Novel ✪ Memory Corruption (R-18) (Book 1 and 2 Finished) (Book 3 on release now)

these comedic duo, really i think this latter part of the activity played out more real and somewhat funny with all the conversations between them. Boii literally left her on the edge and c*m alone, and asked if she enjoyed it haha

imo Belle would still try to understand him somehow, if he refused her even after what happened. For her having this type intimacy with him is quite a big step forward. It was Belle's initiative, but it Ryan's whim that everything turned out this way. I dont think Ryan's conscience would allow him to refuse her now, and it'll cause him quite the trouble, I think. (He just made his indecisive ass more confused at this point.) I feel like he would somehow try to ''take responsibility'' like who knows how.
I hope they would talk it out, which would probably happen imo. But I hope for Ryan to induce (in positive way obv.) a more genuine conversation like two adults/lovers on an equal footing (up until now I still feel like conversations are little lopsided, like detective Desmond is trying to scold/teach an younger person) and bare his true reason for rejecting her instead of a half-assed refusal. I think that would help them a lot to see eye to eye. cuz girlie is now in cloud nine, boi is probably in hell at the moment.

P.S : cant wait for today's chapter. I mean its after midnight in Germany
P.S.S : did anyone catch a talk about "a girl on all fours" happening twice in the whole verse? only me? mkay.

 

never mind my previous comment, girlie got it covered. way to goo, Belle bby

 

@saye =P here is not midnight yet, but I got some free time, so, why not? =P
I'm confused with your comment =( didn't understand the PSS =( can you, please, explain it?
Yep, its totally lopsided. My point is that he's not so far from being a teenager as he thinks. He has been through a lot in a small amount of time, but he's still 26 (which, although is adult life, is a f*cking confusing period of life, where you have to decide a lot of things that will rule the rest of your future and his mind is obviously stuck in when he was 20) she's still 19 and haven't lived her life as a teenager because she was occupied trying to live the adult part. He'll have his teenager behaviors among his mature status and she'll have her mature behaviors among her teenager status. Besides, her self-loathing isn't justified, but his is, in great part. Even so, she's insecure and he's cocky (c'est la vie xD people are stupid).

I also think he has a genuine reason for refusal by now =. I think at least one of you apparently already know what for a previous comment.

 

dont really mind the PSS , it was just me being dirty minded. I was talking about a part from his POV, which I tought was in spoiler of his POV, where he talked about a girl with his brother and got scolded. There he was also like "there was a time, when she got on all fours..." or sth like that. and in the smexy chapter he also said how sexy she looked when they were bout to try the doggie style, meaning she was also on all fours... yeah i just said these 2 incidents seemed similar yeapp nothing serious

for the more serious part, thankyouu for explaining it like that. I guess these aspects of their personality were shown, but still wasnt sth I could directly point out Desmond acts only adult when he is in duty, maturity of Belle is shown in a few situations like how she took care of herself alone before everything, now I think about it.

 

Aaaah, I had forgotten I had shared this with you! Yeaaah, you have no idea how much that hit square xD I'm gonna shut my mouth now, I hope you'll read and like his POV. Loved that you noticed it

Yes, that's what I tried to show, I hope later it will show a bit more. People expect a lot from people aging from 20 to 29, but that's usually the age most people make irreversible mistakes, exactly because they think they don't owe anything to anyone and think they already learned enough. (a lot of celebrities get arrested around 22 btw xD)

 

This next chapter is a bit heavy and I might change it in the future because I wanted it to have more impact and sound more relatable. Comments and suggestions are welcome, as always =.

 

Chapter 16


-What are you thinking about? - She ignored him. After a while, he crouched in front of her and their eyes met. -You look sad. What is bothering you?

She shrugged. He put a hand over hers, forcing her to pause as she was unfolding a shirt to check it.

-What's on your mind, Belle? -His gaze penetrated hers.

Belle sighed.

-Andrews. You two… What was your relationship with that woman? - She clenched her jaw as she asked.-What does she mean to you?

-She was a friend... A close friend. -He seemed surprised. Once more, he didn't expect this to be the subject.

-You don't seem friendly. -She frowned, cursing herself as she realized how much her jealousy for the woman had grown since the first time she heard her name.

-To tell you the truth, she was my brother's friend before she was mine. -He sighed. -They were in the same class at military school. She kind of had a platonic love for him, even though he only had eyes for Magda.

He sat on the floor in front of her, leaning his elbow on his knee.

-He joined the army a bit less than two years after they graduated. She joined the NYPD approximately by then. When she heard about him being gone, she started to approach me and my father. She was the one that told me about the program to join it using my years of service in the army. -He looked down and started to play with a tag that had fallen from some of the boxes. -She thought that would be enough to earn her something extra… When I told her I didn't date women that old, I thought she would either resent me and leave me alone… Or she would be ok with that and let it go. I just didn't want her making cow eyes at me in our workplace.

Belle grimaced. That was a rude way of dismissing a woman, even for him.

-I was stupid for thinking she wouldn't hold the grudge. To be honest, I think I projected part of the trust I had in my brother on her. I mean, he got along very well with her, I would never expect her to be a total jerk. -He sighed, scratching the back of his head. -Turns out my brother probably was just smart enough to know that you should keep your enemies closer. I had a hard time learning that lesson. To tell you the truth, the only reason I tried to be nice with her was that we had Richard as a bridge.

Belle put the shirts aside and listened to him, intently.

-Roy… -He looked down and went silent for a moment. He gulped, then cleared his throat and went on. -Roy was the only person at the precinct that really knew how to deal with her. He helped me a lot with putting the fire down and eventually she stopped trying to screw me openly. We really believed she was done with it.

He realized he was strangling his finger with the string of the tag and started to try to untangle it. Belle watched him, as she would watch a cat playing with a ball of string.

-Then I became a sergeant. Her boss. -He puffed. -I practically trusted her with my life. She and Roy were like my Ron and Hermione… Damn, don't laugh!

She couldn't avoid it. He reached out and pushed her shoulder, clicking his tongue.

-I could've said Porthos and Aramis, but Then you'd mock me too and say I'm Aramis, not Athos. Go on, deny it. -She just nodded, trying to restrain her laugh. -I'm opening myself here and you're mocking me! Fuck, Belle!

-I'm sorry, go on… I got it. You, her and Roy formed the golden trio. -She put a hand over her mouth. -Go on, Harry… I mean, Ryan. What happened, then?

He squinted at her with a smile of his own, but then his face grew serious.

-What happened was that she really managed to screw me for the first time. Then I quit my therapy… And I started drinking a bit more. -He saw her eyebrows furrowing and shook his head, dismissing the subject with a movement of his hand. -Not too much, nothing to worry about, I just… Remember what I told you, about fighting with my father? I've made the mistake of telling her too. She talked to him with the excuse of trying to "mend" it. Made everything worse. I couldn't visit my parents without arguing with him after that. It was tough, but I decided to avoid them both. The therapy was doing me more harm than good, anyway, I was walking toward what was making me sad, not away from it, so I was kind of glad that I had an excuse to quit. And I always liked to drink, it's not like I'm an alcoholic or sick, it's just for the sensation, don't worry.

She wanted to tell him that he was denying a problem he clearly had, but remembered how angry and distant he got when she tried to approach the subject before. She would have to find the right time to do it, this wasn't one.

-What did she do? -Belle tilted her head. -How did she make things worse?

Ryan shook his head.

-Irrelevant. -He snorted. -The point is: I pushed away practically everyone I trusted, either to avoid fighting because of my supposed habit, or to avoid having to explain why I was avoiding the others. I put myself in this position where there was no one else I could trust in. Roy… I really loved him, but he was a block of ice in most situations. You were the first person I saw getting a hearty smile from him, besides his wife. He wasn't exactly the person you'd look for if you needed a shoulder to lean on. I'm ok with being on my own today, but I wasn't by then. Andrews knew it. She told me I should go out, meet people.

She could swear his eyes were wet, but he was avoiding hers completely, so she couldn't be sure.

-She was the person that introduced me to… She kind of arranged our first date. Me and Samantha. They were best friends.

-Ah. -That was all she could say. So the whole point of the story was Samantha, not Andrews. That should explain his wet eyes.

-I fell perfectly into her trap. She told Samantha all my secrets, all my weak spots, everything. She practically built the woman to be a noose that fit neatly around my neck. -He rubbed his hand through his face and ruffled his hair. -Fuck, that's embarrassing.

Ryan was silent for a while, distractedly playing with the tag. Belle looked away to give him some privacy, certain that the conversation was over. After a couple of minutes, she resumed her task. He tugged the string harder and it burst with a sound. Belle glanced back at him.

-She blames me. -His voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat, still looking down.

Belle frowned, not sure if she understood it. Her hands froze midway through the movement of folding a pair of pants.

-For her… For her death? -She stuttered.

He nodded.

-She told you to ask me what would've happened. Said I should be ashamed. Well, I'm not. She doesn't know enough to judge… And she shouldn't meddle with our relationship, anyway. She fucking did it a lot! -He leaned back and sighed, looking at the ceiling. -I won't bother you with details about it, but there was this day… Samantha decided to break up. Four days before she found out… Before she supposedly realized she was pregnant. They both waited for me in the living room…

He laughed at the memory. It was a bitter laugh.

-I got home and they were sitting on the couch, drinking tea and eating cake. Can you believe it? I thought: what's happening, is it someone's birthday or what? -He shook his head. -But no, she was too scared and asked for Andrews’s support to talk to me. Scared of talking to me… I asked myself almost everyday for months what the hell she thought I would do if she told me what she did without Andrews there.

He checked Belle’s expression, but she just stared.

-They told me I cared more for my work than for her or for my own future. Samantha said she was unhappy by my side, told me she felt undesired and that she didn't know me anymore, that I had changed. I changed! She suddenly decided she didn't want to marry me anymore, after I’ve been through hell for her, I had to deal with all her shit for two fucking years, I let her move into my house, I had it decorated only because she wouldn't stop bitching about it being too basic, six months from the wedding, everything booked, planned and paid for, and I was the one who had changed...- He smirked.- I was pissed, but there was nothing I could do, so I just told her I respected her decision, that she could stay until she found a place to live, took my things and left. To tell you the truth I was so angry I didn't realize how relieved I really felt... Four days later, Andrews came to my apartment to tell me Samantha was pregnant. Fifteen weeks. I should’ve...

He shut his mouth, then clenched his teeth and gulped his words. Belle tried to understand his expression. He seemed angry, almost furious. But then he exhaled and shook his head, smirking.

-They even came up with a sad story, saying she only found out because she took medicines to try to… -He looked down at her forearm and shut his mouth again. He sighed and looked up. -They blamed me, and told me that I had abandoned her. It was a scene so ridiculous that I didn't even feel offended. I guess I was just numbed by rage, I didn’t have the guts to do what I should. I can’t get how Alyssa could be so dumb when it came to Samantha, but then again, I was too… I got out and let her stay in my house! Abandoned, my ass.

Belle couldn't help herself and sneered.

-Do you think that's funny? -He creased his eyebrows, embarrassed.

-No, I'm sorry. It's just…-She shook her head, covering her mouth.- She didn't want you to go... She was probably very emotive because of the baby, you were kind of clueless.

-I'm clueless? She kicked me out and then said I abandoned her!- He protested. -She even called a cop to mediate it, as if she expected me to beat her or god knows what! You have no idea what you're talking about!

-You walked away. She felt like you didn't care. -Belle replied, not knowing how to explain the obvious to him. It was totally absurd that he couldn’t see it himself. -I mean, I don't know her and I don't know how your relationship was, but for me it's quite obvious she was very emotive and you acted indifferent to something that you should've at least wanted to fight for… Did you even love her?

He frowned and shook his head.

-Not really. At that time, at least. Maybe in the beginning… But I think I fell for someone that never really existed… I don't know anymore. I think I just liked the sensation of knowing that she needed me, that she couldn't live without me. -He grimaced right after those words left his mouth. -But that's so messed up that I'm ashamed of admitting it. The more I think about it, the more I realize we were better off without each other... I wasn't indifferent. I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was holding on only for her sake. When she told me she wanted me to leave, I left. And I should have left for good, if only I had been more clever and less self destructive, I'd…

He gulped and looked down, leaving the phrase incomplete.

-She didn't want you to leave, she wanted you to show that you cared. -Belle tried to explain, still not completely believing he was willing to marry someone he didn't love. -She wanted you to love her back.

-No, it wasn't the case, you don't have all the information, so stop guessing! -He sounded extremely annoyed. -She gambled and lost. And then her plan B failed, that was all. It was never about me, never about getting my attention, much less love.

She frowned, startled by his sudden change of mood. He fidgeted a bit, then sighed.

-But since you seem to think that would be acceptable behavior, I must tell you this: If you want to know if someone cares, you just have to go and ask “hey, do you care for me”? That's more effective. You don't go and tell them “well, I realized I don't wanna be with you anymore” and then expect them to keep wanting to be with you. That is fucked up! -He glared at her. -But, believe me, she didn't think like you, there was so much more behind it… Anyway, what's done is done. I moved in again and she decided she wanted to change the wedding date. She wanted to marry me before people could tell she was pregnant. I couldn't believe it when she told me this.

He exhaled and closed his eyes.

