I recognize where it's from, haven't read that far yet, but far enough to make some guesses about what's going on. Why is it painful? Frustration and anger mess with your body so it's physically painful.
Ahhhh is it? I thought it's just a flyaway quote, not that apparent so I didn't warn it. Although you said you've forgiven me, I'm sorry
I don't hold grudges despite me sounding really energetic in the forum I think irl I'm really chill but this too at the end of the day comes down to the person.
In theory you're not supposed to expect anything out of being kind, just be kind for the sake of being kind. Most people aren't like that, thought there is a 1 in 30 especially kind person. For example when I was a child, I spit a couple of times in a bottle and then swished it on a friend coz I thought it was funny. He chased me as expected but then gave up soon and smiled, I was confused and ashamed. Other kids would at least do the same to me or even hit me. There's Chris from Mr.Beast channel, he looks like that kind of kind person.
One might not always be able to forgive and I think that’s fine as well. It’s never easy and you don’t have to force yourself. So instead of forgiving, maybe I am more towards moving on/letting go and stop looking back. Why should I? Because I love myself. If I have the time to think about those people who hurt me, I’d better use that effort to make my life better or focus on the people who have been by my side. To be honest, our life is precious and short enough that we shouldn’t waste it for those people. It is too brief to dwell on negativity. And.... someone already said it! Can’t agree more!