began to crawl on all fours toward the door. She felt a hand grabbing her by her elbow as she was almost getting to the bedroom.

-It's nice to know I can trust you. -He whispered in her ear, as he forced her to get up. -Get in, I need to talk with you.

She gulped. His tone indicated that he was furious and disappointed in her.

 

Sorry to keep you waiting, Riiii =(
Here it is Hope you enjoy it S2

 

Chapter 34


-First of all, why? -He whispered. -I mean, what if you heard something you shouldn't? What if you heard something that triggered a panic attack or worse? Why can't you just sit and wait and listen to me and do what I tell you to? Can't you see you almost always end up getting hurt when you do things I tell you not to?

-I'm sorry, I was just curious. I was worried about you, too… -She whispered back, flinching at his rant. -I'm sorry, really, Desmond.

-Ok, that's just the first thing, we'll talk about it later. Second one: you're gonna call me Detective Desmond or Agent Desmond at all times, ok? Try to make it seem natural to you. If they ask something about me, if they ask if I did something to you or if we had… If we did something, together… -He looked away, embarrassed. -If they do, don't look at me. It will look like I'm intimidating you. But don't avoid looking at me either, it will look like I told you not to. Act naturally.

-Desmond, why are you so nervous? -Belle creased her eyebrows. -Can you please explain what's happening?

-You don't need to know all of it now. I don't have the time to explain. -He clicked his tongue and looked into her eyes intently. -But no matter what he tells you, don't take any deal he offers you today, ok? In fact, make it clear that you don't want to join the program at all, no matter how good it sounds. I'll get you in, if you want to, later, but right now, you can't say yes to him, ok?

-I already told you, I want to stay with you. -Belle shrugged, trying to calm herself and look unconcerned to him. -Why are you so worried, Desmond?

He frowned at her answer, ignoring her question and snorted, looking away.

-Belle… -He hesitated, still not looking at her. -If I were to come with you, if I were to be sent with you to another state, new names, new everything, throw your whole life away, but being under the government protection, with me, would you want to go? Would this be enough to change your mind about the program?

She couldn't read any emotion in his face or his voice. She thought for a while, clearly inclined to say yes and he sighed.

-If I'm the main reason for your refusal, maybe I'm doing it all wrong, Belle. -He shook his head. -This shouldn't be like that. We'll have a serious conversation about this once they leave. For now, just promise me you'll refuse it, please.

-Ok. -She didn't want to have a serious talk about it. It felt like they were falling back to the start when he avoided her, but they were getting along so well now… It would break her heart.

-Ok? -He tilted his head, opening up the door for her.

-Yes, Desmond. -He frowned at her with annoyance. -Yes, Detective Desmond, sorry.

He nodded and let her lead the way. As she stepped down the stairs, both the guests got up and looked at her. They were scrutinizing her, from head to toes. She looked back at Desmond, feeling uneasy, but he pointed to the chair near the sofa, silently offering her a seat.

-Ah, no, Miss Ross, you may sit here beside me. -The woman waved her hand to catch her attention. -I'm Sandra Riviera, I'm responsible for Desmond’s team and coworkers, I'm the chief of counterterrorism. Desmond told me wonderful things about you and I know him, he's not the type to dole out unmerited compliments.

She said it and examined the girl's face as it turned crimson. Belle looked back at Desmond, but he was looking straight into Riviera’s eyes, with a soldier’s like posture, ignoring her completely. She looked back at the woman's face, realizing she had done exactly what he asked her not to do, seeking out his approval to speak.

-Ah… I don't… I didn't know it… -She blushed even more as she realized she was stuttering and sounding stupid. -Nice to meet you, I'm Isabelle Ross, but you can call me Belle.

She walked carefully to the sofa. The man gave way to her, taking his new seat at the chair. Belle sat with her back straight, on the edge of the sofa, as if prepared to get up and run if Desmond told her to.

-Is it ok if I call you Miss Ross? You may call me Sandra if you feel more comfortable, but I'd appreciate it if you called me Miss Riviera, ok? Just to keep this meeting professional. -The woman's voice wasn't extremely kind, but wasn't cold. It was almost solemn. -This is Mister John Denovan, he's the Chief Deputy US Marshal operating in New York. Do you know what it means?

Belle caught herself turning her head to look back at Desmond, so she looked away and sighed.

-It means that something in the case made important people turn their eyes in my direction. -She murmured. A smile stretched in the woman's mouth. -Detective Desmond offered me to join a witness program about a week ago. He said that was an option since apparently the terrorist group wants to see me dead. Even though I don't remember it, I might know something that can jeopardize their plans. At least that's what I believe.

Her eyes turned toward the man. They darted in Desmond's direction, but he was still looking at Riviera, with his arms crossed and a smirk on his mouth. She quickly turned back to the man.

-So, I assume you're here to offer me the same thing. You're here to tell me that I should join the program and that I'll be safer than I am now, if I go, right? -She asked him, tilting her head and crossing her arms.

Denovan didn't answer immediately. When he started to talk, Belle did her best not to smile. His voice didn't match his face and she got a bit distracted by his hair plastered against his forehead. She didn't like the man.

-Miss Ross… -He looked her up and down, examining her body and face in an uncomfortable manner. -So, you're saying Agent Desmond gave you the option of joining the WPP instead of coming to his house?

-Yes, sir, he did. I asked him to bring me with him. I was scared and afraid and in pain and didn't want to be left alone. I asked him to take care of me. -She said in the firmest voice she could, since her throat was hurting and stifled from the tension. -I didn't know by the time… We didn't know. But I was also intoxicated by drugs and needed help to get clean.

This time she looked at him, because she didn't know if she was doing the right thing. Desmond looked back at her and smiled.

-Desmond, would you mind leaving us for a while? -Riviera asked him, putting her hand over Belle's to interrupt her.

-No, ma'am. Is there something any of you need? Do you want some water, Miss Ross?

-Yes, please, Detective Desmond. -Belle nodded. Then she added, turning to the woman. -My throat is dry.

-It's ok, we can wait. -The woman smiled.

Desmond came back with a jar full of water and a glass. He poured it for her and put the jar over the table beside her, retrieving his book before he did so.

-Ah, 1984! Are you reading it, Miss Ross? -The woman chuckled and looked from Desmond to Belle.

-No, but I've already read it, my father had a copy. -Belle frowned.

-I just finished it this morning. -Desmond looked straight into her eyes.

-You? Are you having rebellious thoughts lately, Desmond? -Riviera mocked him. -Or is it just the feeling of being under supervision?

-Maybe I needed to remind myself of what kind of a reward comes from fighting against the system. You'd be proud, you got my message, didn't you? The next one on my list is Divine Comedy, I think it fits my state of mind lately. -He lifted an eyebrow. -I'll be in the kitchen, in case you need me, ma'am.

-You should add Romeo and Juliet to your list, Desmond… It might bring you some enlightenment. -She mocked him again as he turned his back on her and headed to the kitchen.

Belle just stared back and forth at them, watching the exchange. Denovan, though, hadn't taken his eyes off her. She was feeling almost harassed by his gaze.

-How would you describe Agent Desmond, Miss Ross? -Denovan's profound voice made her back jolt.

-What do you mean, sir? -She tried to understand the intention behind his question.

-Denovan, can you tell me how it’s gonna help with our objective here? -Riviera’s voice transpired annoyance.

-I’m trying to help Miss Ross understand her situation. Miss Ross... Let's say I never met Agent Desmond. How would you describe him to me? You've spent a week in his house and for what I've heard he hadn't left his home ever since, except for a few hours. -His eyes watched her so intently that she felt like complaining. -So I must assume you could grasp some details about him. How would you describe him?

-Hm… Tall, black hair… -Belle tried to describe him, determined to avoid using words similar to handsome or charming completely.

-No, Miss Ross! -The old man interrupted her, leaning forward impatiently. -Not physically. How would you describe him to someone that already knew what he looks like? I want to tell us everything you know about his character, his habits, his likes and dislikes.

-What gave you the impression that I would know these kinds of things? -She frowned, not wanting to tell him anything about Desmond. She knew it would be unavoidable to give signs of her feelings toward him if she did so.

-You spent some time with him, haven't you two talked?

-We did, but I spent the first few days suffering from drug withdrawal… He just took care of me, made me feel safe. He never did anything bad against me, he never tried to abuse me or something. Yesterday, for example, I spent almost all day reading. I have no idea of what he did while I was sitting there and reading. -She tried to say it as confidently as she could, knowing that this moment was the utmost important to help Desmond. -I can swear over the Bible if you want me to, De… tective Desmond has never touched me in a sexual manner and has never implied or asked me to do it with him.

-Where do you sleep? -The man asked in a low tone.

-I beg your pardon? -She felt an icy chill run down her spine and her mouth felt very dry.

-I've received a report that you and Agent Desmond were seen sleeping together here, on this couch at least one of those nights. -His voice came in low and slow, hitting like punches in her stomach. -Would you swear over the Bible that this report was false?

Belle trembled. She raised her glass to their mouth and sipped, trying to think about what she would tell him. She heard Desmond clearing his throat by the kitchen’s doorway.

-Excuse me, I couldn't help but listen to your last question. -He walked closer to them, with a catlike posture. -I know exactly who told you that, sir. And I have the images, I was gonna press charges, but then I realized it would be better to sit and wait until I knew exactly what her intentions were. Miss Ross was sleeping soundly on the second floor and I was the one sleeping on the couch. She couldn't have seen shit, because I keep my curtains shut almost permanently. Sorry.

He grimaced as Riviera cleared her throat with his swearing.

-You should've known better than to believe an accusation of this nature without any proof. I wonder why you would follow her story even after knowing that she broke into my property at 3:26 a.m. on a Friday, without any order or permission to. So tell me, Mister Denovan, how would you describe Andrews? It looks like you two are quite close… -Desmond leaned against the handrail, putting one foot over the first step. -Are you one to repay a favor, or one to do a gesture in hopes she will repay you later? If it's the latter, I must advise you not to. She's not one to keep her word, and certainly loyalty isn't one of her qualities. In fact I don't see any quality in her and if you're expecting to get what's underneath her uniform, let me inform you I've been there and it isn't near satisfactory.