-I just started to say yes to practically anything she said, to avoid fighting. I didn’t want to be near her, but I didn’t think the baby should suffer the consequences for our mistakes. It wasn't the same thing anymore, but I gritted my teeth and endured it, for the sake of her child. I just had to endure it for five months or so, so I thought I could make it. After two or three weeks Andrews came by and told me I wasn't trying hard enough. -Desmond averted his eyes. -It's not like I didn't feel anything physical for her anymore, but it’s impossible to want someone through obligation. It was a fucked up situation, no one wanted the child, and I had to keep an eye on her at all times to make sure she wouldn’t attempt it again. I think in the back of my mind I always knew it was all empty threats, but I didn’t want to have to deal with finding her there… And there was always the chance of her really intending to. When I realized she wouldn’t be able to endure the pregnancy alone, I had an idea and pursued it and things went south.

-Did you ask her to have an abortion? -Belle was horrified.

-Of course not! I would support her if she decided to, but... Even if it was my problem, I'm not in favor of abortion for frivolous reasons. I mean, I know I would not be a good father, but I would never be ok with killing my own child just for my own convenience, and I like to think that at least in this she agreed with me. Although there's a great chance that the only reason she didn't was because she really believed that I would stay with her because she was pregnant, or, even more likely, because she was afraid of ruining her body with the surgery to take it out. -He made a disgusted grimace, then sighed. -As I said, it wasn't really my problem, anyway. Still, I tried to make her feel better, to make sure she would go through her pregnancy in the most smooth environment I could provide, but it just fucked everything up even more. She thought I was trying to be part of it. I totally wasn't. In one of her breakdowns she made me promise I'd drive her for her checkups. I wish I had refused to.

Belle bit her lower lip. He sounded like an asshole. It seemed like he thought the pregnancy was only Samantha's responsibility. She wanted to interrupt him and point out how wrong it was to think this way, but then she realized he had reached the critical point of the story… Their deaths.

-We were fighting…. Inside the car, when they got us. We were fighting over something stupid that turned into something very serious. -He clicked his tongue. - I can't even remember what started it, isn't it insane? I tried to remember for months after she died, but I just can't. It was something very unimportant, something I didn't really care about, I don't know why I didn't just let it go. I guess I was at my limit with her… I should have thought about her baby, I keep thinking about karma, but if it was a punishment it was so disproportionate, for both of us...

Belle put her hand on his shoulder. He shook his head, reproaching his own attitude.

- Samantha was crying. A lot. She said a lot of things that… Things that she would've never told me if she was in her right mind. I told her almost everything I had been keeping to myself for months. She called Andrews, and asked her to get her. She said she was afraid of me and started to share our location with her. -He shook his head, reliving the moment in his mind. - She even said I was getting aggressive toward her, when I barely had looked at her ever since we got in the car. It was a fucked up situation, it was my words against hers and I lost my mind.

Belle wanted to ask what he meant, but was afraid he would stop talking if she interrupted him.

-I pulled over and we started to argue. This time for real. Andrews called her back and she told her about the fight, but all backwards and hiding the most important part of it. I couldn't take it anymore, I lost my mind and said things I should have kept to myself, until she had the baby and got out of my house. She got so nervous about it that she vomited... I was so pissed at her, I thought she had done it on purpose and told her to get out of the car. I didn't really mean it, and I didn't really expect her to do so.

He stopped talking and looked down. His gloomy face was red.

-If I hadn't stopped… I don't think they would get us there. They would wait till I came back home alone. They certainly knew my routine, they knew I would drop her at the hospital, wait in the car till she got in and come back later to get her. If I had swallowed my pride and just driven her to the hospital, she would still be alive today. Andrews blames me for this too. Samantha shouldn't have been there with me, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have taken her if I hadn't told her to get out of the car. -He gulped. -And… And I didn't give away any information, either. When they captured us. I don't think this would've changed things. I think he would've killed her anyway. But Andrews never forgave me for this, she thinks I put the case above their lives… Hers and her baby’s. And to tell you the truth, I think I did.

Belle swallowed back tears, unable to even imagine how guilty and ashamed he could be feeling about all this.

-Why didn't they kill you too? -She asked him. -How did you survive?

-Andrews was still on the line when they got us. She called for reinforcements. She tracked down Samantha's cellphone and they chased their van. I don't really feel like explaining the details now, but they beat the crap out of me. When they were convinced I wouldn't say a thing, they decided to hurt her instead. When I realized that they were gonna kill us both, I tried to react and one of the assholes shot her, on her belly. -He said in a monotonous tone. -To tell you the truth, I think she died only because they threw her out of the van, but it…

He looked down. Belle waited, but he didn't go on. She kneeled beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, stroking his hair. He covered his eyes with one hand but leaned his head on her chest.

-You already know the asshole was Daniel. -He muttered.

Belle held him more tightly. It was her fault too. If she had noticed that Daniel was a criminal she could've avoided all this.

-She died on her way to the hospital. The baby survived for two days. -He shook his head. -It had twenty two weeks. I knew they both were dead before they even put her body inside the ambulance. Her parents insisted that the baby should be taken to NICU treatment instead of letting it die. I shut my mouth, it was their grandson, I had nothing to do with it. Still, they forced me to touch it when the doctors announced it couldn't be saved.

He made a disgusted face. Belle frowned. He talked about the baby as if he would talk about an insect.

-It was the worst experience I've ever been through. I thought that killing a child was the worst thing a person could ever do, but watching a baby slowly die was certainly worse.

They couldn't chat anymore after that horrible conversation. He was lost in thoughts, and she was trying to understand what his words meant. After a while he left her alone, murmuring he was gonna set his workout equipment inside the improvised gym.

It wasn’t the first time he had hinted that the baby wasn’t his, or that he didn’t consider it important to him. Still, she couldn’t believe he would’ve accepted to marry a woman that had an affair with someone while being with him.

Belle made the counts again. She couldn’t think of another possibility. No matter how she looked at it, it didn’t sound like him. And no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t accept any of the two options. Either he was a jerk that didn’t want to commit after getting a woman pregnant, or he somehow was willing to marry a woman he didn’t love and didn’t have any respect for him.

That night she stared at the ugly butterflies, trying to solve the puzzle that was his past and trying desperately to fit herself as a part of his future.

Sleep only came after exhaustion had battled her thrice, when she finally lost.

They didn't talk the next morning. As expected, there was breakfast ready for her, only that this time it wasn't still warm. He had lunch with her, but ate very quickly, saying he needed to work harder to be able to finish all the tasks Riviera had given him so he could join his team in his case. Corey was the new leader of the team, and would soon be replaced by Simon, the FBI agent that Chloe had almost killed, who was fortunately fine, but was recovering from his most recent surgery. Now she finally had a name to match the face.

After some resistance, Ryan shared with her some information about his friend's health status: her lawyers had arranged for him to get treatment in France, and he was submitted to surgery really fast. Faster than expected. Something in his tone showed some kind of annoyance, but before she could ask him why, he kissed her forehead and thanked her for caring enough to ask her lawyers to intervene.

Now that she thought about it, she was surprised Corey had been chosen to lead the group. He was a nice person and sounded responsible and smart, but still, Roy should have been Desmond's first choice, since they were so close, and Roy was older and certainly more experienced. She tried to keep the question in her mind to ask him later, but other thoughts haunted her and pushed this one to the bottom of the list.

She was fixing dinner while he sat over the small island, reading a book, after helping her with the mise en place. Again, she couldn’t see the cover, because of the way he held it. As she waited for the water to boil, she leaned on the counter and observed him. Will you hate me if I ask you about it? Will you push me away? Is it crossing a line?

She was actually afraid he might tell her he didn’t want the child, and for that, didn’t consider it his. But then she remembered Magda’s explanation, about his surname, that his grandfather had abandoned his grandmother when he found out about her pregnancy. Ryan didn’t refer to him as his grandfather. His father was Japanese and immigrated. He married my grandmother who is American, and she gave birth to my father. She could reproduce his voice perfectly. So he resented his grandfather for what he did. He wouldn’t abandon his child, even if it’s conception had been unplanned.

-Are you ok? -He asked her after he got up and checked the boiling water. -Are you tired?

Belle shook her head but didn’t know what question she was answering with it. He squinted his eyes, then approached her and pulled her to his chest. She hid her face on his neck, taking a long breath and he sniffed her hair, kissing the top of her head.

-You looked like you were about to cry, what happened? -He asked her, brushing her hair from her face.

-Nothing… -She sighed. He clicked his tongue. She couldn’t bring herself to ask him, but there was another thought bugging her. -Desmond… Am I a burden to you?

-Of course not! Where did that come from? -He pushed her to arms length to look into her eyes. -Please tell me you’re not comparing yourself to Samantha. I didn't tell you about her to have you being paranoid about her again.

-It's not just about her… Although I can't deny it is a similar situation… -She tried to explain.

-It's not, it's totally different. -He frowned. -You're not trying to take advantage on me, I was the one who dragged you to my house and now to live with me, and there's an immeasurable difference on how better it feels to be near you compared to the hell it was to spend more than five minutes around her, especially near the end of her life. She was obnoxious, I look back and can't understand how I survived those two years and three months.

-Still, I'm totally dependent on you. And I know you are still worried about my self harming thoughts, and sometimes I can get emotional… Maybe you're doing that to yourself again, but with me.

-Belle… -He sighed, running his hand through his hair in exasperation. -You're nothing like her. I'm sorry for saying you reminded me of her before. I don't know why it happened, but you're not her, you don't cause me any harm, relax. I mean, you do mess up with my head when you turn it sexual, and I'd be very thankful if you stopped, but you don't make me feel miserable.

-Why are you drinking so much, then? -She decided to try to make him face the problem.

-I'm not. -He frowned, clearly offended. -I'm not drinking much, and that's fucking none of your business, too. I have other things in my mind. Do you think my world revolves around you or what? Not everything is about you!

Belle just stared at him. She nodded slowly and turned her attention to the food. He watched her cook for a while, then straightened his back and left. After a couple of minutes she realized she was doing a great effort to hurry things up to be able to go after him.

She knocked on the door and got inside his bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, reading.

-Dinner is ready… -She murmured.

-Sorry, I'm not hungry. Do you mind eating alone? -He didn't look up, but his tone was gentle enough.

Belle nodded, but she too had lost her appetite.

-What are you reading? -She asked him as she climbed the bed and sat in front of him.

He reluctantly lifted his eyes from the book, as if he had been entranced by the story.

-Does he ever find out what the seven words are? -He asked, with a crease between his eyebrows. Belle tilted her head, confused. -Elodin tells him about the seven words that will make a woman love you. Does Kvothe find them out later?

-Are you reading The Name of the Wind? -She smiled broadly and hurriedly leaned over him to check the page he was reading. -Why didn't you tell me?

-Do I have to tell you when I read a book? -He frowned. -I'm just curious. Are they magic words or just words?

-Do you want a spoiler? -She frowned. -It's a complicated answer, I can't tell you without saying too much. Yes and no, then.

-Hm. -He looked at her with a slightly annoyed face. -He's a very good writer. Thank you for the recommendation.

-You're welcome. Do you mind it if I stay with you while you read? -She said, unsure if she should be doing it.

He stretched one of his legs and patted it to offer her to lie her head in it. As she was about to do so, though, he moved urgently and got up, as if he had just remembered something.

-I forgot to give this to you! -He opened the first drawer beside his bed and took out a small box and handed it to her. -I planned to give you this before I left you with the marshals… It was a farewell gift, but there was no farewell, right? So… Happy whatever day.

Belle tilted her head, but took the box and opened it. He waited until she got distracted with the package to take another box from the drawer and sat beside her observing her curious expression as she examined the contents of her gift.

-It's a music player, but… -She turned the small device to check it's other side. -I think I'd need a phone to use it…

-No, it's already charged and set up, Lucas replicated your playlists into a new Spotify account, and I set it up using my own phone. Even if they track down the account somehow, they won't get our names or location, it’s totally offline, relax.

-So it has all my playlists here? -She creased her eyebrows, holding the small device between her finger and thumb.

-Yep. And I'll let you check Spotify for new songs if you want to, although I'll have to watch you do it. -He sighed. -And later, when you get your own phone you can do it on your own. It’s waterproof, so you can take it to the bathtub or the pool too. Did you like it?

She nodded and smiled.

-Thank you, Ryan, that's very… Thank you. -Her eyes were sparkling.

-Try it, then. -He handed her the other box and she pouted. -What?

-Stop giving me things when I don't have anything to give to you! -She whined, but took the box from his hand and began to open it.

-Your smile alone is more than enough. Besides, it's still the same gift, you can't use it without earphones… -He chuckled and sat back on his spot, taking his phone out and his book.

It was a pair of Bluetooth earphones. He helped her set it up then watched her face lit up as she tried it, playing the first song on her playlist.

-That's so thoughtful of you… Thank you so much! -She jumped on him and hugged him. -Thank you!

-You're welcome… Please stop crushing my ribs, I'm still out of painkillers. -He complained, pushing her back a little.

She crawled to his other side and hugged him again. He laughed and hugged her back, kissing her forehead. She lay her head on his thigh and started browsing through her songs.

Ryan pretended to be reading, but his attention was inevitably drawn to her. Her mouth moved slightly as she silently sang the lyrics.

-You may sing, if you want to. I like your voice. -He smiled. She looked up and blushed, then shook her head. -I think we have already reached the point where you don't need to be ashamed of doing that in front of me, don't you?

She looked into his eyes for a while, then shook her head and got up.

-I'm gonna eat while it's still warm... Do you want me to bring you a plate? -She looked down.

-No, Belle, you're not my maid. You already did much, preparing the meal. I'll take care of myself when I feel like eating, don't worry. -He sighed, turning the page.

-Ok, sorry. -She didn't know exactly how she should feel about his posture. He glanced at her as she stopped by the door. -Thank you again for the gift, Ryan. It was very thoughtful, I loved it.

Ryan just nodded and lowered his head again to resume his reading.

