It's about understanding people. People are dumb brutish inferior creatures and they are born to make mistakes. It's okay to forgive someone (most of the time) if you understand why they did something
Oh, this. There's a quote from The Great Gatsby, "Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had." You're mad at people making mistakes, as if you feel like you'd never do that kind of mistake. But that's because you're not them, you never feel being them, what kind of circumstances drove them to make that mistake. What if you're in their exact position? You can say that you'd act more rational than this and avoid it. But you never know because you'd never really experience being in their shoes Edit: wait, why did I talk about that. Being hyper-empathizing with people who did mistakes can be detrimental to you. Anyway, be more understanding of people's reasons but have a sense of judgement
As most of my answers come down to: It depends on the situation. But, in general, most people deserve a second chance. A chance at earning back trust, a chance to learn, to gain humiliation and humble themselves, and to learn to be a better person in the future by making mistakes. I think I'm pretty open-minded and willing to forgive others. And if I look at it from their perspective, I feel like I'd want another chance too and to make up for my mistake. And sometimes it's good to forgive others so you can let go of it, and move on. There's a better way to explain that, but I don't have the words. I think it might actually be a saying, but I can't remember it. Another reason why I hate 'Cancel Culture'. People mess up. Some more than others, but still. You can't cancel them, they're not a package you ordered, they're a person who makes mistakes like you and I both. Most people learn and become better. They will realize what they did was wack and apologize. A lot of people don't have the courage to apologize anymore. End of tiny rant, whoops.
I don’t forgive easily, I guess. Like, I grew up in a place where forgiveness meant ignoring the cruel actions someone did to you, and so I spent the majority of my youth learning how not to forgive someone, how to hold onto my anger because the fact that I was feeling it meant that I loved myself enough to know I deserved better. That being said, I also understand that people are people and things happen, and I’m not going to hate someone for every little mistake they make. I just accept it and move on, and perhaps try to avoid that person in the future if they can’t seem to grow from it.
If it's a little thing, then you forgive and move on. People make mistakes. Sometimes they were too young to realize what they did was bad and regret it but they cannot go back to unwind the time. Everyone at one point probably has been snappy at someone or something in their life, but that may not be how they usually are; they could be kind person but just didn't meet them at the right time. But if its something that impacts your life significantly and they cause you, your loved ones, or many others harm, then no forgiveness. When I mean this, I mean something so bad bad. Because the ones they harmed so badly may never be able to take away the hurt they caused, and in some cases never will again. It also depends on the person too, besides the severity of it. Sometimes it gives excuse for them to repeat, because they know you'll forgive them again and again. Other than times if its only one time thing, depending what kind of one time thing, it may be "forgiven," but it'll may never truly be forgotten after that. More often than not, its more of moving on than forget and forgive. There's only so much you can keep ahold in this very humanoid life. There are too many things to focus on, and you don't want to be caught up in something that takes up too much of your time and does nothing at the end of the day; it is better to move on.
I think forgiveness is about your education and your values. And you learn with age too. I don't forget but I try to forgive, for my own peace. It's more relaxing. Like fights with my family, I try to just let it go, even if they don't apologise and don't feel one bit guilty for what they did. Cuz I don't want to be bitter about all our conflicts. But on an emotional level, it's hard to forgive, so I force myself to not take revenge and stop thinking resentfully, make forgiveness actions and think kindly. I'm training myself to forgive, until I manage to get ahold of my emotions and keep peace in all situations. It works for now. I haven't had anything highly bad happen to me (thank God!) so I don't know if I could keep that attitude at awful stuff. Would probably take lots more time and personal development.
Oh my "moving on" is the exact words I'm looking for the hurt and anger probably stay for so long or so short you'll never forget never forgive, or you probably did. But anyway, you're moving on. I still remember someone's impactful mean words to me from 10 years ago. It comes to me from time to time although it doesn't have that initial pain anymore. I never hold it against them now, back then, or ever, but I also can't tell if I actually have forgiven them deep in my heart, forgiveness is abstract and unable to be grasped like that. Is this forgiveness? I don't know, but I "move on" and spare no extra thoughts on it anymore.
I think apologies are a good way to acquaint yourself with people you like. If someone you have a good impression of, but not close to you apologizes and you accept that apology to make them feel better, then the next time you do something, you can apologize too and if that person accepts the apology it makes you feel better too. If we learn from our mistakes, then the apologies are not pointless because with those exchanges, you get closer to some people. That reminds me of that time in my childhood where I would always argue with my older brother because he is simply so annoying it is unbearable. He will always initiate something bad. Then I will retaliate. Then he will retaliate twofold. Then I will retaliate threefold. Then he will try to retaliate fourfold, but there is no non-cruel fourfold retaliation, but we are children so... he doesn't know that. Well, I was always losing because I am of course weaker. Then one day, the fancy will strike me, and in one fell swoop, I hurt him very much. Karma, but still it is my mistake, so I try to learn from it. Thing is, retaliation is a good way to feel better, but it is only harmless between children (and not always). Usually, when I tried retaliating when I became older, at first I felt good, but then when I saw what I did, I only felt bitter and worse. You know, I like this.