Belle blushed and gasped. She had been wondering who this Andrews was and had guessed it must have been one of his affairs, but she hadn't expected to get confirmation anytime soon and certainly not in this sexist terms. The man stood up immediately with a furious face. His face and neck were bright red.

-Desmond! Now you overstepped all limits! -Riviera stood up too and her posture changed to a threatening one. But her face was still stern and her voice didn't raise.

-Do you see his face? I just dangled the bait and he rushed to take it. I've never touched that witch and never would even if my life depended on it, still, look at his posture, does that look like a normal reaction to you? -Desmond spat the words in anger. -Seriously, Riviera, why would you bring this man to my house? How would you ever consider letting him take Ross away? I heard Andrews had her name suggested to be appointed Assistant Chief Deputy last week. Does that ring a bell? I'm gonna report it as soon as this meeting is over, and I'm gonna point you as witness, you'd better not turn your back on me this time!

Belle looked from Denovan, to Riviera, to Desmond. She was the only one still seated and sank back into the sofa. Now the focus finally had been lifted from her. The three were silent, but Riviera was the first to talk.

-Denovan… Tell me my man is wrong. -She said slowly. -Tell me if I report this I'm gonna make a fool of myself. He has almost a sixth sense for treachery, so I know that there is at least a hint of truth in his accusation, but tell me that if they investigate, they won't find any evidence of it…

-Riviera, I can't believe you're asking me something like that! -The man’s temples seemed like they were about to burst. -I came here to discuss Miss Ross's situation, not my private life!

-Ok, that's enough. -Riviera’s eyes went up. -Denovan, I must recommend that you leave now. I expect you to write a letter to the director requesting your removal from New York. I'll call him on Friday and if I find out you haven't, I'm gonna report this situation. Frankly, I hope we won't get to this point, because I still value our friendship. And you, if you report this before I tell you it's ok to do so, I'm gonna suspend you and I'm gonna put Miss Ross under New York's witness protection program.

-You can't force her, she doesn't want to go. -Desmond glared at her. -You know NY can't protect her, our resources are limited.

-I can't force her, but I can get a restraining order against you. Since you'll be forbidden to get near her, she would have to go somewhere else. Being under protection would be better than going back to her apartment right now, don't you think so? -Riviera lifted one eyebrow and Desmond's smirk disappeared from his face.

-You wouldn't do it. -He said, but he didn't look so sure.

-Try me, Desmond. Denovan, I really recommend that you leave now. -Riviera turned her back on Desmond. -This meeting is over, and from what I've seen today, it should've never happened. Miss Ross looks healthy and safe and there is no evidence of abuse. I'll send the records for you to sign as soon as I can.

Denovan stared daggers at Desmond as he strode toward the door. Desmond promptly followed him.

-Let me see you out, sir. Have a nice day. -He smiled cynically. He opened the door before Denovan’s hand could reach the doorknob. He murmured something, but Belle could only understand the words “slower” and “get older”. By the man’s icy stare she could only guess Desmond had mocked him for his age. His eyes clearly shouted “this isn't over”, while Desmond’s smirk replied “I can't wait to kick your ass again”.

 

Chapter 35


-I'm sorry you had to witness all this, Miss Ross. -Riviera’s voice caught her attention and she blushed as she realized she had been admiring Desmond’s satisfied smile for too long, as he watched Denovan’s car drive away. -I assure you that this kind of situation is highly unlikely.

-Yeah, usually the perverts are smarter than this one. Would you like some wine, Riviera? I'd open a champagne, but I'll save it for his retirement at the end of the week. -He chuckled as he locked up the door.

-I'll have a glass, thank you. Miss Ross, despite the awful situation, I must insist that you consider joining the program. I know Desmond is a remarkable shooter, but that might not be nearly enough to protect you or himself if they come in huge groups. Which they will, Desmond. Have you seen the price today? I'm really worried...

Desmond was coming back carrying two glasses and a bottle of wine. He offered her one glass and put the other beside Belle's half empty water glass.

-Like I care. Don't worry, chief, if they come, I'll take her to the bunker and lock her up. -He smiled, opening the wine and pouring it for her. He turned to Belle and winked as he poured for himself. -Sorry. No wine for you, Miss Ross.

She just nodded and watched him as he sat far from her on the chair and sipped after swirling and smelling his glass.

-Lock yourselves up, you mean, right? I know you'll do everything you can to protect her, I'm just worried about how far you'll push yourself to do this. -Riviera raised an eyebrow. -I really hope your vendetta against the boy hasn't overcome your sense of self preservation. You should think about your safety first.

He sighed and shrugged, then looked annoyed.

-Speaking about safety… You, Williams and the director promised you'd send me patrols a week ago. Apparently my life is much more valuable to the terrorists than to you. -He shook his head with a disgusted face. -Is Williams holding it back to get something in exchange? If so, are you gonna wait till it’s just too late to give him what he wants?

-No, Desmond, that’s not the case. -She smiled, sipping her wine. -Williams is having a hard time at the precinct. They had a notable drop on the numbers. And they got three recruits this week, too. It’ll take time and personnel to train them.

-I wonder what might be jeopardizing their numbers. -Desmond leaned back and put a finger to his temple. -Some would say having the two best agents of the JTTF out of the scene might reflect negatively on the quality and efficiency of the whole team… But who would have thought, right? Why not ground one of them like you’d do to a child exactly when the other is at the hospital?

-I don’t regret it. -She sipped her wine and gave him a naughty smile.

-I’m sure you will, when they storm into my house and get me crippled. -He lifted one eyebrow. -I assure you I won't fall without promoting a carnage first. Tell Williams not to ever dream of sending me a recruit. If he’s not willing to help with the solution, he’d better not contribute to the problem.

Riviera cleared her throat and looked at Belle.

-Now tell me the truth, you two… -She turned her body in a way that she would partially give her back to him, making it clear that the question was meant for Belle to answer. -How far have you two gone already?

-We’re having a baby next month. -Desmond replied ironically. -Stop messing with the girl’s head. We already talked about it and we both agreed to maintain our relationship strictly professional.

Belle glared at him. He looked straight into her eyes as if defying her to open her mouth. She looked away.

-Ah, so I must assume that you jumped on Denovan’s throat when he pushed her into a corner for no reason at all? -Riviera turned her head and glared at him. -Do you think I’m stupid? Andrews really saw you two snuggling here, didn’t she?

He kept his mouth shut, and when Riviera turned in Belle’s direction, she just stared at him, seeking help.

-I may have let her sleep here once or twice. -He looked away.

-Can you repeat that, but looking into my eyes? -She tilted her head and crossed her arms and legs, glancing back and forth between them, capturing Belle's embarrassed expressions.

-I didn’t abuse her, ok? -He sighed and turned his glass into his mouth. -She was a mess, she needed help! I just… It wasn’t easy to wake up every night with her crying and screaming, it’s not like I was having… Look, the point is: I didn’t do what they are accusing me of. It's unconventional, but it's just protection, there's nothing to condemn in it.

-I was the one who asked him to let me sleep here. -Belle intervened, embarrassed. -I don't remember exactly how it was, but I remember that he insisted that I should sleep upstairs. Honestly, it helped a lot, to wake up and know that someone was there, to watch over me and tell me it had been a nightmare. I didn’t think it would be an issue. If I knew that it would bring harm to Detective Desmond…

Riviera seemed surprised by the girls talkative attitude but there wasn't any significant change in her expression.

-The problem is not what would cause him harm, but what would cause you harm, Miss Ross. What I want to know is: are you two in a relationship? -The woman was beyond annoyed. -Are you together in any sense?

-No, but what difference would it make? -He shrugged, leaning over to pour another glass for himself.

-If you were a couple, I could justify your actions if this thing blows up on our faces.

-Then tell them we’re together! I don’t mind, and I don’t think Ross will have time to have a boyfriend so soon. Again, what difference does that make? -He ignored Belle’s frown. -Why are you people focusing on something so insignificant? Why aren’t we doing something about their silence? It’s been what, five days? And they didn’t try to claim her? They are plotting something big and we are here discussing nonsensical theories of abuse. We should be following this thread!

-If I tell them you are dating a witness, even worse, the pivot of the case, they’ll take the case from you! You know I can’t tell them that! -Riviera talked to him as if he was dumb. -And about their lethargic state, it’s a pattern, it was like that before they announced the hunt for you, we think her head has a price too, but we can discuss it later, privately.

-I can go upstairs, if you want to talk… -Belle murmured.

-Just so you can eavesdrop again and learn about the case? -He scolded her. -Hadn't you given me enough reason to be fucking pissed off with you? Sorry.

He grimaced when Riviera rolled her eyes.

-She doesn’t mind. -He pressed his lips. Then turned to Belle. -You don’t mind the foul language, right?

Belle shook her head and gave him a shy smile.

-I told you, she’s easygoing. -He smiled back. -It’s not a lot of work to have her here, I prefer to keep her here and know she’s safe than have her under Andrews and find out she’s dead in two weeks. Leave her alone, she’s fine here, chief.

-Interesting… I recall you using the words “stubborn” and “reckless”... -The woman shook her head, raising her eyebrows. -From this to easygoing, there's a long way. I wonder what changed...

-She's stubborn, but she's learning to listen. At least it seems like she's trying to. And I think most of her recklessness was due to the withdrawal symptoms. -He ignored her teasing and ruffled his hair. -It doesn't take away her merit of never complaining about trivial things and of being…

He looked at her and pressed his lips either stopping himself before saying something he shouldn't or not knowing which word to use.

-I get what you mean. Well, I can't force you, but you really should ponder about taking the agreement, Desmond. -Riviera’s eyes darted between them. -Have you asked her opinion about it?