 

Chapter 17


Belle had nightmares that night. First with Daniel, finding her and torturing her, to try to make her turn Desmond in. She didn't tell him anything, and the nightmare shifted to another one, by the time she was about to black out. Her throat was sore from screaming.

Ryan came to her bedroom and took her in his arms, kissing her cheeks and forehead. She tried to kiss his mouth and he looked down. You're bad to me. He sighed. She tilted her head and backed away from him. What? She asked him. I'm dying because of you. You're killing me. He looked down and she saw her hand holding a broken bottle, with which she had stabbed his belly that was bleeding endlessly. She tried to take it away from him, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her. It's alright. He whispered with his mouth already purple. His face contorted and transformed into Bill’s. She looked down again and the bottle was now a knife. Her sheets were red with all the blood. I loved you, Belle… You said you loved me… Bill's voice filled her mind and she cried from the longing of seeing and hugging him again, with life in his eyes. I do, I love you, Bill, I'm sorry! She whined, trying to take her hand from the knife to hug him, but his grip to her wrist was too strong. And do you love him? Is that why you're gonna kill him too? She froze and looked up into his eyes in time to see him closing them and falling back. She tried to catch him, throwing herself in his direction, but woke up, startled, almost falling out of the bed.

-Belle! Are you ok? -Ryan’s voice sounded very distant. -You screamed, a lot. I'm sorry I didn't hear it earlier... I didn't think it was real and I fell asleep with my earphones on.

She looked around and saw him rushing toward the bed. He pushed the canopy’s curtain aside with a click of his tongue and bent his back to fit under it.

-I’m sorry… Did you have a nightmare? -He checked her face as she held his shirt to her neck and nodded. -Do you wanna talk about it?

She just shook her head and laid back, wiping her forehead on her sleeve. The room was hot and she was still very sleepy. He hesitated, then asked her.

-Was it about Roy? -He gulped.

-What do you mean? -She tilted her head, rubbing her sleepy eyes as she yawned.

Ryan stared at her and she saw realization pouring slowly into his face. He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, then shook his head and backed away.

-I need to go. Do you need anything? -He asked her, turning his back to her.

-I wanted to sleep beside you, but I guess you won't let me. -She held the pillow to her chest. -I feel better sleeping beside you.

-We can talk about it tomorrow, ok? -He murmured. -Tonight I just can't, I’m sorry.

He got out of the room, but left the door half open.

Belle took the music player out of the drawer and fell asleep around the middle of the first playlist.

The next day Belle felt tired of hiding inside. Although she barely could hear the laughs and screams of the teenagers inside the pool, she knew they were there, having fun. She put on shorts and the thinnest long sleeved shirt she had and knocked on his study’s door.

-Morning. -He sighed as he opened the door. He looked tired. It was the first time she saw dark circles under his always sharp eyes. -Are you ok?

-Are you ok? You look horrible. -She creased her eyebrows. -Did something happen with the case?

-How the fuck would I know? -He grunted. Then, seeing her puzzled look, he sighed. -Sorry Belle, I've been reading and writing reports like a damned slave for the last four hours without break. I'm in a foul mood, you won't want to be around me.

-I was actually hoping you could take a break for a walk… -She murmured.

He stared at her for a few seconds, then leaned on the doorway.

-Why?

-Why what? I wanna take a walk. I haven't seen the sun for quite a while, I need to absorb some vitamin D… -She bit her lower lip and watched him sigh. -It might be harming us to be locked in for so long. It can affect your humor and your rationality, did you know?

-Bullshit. -He grunted. Then signaled her to move back. -Go and get the sunscreen upstairs, it's on the second drawer in my bathroom.

She took a moment to understand it was a “yes”, and smiled broadly as soon as she realized she wouldn't have to insist. She sprang upstairs and brought the tube.

-Isn't it too strong? -She checked the SPF. -Thought it was only for children.

-Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? -He frowned. -Snow White would be jealous. I don't want you to get sunburnt. Why do you always criticize or complain when I do something to take care of you?

-I don't… -She pouted as she spread the cream over her legs and face. He reached out and lifted her sleeves. -I won't lift them, there's no need to…

-Yes there is, don't be stubborn. -He frowned. -The sun is high, it's bad for you. You're not in New York anymore, and even there you should've used it, that's the reason why you have freckles.

She frowned. So you dislike my freckles, then…

-What? -He eyed her with apprehension. He took some of the cream and spread it over his face and arms. -How did I offend you now? You insisting I'm an alcoholic is alright, but me saying you're stubborn as a mule is now an issue?

She looked down, not wanting to explain she wanted him to find her beautiful, even with the freckles. He pressed his thumbs over her forehead, cheeks and jaw, wiping the white spots.

-Where are you planning to go? To the pool? -He pressed his lips. -There's a huge chance we'll bump into the Corleone’s couple there… I really want to avoid contact with them if we have the choice.

-Are their names really Corleone? -She asked without thinking, only realizing it was a stupid question after she had already said it.

-Of course it's not! -He frowned. -It was obviously a joke, haven't you ever watched The Godfather? I can imagine that clown playing a lame version of Don Corleone. He's shady, but I couldn't really find out what he does, and I can't dig too deep. Can't risk him finding out that I'm more than a financial analyst and a trader.

-Do you wanna go somewhere else? -She wanted him to be able to relax. -I really just want to spend some time with you and walk under the sun a bit.

Ryan put his gun in a more discreet holster, hid under his shirt in his back, half concealed by his pants. She wondered if it was uncomfortable to wear it.

-I think it might be ok if we go and get some ice cream. There's a small commercial center right outside the condo. -He sighed. -I'm sorry I can't take you somewhere better. I'm gonna get a car soon, they need to resend my drivers license, it had a typo.

He opened up the door for her.

-Great. -She laughed, finding it absurd that the government would provide documents with typos for witnesses under their protection. -Do you think Andrews might have something to do with it? To sabotage you?

-Not really, but I wouldn't be surprised.

They walked through the less crowded part of the condo, avoiding the pool side, and at some point Ryan decided to hold her hand. She blushed and smiled at him, but he kept scanning their surroundings with his eyes, wearing a blank face. Eventually he started to relax and they chatted a bit in a very low voice.

He explained that Brandon had sent three recommendations of therapists for her and that as soon as he could drive her to the sessions, she could start it. She suggested that he should try it too, but he avoided the subject, saying he didn’t have the time and that he didn’t want to risk leaving her alone at least during their period of adaptation. Some neighbors spotted them and came by to greet them and introduce themselves, but none took too long to walk away. Belle found them all very kind and polite, but although Ryan kept a friendly posture, his eyes scrutinized their faces and checked their hands and waistlines before they could approach them.

-It must be burdensome… -She sighed after making sure they were alone.

-What are you talking about? -He looked over his shoulder and pulled her to force her to change sides with him as they passed through the condo’s main gate, so he would be the one walking on the outer side of the sidewalk.

-To always be this alert, you must get very tired at the end of the day. -She pressed her lips and lifted one shoulder. -You could teach me what I should keep track of, so you don’t have to always be that tense.

-Then we would only be two paranoids walking together… I won’t relax till it’s over, don’t feel like it’s your fault, that’s my natural state. -He smirked. -It’s not that bad anymore… I can’t remember when exactly it started, but I was always like that, even before this case.

-Still, it's unnerving to see you so tense all the time… -She murmured, looking around too. -I've never noticed it , but now that I remember, you acted exactly like that when we met at my school…

-I don't think I was actually this alert. I kept an eye on Daniel, but most of the time I was just trying to frighten you and your colleagues to make you believe you’d get in trouble if you didn't turn him in.

-Were you trying to make it seem like you were worse than him, then? -She frowned. -I don't think it would work, at least not if the person really knew that he was a terrorist.

-You'd be surprised. A lot of people break when you say something bad will happen to them or that you'll give them something they want. -He shrugged. -It's worth a try, people are generally too stupid to realize it's a bluff.

-The wizard’s first rule… -Belle sighed and nodded.

-What was that? -He looked at her with a curious expression. -Something from that book again?

-No, it's another series, Sword of Truth…

-Of course it would be another fantasy book. -He chuckled to himself. She looked up and pouted. -I'm not criticizing! You like to escape reality through art, it's a valuable ability… Go on, amuse me. What is the wizard’s first rule?

-People are stupid. -She said and he sneered, demonstrating that he had found it lame. -Don't make that face, I'm not done!

-Right, right. -He chuckled. -Go on, then.

She looked up, trying to remember the exact words.

-Given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. -She half laughed when he nodded furrowing his eyebrows and looking at her sideways. -Because people are stupid: they will believe a lie, either because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true

-My point exactly. -He nodded. -Seems like a good book, what is it about?

She began to unravel the parts that she could tell him without spoiling the story, but he soon told her he hadn't liked the main concept. She agreed with his points and explained it wasn't a masterpiece, but was still worth reading, because it was innovative and interesting in its own way, like The Shannara Chronicles.

-What's your favorite book, Ryan? -She leaned toward him when a guy stared at her face for longer than she thought it was necessary, with a sinister smile beginning to form as she stared back into his eyes.

The guy wore a black rock band t-shirt with ripped jeans and had a black shoulder-length hair. He was leaning on a motorcycle, scratching his crotch and smoking a cigarette. Ryan had noticed him leering too and was already pulling her closer and clenching his jaw. The guy looked away as soon as his eyes met Ryan’s, but she knew he had turned his head to stare at her back as soon as they passed through.

-The Constitution. My favorite book. -He said, then chuckled at her frown. -We can talk about it later. I can actually show them to you, but I don't think my literary taste would entertain you, anyway. I like what you like, though. I'm not picky.

They bought the ice creams, then Ryan spotted a pharmacy and decided to get some OTC. Belle followed him to the cashier and gave him a mischievous smile as she had an idea.

-What the fuck are you… -He started to scold her, but then seemed to notice the eyes of the cashier and a neighbor they had just greeted turning in his direction. She pressed her lips and put the pack of condoms over the counter, timidly smiling at the cashier. Ryan’s frown melted immediately, but he pinched her waist hard enough to make her flinch.

-Do you need anything else? -The man politely asked. Ryan just shook his head and paid for it, not waiting for the change. -Have a nice day…

Belle gave him a nod and another shy smile, rushing after Ryan.

-You are a… Prick. -He muttered very low as she caught up to him. -Seriously, why the fuck?

-We might need it again… -She shrugged feigning innocence. -It’s just for safety.

He rolled his eyes and turned to her, to scold her some more, but then stopped and tilted his head, looking behind her. Belle followed his gaze, thinking that the guy would be still there, but he and his motorcycle were nowhere to be found.

-Wait here. Not anywhere else, here, where I can see you. -He muttered.

-Yes, sir. -She sat on the bench and leaned forward to avoid dripping ice cream on her lap in case she failed to be faster than the scolding sun.

She ate and creased her eyebrows as she saw him getting inside a tattoo shop. It was considerably bigger than the ones she had passed by in New York and it had beautiful pictures on a big panel in front of it that probably showed some of their works.

-Morning, neighbor… -She turned her head to check who it was. He had come very close behind her without her noticing and she couldn’t help but jump to her feet, surprised. -Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, I really just wanted to say hi.

It was the boy called Noah. Seeing him this close, she realized he was fairly handsome, although his neck length blond hair and his thin goatee made him look too boyish. His eyes were bright green with greyish lines.

-No, sorry, I just didn’t see you coming. -She blushed. - Hi.

-I’m… Noah. -He looked embarrassed. -But I think I already told you this… Of course I don’t expect you to remember it, but… No, I didn’t mean you… I mean..

-Sorry, I’m Belle. Belinda. My name is Belinda. -She corrected herself, only then realizing that she didn’t have to do it. Maybe it was indeed a good idea of Ryan to get her a name with the same nickname. She looked around, uncomfortable with the awkward introduction.

-Very nice to meet you, Belle… Would you like a tour? I can show you around. I mean, show you the places around, I could introduce you to people here too, if you want to. -He seemed to be as clumsy at this as her. -It's a beautiful day, and you…

He paused and frowned, as if he had just realized he was going to say something stupid. And I what? She stared at his face, waiting.

-Ahm, I mean, do you wanna walk together? Inside the condo, or around it, or somewhere else, too? -He scratched the back of his head. -I know this place like the back of my hand, so I can show you everything you want.

-That's very kind of you, but… Thank you, but I'll stay here. -She didn't know how to explain that she couldn't leave this spot because Ryan would scold her if she did so.

-I hope you don't mind me saying, I feel wrong to leave you here alone under this scalding sun… -He went on. -Have you been to the pool? It's a nice pool.

-Maybe another day. -Belle smiled. She wondered if he was one of the boys she had seen the day they had arrived. She sighed, fighting the urge to turn to look for Ryan. She missed him, but knew it would be rude to look around while talking to Noah.

-I have a car. -He said, out of nowhere, interrupting her thoughts.

She frowned at his remark.

-I mean, I can take you somewhere in my car, if you need to… I noticed you don’t have one, in your garage. -He pointed out, blushing again. -And we could have lunch together too, if you feel like… I mean, just so I can show you the best restaurants nearby…

Belle tilted her head, starting to feel a weird vibe in his conversation but not being able to put her finger in what was making her feel so uneasy. She grimaced and looked down, feeling very out of place.

-No, sorry, it wouldn’t be a date! I mean, of course if you… -He tried to mend it and his whole face suddenly grew red. -Dude, I blew it, didn’t I? I’m not a weirdo, I swear, I’m just trying to be nice.

She just stared at him, not knowing what to say, which just made everything more awkward. The wind blew and she grew conscious of her ice cream melting over her finger. She quickly took a step back to avoid getting spills in her legs or shirt.