That's true, looking back to when I was a child, I feel amused at my petty small revenge. But now whenever I feel some burst of indignation, I quickly realize that these petty small revenge are meaningless and useless
It's good to learn from your mistakes and other people's mistakes. I said before, it depends on the severity of the offense, break something probably okay depending what it is. For more serious offenses an apology is pointless. For example someone destroys your laptop by accident. I'm going to be mad and expect to to help fix it. An apology won't fix it, yes you feel guilty but that is not going to help. It comes down to the size of the offense. With a small offense words are enough, the greater the offense word become cheap and action is needed. I have known people who expect an apology to be enough. Often they are not worth the trouble they bring. I don't need to get revenge, I simply cut them out of my life. Life is already hard enough, I don't need insensitive people making it more so.
for me, its because its simply a pain in the ass, it already happened, no matter how much i wish it didnt happened, its not like the world will go back in time so i can avoid that certain situation just because i wished and want to, of course what they did will never be forgotten, and it would require a good amount of effort for them to be forgiven by me, but as long as they realized their mistakes, and is willing to make up for it, why not?? ill give them second chance, its simply a burden, having that kind of emotion i mean, but well, thats the hardest part, accepting and letting it go, if they didnt do anything to be forgiven tho, i simply ignore their existence, their existence is simply not worth taking note of, as long as they dont do anything to me that will make me take actions im cool, if they do something, ill pay them back, equally to what they did to me.
You know, alot of the stuff that people do or believe in can be traced back to religion, stuff like the end of the world and judgment day when people will be asked for what they did or what they said, those who harmed will be compensated by the sinner (some kind of harsh payback for the aggressor), but the sinner can be forgiven if the one harmed forgives them, so, yeah, treat others the way you want to be treated and forgive them so you are forgiven, sayings like those can only make sense in this context XD
Well that's irrefutable, but outside of religious stuff, it's the simple give and receive rule, like being kind to others so others treat you with kindness in return. Something like helping people in their times of need, they have a good impression of you, grateful of your help so when you need help, they'd help you in return out of... I don't know, people are more inclined to help kind people? That's very idealistic. Of course you can't expect people to have the same kind of morality that you have, but people do treat us depends on how we present ourselves to them
Yeah, depends on what kind of people you are talking about here you mean, I mean if you are a kind, honest person and find yourself surrounded by people that don't care about that stuff then you are moost probably wasting time and might even be endangering your own safety, here is an example, for a thief that needs your money or a serial killer that takes joy or some kind of fulfillment or even just a stalker, you being good/kind to them, they probably won't be kind to you and leave you alone, in the thief's case you just made it easier, and for the killer you might just make them angrier and the stalker will just be even more obsessed with you XD People are not inclined to do anything tbh, it is just their own opinions, views and how they were brought up (and of course the laws and some other stuff that makes them do that like maybe they want to look good to others) that decides them be kind to others, that is why, there is the good and there is the bad, there are those who build and those who ruin, that is why there is justice and injustice, etc....
Hm I think forgiving because you expect the same in return is wrong. Though most people aren't saints so it's not a fair standard. As HamsterOverlord-sama said, understanding goes a long way. At first you may think someone did something coz they're an asshole, but if you knew what kind of day they had or even the whole series of circumstances that led to this person being such... There's also your inner darkness, when you criticize someone why do you do this? Most of the is because a small part of you is like that as well and you hate it. For example say you have a house mate who does nothing but giggle and fart at his mobile on the couch all day everyday, could it be that it annoys you because you're the same if in a smaller measure?
Sorry to hear that. Yeah words can sting a bit. Sometimes its build up tension and pressure, but so far haven't personally experienced anything that bad that I would find unforgivable. But yeah it all depends on the severity of things.
Ah well, I always find it a bit wrong either. Is it because it creates the sense of not treating people sincerely enough? Or the faint notion of cowardice in it. I'm not sure. It's just the same way for me when I want a person to trust me. The trust I receive doesn't come out of nowhere, but it grows from the seed of trust that I show I have for them. That sounds too sinister and full of acting, yeah I'm definitely not a saint. But that's just the cold method that I use, coated in a sincere intention. That's true, I never thought of it that way but then doesn't it boil down to you having a set of preconceived expectations for others? Might or might not be based on your expectations of yourself. You hate it, why don't they hate it too? You don't understand why they don't hate it
..... I forgive you for the spoiler. I forgive easily when things are not done with malice or it's something not incredibly important. I forgive because I can understand. I find it hard to forgive when things are done intentionally with ill intent, with lack of care when it was something actually important or with general callousness. I cannot understand and so feel unwilling to even try to forgive. Recently I am trying to follow idea behind the buddhist saying and change my mindset slightly to save myself the pain of hating.