-I only care about mine. And I already told you my decision. -He said bluntly. -Why do you want to get rid of me so badly, anyway, Sandra?

-I assure you that getting rid of you isn't the objective here. In fact, it's the complete opposite. -She paused and looked at Belle. -Ask him to tell you about the agreement I offered him, later. Maybe you can convince him.

But before Belle could reply, Desmond interrupted her.

-Riviera, it was really nice to see you, but I'm sure you have a lot to do. Probably not as interesting as tormenting me and manipulating a teenager, but still important things, like urging Williams to send people to help me. -He got up and made a gesture to point at the door.

-Are you dismissing me? -She got up and crossed her arms with a warning look. Belle shrunk in her seat, as the woman's proud posture while she confronted him transpired power.

Desmond glared back at her for a few seconds, then relaxed his shoulders.

-No… Sorry. -He rolled his eyes. -But, please, stop. You know it's wrong. Don't use her against me.

She just nodded. But kept staring at him as if she could burn him alive with a snap of her fingers. He stared back. Although his posture had changed to a much more friendly tone than before, he didn't give any sign of humbleness.

-We'll talk about it later. -She said, simply. -I'll grant your access back by the end of the day. Miss Ross… If you decide to join the WPP, ask Desmond to let me know. I'm gonna have a female cop visit you once per week and ask you some questions, just for assurance.

Belle looked at Desmond but he didn't seem to care about it at all. She turned to the woman and nodded.

-I'm gonna go back to my office and make sure the paperwork is ready before Andrews gets word of what happened here today. - Riviera held her hand out for Belle to shake. -It was very nice to meet you, Miss Ross. I hope you recover completely and that we can count on you in court.

Belle got up and took her hand, nervously concentrating in shaking it and taking her hand away right after. Desmond scratched his chin and sighed, walking to the door beside her.

-I didn't mean to kick you out. -He murmured very low, but Belle could hear every word. -I didn't mean to be disrespectful, too… I'm really sorry if I offended you, Sandra.

-Apologies accepted , Desmond. -She said with a stern tone. Then her face lit up as he put his hand on the doorknob. -Ah, I almost forgot to mention. You're still barred from going to the field. This means you'll help Williams with his paperwork. He has a lot of accumulated work and cases that weren't closed because his men didn't make time to fill the forms. He knows you have a talent for doing it fast and right, so I offered your help. I'm sure you won't mind.

Desmond's eyes flared but he didn't say a word. His face started to contort but he took a deep breath and put on his mask of calm and austerity.

-Yes, ma'am. -He said, opening up the door for her.

She smiled broadly and got out.

 

A bit of spoiler/explanation about the next chapter:

Spoiler: About chapter 36 and 37

When I wrote it I had just translated the epic pinecones and snowball fight between Riftan and Maxi and I was like: ok, how would it work if Ryan and Belle had an epic fight too? I didn't manage to reach that masterpiece though, and it turned out to be a huge dialogue.
I almost deleted both chapters because even I was like "ok, dudes, now kiss/make out already and stop this bickering!", but I put a lot of information in an organic way, so I decided to maintain it.

 

Chapter 36


-How are you feeling, Belle? About the symptoms, I mean. -He looked at her with tired eyes. As she glanced at him she noticed he was wearing a t-shirt, not the long sleeved one. She sighed.

Marrie had reappeared almost half an hour after Riviera had left. Desmond had avoided Belle even longer, locking up the door and heading upstairs without a single word or a glance toward her. She concluded he might be needing some space and she herself needed time to process everything that had happened, so she sat by the fireplace and tried to read a bit. After a couple of hours she gave up and decided to go back to tuning the piano. As lunchtime passed, the hunger came and dimmed, since she didn't want to have the meal without him. It was replaced with anger instead, as she felt rejected.

Only after Marrie came to say goodbye and went home, he reappeared, leaning by the doorway. He watched her for some minutes before murmuring this question. She ignored him and continued to tune the piano as if he wasn’t there.

-Don’t you need a machine or at least a cellphone to tune it? -He tilted his head as he saw her moving the mutes to another string. -I think all the guys my brother hired used one...

-No. It’s an ETD, and for me it’s useless. -She answered bluntly. -But I’d appreciate it if you don’t speak while I listen to the note… It’s hard to get the harmonics if you cut it with your voice.

He shut up and crossed his arms, leaning on the wall, watching her hit the keys and move the lever and mutes, totally absorbed. He covered his mouth to hide his smile at the lovely sight of her biting her lip and creasing her eyebrows slightly, in concentration. After a few seconds, she moved the mutes again and played some notes, satisfied with the results.

-Do you need me? -She looked up at him and sat back on the bench.

Her knees were a bit sore, so she put her legs down, and supported her weight with her hands. He smiled and walked toward her sitting by her side, but with his back to the piano.

-I asked you how you’re feeling… -He looked straight into her eyes.

-I heard it, but I don’t know how to answer it, Desmond. -She shrugged. Then she looked down. -I’m a bit upset with you…

He creased his eyebrows, questioning her silently.

-I think I’m the one who should be upset with you. You openly snooped and even after I caught you, you were willing to try to do it again! -He scolded her. -What did I do to upset you now?

She shrugged and got back on her knees to work on the strings, unwilling to start another fight with him.

-Don’t turn your back on me. That's fucking disrespectful! -He pulled her back to the seat, by her waist. She almost fell toward him and had to lean on his shoulder. -Tell me, what’s wrong?

-A lot of things are wrong. I don’t even know where to start! -She felt really annoyed and started ranting. -First of all, what was this tantrum about me “tidying myself up”? What got into you? You shouted at me! For no reason at all besides your own insecurities!

He just stared at her, without any sign of emotion.

-And then you put me in front of those people without any explanation and made me feel like an encaged animal in a zoo. You even talked about my feelings, as if I wasn't there! Why didn’t you explain what was going on, instead of freaking out about my appearance? What if I said something that could put you into trouble? I felt like a criminal being interrogated! And I felt like I meant nothing to you!

-I’m sorry for that, ok? Sandra caught me by surprise. When she said she was bringing him here, I didn’t expect him to be a clown, I thought things would get serious. I'm sorry if I sounded cold, I do care for you, you know that, but they can't know, it's gonna screw me up if they do… -He sighed, but then smirked. -And you were fine, you didn’t say anything you shouldn’t. You even shut Riviera out a couple of times… Thank you for that, by the way. I wish I could've watched you while you vowed for me, but I'll settle for your voice and for imagining his face as he heard it all, instead.

She couldn’t help but smile.

-What is gonna happen now? -She murmured. -Do you think your boss will really force me to go?

-No, I’m gonna do everything she wants me to, this time. She won’t harm you, even if I step out of line. At least I hope she doesn’t… But just to be sure, I’ll behave. -He pressed his lips and she could tell that it meant a substantial amount of effort for him. -She’s gonna treat me like a dog, but I knew the day would come when she would get back at me, it was a matter of time. I’ll let her have her fun till I get back on top.

She nodded, glad that he seemed at ease with the idea of being under the woman’s control. She seemed friendly, but Belle couldn’t be sure just by her first impression. Desmond observed her with a curious expression and looked away again.

-You're not having nightmares anymore, your appetite seems normal, you haven’t had tremors or fever… Are you still having hallucinations?

She nodded, hoping he wouldn’t ask for details.

-But I think I learned how to deal with them… Still, I wished I could talk to Magda. Is she coming around anytime soon? -She needed to give her back the pills and ask for help to deal with the self-harming urges.

-I’m sorry, she’s been busy… She’s helping in a case that is consuming most of her time. I think she’ll manage to come on Friday. -His eyes were full of compassion. -Is it something I can help you with? Do you wanna talk about it?

-No. -She looked down. -I really don’t want to talk about it with you, sorry. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just too embarrassing.

-I won’t judge you, you know, right?

-Yes, thank you, but I prefer not to.

He sighed and cleared his throat, looking away.

-Ok… Well, since you’ve been sleeping well, I think it’s reasonable that you sleep in the bedroom from now on. -He said nonchalantly.

She looked at the side of his face for a while, but he didn’t look at her.

-Sure. -She muttered.

-And you should think about the program. If you recover from the withdrawal by the end of the week, we can work on the case during the weekend and you can join it by Monday. - He went on, still avoiding her eyes. -If you decide to do so.

-Is that what you want? -She bit her lower lip and leaned back to get into his line of sight. She felt a sting in her chest, but went on. -Do you want me to be gone by Monday?

-This is not about what I want Belle. -He looked down, snorting. -We really need to talk about it. You’re acting as if I was some kind of important part of your life, but I’m not. You shouldn’t consider me in decisions that will affect your life permanently.

She stared at him, unable to answer. He raised his head to check her expression. They stared into each other’s eyes for a while. Belle only broke the silence when she couldn’t take it any longer.

-Right, Desmond. -There was a crease on her forehead. -As soon as I stop seeing things, I’ll join the program, are you happy?

Then you’ll finally get rid of me… And I'll be out of your life forever... Because I’ll never see you again. She gulped at those thoughts as her throat burned.

-I’m not telling you to do it. -He grunted. -I’m just telling you to think about it without putting me on the equation, that’s all.

-If I don’t put you in the equation there’s not much left to count, right? -She crossed her arms as he grimaced. -I don’t know what you want me to say, Desmond, why don’t you just tell me what you expect me to do?

-That’s exactly my point, Isabelle! -He frowned, irritated. -I’m not gonna tell you what to do, you should do what you think is best for you!

-I want to stay! -She raised her voice. -I already told you that, but you keep insisting that I should join the program!

-I never said you should join it. -He lowered his voice as he realized they were about to start shouting at each other. -I never told you to stay or go, don’t put that blame on me!