-Ahm, no, sorry. I’m just not a very sociable person. It’s nice to meet you… -She looked down, too embarrassed to lick the ice cream that kept spilling to the floor in front of him. -Hm, about the car, don’t worry, my husband will get one soon. But thank you for offering your help.

-Oh. -He said simply. -Your…

Ryan stepped beside her and Noah’s eyes flew toward him.

-Husband. -He finished his phrase as he had to look up to meet Ryan’s eyes and nodded slowly. -Of course. Nice to meet you, mister…

-Herrera. -Ryan said nonchalantly. She noticed he didn’t have his ice cream anymore, but handed her a bottle of water. -It’s too hot here, thought you might be thirsty too.

She looked from the bottle to her ice cream and Ryan immediately took the bottle back to open it for her, before handing it to her again. She took some sips and gave it back to him, gulping involuntarily as she saw him take some sips too before shutting it. He looked even more handsome under the sun, with his dark eyes half closed and his golden skin glistening.

She smiled and looked back at Noah’s face. He was silent, but didn't give any signs that he would go away, so the three of them just stood there. Belle finished her ice cream while Noah clearly avoided looking at her directly. Ryan observed her, then handed her two paper napkins he had snatched into his pocket, so she could wipe her mouth and her hand. Aw, thank you! She said it with her face and he smiled kindly at her.

-Is it always that hot here? -She said, just to fill the silence.

-During summer, yeah, but sometimes it can get even hotter… -The boy nodded as she took some sips of the water again. -I mean, no, it's not normal this time of year, today it's a lot above average…Last week we had a maximum of fifth-six…. But in summer, last year, there was a day it beat one hundred degrees. I guess global warming is something…

His voice died slowly and turned into an inaudible mumble when Ryan turned his way and looked him up and down, as if to show his surprise that he was still talking. The three of them just stood in silence for a few awkward seconds, but Ryan broke it, shutting the bottle again after taking a sip at it too.

-Do you happen to have something to tell us, Noah? -He lifted one eyebrow.

-Ah, no, I was just… -The boy scratched his neck and pointed at Belle, quickly putting his hand away as he caught himself doing so. -Just wanted to welcome you two.

-Right, your parents already did it. -Ryan nodded. -Thanks anyway.

-Let me know if you need something, then… I guess I’ll go now... -He started to back away, clearly unsure of which way he should go to avoid bumping into them again soon.

-We were leaving too. -His dark eyes turned to Belle’s and he held his hand out for her to take. -Unless you want to go somewhere else. I think it’s really too hot here, you don’t look like you’re enjoying it either.

-I am… -She smiled as she took his hand, then turned to Noah. -Bye, nice to meet you.

-Yes, nice to meet you two, too. -Noah looked down and walked away.

Ryan observed him as he signaled her to lead where she wanted to go, then smirked.

-Was he bothering you? -He asked her with a slightly annoyed tone.

-No, he was just offering his help. -She looked up, surprised.

-You mean the car bullshit? He was doing an awful job, but he was flirting with you, Belle. -He murmured as low as he could while holding a laugh. -You can’t seriously believe he was offering you help.

He checked her expression and laughed out loud.

-Fuck, you’re so slow with those kind of things. -Ryan shook his head.

-He was just being nice. -She pushed him as he sneered. -It’s true, he told me so, just to make sure I hadn’t misinterpreted it.

-Sure. Still, don’t be fooled by his oaf appearance, you met his father, you wouldn’t want to be part of that family. -He snorted, pulling the hem of his shirt to unglue it from his chest. -Fuck this heat, I hate this place.

-Are you jealous? -She asked him as she noticed his foul mood.

-Nope. -He shrugged. He grimaced as he realized they took the path to the pool instead of the outer one, and it would look too weird to turn around now.

-Not even a bit? - He seemed to be telling the truth.

-Not at all. -He frowned and looked at her. -Why? Did you want me to feel jealous of you, Belle? Why would I?

-I’m just asking. -Belle couldn’t keep looking into his eyes. She thought about it and concluded she actually wanted him to be jealous, but was too ashamed to admit it.

-Even if we were… And you know we are not. -He took her chin between his fingers to force her to look into his eyes. -We are not. But even if we were, I don’t believe in jealousy. I already told you that.

-How can someone not believe in jealousy, Ryan? -She frowned. -It’s a natural feeling for a lot of mammals, humans on top of it.

-No, it’s a condition insecure or stupid people put themselves into. -He sighed. -Why do you wanna know, anyway? I respect your opinion. If you think being with someone that doesn't trust you or isn’t good enough to keep you is romantic, that’s on you.

-It’s not about lack of trust, it’s normal. -She didn’t really want to defend jealous behavior, but couldn’t believe he was immune to it. -It’s impossible that you never felt jealous, that’s… Not true.

-I didn’t say I never felt it, I’m saying I don’t feel it anymore. -He looked away. -Like I said, it’s either unjustified, or stupid to feel it.

-Ok, I get the reason behind it, still, it doesn’t mean you can control it.

-I don’t need to control it, I see a situation, I think about it and I decide what to do about it. And fighting over it or feeling bad about it isn’t a good solution, that’s all.

-Is that why you stayed with Samantha even after she cheated on you? -She asked before she could hold her tongue.

Ryan immediately let go of her hand and stopped walking. She turned and looked around before looking into his eyes. They were still too near the pool. People hadn’t interrupted them because they were absorbed in their talk, still, a lot of eyes were on them. He sighed and squinted his eyes at her. For a moment she thought he would turn his back to her and walk away. He looked around as if trying to decide what to do, then just walked by her and strode ahead toward the house.

She tried to follow him, but his legs were longer and soon she was left behind.

-Belinda!

Belle wanted to run away as soon as the voice hit her ears.

-Belinda, you decided to come! -The blonde woman came toward her, jogging with her huge boobs bouncing up and down. -What are you doing with those long sleeves again?

-I don’t like the tan lines. -Belle quickly lied, trying to shade her eyes as she turned to talk with the woman. -I’m sorry, I just realized I don’t know your name…

-It’s Angel, Belinda. Thought Ryan had briefed you since he didn’t properly introduce you to us. - She batted her eyelashes. -He seemed to be in a hurry right now, is everything alright?

Belle suddenly felt very angry at her, for no apparent reason. She just didn’t want her to feel comfortable to ask about their relationship. Besides, she couldn’t believe the name of the woman was really Angel. What kind of name was that?

-Yes, he just remembered he forgot to call a client. -Belle lied, looking away.

-Our men are business men, we have to distract ourselves not to get bored while they are working so much, right? - Angel reached out and pulled her arm, dragging her toward the pool. -So come here, and enjoy some drinks with us. Come meet the girls!

Belle tried to get rid of her hand without making a fuss, but her clawed fingers were gripping her firmly. She couldn’t tell exactly how the woman didn’t hurt her with her long curved nails.

-Girls! Look what I brought! -She announced as they got to a round table with a shade and six women seated or lying around it in chairs and hammocks. They aged anything around twenty or forty. She couldn’t be sure, because they all looked like they were either wearing a lot of make-up, which didn’t make much sense for someone sitting by the poolside, or, like Angel, had been through serious plastic surgeries. Some of them let out excited shrieks that made them sound like stupid teenagers. Belle didn’t know how to get out of there, so she politely took the seat Angel offered her. -Unfortunately Ryan is occupied, but our baby Barbie is here to have a drink or two with us!

-It’s Belle. -She said, unable to hide her discomfort, but was blatantly ignored. After a while they were all calling her Barbie. She kept looking in the house direction, hoping Ryan would show up to rescue her, but the minutes passed with no sign of him. She didn’t pay any attention to their names. She knew one of them was Karen and that other was Mary Jane, although she didn’t believe she would be able to tell who was whom even if her life depended on it.

After a while it became clear that their enthusiasm about her presence was much more about the opportunity to get information about Ryan than to actually get to know her. After answering a few questions, she realized she had already said too much. They asked his age and she had to correct herself, as she had answered his real one first. That made her feel even more nervous and when they handed her a glass of what she guessed was lemonade, she chugged it all down before realizing it was something very alcoholic. The women shouted and laughed, encouraging her to drink more. She put the glass aside and answered more questions, trying to memorize her answers so she could pass it on to him later.

-Oh, Noah, my dear, come here! This is Belle, our new neighbor! -She signaled him to approach and he did so, half unwillingly.

-Yeah, we already met. -He smiled shyly at her. -I need to take a shower, Angel, I’ll come here later...

-Nonsense, son, sit here. -She sounded annoyed. -Did you know Belle is almost the same age as you?

He sighed and took a seat beside Belle, giving her an apologetic smile. Angel then started talking about him non-stop. She explained that he didn’t have many friends, and never brought a girlfriend home, which made his face turn crimson. He tried to change the subject, saying he was just focused on his studies and didn’t need the distraction. Angel practically screamed that he was planning on getting MD. She then asked Belle if she was in college and Belle stuttered a lot, ending up saying she would go to law school, and was arranging things to transfer there to graduate.

The women interest shifted as one of them dropped a glass, shattering it on the floor and spilling the drink everywhere.

-Oh, so you're coming to UF? We'll probably meet a lot, then! -Noah’s eyes flared as he turned to her, apparently absentminded of the small commotion behind him. -Are you gonna live by the campus? Or will you need a ride? I can drive you there everyday if you want to.

Belle immediately regretted saying it. She wasn't even sure she would be able to follow Lucas’ plans, since she hadn't even started studying and would have to get good scores on the tests. She didn't even know which college had accepted to take part in their scheme.

-Hm, I actually don't know, sorry… -She looked down.

He looked embarrassed by her uneasiness.

-I didn't mean to be pushy, it's just that I have to drive there everyday anyway… It's a one and a half hour drive and I thought it would be convenient, sorry. -Noah cleared his throat and looked down. He frowned after some thought and said in a very low voice.-Do you mind joining me for a walk? It's nothing important, but I feel like I owe you an apology and I just don't want Angel to listen to it and make it bigger than it is…

She thought about what Ryan had told her, that Noah was flirting with her. Even though he had already told her he wasn't, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed of going for a walk alone with him, especially because for everyone there it would look like a married woman getting close to a random guy she just met.

-Ahm… -She pressed her lips.

-Ok, never mind. -He quickly said, scratching his leg as he bent forward and looked away. -I just… Sorry anyway.

-It's ok. -She sighed. -I'd like to go for a walk, it's too hot here.

He smiled and got up. She missed Ryan as she stood up and felt a bit dizzy. He would have offered her his hand for her to lean on, and would certainly put his hand on her waist to steady her.

Noah looked at her with a mix of puzzlement and worry.

-Are you ok? Did you just stagger? -He tilted his head and she noticed he tried to frown but it looked like a grimace.

-I might be a bit drunk. -She murmured. -I thought it was lemonade…

-Yeah, Angel is into very strong drinks. You should check what Christmas is like in my home after midnight. -He laughed. -Do you want me to walk you home?

-Sounds good. -She was eager for any excuse to get away from Angel and go home to apologize to Ryan. Her chest tightened as she remembered what she had told him. -Yes, please.

-Ah no! Where are you going, Belinda? -Angel’s voice rang above the others. -Noah, my dear son, where do you think you're going with my guest?

-I'm just gonna show her the garden. -He pointed in the direction of the house. -I'll be right back, don't worry Angel.

Her face stiffened and she came closer.

-You know I don't like this tone. -She hissed at him and he rolled his eyes. Then her eyes softened and she smiled a very fake sweet smile. -And you should call me mom, my dear… You know how important it is to me…

-Sure, mom. Can I go now? -He huffed.

-Of course you can, son. -She planted a kiss on his cheek and let a pink lipstick stain there.

-Let's go, before she realizes you're going home and tries to force you to stay. -He murmured under his breath to Belle.

 

New post tomorrow =) I miss you. I have a few questions for you:
1st - did anyone noticed the chapters are double the size of the ones in the first book? Yeah, I hadn't noticed Is it good or bad? Let me know
2nd - What are your impression about Noah?
3rd - Is the pace of the story satisfactory? I'm trying to focus on their relationship / character development but at the same time I need to hint the case development too... Don't know if I'm doing any of those in an interesting way.
I'm gonna get my first feedback about the first book from a professional editor this weekend =. Wish me luck

 

BEST OF LUCK!! That is so exciting! Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

I would never complain about longer chapters lol

I’m torn with Noah. I definitely don’t like his step mom. I feel like his intentions may not be dishonerable, he truly is just young. And he gives off that vibe. I just can’t tell if it’s an act or if he really is shy. I don’t understand why he constantly wants her alone. That makes me suspicious.

I feel good with the pace. I like the relationship focus. It makes sense there is a disconnect from the case given the circumstances. She has made a lot of emotional revelations so it would be weird if she didn’t become a little lost or distracted in those feelings and the case falls to the back burner.

I think it also puts us in their true perspective; we are separated from the case because they are.
So yeah, I like the shift and I look forward to when the case weaves itself back in.

 

Chapter 18


-I'd really like to apologize for… For hitting on you. -He murmured and cringed as soon as they were far enough from other people's ears. She could tell that he was making a great effort to keep talking. -For trying to, I mean. I know it was just awkward and uncomfortable.

-Hm? -Belle looked up, surprised. He avoided her eyes but when she didn't answer he took a quick glance at her face.

-I don't expect you to say anything, it's just… I didn't know you were married. My brother just told me that a hot girl, his words, not mine, I swear… -He paused, blushing so much that his eyes went red too. -That… I forgot what I was gonna say, sorry… Ah, that you had moved here and then I thought you were alone, I didn't know you had a husband, sorry. And when I saw you, I don't know, I just thought you were beautiful and even from afar, you were sweet, greeting me all shyly, I was… I'm gonna shut my mouth now.