-It’s your house, you should have a say! It’s your life I’m ruining, you should tell me what you want and let me decide how much it weighs for me! -His calm attitude just made her feel even more annoyed. -Why don’t you stop pretending this doesn’t affect you and tell me how you feel about all this? I've made it totally clear how I feel about you, it's obvious even for someone that met me for a couple of hours, like your boss, you'd have to be stupid not to notice! But you, you just confuse me! You come and treat me like I'm important to you, like you feel something, but then you reject me, and then you act like I meant nothing to you! I can't take it anymore, if you want me to stay, tell me, before I get sick of it and decide to go!

He stared at her with an impassive face, but there was a slight crease between his eyebrows, letting show his anger, pain or discomfort. His mouth opened and for a moment she thought he would pour out all his thoughts. But he sighed and got up.

-Do as you will. I won’t intervene. As far as I’m concerned, you may stay as long as you need. If you want to go tomorrow or stay for a year, that’s on you. -He looked straight into her eyes with the coldest expression she had ever seen in his face. -I don’t care. If you don't have anything else to add, this conversation is over.

She watched his back as he walked over to the bar and stared at the bottles for about a minute, then shook his head and headed downstairs.

After about one hour she was done with the tuning. Her fingers were eager to run through the keys and her ears were glad to find that no notes were out of tune, but soon she realized she had been playing only very sad songs. As she finished playing To Zanarkand, she paused and looked around. There was no sign of Desmond or Samantha.

She tried to be empathetic and understand his side of the discussion, but she didn't have enough information to do so. There were just too many variables and most of them depended on his feelings, which were a mystery to her. She was fed up with his back and forth when it came to expressing his feelings. Still, she missed him and wanted to be close to him. If he decided to send her away on Monday, she would have only four days left with him.

She took a deep breath, holding back the tears and walked down the stairs, carefully. She could hear his grunts even before she reached the bottom, so she stopped and watched from the steps.

He was throwing punches on his punching bag so violently that she involuntarily backed away. She couldn't see his face, but his whole back was red as if he had been whipped in every inch of skin. He was covered in sweat and panting, but still delivered blows that could crack a man's skull. It was savage, he looked like an animal. Desmond hadn't noticed her so she just climbed back the stairs and leaned on the bar counter and tried to calm her heart beats. She realized she was afraid of him, although she didn't believe that his rage could ever be directed to her.

She paced back and forth, trying to gather the courage to go downstairs again, but realized it wouldn't be good, neither for herself nor for him, so she grabbed the iPod and just strode to the kitchen. After some time of contemplation, she peered inside every cabinet, even though she had no idea what she was looking for. Her eyes were caught by some envelopes of dried yeast and she smiled from ear to ear.

She was seated on a stool, leaning over the book, when his perfume invaded her nostrils and she looked at the doorway.

-Are you baking bread? -His face was filled with confusion as he sniffed. -How is it even possible?

As she ignored him, he crouched in front of the oven and checked it through the glass, then checked the time on his phone to find out it was already nighttime.

-It's a no-knead recipe, the dough rests only for one hour. -She answered without looking up. -I'll clean the flour from the countertop, don't worry.

He sighed at her bad mood, drawing with his finger on the floured marble.

-Hey… -He approached her. -Why are you still mad?

-I'm not mad. -She shrugged. I'm sad, not mad.

-You have something on your face. -He leaned over as if to have a better view of it, with a disgusted grimace.

-Really? Where? -She lifted her face and rubbed her cheeks, embarrassed.

-Right here. -He ran his floured finger at her nose and she almost fell out of the stool as she yanked her head back, letting out a shriek. He hurriedly held the stool as it began to topple.

-God, you’d manage to get hurt even with a silly prank! -He laughed. Her mood didn't lift as she rubbed her nose and looked back at the book. -C'mon, Belle, you can't avoid me forever.

She glared at him. How could he accuse her of avoiding him? He just lifted his eyebrows and pressed his lips, looking innocent. She shook her head and turned the page.

-Tell me what I can do to make you let it slide. -He stretched his neck, producing cracking sounds as he pulled a stool with his leg to sit next to her. He massaged his shoulders and grimaced. -Fuck, this is gonna hurt for days… Is this another book?

-I'm in the third book already. Stop trying to strike up a conversation… -She pulled her book as he tried to check the cover. -I'm still very upset with you.

-Did it grow from “a bit” to “very” in… Six hours? -He frowned. -If you're upset because of the protection program, don't… I won't bring it up anymore.

She shook her head again, but didn't look up from the book. He stared at her for a few minutes, in silence.

-What do you want me to do, Isabelle?

She was expecting this to happen and had to make a great effort not to smile.

-Anything? -She tilted her head, still avoiding his eyes.

-No. Just tell me what you want. -He snorted, getting annoyed by her tone. -I'm no stupid, Belle, you're not sick anymore. Tell me why you're upset and what I can do to make it up to you. Let's sort this out.

-I want you to… -She looked straight into his eyes, trying to capture every single emotion in his face. -Tell me what your boss's offer was.

His posture changed and he looked intently at her. Then he smirked and looked at the ceiling.

-Damn, that's... Great... -He shook his head. There were a bunch of emotions in his eyes, from sadness to anger, but disappointment overcame it all as he looked back into her eyes. -I should have had this coming, right? I mean, I'm such a sucker for letting you in… That's exactly what I deserve.

He looked down, pressing his lips firmly and pinching the bridge of his nose.

-How long did you take to come up with this plan, Isabelle? -He lifted his face and she cringed at the disgust inside his eyes. He looked her up and down and spat the words with rage. -Fuck you.

He got up to leave, but she grabbed his shirt near his waist and pulled it.

-I feel like I have a right to know about it. -Even with the tall stool, the top of her head barely reached his eyeline. He looked down at her, but she didn't budge.

-Do you, now? -He reached out to take her hand away. She grabbed his hand with her other. -But you don't have it. Not at all.

-I think I know what it was. -She murmured, clutching his shirt firmly with her other hand as he started to force her to open her fingers one by one. -She offered you to come with me, didn't she? She wants you to get under the marshals protection with me.

He froze and looked up into her eyes. Then shook his head and clicked his tongue.

-Let go, now. -He grunted. He grabbed her wrist and twisted it. She felt a slight sting as her joints reached the normal limit of stretching.

-Are you really going to break my wrist only to avoid answering me? -She frowned, willing to bear the pain just to win the argument.

-I won't have to break it, let go! -He snorted as he realized she wouldn't give in and looked at her as if she was crazy. He let go off her wrist and put his hands on his waist. -I'm telling you to let go, Isabelle, this is childish as fuck!

-You are the one who was planning to run away from a question, and I'm the child? -She mocked him. -You don't even have to answer, just by your reaction I know I nailed it.

-I'm not offended by your question, I'm offended because you tried to trick me! -He held both her arms with one hand and used the other to pull his shirt over his head, pulling it by his back. -Good luck coming after me, dumbass.

He pulled the shirt over her locked up arms and tied it in a strong knot, improvising a handcuff, before striding out of the kitchen.

She actually didn't take long to release herself, using her teeth to loosen the knot, but felt stupid by putting herself in this situation. After the bread was ready and she put it out of the oven to rest, her heart sank as she saw his drawing over the marble countertop. The words “I’m sorry” were flanked by a sad face and the shape of a heart.

She cleaned up the kitchen and went looking for him through the whole house, but couldn't find him and he didn't answer when she called his name. She fixed a quick dinner, hoping they would make up during their meal, but he didn't show up and she lost her appetite. Almost one hour had passed when she gave up and decided to take a shower and prepare to sleep. The depressive thoughts hit her like a ton of bricks.

She got out of the shower with red swollen eyes. As soon as she stepped into the bedroom to get dressed, she noticed the bed had been made for her. She tiptoed to the stairs, hoping he wouldn't spot her. He was laying on the sofa with a book open in his hand. Beside him there was bedding only for one. She observed him for a long time, but he never turned the page. When his head moved slightly in her direction she hurried to the bedroom as silently as she managed. She closed the door and crawled under the blanket, holding his shirt to her chest and crying herself to sleep.

 

Chapter 37


She woke up with a terrible headache and feeling like she had been hit by a truck.

The nightmares weren't even the worst part, although she had spent most of the night with her eyes wide open for fear of seeing his severed head in her hands or Bill's dry eyes questioning her again. No, the problem now was Samantha. Instead of waving with her sinister smile from the corner of the room, as usual, she had climbed on the bed and scratched Belle's back until the girl screamed in pain, and when she tried to move to shove her away, her body wouldn't obey.

Belle knew what it was, because Chloe had described her own experiences with night terrors, so she tried to be rational and tell herself that it wasn't real. Despite that, her brain didn't agree and she could still feel every inch of skin that had been ripped by Samantha during the night. The sensation of helplessness was almost permanent too.

She heard a knock on the door and tried to hide her disappointment as Marrie got in with a banquet for breakfast.

-Ryan said you went to sleep without having dinner, so he wants you to have a hearty meal for breakfast. -Marrie looked at Belle with worried eyes. -You don't look good, my dear.

-I'm not feeling good, either. -Belle shook her head, unashamed. -I'm gonna go to the toilet. Leave the trail on the bed, please, I'll take a while.

She got a terrible bellyache and tried hard to make her face seem less swollen, but using only cold water it would be impossible. She opened the cabinet and wasn't surprised to find dozens of products that she could use to look better. When she reached out to grab one, though, she felt a shiver run down her spine and the scratches felt brand new. She didn't believe in ghosts, but at that moment she decided not to test her skepticism. She got out of the bathroom and froze as she saw Desmond waiting for her, leaning by the door of the room.

-Good morning. -He murmured. He seemed to be in great shape.

She just nodded, afraid that her voice would fail.

-Magda won't be able to come until at least next week, so she sent you this. -He pointed to a toilet bag over the bed. It had a cute ribbon in it. -I don't know what is inside, she asked me not to open it. She also gave me a box, but she told me to give it to you only if you decide to join the WPP before she comes here, so…

He looked away and sighed.