Belle just nodded. She really wanted him to shut his mouth. She wondered how impolite it would be if she ran to the door and locked it behind her, but realized it was the alcohol suggesting it, not her common sense.

-I know I made you feel harassed and I'm sorry, I just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't my intention to disrespect you, I really didn't know. -He kept mumbling, thinking she didn't believe him. -You must be thinking I'm a complete jerk.

-To tell you the truth, I didn't notice you were flirting… -She decided to confess, hoping that would make him stop trying to mend something that wasn't broken before he opened his mouth. -Ryan told me you were flirting with me, but I didn't believe it.

His eyes opened wide.

-Your husband? Did he…? -He stuttered. -Dude, I hope he doesn't decide to settle scores, please tell him I'm very sorry, I would've never… If I knew… I mean…

-It's ok, don't worry. -She soothed him. -He's not mad. He's not jealous.

-Of course he isn't. I mean… Why would he? -Noah sighed and she frowned, unaware of his self loathing behavior.

Belle fell silent, diving into self-judgement. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe being jealous wasn't as common as she had thought. She felt so ashamed her eyes brimmed.

-Did I do something wrong? -Noah asked, stopping in front of her house. -I swear I didn't mean to offend or hurt you. Please, can we forget my mistake and start over? I'd really love to be your friend. As Angel pointed out, I don't have many. I don't fit in with the rest of the guys here, and you are not the pot party type, either. I feel like we could get along very well, if you give me one more chance. I swear on my life, I'll never make another advance at you.

Belle smiled and nodded. Her eyes were still brimming with shame, now increased by the awkwardness of the moment and her state of drunkenness.

-Yes, Noah, I'd like to be your friend too. I hope I can get transferred to UF so we can study together, it's gonna be nice if I do. -She gave him a shy smile.

-Thank you, please do. -He smiled broadly and she found out he had dimples that made him look even more boyish. She couldn't help but smile too, as she remembered Bill’s innocent smile full of dimples. They didn't look alike, but her eyes brimmed even more with the feeling of missing Bill's smile. -Oh no, why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?

Noah’s voice seemed loud to her ears and caught her by surprise. She hadn't realized she was crying, because her face was numb by the heat and the alcohol effects.

The door burst open behind her and they both looked back to see Ryan standing there. She couldn't tell if he was angry, annoyed or… Jealous. He couldn't be jealous, she told herself, but his face showed a look of disapproval and a hint of I'm gonna beat you to death if you don't back away from her right now.

-I need to go. -Noah said under his breath. -Thank you for the… Thank you. And sorry for whatever I've done, I didn't mean to make you… I'm sorry. Please don't be sad because of me. Bye, see you.

He said it and walked away before Belle could move her eyes from Ryan. She was feeling very slow, and when she finally looked at Noah, he was already too far to hear her. She watched him go, wondering if there was something she could do to make him understand that her tears had nothing to do with him, but she decided she cared more about fixing her horrible mistake with Ryan. She needed his forgiveness and needed to assure him this wouldn't happen again.

Belle finally turned to the house to face Ryan, when Noah couldn't be seen anymore. The door was open, but he wasn't there.

-Ryan? -She called as she locked the door behind her. -Hey… Can we talk? Ryan?

Belle looked around the living room, but he wasn't there. She walked to his study’s door and knocked. There was no answer.

-Ryan! -She called, being totally ignored. He was pretending he wasn't there, with no sound coming from inside, no grunt, no typing. -Ryan, I'm really, really, sorry for saying that. I don't know why I did it, and, to be honest, I only realized it could hurt you to ask that after it came out of my mouth. I didn't say it to hurt you, it was a question I had in my mind but didn't have the courage to make before, when we…

She lost the line of thoughts. She hadn't any intentions to reveal how jealous and how wrong she felt about his relationship with Samantha. She didn't want him to resent her for prying into his personal life and certainly didn't want him to see her as a jealous woman, especially now that he told her he despised it.

-What I’m trying to say is… Can you, please, forgive me for saying that and can we, please, pretend it didn't happen? -She whined and sniffed. He didn't answer and she banged on the door. -Please, Des...Ryan, open the door, I need to see you.

She banged again and again, but the door didn't open. Before she knew it she was crying leaning her forehead on the door. Her head was heavy because of the tipsiness combined with the remaining heat, and her eyes were burning. She banged and sobbed a little more, then jumped back when she heard a chuckle very near her ear.

He stepped back to avoid her bumping into him and handed her one of the two bowls he was holding. She looked down, confused. It had sliced apples, bananas and something brown inside.

-Eat… You're fucking drunk. -He sighed and handed her a bottle of water he had been carrying under his arm. -I should've known you wouldn't have enough wit to refuse drinking when I saw you sitting with them. I thought about going and getting you but I didn't really believe you'd drink enough to get wasted. I must remind you that although you are twenty-two in your new documents, you're still under legal age, biologically. There's a reason why they establish a minimum age. Don't do that again.

She stared at him and nodded, feeling her nose run. He took his keys from his pocket and pushed her aside with his forearm to open the door.

-I don't want you to call me unless you feel like you're dying, ok? -He didn't look at her as he stepped inside. -Not only because I don't want to be near you now, but because it will do you good to learn how shitty you'll feel for drinking more than you can take.

-Can we talk, please? -She murmured, wiping the tears and her nose in her sleeve.

-No, we can’t. Drink as much water as you can take, and eat at the table. Take a nap there, seated. If you lay down you’ll probably throw up. -He said simply, closing the door on her face. Before she could think about it, she let go of the bottle and fit her hand in the almost nonexistent gap to stop him. The door crushed two of her fingers and she let out a shriek and a whimper. -What the fuck?!

He quickly opened it, looking at her with wide open eyes.

-Shit! Belle, why? -He took the bowl from her hand and rushed to his desk, coming back with both hands empty as she took her fingers to her mouth. -Fuck, what's wrong with you?

She started to cry, much more from embarrassment than pain. He pulled her wrist to take her fingers out of her mouth and check it. It wasn't really hurting, just burning a bit, as a thin cut had spread in each finger and a small bruise was starting to form.

-Shit. -He repeated. -Why the fuck did you do that?

-I need to apologize… -She whined.

-You already did. I think the whole neighborhood heard it too, you were damn loud. I could've shut you up, but I confess it amused me to watch it… So ridiculous... -He dragged her to the very small toilet under the stairs and put her hand under the water. The cold numbed the pain, although she felt a sting on the cuts that started to bleed. -You're not a child, you should know you shouldn't put your fingers there, it was a very stupid idea.

-I didn't think before I moved, sorry. -She washed her face as he stepped aside, toward the door. -No, please, where are you going?

She grabbed his shirt, wetting it a bit.

-I'm gonna get you band-aids to put on it. Sit at the table. -He muttered, pushing her hand away. -Belle, seriously you're unbelievable.

She did as he told her to, wrapping her fingers with toilet paper to stop the bleeding. He took care of her fingers then got up and rushed to his study before she could protest. She was getting up, leaning on the table as she lost her balance when he came back with the bowls and bottles of water.

-Sit down, motherfucker. -He scolded her. -I don't want to babysit you and I'll make you clean it if you puke, sit down!

She obliged, almost missing the chair.

-Why do you like to drink? It's really… Uncomfortable. -She let out a hiccup in the middle of her phrase. He slid the opened bottle of water in her direction and she took some sips.

-I don't get that drunk. Not often. -He sighed. -How much did you drink anyway?

She shrugged, not wanting to admit she only had one glass.

-I don't want you to drink anymore. Can we both agree you don't know how to do it with responsibility? Besides, you're kind of pathetic when you're drunk. -He chuckled and leaned toward her to take a strand of hair from her mouth and put it behind her ear, while she ate the fruits. She took a piece of the brown thing with her fingers and made a face. It was creamy. -It's called chocolate pudding fruit. Use the spoon. It's absolutely stupid that you use a knife and fork for pizza but are using your hand for this.

She looked up and noticed he was using a spoon to eat all the fruits. Only then she realized there was a spoon inside the bowl, right beside her hand. She blushed.

-I guess I am really drunk… -She frowned. -I'm sorry for this too, I thought it was lemonade.

-Ah, yes, of course you did. -He rolled his eyes.

-I regret asking about Samantha. -She blurted.

-You already told it. -He sighed, finishing his meal and getting up again.

-Can you forgive me? -She looked at him with pleading eyes.

-Sure. There's not much to forgive you, if someone's to blame it's me. I shouldn't have told you anything, to begin with. -He shrugged nonchalantly and her heart sank. -And if you felt entitled to say something like that it was because I gave you the impression we had this level of intimacy. I'll make sure to fix that mistake.

She looked down and shut her mouth as she heard him washing his dishes and passing by her toward the study.

Belle went to her bedroom just to grab her earphones and music player. She noticed he had arranged the law school books on a shelf and grabbed one she hadn't finished reading yet, then went back to the table.

-Dinner is ready. -He told her as he saw her lifting her head from her arms. She had a terrible headache and a dry mouth.-Are you hungry? Do you think you can hold anything in your stomach?

-Yes, I'm not feeling sick, thank you. -She started to get up, but he signaled her to stay there.

-Here. -He sighed, putting down a plate in front of her and a glass of tomato juice, taking the book and putting it far from the glass. -I'll work out a bit. You may call me if you need help.

It was practically a warning that she shouldn't bother him unless it was necessary. She sighed. I did this to myself. The worst part is that she couldn't justify her actions. She had no idea why she had asked the question and couldn't find any explanation for how she did it.

The food was perfectly warm and made her feel better. It was a meat stew with boiled egg and spinach. She thought a bit and realized he had prepared everything thinking exactly about what her body needed to recover from the alcohol abuse. The tomato juice was solid proof that she was right.

After finishing, she washed her own dishes. She couldn't really believe he liked doing it, it felt terrible, wet and cold.

She brushed her teeth and took a long shower, hoping he would look for her when he was done with his workout, but when she got out, he wasn't in his bedroom yet. She wondered if they would really talk about her sleeping beside him, now that he was upset with her, and felt stupid just for hoping he would allow it to happen. It sounded obvious he wouldn't.

After some back and forth between rooms, she decided to look for him.

The air was heavy inside the small improvised gym. It felt hotter than in the other rooms, and she felt like it was damp too, although she knew it was an impression caused by the steamy body laid on the bench at the center of the room. He didn't look at her as he lifted and lowered the barbell. After accepting that she wouldn't walk away he huffed and rested it on the spotter.

-What do you need? -He sighed, grabbing a towel and wiping his face and chest with it.

-I need you to forgive me. -She approached him. He was sweating a lot. She looked around and noticed the punching bag had wet marks on it. -Are you sure you should work out for this long? Isn't it too much?

-I'm not in the mood, mind your own business from now on, Belle. -Ryan snorted. He leaned forward and she took a step toward him, worried that he might be losing his balance due to exhaustion. He frowned at her while he adjusted the bench to a sitting position, using a lever under it. -What the fuck are you doing? Back away.

She sighed and kneeled in front of him so he wouldn't have to look up to meet eyes with her.

-I can't justify what I did… I don't know why I asked you that. -She murmured, trying to be as honest as possible. -And if I could go back in time I wouldn't do it. Please, don't push me away. I really need you and it's really important to me that you trust me.

-Go away. -He took a bottle of water and chugged it, then looked around, trying to decide where to go or what to do. -Belle, you can’t mend it. You were annoyed that I didn't fall for your jealousy scheme, so you brought my past mistakes to surface just to dim your feelings of rejection. That was messy as fuck.

-No, that's not what I did. -She sat on her legs when her knees started to hurt.

-You must think I'm stupid. -He smirked.

-I didn't say it to hurt you. I'd never do something like that. I just wanted to know about it, but I didn't have the guts to ask you before. I was afraid you would resent me if I asked you about it, so I was not going to ask you, ever, I swear. -She tried to explain. -But then you told me you didn't argue when you felt jealous, I didn't understand how it could work, so I thought it meant you simply accepted it. But it doesn't seem like something you'd do, so I got confused, but then, you were gonna marry a woman that…

-Damn, what part of “mind your own business” you don't get? -He raised his voice. -I won't talk about her anymore. Shut the fuck up and go away, I'm sick of you.

Belle flinched and stared at him.

-I'm sorry… -She whined.

-If you really are, forget this shit. I shouldn't have told you any of this, anyway, forget it, please. -He exhaled hard and lowered his voice. -I don't want to go back to that place, can't you get it?

She nodded slowly.

-I didn't mean to hurt you.

-You didn't. -He frowned. -Why would it hurt me? It annoyed me, and I'm disappointed with you. You acted exactly as I would expect Samantha or Alyssa to. Of all people I wouldn't expect you to bring that up in that way. Do you really believe the cheated part is responsible for what happens? That's so fucking wrong.

-No, I didn't say it! -Her eyes open wide. -No, Ryan, I never said it was your fault! I don't think it is. I just can't understand why you'd...

-Doesn't matter. -He sighed, signaling her to shut up. He leaned back on the bench, bringing one leg up. The support for his back was inclined about forty-five degrees. His baggy shorts folded up and his tattoo was revealed. She stared absentmindedly. -What are you doing?

-Trying to see your tattoo. -She answered, unwilling to lie. -Does it bother you? That I stare?

-You already saw it, doesn't make any difference. -He shrugged, leaning his forearm on his forehead and closing his eyes. Belle wanted to tell him she hadn't. She didn't pay any attention to the drawing at the time she had the opportunity to. She had much more distracting things to look at that moment. -Are you planning on staying here? I'm reeking, I'm sweating like a pig, I'm probably looking like one, I'm tired and I'm pissed. Not in a good state to talk with a woman.