-I'm sorry for yesterday, I hope you didn't get hurt trying to untie yourself or get out of the stool. I didn't think it through until I cooled my head… When I came back home you were already in the shower. -He came closer and signaled her to do the same. He sighed as he put a hand to her cheek and looked straight into her eyes. -Look… I don't trust people. Ever. I never let anyone get near enough to do things like what you tried to do to me. It really gets me on edge, I went out because I was afraid of hurting you. With words, I mean, I would never beat you, don't worry.

Her face went pale for a moment, but she relaxed as he corrected it. She stared at him, not knowing what to say.

-Don't you have anything to tell me? -He crossed his arms and looked at her. -I mean, you had a point about the meeting, and I'm sorry for hurting you, but you can't say you were totally right… You tried to use me and you even premeditated it. I bet you planned it hours before I got there.

She was too embarrassed to say something, so she just nodded and looked away. He took it as a sign of rejection, so he just shook his head and turned to the door.

-Well, I have a lot of work to do today and I'm gonna have to go to the precinct tomorrow, so… Yeah, you won't have to see my face that much. -He muttered, putting his hand on the doorknob. -Call Marrie if you need something.

No, please, don't walk away. She screamed internally. Before she could hold herself she stretched her arm and grabbed his wrist.

-Desmond… I'm sorry for trying to trick you. And I'm sorry for trying to force you to tell me things. -She sighed, getting closer to him, and reluctantly letting go of him.

-I know it's hard for you to understand it, but it was the worst thing you could do to me, seriously. I really believed I would never want to see your face again, but still, here I am… -He scratched the back of his neck. -I don't know, just… I kind of wish I hated you right now, you understand it? You'd deserve it.

-I'm really sorry, Desmond. I swear I didn't think that would offend you or hurt you. -She creased her eyebrows and bit her lower lip, trying to find the right words to make him understand that if she could go back in time, she would have never done it. -I really, really, wanna know what your boss offered you. But if you don't wanna tell me, it's your right to keep it to yourself. But, please, if I'll be gone on Monday, I don't want us to be like that… I don't want this to be the last memory I have from you.

-You decided to go, then? -He gulped, but he tried to cover it by clearing his throat. -Don't you want more time to think? I think it would be better if you waited until Friday, actually, because Denovan hasn't renounced yet… And maybe it would do you good to have one last session with Magda before going, too...

-I didn't decide anything, I don't wanna go. -She shook her head. -But I don't want to be a burden for you anymore and I'm sick of this rollercoaster of emotions. If you want me to leave, you just have to tell me when.

-What the hell, Belle, you're being dramatic now! -He rubbed his face with one hand, annoyed by her words. -You're overreacting.

-I'm not overreacting. I'm just accepting things as they are. -She looked down and tried to say it as fast as she could. -I thought about this, there are just two options: either you want to be near me, or you don't. I told you I wanna stay, and you act like you don't like it, so, there are two possible causes for it: because you're too worried about me and don't want me to stay in a dangerous place, or you just don't want me to be near you. And since I believe you were offered the option to go with me and be under protection too, but you refused it even when you know that your life is at serious risk, then I can only assume it's the second reason.

-You're being very ungrateful now… -He shook his head, putting one hand to his waist. -You have no idea what I've done for you in the last few days. You must not know about…

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful, I'm glad that you took care of me, Desmond, and I know I'll never be able to repay you, but right now, I'm feeling like you want me to go away, and I totally understand... -Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she swallowed hard and exhaled. -I wouldn't want to have me around too, if I could get rid of myself. Maybe it would be better if you used me as a bait or something, at least I'd be useful in some way.

-What? -He frowned, reaching out to lift her chin. He grimaced when he realized she was about to cry. -What are you saying, are you out of your mind?

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. -She started to cry and he held her to his chest, caressing the back of her head. -I don't want to be alone and I don't wanna die… Those thoughts just keep coming, I know it's nonsense, I'm sorry you had to hear it.

He calmed her, making soothing sounds near her ear. She sniffed and wiped her tears.

-I'm so tired of crying... I think I cried more in the last seven days than I did in the last seven years. -She hid her face in her hands as he embraced her. -You must be sick of this too.

-Its not your fault, it's probably just your hormones… Magda told me you'll have a lot of trouble regulating it in the next few years. You'd better check it with a doctor as soon as you can. -She heard embarrassment in his voice. -If you want to, I can show you the analysis a friend of mine sent me… It's not exactly professional, we were just chatting, but it might be helpful.

She nodded and tried to back away from him, rubbing her eyes. He didn't let her go, rubbing her back and stroking her hair.

-I don't want to take so much of your time, don't worry about me. -She sniffed, feeling the tears coming back. -You shouldn't bother about what will happen to me after I'm gone, anyway...

He clicked his tongue and she looked up to check if he was angry, but his grimace was filled with guilt.

-Don't be like that… You were right about the offer, ok? At least in part. But it's not because I don't want to be with you, it's way more complicated than that... -He tried to soothe her, holding her tighter as she sobbed. She held him too, wrapping her arms around his waist.

-Explain to me then, because all I can think about is that you got fed up with me and want me to be gone!

-I have a life here, you know? I can't leave everything behind. My parents, Magda, even Marrie and her daughters. I can't leave them. -He snorted and rested his chin on the top of her head. -And there's the case too, I don't think they'll let me keep the case, even though Sandra swore she would try to let me stay on the team.

-I understand… -She whined, wiping her tears and her nose on her sleeve. -I'm not asking you to do this, I was being selfish, I'm sorry.

She tried to step back to get away from him, but he grabbed her by her arms.

-I'm the one who should apologize… This is all bullshit, I just lied to you now. -He exhaled hard and looked down. -To be honest 's not exactly a lie, it's just not what's holding me back... I haven't visited my parents in months and the last time I did, it was a fucking disaster. I thought my father would die this time... And Magda, I know she was always asking around about me and keeping them informed, but the only reason I met her at all this year was because of you. She has a boyfriend, they've been together for almost two years now. He’s an oncologist and bought a diamond ring worth about twenty thousand dollars for her, and he'll probably propose to her this month or the next. I had no idea he even existed and they are this far in their relationship... And Marrie, I can keep her salary even if I go away, so she could come here regularly and take care of the house until I can come back…

Belle looked up, unable to voice out her thoughts. Why don't you come with me, then? Her eyes darted between his, desperately.

-I don't know... -He whispered, as if he could read her mind. He shook his head and looked into her eyes with the same intensity. -I'm stuck here. I just can't.

Samantha, of course… Belle nodded, signaling that she understood.

-It's not because of you, believe me. -He sighed. -I can't explain but, there are things I need to solve here, I wouldn't mind going with you, it would be practically the same routine we've been having now, right? But it's a no for me. It doesn't have to be a no for you, that's what I've been trying to say, you don't have to take that risk with me.

-I know. -She nodded, wiping more tears from her face and sniffing. -But if I do… If I want to stay…?

She couldn't put in words what she wanted to say.

-Yes, I already told you, if they come, I'll take you to the bunker. -He smiled. -I think I can keep you safe for enough time. They'll have a hard time putting three iron doors down.

He chuckled and she couldn't help but smile. She swallowed her shame and hugged him tightly. They stayed like this for a few minutes.

-You have a thing with three, right? -She got distracted by her own thoughts, not wanting to think about the possibility of them getting attacked.

-What do you mean? -He guided her to the bed and pushed her by her shoulders to force her to sit.

-The locks on your doors, there are three in each and now three doors in your bunker… Thank you. -She smiled shyly as he put the tray over her lap and signaled her to eat. -Have you ever heard of a book called The Name of the Wind? It's the best fantasy book I've ever read.

-No… Why? -He took one piece of buttered bread from the tray for himself and took a big bite. -This bread is really good, you need to teach me how you did this so fast.

-Sure… -She nodded as she mimicked him. -About the book, it's a silly thing. It's just that the main character has a chest, and it's called a thrice-locked chest, because it has three locks. I just remembered that.

-Hm… And what is inside the chest? -He asked, wiping his hand on his shirt as he sat beside her.

-I don't know. -She shrugged. He frowned and she blushed. -I'm waiting for the last book to come out to find out. It's been years since the second book came out, more than a decade, actually, but the two first books are so good that I'm sure it's gonna be worth the wait.

She shut up as she realized he was silently judging her as he suppressed a chuckle. As he immediately transformed it into a smile, she filled her mouth with the scrambled eggs and kept her eyes on her meal.

-You're the weirdest person I've ever met, Belle… How can you love an unfinished story? -He shook his head. -But I'll consider putting it on my list, just because you were the one who recommended it.

She glanced at his face just long enough to check that he wasn't mocking her. He smiled, but then checked the time and sighed.

-I really have to go back to my immense pile of paper. Promise me you won't stay here and cry all day. Go play piano, or study or sing, I don't know… Take all this shit out of your head, ok?

She nodded as he got up. He leaned and kissed her forehead.

-Are you still craving for the pills, Belle? -He wore a worried expression as he walked backwards toward the door. -I've been wanting to ask you, but I was worried it might make you feel bad…

-No… In fact, there's something I need to tell you. -She didn't want to risk forgetting about it, causing him to find it after she was already gone. He would probably resent her for hiding it. -I know I should have told you before, but I was too afraid of how you'd react.

-What is it, Belle? -He paused and looked at her forearms with a sullen expression. -Did you hurt yourself?

-No, Desmond, I've been keeping this under control, don't worry. -Her chest tightened. She put the tray aside and opened the drawer. He squinted his eyes when he saw the bottle, then his face grew furious as he recognized the pills. -Calm down, Desmond, let me explain…

-Where did you get that shit? -He strode to snatch it from her hand. She tried to keep it out of his reach, leaning back on the bed, but he pulled her roughly by her back with one hand and snatched the bottle with his other. -What the fuck, Isabelle, who was the asshole and when did you meet him to get this? Was this hidden inside of your backpack? You've been lying to me all along, you didn't get better…You're not clean, are you? Do I look like an idiot to you?

His face was red and he was shouting. He looked like he wanted to throw the bottle at her, but then he read Magda’s name and his frown only deepened.

-No, it's not what you're thinking, Desmond… Please let me explain, Magda gave me this to help me deal with the suici… With the bad thoughts…. -She gulped. -But I didn't take it, I swear, there's ten inside, you may count them.

Desmond kept staring at the label trying to read the censured lines. He let out a bitter chuckle and opened the bottle.

-Son of a bitch… -He smirked, taking one pill in his hand and rolling it on his palm. -You didn't even taste one, right?

-No, I swear… -She was terrified by his sudden burst. -I swear I didn't even open the bottle.

-I believe in you, I'm sorry for not trusting you… I'm really, really sorry. -He looked straight into her eyes as he put the pill into his mouth.

-No! What are you doing? Are you crazy? -She jumped to her feet and tried to force him to spit it out. -Don't take it!

-Relax, it's just starch and something to mimic the taste… -He chuckled and held her wrists away from his face. -The taste isn't even the same, I think… I don't recall, I just tried one before sending it to the lab. But they did a good job with the numbing sensation, it's probably just a bit of lidocaine…

Belle stared at him, confused.

-It's a placebo, Belle. -He shook his head and smiled at her. -I'm really sorry for the things I just said to you, truly. Thank you for being honest with me and showing them, but even if you had taken them all at once, it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe you'd bite your tongue a few times afterwards and babble like a baby for some time... Fuck, I'm so embarrassed…

He covered his eyes and shook his head.

-Really, sorry, fuck, I was so angry…

-It's ok… I should have told you it was from Magda before I showed it to you… -It wasn't ok, but she tried to understand how he felt and knew that she too would be upset if she had been in his place. -You'd better get back to your paperwork… Is it too much?

He grimaced and nodded.

-I hate it. But it's easy enough, just very boring. -He sighed. -She’s just keeping me on a short leash. But she has no idea of what I endured in the army. I'll survive, don't worry.

Belle wanted to ask him what he meant, but was afraid of what the answer might be.

-Is there something I can help you with? -She asked him cautiously, putting the tray back on her lap and trying to eat the rest of the scrambled eggs before they cooled down.

-Not until you're twenty three, have a bachelor degree, work full time for at least two years and highly improve your physical form, because I believe you'd pass out during the first phase of the PFT… -He smirked. -So, no, you can't help me, Belle.

She glared at him as she chewed on her piece of bacon. He laughed and got out of the room, but left the door open.

Inside the toilet bag there were a bunch of things. A small makeup kit that she would probably never use, a coconut moisturizing oil for all purposes and a small flask of perfume that had coconut tones, all of them from very expensive brands. The deodorant was exactly the one she had asked for, and the brush was a simple one. There was a shaving set too and, for her dismay, a pair of menstrual cups.

Inside, she found a note too:
“Dear Belle,
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we're probably not gonna meet soon, as I wish we could. Ryan told me about your situation and I hope you both put your heart and mind where they belong and make the right choices, at the right time.
I hope you're doing fine and that you fully recover soon. Please, seek therapy wherever you settle down… You need it, we all need it.
I don't know if this is goodbye, but thank you, for everything you have done for my little boy and for being a great company, even if only for just a couple of days.
Love, Magda.”

Belle’s chest felt warm and she smiled. Even though she knew now that she wouldn't be forced to go away, her stomach ached with the idea of never seeing Magda again. She sniffed the small flask and wondered if Desmond would like the smell of her perfume as much as she liked his, blushing at the thought.

She studied for a couple of hours, but her fingers were eager to play. Alice came by and sat beside her in front of the piano, giggling and asking her to play a lot of songs. When Belle didn't know a song, she just encouraged Alice to sing it and then reproduced the melody. The girl was so excited that she looked like a puppy.

After Marrie and Alice came to say goodbye, Belle was left alone with her somber thoughts. She didn't see Desmond until dinner time, as he locked himself up in his study. He sank to a chair in front of her and ate in silence with a gloomy mood, then marched upstairs and only reappeared when it was very late. As she was getting upstairs to take a shower and go to her bed, she felt his hand hold hers over the handrail.

-Did you sleep well last night?

She stopped, with her foot over the first step, trying to decide if she should tell him the truth or pretend she was fine.

-I had night terrors. -She said, trying to understand the meaning of his sudden frown in response. -It's when you..

-I know what it is. -He interrupted her, bluntly. -Did you scream? I'm sorry, I thought I was just having a nightmare…

-It's ok, I woke myself up, the worst part was that I wasn't able to move… -She hesitated, but gathered the courage to say. -I… I'd rather sleep here, with you.

He put on his blank face and shook his head.

-No, Belle.

-Ok, Desmond. Goodnight. -She sighed and got away before he could say anything else.

 

Every chapter recently is leaving me impatient for the next!!!

 

YYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 

Oh, thank you, I was worried that the slow pace would get you bored =/ but soon things will get more agitated (we're getting to the end)

 

Chapter 38


She had night terrors again, only that this time he knocked on the door right after she woke up screaming. She tried to turn her head and ask for his help, but Samantha sat on her back and put her bony fingers over her lips, shutting her up. The other clawing hand wrapped around her neck and started to slowly put pressure, steadily, nonstop. Belle moaned and sobbed silently, feeling the pointy nails dig into the delicate skin of her upper lip as she tried to open her mouth to scream.

She tried to get out of the bed, but the skinny woman weighted absurdly over her back, pressing her chest against the mattress, making it even harder to breathe. Her eyes started to blur and the last thing she saw before blacking out was Samantha's cruel smile and her fully black eyes.

Ryan opened the door after calling her name twice without getting any answer and strode toward her when he didn't manage to hear her breathing. She was lying on her stomach, almost falling out of the bed. Her head was hanging down and her face was bright red. Her eyes were slightly open.

-Belle? -He dragged her upper body back onto the bed and checked her pulse, then shook her shoulder with one hand and put the back of his other hand under her nose. -Breathe, Isabelle, you're not breathing!

He turned her body, making her face the ceiling, then opened her mouth to hear inside it and check if her tongue was obstructing her throat. His face contorted and he cursed under his breath as he hurriedly threw her body on the ground in front of him, protecting the back of her head with his hand. Belle's eyelashes trembled as she watched Samantha slowly vanish into thin air.

Ryan grunted and cursed as he tilted her head back and grabbed her chin to give her mouth-to-mouth, but she gasped for air and started to cough. He closed his eyes and exhaled in relief.

-Fuck, you scared me. -Desmond sighed, collapsing seated beside her. -Goddamnit, I never noticed you had sleep apnea… How long have you had it?

She shook her head. She was breathing rapidly and trying to calm down. He waited for her to recover.

-Never. She... Was trying to… Suffocate me. -Belle was panting. She was so tired that she didn't even have the strength to cry. Her head was throbbing and her back was hurting because of his harsh movement to bring her to the floor.

-Who's she? Chloe? She can't harm you, Belle. -He got up with a grunt and offered his hand to help her get up. She accepted his help to sit down, not trusting her legs enough.

-Samantha… -She answered without thinking, but regretted immediately as his back jolted in response.

-What? What do you mean? -He froze as he was bending to take her in his arms and bring her back into bed. He resumed his movement with a confused expression. -You don't even know who she was… You never met her, how can you...

-I saw her picture… That day, with Marrie. -She blushed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His face contorted but he didn't say anything.

She sat on the bed, holding her knees. He just stood there, with a stern face, lost in thoughts. After a while he shook his head and chuckled. He sat beside her, pulling her head to his chest and brushing her hair with his fingers.

-You'd mop up the floor with her easily, Belle, she was thin as a twig. -He clicked his tongue and smirked. -And I had to deal with your kicks and bites, you're not that bad of a fighter…

She faked a smile, but her mood didn't lift. They sat in silence for a while and she yawned as tiredness finally overcame the adrenaline.

-We should try to rest a bit, Belle… -He put his legs out of the bed, pulling her upper body from his, carefully, to be able to get up.

-Desmond... -She murmured as he looked at her and yawned too. -Can you please stay here with me? Only until I fall asleep…

He looked at the bed and made a face. She was surprised that his expression showed disgust, not longing. He sighed and pushed her body to make enough space for him to lie down beside her. She hugged his torso and took a deep breath. He kissed the top of her head and sniffed her hair.

-What's this smell? -He lifted his head to look at her face.

-Is it bad? -She bit her lower lip.

-No, it's way better than having you smelling like her. Not exactly like her, it's different in you, but it's the same… -He started to grumble. -Anyway, you get me, right? But what is it? It's a smell I know, but I can't remember…

-Coconut and vanilla. -She rubbed her eyes, feeling that she wouldn't be able to keep awake for long. -I used to wear a similar perfume before you brought me here.

-Ah. -He sniffed again. -Must have been it. Magda, right?

-Uhum… -She yawned and started to doze. -Do you like it? I mean... Is it…?

Her words cut when she began to lose consciousness and she couldn't hear his reply.

She woke up with his phone vibrating over the bedside table. His face was buried in her hair and hers was pressing on his neck. One of her knees was over his belly and he was holding her with only one arm to his chest. He grunted and stretched his other arm to take the phone and check who was calling.

-Shit… -He grumbled. After rubbing his eyes with his finger, he yawned and answered the phone with his usual firm voice. -Desmond, counter-terrorism. No, don't worry, I don't sleep. Of course I was, dumbass! Right, I'll just get dressed and make some coffee. Ah, no, don't you dare. Yeah, I'm dying of remorse, screw you! I'm gonna hang up now. Fine, then... Bring them in too, just give me fifteen minutes. Sure, I'll cook you breakfast, just don't get used to it… Bye.