-You're not reeking, I don't care about your sweat and I think you look very sexy. -She bit her lower lip and sat back. -I can't say anything about your tiredness, except that I'm sorry if I'm the one that caused it... And I really don't want you to be pissed. I need to sort this out, I can't let you slip away. Not because of something I did. Not because of something that stupid.

He peered at her without moving his head.

-Did you just say I look sexy? -His tone was something between amused and dumbfounded.

She nodded with a serious expression.

-You're so damaged… And I certainly am, too. -He laughed under his breath, looking down and blushing slightly. -Fuck my life, why do you do this to me?

-Do what? -She tilted her head. -I'm not being ironic, you really look very sexy when you workout, there's no way you don't know it.

-I'm pink! -He laughed out loud. -I'm probably not anymore, but I certainly was. And breathing like an old pug. And I'm dirty. What's your problem?

-You're not pink, you're red, like an ember… If I had the talent, I could easily write a poem about your body now. I get pink when I make any effort, but your skin is golden, it just gets even more gorgeous. -She rolled her eyes. -Stop trying to demean yourself, you know how hot you are.

He choked in the middle of a sip of water and shook his head, embarrassed.

-Enough. Not gonna get into this argument… Still, I prefer not to believe you find this attractive. -He gestured to himself and snorted. He frowned briefly, then smirked. -Damn, what were we discussing earlier?

-That you wanna stop trusting me. And that I'll do anything not to let that happen. -She murmured, resuming her task of trying to get a full view on the tattoo. No matter how much she tilted her head, she couldn't picture an eagle from what she could see.

-Too much drama over something meaningless. -He sighed and rubbed his face, laying back on the bench again. -It's not like I'm gonna mistreat you or stop talking to you, I just won't share personal stuff with you anymore...

Ryan looked straight at the ceiling while he spoke. Her chest grew tighter with every word he spoke, but she couldn't think of a way of persuading him to take them back.

-Don't you dare cry over it. -He scolded her as soon as he turned his head to look into her face. -C'mon, Belle, don't.

Belle just nodded, knowing her eyes were brimming. She stared at him for a while and he stared back, the frown frozen in his face. She pouted a bit, feeling her lips trembling slightly. Then she lifted herself on her knees again and leaned forward, hugging him and burying her face on his damp neck.

-What the fuck, Belle! -He immediately tried to lift his upper body and pull her back, but she gripped around his neck with both her arms. -Belle, no, I just told you I'm soaked in sweat…

She was so glad that his rebuke was based on him being sweaty, not because she was touching him, that she lifted her face and kissed his cheek, missing his mouth by less than an inch.

He sighed and looked up. She took the opportunity to fit her head under his chin.

-You must be the devil walking on earth, shit! -He muttered, leaning back again as if surrendering. -Why are you doing those things?

-What things? -She ignored the annoyance in his tone, lifting one hand and caressing the side of his head, running her fingers through his wet hair. -Is it bad?

-Testing my limits. -His voice was weak, sounding like he was holding his breath. He exhaled hard, then sniffed her hair, realizing it was wet. -Did you just get out of the shower?

He lifted his hand to feel the tip of her cold hair, that was partially spread over her back, partially glued to his chest and neck. His fingers touched her spine and her whole body stiffened, with goosebumps spreading all over it. She just nodded.

-Nice. -He said, ironically. -Get off.

-Do you really want me to? -She looked up, not lifting her head. -Be honest, I'll do as you wish.

Ryan didn't answer. She smiled, feeling a weird warmth spread on her lower abdomen and chest.

-I'm sweaty, Belle. -He repeated, this time more calmly.

-I already told you I don't care. -She grunted. -Why don't you believe me?

-There's no way you don't care!

-Did you mind that I was sweaty that night? Because we both were almost as sweaty as you are right now, and still you kissed me. -She lifted her head to look into his eyes, with her cheeks burning. -My whole body, to be more precise.

He gulped and put his leg down, as if preparing to sit up.

-You know damn well that was different. We were both… You know. -He tried to put on his mask of impassiveness, but she pushed him back before he could lift himself from the bench. His expression of uneasiness mixed with curiosity was priceless to see.

-Ryan… -She murmured. She wanted to check it, but she was looking into his eyes, and she knew that if she looked down he would get up immediately.

-What? -He pressed his lips, gulping again. He wasn't panting, but his breathing wasn't steady.

Belle paused and bit her lower lip, unsure if she really wanted to do what she was thinking about doing. He looked intently into her eyes and her heart skipped a beat when his lips parted involuntarily. She gulped and nodded, giving herself permission to act first and hate herself later if things went south.

She boldly placed her palm over his cheek. Ryan frowned, but only slightly as if questioning her about her intentions. She gave him what felt like an eternity to shove her hand away, but in reality lasted less than three seconds. His eyes darted to her mouth and she moistened her lips, sliding her hand to his neck. She watched as his Adam's apple jerked up and down, feeling a sudden urge to bite it, just to know how it felt. She smiled involuntarily when she thought about Eve biting Adam's apple, and how much more interesting it would be if the forbidden fruit was actually that and not literally an apple.

He involuntarily mimicked her smile, but it withered as her hand kept sliding down, through his soaked chest, avoiding the bruise and then advancing fast toward his abdomen. She wanted to take a while caressing his torso, but didn't want to make it easier for him to stop her. Not that going faster would be enough to prevent him, but she guessed it was impossible that he hadn't yet understood what she was about to do and was sure that the only reason he hadn't stopped her was because his reason hadn't managed to overcome his male instincts, yet.

She paused under his navel, unsure of which path she wanted to follow. His dilated pupils started slowly to give way to his quick-wit, so she had less than one second to decide. She ran a finger through his V line on the right side, since the left one was too close to the bruise and then followed the waistband of his shorts all the way to the center.

Coward… She sneered mentally at herself as her fingers brushed over the fabric and grabbed his member. At least she managed to do it at once and didn't flinch. He gasped as she closed her hand around it, squeezing it lightly. It was hard as stone.

He jerked his head back and opened his mouth, but no sound came out, not even air escaped from it. It was as if he had tried to say something but his brain had just decided to abandon him at the last fraction of a second. She couldn't guess what he wanted to say, but if she tried, she would go for Oh my God or something very similar.

-Why is it different this time, again? -She smirked. He exhaled hard and urgently leaned on his elbow to sit up. She leaned forward too, and kissed him.

This time she knew how to do it. She kissed him tenderly, sliding her tongue slowly but steadily, using the other hand to lean on his shoulder. He didn't show any sign of resistance, moving his tongue too in decided movements.

One of his hands raised and she thought he would try to push her back, but instead he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. She moaned softly and, without much hesitation, lifted one leg and sat on his lap, straddling him. He gasped and pulled his head back to look into her eyes with a frown. She was too ashamed to stare back, so she hid her face by kissing his neck.

-I think I'm exactly as I was that night too, Ryan… -She whispered in his ear and grew even more conscious of the moisture spreading between her legs.

She knew he understood the meaning of her words immediately, because he throbbed against her, his frown turning into half closed eyes and arched eyebrows, and pulled her by her hair for another kiss.

-Fuck. -He let out into her mouth, holding her against his chest with one hand that explored her back and waist, and cupping her cheek and jaw with the other. -That's insane, Belle…

After a brief pause to take a few deep breaths, they kissed again, even more intensely. She started rocking her hips slowly, back and forth, tearing out sighs and small moans from him. His hardened groin rubbed against the soft spot between her legs. Even through the shorts and panties, he could easily feel the heat and moisture coming from her.

-Shit, why are you doing this? -He complained, gripping a fist of her hair in each hand and leaning his forehead in hers.

-Because I want you, Ryan. And I know you want me too. -She moaned in his mouth, making him shiver and pull her hair slightly as a reaction. -I want to do it again, Ryan…

-Do what? -He scoffed, momentarily getting a grip on his wits. His face tried to tell her she was crazy for thinking anything would happen at all.

-Do you really want me to say it? -She tilted her head, feeling embarrassed.

-I actually want you to beg. -He smirked, lifting one eyebrow.

-I might. -She shrugged . -I'm not proud, you know? As long as I get what I want…

He sighed and laid his head back on the bench.

-Fuck… You make me feel like I'm a pervert. -He grimaced when she kissed his bare sweaty chest. -Stop it, I already told you I'm swea… Holly… God...

She lifted her head and licked him from his right nipple to his Adam's apple, where she finally nibbled, quenching her long desire to do so. He gasped and jerked under her touch, one hand numbly gripping her nape while the other kneaded her butt, which was half exposed by her lifted shorts.

-What else do I need to do to prove to you I don't care about how sweaty you are? -She whispered inside his ear, then sucked his earlobe and neck.

-Fine, damn it… -He panted, letting her nibble and suck on his neck, clavicle and chest. -Go get the condoms upstairs, then.

Belle paused and looked into his eyes, squinting hers.

-I don't trust you. I think that when I come back you won't be here. -She frowned. -And we don't need condoms, I already told you.

-Won't happen, then. I won't push my luck. -He put both hands under her butt and sat up, lifting her from his lap, but she wrapped her legs around him and hugged his neck firmly. -Belle…

-Take me with you, then… -She buried her face on his neck.

-I need to take a shower. -His hands pressed her against him as he got up and bent his neck to bite her shoulder. -I'm feeling uncomfortable this way, respect my will. Get off, Belle. If it was the other way around you’d say I was trying to rape you.

She sighed and made a face, but loosened the grip of her legs and let him lower her till the tip of her feet touched the ground, sustaining her by her waist. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck and they stared into each other's eyes for longer than needed. Ryan smiled and kissed her mouth, tenderly, slowly.

-Actually… I think you need to take another shower too… -He squinted his eyes, then smirked. -It's been a while since the last time I took a tub bath… What do you think?

Belle smiled shyly, but nodded.

 

Chapter 19

Ryan fetched the condoms before heading to the bathroom.

He saw Belle kneeling toward the bathtub to plug the drain and fill it.

-Don't. -He leaned on her back and nibbled at her neck before taking her into his arms and sitting her on the sink. After a moment of reflection, he pulled her into one arm again and put his weight on the counter with the other, to be sure it was well fixed, before sitting her over it again.

-Why not? -She tilted her head, watching him drain it.

-Because I'm filthy! -He snorted. -I wanna take a shower first, are you willing to soak in my sweat?

-What is your trauma with sweat anyway? -She rolled her eyes. -Yours doesn't even stink…

-First of all, I've learned to truly value a nice and warm shower, the hard way. You have no idea of what kind of things they make you endure in the army. And it's fairly soft compared to sniper’s pre-selection and selection training. Those are simply inhuman. -He pulled his shorts down with his boxers, and she stared.

This time she didn't take long watching his groin, not only because she was embarrassed that he was seeing her do so, but because this time she had enough self-control to force her eyes to look to the side, to his thigh.

She was surprised to find out that the eagle, that she had always imagined as a small tattoo of a imponent bird soaring, with its wings spread, was actually the head of the bird, with a sinister, too realistic eye, that seemed to stare right inside her and a menacing open beak. Under it there was a strip with words.

-And secondly, don't you remember you told me that one of the things you hate the most is sweat? -He frowned when he noticed her interest in his thigh and turned to step into the shower.

She watched him as the water traced paths in his body while he showered. His muscles and veins were still bulging. She never felt any kind of attraction for muscular men, but right now, his muscles looked like a symbol of perfection. He had his back to her, so while her eyes travelled from his legs to his nape, she noticed, for the first time, a greenish bruise on his back, near his shoulder.

-I don't mind your sweat or if you make me sweat. I just don't like sweating in general. -She explained, trying to decide if she could ask him about the bruise without upsetting him. -Ryan… What is that on your back?

-What? -He tried to look, brushing his back with his soapy hands. -Where?

She jumped from the sink and walked toward him. He smirked and shook his head, convinced that it was a trick of her to join him.

-Here. -She circled it with the tip of her fingers. -It's vanishing, but it must have been an ugly bruise…

-Ah, that… -Ryan nodded. He turned to her, his eyes much softer. There was some pain in them. -Come in?

He helped her take out her shirt and she folded it, putting it over the counter with her bra. Belle turned her back to him to pull down her shorts, folding it too and putting it with the rest of her clothes. She peered at him and blushed when she saw him watching her undress, his eyes fixed on her butt. When his gaze started to lift to her eyes she quickly turned her head and took off her panties slowly. She was so wet that strands of moisture dripped to her thighs and she blushed even more, knowing that he had probably noticed it too.

When she turned to look into his eyes, they were burning with desire and anticipation. He held out a hand to help her climb into the bathtub. When she reached out to grab it, she noticed her fingers were trembling.

-Damn, you're so hot it hurts… -He whispered, sliding a hand through her waist and back, and the other through her thighs and butt. -Fucking gorgeous.

She blushed and embraced him, hiding her face in his chest. His head and neck were blocking most of the water from her face and head, but his shoulders and arms led the water to her lower body.

-What caused that bruise, Ryan? -She just realized he tried to distract her from her question. -It's ok if you don't wanna tell me, but let me know if that's the case.

He sighed. He sat on the bathtub, plugging the drain, then signaled her to sit on his lap. She did so, leaning her head on his right shoulder and her legs as far as possible from his abs.

-It's ok, the pain isn't so bad today. -He sighed, pulling her legs toward him. She could tell by his look that he had expected her to straddle him, but she knew that if she had done that, he wouldn't answer her question. -It was from that night… When she shot me, I fell back, and hit the bedside table. I was lucky it wasn't my head. I hit my head right after, though, on the wall.