Desmond laid his head back on the pillow and looked at her with pleading eyes. He put the phone in his pocket and caressed her naked shoulder. The top of her breast was dangerously exposed. He clicked his tongue and put the hem of the shirt up to her neck, knowing that her back would be naked to a good extent.

-This shirt is mine, Belle… -He murmured, sighing. -And it's dirty, on top of that.

-It's not dirty. -She put her hand over her mouth as she yawned.

-I used this shirt the other day, Belle. -He took his hand from her shoulder and rested it on her cheek. The warmth made her feel so comfortable that she drowsed again. His voice woke her up immediately. -Why are you wearing it?

She moaned and held him more firmly. He sighed.

-It's cozy. -She murmured.

-You could've asked for a clean one. -He pointed out, resuming his caress. -It's smelling.

-No it's not. -She frowned and sniffed the hem of the shirt. -I can only feel the smell of your perfume. You had just got out of the shower, it's not like you had worn it to workout.

-I sweated in it, have you already forgotten our fight? -He rolled his eyes at her stubbornness.-Besides, the perfume is a problem too, now it's all over you.

She didn't answer. He took his hand away to rub his face.

-I have to get up. Are you feeling better? -He leaned on his elbow.

-Uhum… Thank you. -She smiled with her eyes half closed.

She suppressed a moan as she stretched and tried to sit down to make it easier for him to get up. He held her back down with one arm, supporting the back of her head with his hand and switched their positions swiftly, taking his hand off only when her head was already resting on the pillow. If she wasn't so sleepy, her heart would pound violently at his seductive movement.

-Go back to sleep, it's almost five a.m. -She was too exhausted to think that it had to be something important for them to call this early, so she just turned, held the pillow and fell asleep again.

She woke up with loud laughter from men coming from the first floor. One of the voices was surely Desmond's. She got up, brushed her teeth and washed her face, this time ignoring Samantha's rage as she picked some creams to reduce the swolleness under her eyes. She checked herself in the mirror before tiptoeing to the stairs.

Belle didn't try to eavesdrop this time, because she didn't want him to get upset with her again, but was too shy to climb down the stairs after finding out there were six men chatting and laughing in their uniforms inside the house.

Three of them were sitting by the table, using their hands to finish their breakfast. Two others were sitting on the couch with their legs spread, laughing heartily while chatting with the other two that were standing in front of them. The source of the fun was standing with his arms crossed before his chest, shaking his head as he tried to suppress his own laugh. He was the only one that wasn't wearing a uniform, although his gun was ready at his heap in its holster. She sighed as she admired his handsome smile. His dark eyes immediately moved straight into hers. His smile withered and vanished.

-You all should start getting ready for the briefing. The captain will be here at any minute... -All of them stopped chatting to listen to him, then replied with “yes, sir” or “right, sir”. They started to get up and head to the front door, but then one of them looked up and spotted her.

-Ah, Corey, your irritating voice must have woken up the sleeping beauty! -He said out loud, then shrank at Desmond's sharp stare. -I mean, good morning, miss.

Belle stared into his dark eyes, waiting for some sign of what he expected her to do, since he seemed very displeased that the man had seen her. All eyes were on her, but she kept hers glued to his. He sighed and signaled her to approach.

She climbed down the stairs trying to look confident, although the embarrassment was all written over her face.

-This is Isabelle Ross, she's the witness of the case I've been working on and she's gonna stay here until she's ready to join the witness protection program… I expect you to behave, since she's underaged and is under my responsibility, for the time being. -She frowned when he said she was underaged, but he didn't look at her. He proceeded, talking so fast that she couldn't completely follow him. -Isabelle, those are Corey, Roy, Peter, Jacob and Lucas. The one who left is Charles. You don't need to memorize, if you need to call them, use sir or you. Talk to them only if necessary, if you need protection and I’m not available or something like that. I don't want to find out that any of you tried to approach her and you won't approach them too, unless it's strictly necessary for your safety and health. Was I clear enough?

There was a chorus of “yes, sir” in the room. The mood in the room was totally different from before, everyone looked uncomfortable with the situation. The policeman named Roy broke the silence.

-I'm gonna get a bottle of water for myself, does anyone want one? -He forced a smile, then turned to Belle and gave a polite nod. -Nice to meet you, miss.

The one that had made the joke before, she wasn't sure if his name was Jacob or Lucas, followed him, waving his hand clumsily.

-I'm gonna go help them. Would you mind going upstairs until I see them out, Isabelle? -He looked into her eyes and she knew there was only one answer available. She nodded and started to turn around. He snorted and went into the kitchen.

She had climbed just two steps when she felt a light touch on her hand. She involuntarily took her hand away from the hand rail and jolted, looking back.

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. -The policeman named Corey smiled. He was as young as Desmond and had bright green eyes. She had seen the eyes first, only now noticing his red hair. -I just wanted you to know that you must not worry, this team is fully prepared to protect you two. I don't know if he told you, but Desmond used to be our superior at NYPD, not from all of us, but... For most of us he's someone we care about, a lot, so you don't need to be that worried, you can rest assured that we'll do our best to keep him alive. And you too...

He smiled kindly. She couldn't help but smile back.

-Thank you for telling me this... -Her eyes and cheeks burned, but she felt really glad. -I...

-What the fuck do you think you're doing, Corey? -Desmond was back carrying one pack of water bottles in one hand. He put it over the table and approached them with a fierce stare. -I just told you all to stay away from her, are you deaf?

-I was just talking with her, it's nothing. -The man didn't budge under his fury. He then offered his hand for her to shake. -He's a bit grumpy, but he loves us too… It's very nice to finally meet you, miss Ross.

Desmond reached out and shoved Corey’s hand away before Belle could even move to take it. They faced each other.

-Don't touch her. -Desmond said with a monotonous voice. His face was that mask of impassivity, but Belle had learned that those moments were usually the ones he was on the verge of exploding in rage. -She doesn't like to be touched. You could trigger a panic attack or something... You should join the others and wait for the captain. Now.

Corey broke their eye contact to look at her face and she knew he had caught her frowning at Desmond's weird lie.

-Sure… I'll make sure to tell the guys not to touch her… Since she's the one who doesn't like it, right? After all, we don't want to trigger some kind of attack, right, Desmond? -He smirked. -You used to be much cooler when you were our sergeant, you know? Maybe you should come back, remember the old times and all… Or maybe you're just needing a girlfriend.

He winked at Belle and hurriedly walked away as Desmond squinted his eyes and took a step in his direction.

-Stay away from them. -He told her between gritted teeth, with a menacing tone. -I expect not to have to repeat this. I don't want you to be alone with any of them, do you understand?

She nodded, but she didn't understand. They were policemen, they wouldn't harm her. Do you have any idea of how many reports of police raping and sexual abuse by cops we receive every year? Thousands. His voice resounded in the back of her mind and she shivered. She nodded more vigorously.

-Good. If you need something, call me. I'll be in my study, the door right in front of the bedroom, for most of the time. -He said, getting back to the monotonous tone. -I think I'll ask you to join me later, I'm almost done with the work they sent me for this week, so I can finally focus on my case again. Do you think you're in condition to watch footage of yourself? And things related to William’s murder too?

She nodded, although she hoped he wouldn't show images of him being killed.

-Nice. Please, stay inside the bedroom for the time being. Take some books, distract yourself. I'll bring you your breakfast. -He seemed relieved that she would finally be able to cooperate with the investigation.

-Thank you, Desmond. -She smiled but immediately cringed. She lowered her voice to a whisper. -Should I call you Detective Desmond?

-No need to. You are the subject of the precinct's gossip, everyone thinks we are… -He made a face and just nodded. -It will seem much weirder for them if you call me Detective, that's what I meant to say. And stop thanking me, I already asked you to stop. Makes it look like I'm doing you a favor, I'm not! I'm doing this because I want to.

She blushed and nodded, heading to the bedroom. He followed her, but turned to the opposite door and got in. She stared at his closed door for a moment, then closed hers.

She felt uneasy about his behavior. Are you jealous of me, Desmond? She should have asked him, just to be sure. The other option would be that those men could be a menace to her in some way, which just didn’t make sense. He had already made it clear that their profession wouldn’t guarantee their moral integrity, but still, it was crazy to think one would try to hurt her in a house full of cops. Especially with his eagle eyes on her almost all the time.

She decided to save the question for when they could sit and talk about it. Still, his reaction when the redhead officer approached her seemed creepy and possessive. She shivered and pushed away the thoughts from her mind.

 

Chapter 39


Belle spent the morning taking care of her neglected appearance. She brushed her hair, something she hadn't been able to do in more than one week, then used the things Magda had given her to get rid of her body hair and take care of her skin. By the time the iPod’s battery died, though, she realized that there was nothing left to do. She wasn't hungry because Desmond had brought her a generous breakfast. Still, she could smell something being roasted and her mouth watered.

-Desmond? -She called in a low voice as she peered at the corridor.

She tiptoed to his door and knocked. He didn't answer, so she assumed that he was downstairs. As she was stealthily climbing down the stairs, she heard voices coming from the kitchen direction, and stopped to listen and try to identify his voice, but they were just too low.

She nodded to herself and headed to the kitchen, repeating in her mind the excuse that she was thirsty. In fact she wouldn’t mind drinking one or two glasses of water, but the only thing that she really missed was him.

-...I won't allow it! It's risky and he'd probably simply lie to her. If she really were collaborating with him and his plan, he wouldn't have had to drug her. -Desmond's voice was low, but firm. -I don't even know why Riviera would think about getting you involved, Williams, it's for the FBI to decide. She's my witness, not your team’s.

-Still, we are joint forces, so it's natural that… -An older black man, wearing glasses and a very elegant uniform was standing in the middle of the kitchen. His back was straight but his posture was slightly relaxed.