She caressed his bruises very softly. She didn't even know that one could get bruises from being shot while using a bulletproof vest. She had always imagined the bullet wouldn't get to the chest at all, but, thinking about it, it was obvious that the energy of the impact had to go somewhere.

-What happened that night, Ryan? I still don't understand… I saw you. You smiled at me, it was so real… -Her eyes brimmed with tears and he snorted.

-It's simply absurd that you really believed I would have smiled if I saw you there. I think I would have dragged you by your ear back to the bunker. -He frowned. -Even half unconscious, when I saw you crying... I think I was pissed for a moment, before I got worried. But I didn't know yet you had done what you did, I thought Mike had screwed up, I wanted to kill him.

He looked down, shaking his head, reliving the night.

-Why did you do that, Belle? -He sighed. -I don't understand… You could have literally got me killed. And I hate to admit it, but you...

He stopped himself and put a hand over his mouth, taking a very deep breath and closing his eyes.

-If you want me to fuck you, we're better not talk about it now. -He frowned, looking away.

She cringed at the "fuck you". He noticed but didn't fix it.

-I did it because I… -She started to explain, but he put a finger over her lips to shut her up, then kissed her.

-If you wanna do it, don't say those words either. -He shook his head. She knew that “those words” were “I love you”, although it wasn't exactly what she was going to say. -Help me forget that night, since you are the one who brought it to the surface, ok?

She nodded, getting to her knees. He lifted one hand and pinched her hardened nipple, then gasped when she straddled him and hugged him.

He took her hair in a ponytail, carefully pulling the stray strands and brushed it to the right side, biting her shoulder and neck.

-How can a shoulder look so sexy…? -He purred in her ear.

-It's full of freckles… -She pressed her lips not to pout.

-Yeah, it is indeed… -He sighed, licking them. -And every single one of them is sexy too.

She frowned, surprised.

-Thought you hated my freckles… -She blushed.

-Why would I? They are like Braille to “kiss me” and “bite me”. -He chuckled. As if to validate his words, he pecked on her temples, cheeks and nose where her freckles could be seen. -There's absolutely nothing in you I hate. Maybe your stubbornness, but I hope you'll grow out of it.

She giggled because of his light kisses, then tightened her grip on his thighs with her legs and moaned.

-Already ready to beg? I didn't even start to torture you… -He mocked her.

-Ryan… -She moaned again, kissing his jaw. -I want you so much…

She decided to switch the “love” word. Maybe this way he wouldn't back away from her if she let it escape involuntarily. As expected, he didn't flinch.

-Nice try, Belle. -He smirked, leaning forward and sucking her breasts slowly, first one, then another, kneading the other while his tongue played with her nipple. -But that doesn't count as begging.

She laughed and pressed herself against him, grabbing his hair and shoulder.

It felt good to be inside the water with him, and the feeling of his stone hard member slipping under her every time she moved her hips was even more stimulating as the water moved it back and forth.

For a moment she felt it sliding as if it would invade her, but he moved his hip back to avoid it from happening. Even with all that self-control, he sucked the air between his teeth and started to grope her, first only kissing and caressing her body, then sliding his fingers inside her, through her rear, making her let out a small shriek. It felt weird having his hand between her buttocks and she thought about shoving it away, but her brain melted as soon as his fingers invaded her. He kissed her mouth in rhythm with his movements, growing intensity along with the speed. She was extremely wet and his fingers slid easily.

As soon as she started to pant and her moans grew louder, though, he took his fingers out and smiled, looking into her eyes.

-Why did you stop? -She whined, frustrated.

-Why didn't you beg me to go on? -He smirked.

-Really? -She was panting so much that her vision was blurred. But maybe it was because her eyes were brimming from shame. -Fuck you!

He laughed out loud. It was inexplicably cute the way those words escaped through her lips. She was genuinely outraged.

-Come back here! -He pulled her by her wrists as she climbed off him and started to back away.

-Beg me to. -She squinted her eyes, turning her back to him, even though he still had her wrists in his grip.

He moved one of his arms over her head, wrapping around her, restraining her with her own arms, as she embraced herself with her arms crossed over her stomach.

-Maybe another day. -He whispered in her ear, pulling her to his lap. She leaned on his chest, feeling his heartbeat slamming her back. She laid her head back and he kissed her temple, then her cheek, then mouth. After nibbling her chin, he sucked her neck, hard enough to leave a mark. -Tonight is your turn.

He took her hands into his, intertwining their fingers in a way that the back of her hands were held against his palms. She felt like an extension of his body. They were one, in a way. He lifted her head to kiss her mouth. It felt weird to cup her own cheek with her hand, but it was nothing compared to groping her own body from neck to thighs, kneading her breast, pressing her waist, caressing her belly, with the other hand, while doing so.

He sighed with every jerk of her hips, moving his own to grind himself against her. He led her hand until it reached between her legs, then moved his middle finger so it covered hers, pausing right over her wet entrance and caressing it softly.

She moaned even before he moved, and he smiled on her lips.

She couldn't help the movements of her hips as their fingers invaded her together, with long and slow movements. It was embarrassing but arousing, and she didn't take long to feel the sensation again. When she started to feel the heat and the tremors, though, he removed his hand and held her by her shoulder against him.

-No! -She moaned. He was indeed planning to torture her.

-Go on. You don't need me for this. Not like this. -He kissed her temple and smiled. -I wanna watch you.

She felt extremely embarrassed, but resumed the movements, trying not to let the sensation go away. After a minute or so, he moved his hand back to her groins, massaging outside it, right above her hand. She moaned, loud, pressing her back against him and he chuckled.

-Ryan… -She moaned. She was considering begging him, afraid that he would stop again.

-Belle… Let me watch you come. -He whispered in her ear. -I wanna watch you lose it.

His words were like a command. As soon as they hit her ear, she let out a loud moan and her body trembled. The tingling sensation on her tongue let her know that the electric pulses were coming in waves, first light, then tidal.

Ryan hugged her tightly as she jerked her hips up and threw her head back, so she wouldn't slip to the bottom of the bathtub. Her hand flew to his nape and grabbed a fist of his hair, then she buried her face on his neck, moaning and whimpering until the sensation dimmed.

He pulled her to his chest, feeling her limbs relax, and kissed her mouth until she recovered her composure.

-Thank you. -He sighed in her ear.

-You're welcome… -She panted, wiping the hair away from her eyes.

He stared at her as if waiting. She snorted and stared back at him.

-Are you really gonna make me ask you to…? -She hid her face in his neck, pulling her knees up to her chest, too embarrassed to describe what she wanted him to do.

-Nope. Ask and beg are quite different. -He chuckled and she slapped his arm. -I'm just teasing you. Are you sure you want it? It might hurt again…

She nodded, and he pulled her aside to reach the condom pack, detaching one and opening it, using his mouth. She watched his movements, entranced. Everything looked so calculated to be sexy. From the moment he put the tip of the wrapper between his teeth, moving his head to tear it, to the moment he rolled the condom down around him, she thought everything was planned and executed to drive her crazy.

-Lean over the edge. -He commanded her. She did as he told her, still facing him. -No, Belle, turn around.

She didn't want to, she wanted to look at him, but obeyed, getting on her knees and grabbing the edge of the bathtub with both hands. She heard him sighing and taking a deep breath as he took her body in his eyes, then let out a sigh of her own and a moan when she felt his hands caressing her buttocks and waist.

-Belle… -He whispered. She turned her head and looked at him. He had a naughty grin on his face as he rubbed himself against her. -I'm reconsidering… I do want you to beg.

She blushed and hid her face on her arms, but he pulled her toward his chest and hugged her from behind, sliding his hand from her belly to her breasts.

-Tell me what you want me to do with you… -He whispered in her ear, then licked behind it, nibbling at the top. -Tell me what and how…

-Ryan… -She whined, unable to hide her face, since his right hand cupping her left cheek restrained her in all manner. -I… Please…

He smiled and nudged her ear with his nose, thinking she would beg him.

-Please don't make me do it, I'm really embarrassed. -She managed to say it at once. He clicked his tongue.

-You feel at ease provoking me until I lose my mind but you're too shy to tell me what you want? -He scolded her. -You gotta decide which part you'll play…

-I don't know what to say. -She pressed her forehead against his cheek and he squeezed her breast lightly, pulling her by her hip against him. -I don't know how to talk about this kind of thing.

-What do you want me to do, Belle? -He whispered in her ear. -That's all I wanna know.

Belle couldn't decide if she was feeling affronted or flattered with his request. She always admired Chloe's boldness for talking dirty to the guys she hooked up with, and often argued with Daniel for him judging her for doing so. Still, right now, she felt like he was treating her like a slut.

-Tell me and I'll do it. -He insisted, his hot breath on her cheek making her want to kiss him.

-I want you to make love to me, Ryan. -She said and grimaced.

Ryan laughed out loud.

-Ok, I give up, you're absolutely not the dirty talk type. -He mocked her, clearly disappointed. -Lean over again, I shouldn't reward your sloppy work, but I can't resist you.

She bent over the edge again, and he kissed her nape and shoulders, before penetrating her very slowly. He observed her expression, stretching his neck to be able to see her face, looking for any sign of discomfort or pain. She felt a light sting and herself stretching around him, but let out a small moan at the exciting sensation.

He too gasped and moaned while he slid inside her. After making sure she was alright, he started to move. The water moved with them, causing waves and splashing out of the bathtub now and then, each time more, as the speed and intensity of the movement grew. She gripped the edge and started to pant and moan, her insides pressing and releasing him in rhythm.

-Ryan… -She moaned.

-Belle… -He purred, pressing her waist tightly and pounding even harder.

She took way longer than the other time, but eventually began to feel the sensations that signaled her climax. Before she reached it, though, he let out a loud moan and jerked his hips, thrusting deep, burying his fingers on the flesh of her hips and thighs.

-Fuck, you're so gorgeous… -He panted, getting up to take off the condom. Belle sat up and observed him as he shut it with a knot and took another one. -Do you want to go on?

He held the wrap between his index and middle finger, lifting one eyebrow to her when she nodded.

-Are you gonna say it or I'll have to settle for your nod? -He sighed.

-I want to… Again. -She murmured, too ashamed to be explicit. -Stop being mean to me or I won't want it anymore.

-Is that a promise? -Ryan smirked. -I can be very mean to you if that also means you're gonna stop provoking me.

He said that but used his teeth again to rip the wrapping, then put it on. She wondered if it was normal, since he hadn't got limp and Chloe had complained many times about men taking a long time to recover when she wanted to have sex with them again in the same night.

-What's on your mind? -A wrinkle had formed between his eyebrows, probably because her face was screaming how curious she was.

-Not now… -She looked down, embarrassed.

He sat down, leaning against the bathtub wall and pulled her to his lap, holding her by her waist.

-You have no idea how much this turns me on. -He pressed her waist between his hands, almost closing a circle, as about only one or two inches separated the tip of his fingers. -So hot… Tell me, Belle, what were you worrying about?

-Not worrying, just curious, but I can ask about it another day. -She looked away and her face burned. -I shouldn't be thinking about it now, anyway…

-Is it about the scar? -He looked a bit uncomfortable. -I saw you staring, it's ok.

-I wasn't, I was checking your tattoo. -She involuntarily looked down at his thigh, lifting her own thigh to be able to do so. -I haven't seen it that night, I guess I was too nervous… It's beautiful and I wouldn't be able to guess where the scar is. To be honest I didn't try to find it.

He smiled softly, then took her hand and led her index finger to the eye of the eagle. She fought the urge to pull her hand away when her finger prodded the protruding skin and hardened flesh beneath. Although she couldn't really see it, she could guess it was a very ugly scar. It was partially a line, but then something must have gone wrong midway the stitching or maybe the skin was too lacerated and it ended with a round, horrible lump.

Belle looked up and their eyes met. He was observing her reaction. She hoped with all her might that she hadn't expressed disgust, as he said most women did. She wasn't disgusted. She was outraged. She wanted to get the person that did this to him and… And she didn't know what, but she wanted the person to suffer.

-It must have hurt a lot. -She murmured. -I wish the person that did this to you rot in hell.

She was surprised by her own words.

-He certainly is. I made sure of it. -He grimaced and looked away. He was beyond embarrassed. His face went pale for a moment. -Shit, I really don't want to remember his death now. Come here, please.

-Did you kill him? -She was surprised.

-Please, shut up and kiss me. -He pleaded to her. She nodded and obliged.

Belle straddled him and realized he had lost a bit of his hardened state. They kissed passionately, and without thinking, she put her hand behind her and grabbed his member, pressing it slightly. It was indeed a bit softer, but still stiff. At her touch it pulsed and he moaned inside her mouth. The sensation of making him moan was marvelous and she wanted more. Pleasing him was like taking the pills. It made everything feel easier and happier. She hesitated lifting herself from his lap, leaning over him, then fit him on her and sat down, at once.

-God, fuck! -He groaned out loud, panting and with his eyes shut tightly. -Fuck, Isabelle!

-Belle. -She corrected him with a smirk. He opened his eyes and laughed.

-I'm sorry, Belle. -He sighed, enjoying her up and down movements. -You melt my brain, I feel like you can ask me anything now and I'd do it for you.

Love me. She thought to herself. Her cheeks burned red and he smiled, kissing her and biting her lower lip.

He helped her move, with his hands on her butt, pulling her and lifting her. Although she didn't believe she would come again, it felt like heaven.