-Don’t you say it’s natural. It isn't natural that you'd come all the way here and try to persuade her to do something that you know might put her life at risk. Or mine. But forget it, you won't even lay your eyes on her if I can avoid it. -He crouched in front of the oven and opened it. A wonderful smell invaded the kitchen. The sound of the grease sizzling with the heat could be heard from the door. -Do you want to force me to let you talk to her? Get a witness warrant to force me to take her to the precinct. Explain your stupid plan to a judge, let’s see how it goes.

-Oh, don’t be dramatic, they won’t even have to get near each other… -The man made a gesture with his hand as if Desmond’s arguments were ridiculous. -We can do it through the phone. It would be even better, since she wouldn’t have to role play completely.

-She's not a doll, she's a human being! You can't use her as bait, especially in this way. -Desmond closed the oven’s door and sighed, before getting up. He kept his back to the man, leaning against the counter while he shook his head slightly. -Captain... He's a psychopath. You should have seen his face when I told him I knew it was him. He fucking smiled! He smiled and covered his mouth, thinking he could hide it from me, the motherfucker. The only thing that took his stupid smirk away from his face was that I told him I would keep her away from him and that she was willing to help me. I used other words, but the point is that his jealousy was plain to see. He’s a maniac, if she agrees to do it… God only knows what he’ll do!

-And that’s exactly my point, jealousy or fear, he tried to kill you, because of her. We can coach her and use it to our advantage now. -The man took his glass with one hand and wiped the lens with a napkin he took from his pocket. -You can rest assured, we'll make it clear that everything she says was planned and false, there will be no real harm to your image. Not that I believe that you really care about it.

Desmond grabbed the remaining used dishes from the mise en place and started to wash them.

-I do care… -He said after a while in a tired tone. -But I know she won't agree to say those things, so that's not even my main concern. I just don't want her to get hurt again, and he can do it without meeting her. He could say things and we wouldn't have any control over it. It's risky. If I were to do something stupid like that it would be more reasonable to use myself as a bait, like set a time and place to meet him or whatever. But we both know he wouldn't face me. Sooner or later he'll make his move, why rush things up?

-Here's why: we both know they are planning something big. We can wait for them to act when they’re well prepared and organized… -The man gestured with his hands to illustrate, even though the other could not see it, since he had his back to him. -Or we can use this opportunity to force him to...

-Or we can stir up a hornets' nest, putting her life into even more danger! And it’s my honor you’re putting on the line on top of it! Why can't you just wait until she's safe to incite him? That’s beyond ridiculous, I won’t… -Desmond turned with a red angry face and saw Belle. He staggered, then frowned. -Oh, fuck...

-I was thirsty. -She promptly explained herself.

-And took your time to announce yourself, right? You're getting good at it, I didn't hear you coming. -He rolled his eyes. -Go back to the bedroom, I'll be there with the water right away.

-Actually… -The man smiled as he turned and walked slowly toward her. His voice was pleasant and could belong to a voice actor. She turned her eyes to him, involuntarily. -It would be a great honor if you could sit here with us for a few minutes, miss Ross. I have a deal I'd like to offer you.

Belle looked at Desmond and he silently warned her that she shouldn't listen to the man. She took a step back and the man stopped walking.

-If your offer involves me having to talk to Daniel, I won't waste your time, sir. I'm not ready to see him or even listen to his voice. I'm still dealing with the hallucinations that his “help” caused. -She glanced back at Desmond after politely rejecting the man’s offer. His face was still stern, but she saw a glimpse of a smile at one corner of his mouth.

-Miss Ross… -The man said in a low and calm tone. -I heard you can guess passwords by sounds.

Desmond's eyes squinted as he watched the back of the man's head.

-Williams... -His voice was low too, but full of menace. -Shut up, man...

-Have you heard about the terrorist attack in Manhattan’s subway during the march in opposition to racism? -He asked her, ignoring Desmond's voice. He went on as she shook her head with her eyes wide open. -Haven't you heard that there were more than one thousand dead and injured men, women and children resulting from that attack?

-God, no! -She covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes tilted between the two men in front of her as they watered. -Oh my god, when did that happen? How could this happen?

-It didn't. -Desmond shook his head as he walked toward her, bumping into the black man’s shoulder as he passed by him. -Go back to the bedroom, Belle. I'll explain it to you there, leave now, please.

-He's right, it didn't. But only because the bomb that was supposed to trigger the chained explosions didn't detonate. -Williams lifted his index finger and gave her a knowing smile. -But you know what's more interesting about it? It's that due to a strange anonymous reporting we managed not only to dismantle the alternative bomb that would supply the failing device, but allowed us to find the location of all the other bombs. The call was conveniently made from a payphone at another subway station that had it’s cameras tampered with…

-Captain Williams! -Desmond reached Belle and positioned himself between them, raising his voice. -That's enough!

Belle flinched. She had been listening to the man’s explanation with wide eyes and a curious expression. Desmond took her face between his hands to force her to look into his eyes.

-Go back to the bedroom, now. That's an order, do you understand? -He raised his voice as she tried to look back at the man’s face. As he saw a wrinkle between her eyebrows and she pouted slightly, he added in a lower voice. -There's a reason why I didn't tell you, trust me. It won't do you any good, there's nothing you can add to this part of the investigation now, it will only harm you. Go away, please.

-But I want to know… -She looked at him and creased her forehead. -Did I help Daniel to do those kinds of things? You asked me if I had told him a password on the subway…

-Belle, please… -He shook his head. -You're barely getting better… No one got hurt.

-Because the bomb failed. -The man said, calmly. -And it failed only because the person that prepared it didn't consider the humidity of the stone. It rained a lot those days. If it hadn't failed… We would certainly have more than one thousand dead now. And the injuries would be about...

-Shut up, Williams! -Desmond snorted. -It wasn't your fault, Belle, you said yourself, you didn't know that it was an important thing.

-The road to hell is paved with good intentions… -The man sighed. -But you can compensate for what you did and save many other lives, Miss Ross...

Belle frowned. She suddenly realized that the guy wasn't trying to help her remember something. He was trying to manipulate her into wanting to listen and help him with his plan. She now could understand a bit why Desmond had been so furious at her for trying to trick him.

-You're wrong about me! -She said before she could stop herself. Desmond tried to push her toward the door, but she lifted her hand as if to tell him not to intervene. -I know I would have been guilty if the password I told them had helped then, but that would have been my only part in it. I would feel guilty, of course, but I wouldn't be responsible for their deaths directly. If that's how you think you're gonna make me feel, you're wrong. I didn't mean to hurt anyone and I know that!

Desmond put a hand over her forearm urging her to stop and get out of the kitchen.

-I would never want to make you feel like a terrorist, Miss Ross. I don't make deals with terrorists, I put them in jail. -He took long strides toward her and looked straight into her eyes. -But I'm pretty sure that the voice of that girl sounded a lot like yours. Maybe a little slurred and certainly trying to sound different… But I think that you'd agree it was a hell of a coincidence that the call was made from the subway station near your school. And that the password used to access the security system and to cause a looping on security recording was used right beside you and your gang less than a week before the “incident”. They did get rid of the footage of them getting into the maintenance corridors and planting the bombs, but they forgot to erase your part on their master plan.

She looked down, trying to remember what occasion he could be talking about, but had no clue. Desmond grabbed her wrist and she looked up, frowning in confusion, as he bent forward at his waist. She let out a loud startled shriek as he put an arm between her legs and lifted her over his shoulders. She squirmed, trying to get down, but he gripped her leg firmly.

-That's more than enough, you're gonna stay upstairs even if I have to lock you up inside the bedroom. -He sighed, clearly irritated as he walked toward the stairs. -And you, when I come back, you'd better be far away from my house.

-Desmond, this attitude hardly contributes to stop the rumors. Put her down. -The man said in a calm tone, but he sounded offended. -And you know I'll be here waiting for you to come back so we can discuss this subject properly. You can't just avoid it and kick me out.

-Don’t wait for me, I won't come back down. I'm gonna work on my case and I'm gonna need her help. Tell the boys that lunch is ready, we're gonna have our meal in my study.

-You're being unreasonable, you know that, right? -The light reflected on his glasses as he looked up. -You know that you wouldn't see any problem about following the plan if we were using anyone else.

-Then you go and find someone else. -Desmond paused in front of the stairs and turned to face him. She felt humiliated and pushed his shoulder, trying to force him to put her down. He clicked his tongue and shook her, pressing her stomach against his shoulder in the process. -She has been manipulated for too long, by too many people already, this asshole included. It’s time for her to have a break from this kind of shit.

-You’re hurting me. -She groaned. He put her down, but pushed her toward the steps.

-Go. -He hissed. -Wait for me in front of my study’s door.

Belle rubbed her ribs and hesitated, glancing at the captain. Desmond let out a sound like a growl and she quickly climbed up the stairs, not looking back.

 

are we already in season 2? I'm getting some seriosly tense (but so exciting to me ) vibe from Belle/Desmond and Belle+Desmond/Counter-terrorism team interactions, is it only me??
from the jealousy/overprotectiveness Im getting full on Riftan vibe from Desmond, babies need to talk moreee or baby Belle should stand up to herself more or baby Desmond should step back for a moment?? I cant even tell what would be the best course of action in their situation... even tho Desmond said few chapters back that Belle should make decision herself without factoring in his opinion, now he is pretty much commanding her around just like that. We can now see him not willing to let her join the WPP and also not willing to inform her of the dangerous situation, in which she could have taken part in much less letting her help the case. He is being unreasonable or becoming one. Hope this unreasonableness (I mean i know where he is coming from but) of him would not put them in a dangerous situation. At this rate I could easily imagine him locking Belle up in the bunker and going out alone to face Daniel and his ridiculous gang and die I dont know. boii is being reckless at this point. he cant shield every bad thing coming towards her alone and recklessly like this

 

Just hoping that they have a good one on one talk soon and Desmond opens up a bit!

 

but anywayss author @GiBro thankk youu soo muchh for writing a novel like thiss even after all this chapter plot is still going strong and fun to read keep up the good work