In spite of her beliefs, she started to feel the tingling sensation on her tongue and threw her head back when his hips started moving faster and deeper and he started moaning and panting her name, kissing her neck, biting her shoulder, caressing her whole body with his hands and tongue.

-Are you close, too? -He growled in her ear and she nodded, even though she wasn't sure. As soon as she let out a loud moan and dug her nails on him, near his clavicles though, he gasped and pressed her against him, hugging her very tightly and throbbing vigorously inside her. -Goddamnit… Did you come?

His eyes were cloudy and he let out a chuckle, enjoying the sensation. She couldn't answer him, because she was too busy trying to grasp her self-control. Her whole body was trembling and she was squeezing him tightly inside her, seeing his face contorting with pleasure every time she contracted her groins.

After about a minute like this, he sighed and tried to take her off his lap. She tightened her embrace, trying to stop him, but he grabbed her wrists and forced her to unglue her breasts from his chest.

-As much as I'd love to stay like this till tomorrow, we're gonna have trouble down here if I don't take this off. -He looked seriously upset that he had to part from her.

He got up and took the condom off, shutting it with a knot again.

-I'll be right back. -He told her. -She watched him cleaning himself and made a face when she saw him using the sink to wash his penis. -What? I can't do it there, if I do there's no point in using a condom, right?

She knew he was right but still felt disgusted with the thought that she might have visited someone that had done this too. At least he was using his own towel instead of the hand towel.

-Are you alright? -He leaned over her and put more hot water inside the bathtub, since the water was getting too cold. -Is it hurting somewhere?

She shook her head, observing him. She hadn't seen him in his not aroused state before and it was a curious thing to her. She reached out to touch it but paused at his frown.

-Really? Do you feel like going for a third time? -He tilted his head. -You're gonna have to give me some minutes…

-I just wanted to know how it is… -She looked away. He pulled her to his chest and they stayed cuddling and kissing until the tip of her fingers were all wrinkled.

-We should go to sleep, it must be very late. -He yawned.

She nodded, yawning in reflex.

He drained the bathtub, but kept groping her, while she rinsed her hair and took a quick shower, mostly to get rid of the wetness between her legs. She wasn't surprised when he held her from behind and tried to “help” her, although his assistance only made it even more difficult, since the more he cleaned the more moisture she produced. After a couple of minutes torturing her, he decided to let her go, grabbing his towel and wiping the water from his body with it.

He brushed his teeth and pulled her to his arms after handing her the towel and watching her wrap herself in it, then brought her to his bed. She let out a shriek when he pulled the towel from her at once and started to wipe every inch of her body with it, with his bare hand and lips following to check if he had made it right with the towel.

She giggled when he sniffed her neck and kissed it, before gently drying her soaked hair. His bed was a bit wet after that, but he didn't seem to care.

-Are you sleeping in here tonight? He asked as he put on boxer briefs and retrieved his towel to dry his hair with it, rubbing vigorously as always, then opened a drawer to get his perfume, spraying twice, one in each side of his neck.

She observed him mesmerized by his handsomeness, only remembering to answer when he inquired her with his eyes.

-If you're ok with it… -Belle murmured, lifting one shoulder. -I'd really love to.

He just nodded, then vanished inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She lied on her back over the blankets, savoring every second of what had just happened. He came back and she admired his perfect body as he approached with his feline posture, but passed by her and vanished inside the closet, reappearing with clothes on his shoulder and hand.

-What? -He sighed as she grimaced. -What's wrong?

-Nothing is wrong. -She shrugged, trying not to frown as he put on his shirt. -Aren't you feeling hot?

-I surely am. -He huffed, sitting on the bed to put on his shorts. -Why?

-Thought you were gonna sleep on your boxer briefs. -She shrugged, getting up and heading into the bathroom to retrieve her clothes. She immediately realized she couldn't use the soaked panties and that the rest wasn’t really clean, as she had laid on his sweaty body. She put all the clothes to wash, brushed her teeth quickly and left the bathroom, still naked.

-Do you prefer it if I do? -He bit his upper lip, contemplating as she shyly rushed her way to the closet.

She only blushed and looked away. He got up and followed her, watching her put on her clean pair of panties. She looked at him, puzzled when he blocked her hand before she could open the drawer to get her nightwear.

-Do you want me to sleep without my shirt on? -He repeated. She stared at his bare legs, then nodded.

He took his shirt off, pulling it with one arm behind his neck. It was a sexy move and she sighed as she watched his muscles moving while he did it. He pulled her close and slid the shirt through her head. She was startled but quickly lifted her arms to dress it.

-Thank you. -She sniffed the hem, feeling his perfume all over it. He smirked and walked away, pausing by the door.

-I don’t know if anyone ever told you, so don’t get mad at me if I’m being intrusive… -He sighed, leaning on the doorway. -You should pee.

-What? -She blushed and wrinkled her nose.

-Always pee after you have sex. -He rolled his eyes. -Don’t make me explain.

-Why would you say something like that? -She stared at him, horrified. He laughed at her half disgusted, half ashamed expression.

-It’s for the sake of your health. Google it when you can. I’m not your mother, she was the one who should have taught you that. -He shook his head. -Still, listen to me at least once in your life. Or don’t, you seem to like suffering the consequences for your stubbornness so much…

He got out, seeming very annoyed by her questioning. When she headed for the bathroom he wasn’t inside the bedroom anymore, but she decided to follow his advice, although she couldn’t see the logic in it.

-You might want to drink water too. -He offered her the glass filled to the brim when she approached him to climb on the bed. -Do I need to explain why?

-Well, go climb a tree! -She pretended to be offended by his mocking and he laughed, satisfied with her reaction. He watched as she quenched the thirst she didn’t even know she had, then tugged himself under the sheet, after retrieving the empty glass and putting it beside his gun on the bedside table. She laid beside him, and hugged the pillow. -Oh! What are you doing?

He huffed and yanked the pillow from her arms, then pulled her to his chest. She smiled and hugged him.

-What was that about? -Belle couldn't understand his expression.

-Nothing. -He closed his eyes to pretend he was sleeping but remembered something and took his phone to check it.

-Tell me, please. -She insisted. -You looked annoyed and practically shoved the pillow away from me… What was this about?

Ryan just shrugged, but she lifted her head and frowned. After reading something on his phone and texting a bit, he kissed her forehead and sighed.

-You don't need it, you have me. Why would you want to hold something else if I'm right here, beside you? -He said, nonchalantly, but his ears grew red. She couldn't hold her laugh and he blushed even more. -Do you want the pillow back?

-No, Ryan, you're right… -Not jealous, uh? Apparently you can be even worse than me… She just smiled and kissed his chest, lying her head on it again. -You are the best pillow in the world.

He snorted but smiled, kissing the top of her head and hugging her.

 

Still around, just patiently waiting for new updates! That platform is a bit of a struggle, but I’m super excited that you are venturing through other sources! The world needs to know your talent!

 

You're so kind and lovely! Ty. New update tomorrow. I'm gonna change the dates in the main page soon.

ty so much for your support

 

This next chapter reveals a bit more of Ryan's layers, especially his dark side, but the next few chapters are a landslide of darkness
I can see you beating the guy to death

Well, I'm back, and here we are back to the normal schedule

 

Chapter 20


The next day they both were in a great mood. Ryan brought her breakfast in bed and enjoyed it with her. They talked about small things, like the news, weather forecast and theories about the book he had been reading and, to her surprise, had already finished.

She leaned in his chest, sitting between his legs while they shared the waffles and pancakes. When she let a bit of honey drip on her lower lip and chin, he didn't flinch before leaning over and sucking it. She felt as if they were a real just married couple, enjoying their honeymoon but didn't dare voice it out.

He went downstairs to work, complaining about it, and reminding her that they had set a dinner with Angel and Anthony that night. Now she finally knew the name of Noah’s father. When she asked him if Noah would be joining them he bluntly answered that he didn't know and didn't care if he would. She didn't know if the drop in his mood had been caused by him having to leave her to work, because of Riviera’s attempt to burn him out or because of her mentioning Noah, but she too felt gloomy by the sudden change.

After she explained she just wanted to know how much food she should prepare, he asked her if she didn't prefer to just order it and pretend she had cooked it. Belle was so offended by the idea that they ended up bickering for about half an hour and he had to hold her and kiss her before she let it go. She enjoyed their new level of relationship, whatever it was.

Belle occupied herself with small chores during the morning, listening to her favorite songs. She arranged his clothes by color and type just as she had done to her own clothes, vacuumed and did the laundry, even though he insisted he could take care of it later.

After preparing sandwiches for lunch, and taking him a couple of them in his study, she decided to take care of her appearance. She had already shaved a couple of days ago, so that wouldn’t be one of her tasks today. Thank god, she mused to herself, remembering his hands and lips tracing patterns through her legs. She blushed as she remembered his touch between her legs. Thank Chloe, she laughed to herself, blushing even more as she remembered how humiliated her friend made her feel when she found out Belle didn’t shave...There. Trimming wasn’t exactly the same as shaving drawings as Chloe had recommended, but was better than nothing.

Thinking about Chloe hurt, especially since she had no idea of where or how her friend was, not even if she was conscious and alive. She wished she hadn’t told Mr. Stenfel that she had been hurt inside her apartment. She was sure he would eventually find out and be very disappointed with her, but maybe he would have helped in her recovery, the way they had helped Simon, Ryan’s friend and partner.

She trimmed and moisturized her nails, but realized she didn’t have polish, which wasn’t really a problem, since she wasn’t used to wearing it, but still, she wanted to look good at the dinner. She scolded herself when she realized the main reason was Angel. She would certainly be wearing something awesome and with full makeup on. Belle considered shaping her eyebrows, but remembered how ridiculous she felt the only time she allowed Chloe to do it on her, so she settled for removing the few lost hairs at the extremities. With brimming eyes and a very red face she went on to taking care of her skin until Ryan called her, to tell her the alarm she had asked him to set went off.

Belle sang as low as she could while cooking, with her earphones on. She considered her options, then decided fresh salad, salmon meunière with roasted potatoes and tomato confit would have to do. For dessert, she had just put a lemon pie inside the oven and it was already smelling marvelously. She was about to finish the mise en place when the doorbell rang. Her eyebrows creased with worry for a moment, and she wondered if she had somehow managed to spend three times more time than she had predicted cooking, and the guests had already arrived. When she lifted a side of the curtain to spy outside, though, it wasn't even night yet. Noah was shifting his weight from one leg to the other in front of their door. He scratched the back of his head and after some hesitation rang the doorbell again.

Belle took the earphones off and rushed to answer the door. She opened it at the same time as Ryan got out of his study, probably assuming she was too occupied to answer it. She smiled at him before greeting Noah, saying his name, so Ryan could know who it was.

-Hello, Belle… -He smiled back, his dimples not showing, since the smile was clearly fake.

-Are you ok? -She asked before she could hold her tongue.

-Oh, am I that obvious? -He sighed and looked away. -To be honest, no. My father wanted me to come and lie to you and your husband, tell you that he had an emergency at his work and that we unfortunately won't be able to come for dinner.

He said it and Belle noticed he had cried not long ago.

-I mean, I shouldn't have told you that's a lie, if you could, please, pretend I didn't tell you, that would be very kind of you... -He smiled and she saw his eyes brimming, but he didn't go on.

-Did something happen? Do you wanna come in? -Belle noticed a movement beside her and saw Ryan frantically signaling that she shouldn't invite him in. She frowned, confused. -Noah, I…. What happened? Do you wanna go for a walk?

She asked it and looked at Ryan to check if she had made the right decision. His face turned somber and he glared at her, shaking his head.

-That would be very kind of you… I mean, if I won't disturb you, I could use the company. -He blushed. -I mean… If that won't be a problem…

-Come inside, she can't go out now. -Ryan stepped behind her and held her waist. She looked at him, confused. -You have something in the oven, love, do you want to set the house on fire?

-Ah, the pie, I totally forgot… -She was too embarrassed to acknowledge the butterflies flying inside her stomach with the sound of him calling her “love” for the first time. -Ahm, can he come in, then?

He looked at her and frowned.

-Why are you asking me? I can't host him, I need to work. -He pointed out. Only then she realized that what he was signaling before was that he didn't want her to be alone with Noah. -I just came to remind you of the pie. See you, Noah.

He turned his back, but then turned around and kissed her mouth very softly before disappearing inside his study. She was so caught by surprise that her eyes stayed closed for a couple of seconds after he kissed her. Belle's ears burned and she was sure that her cheeks were red. Noah's face was slightly red too.

-Ahm… Well… Do you wanna come in? In about five minutes I'll have a burning hot pie ready… -She shrugged, still embarrassed. -If you don't mind waiting, we can eat some pieces and drink some… Coffee? Tea? Iced tea, if it's ok for you... It's not that hot today, but still...

-I like iced tea. -He smiled, looking down. -Are you sure he's ok with this? I don't want to cause problems between you… Or with me, for sure! I mean, his biceps are the size of my waist.

Belle laughed at his exaggerated remark. He had a lean structure, but not that lean, and Ryan wasn't that muscled. Still, he was right to think that nothing good could come for him in case he picked a fight with him. Noah lifted his eyes to check her expression, but didn't seem to find what he was looking for, so went on.

-It's just… Angel told me you two had a big fight, because of me, yesterday… -He seemed very hesitant to disclose the hearsay about them to her. -She said you were crying a lot, that …

Belle's cheeks couldn't burn more.

-Oh no, about that… Come in, I'll explain. -She sighed.

Noah sat on the table and after some small talk, she brought iced tea for them.

She explained that she had cried because he had reminded her of a deceased well loved friend. When he asked the cause of death, she said it was an accident, not giving much detail and he didn't insist, maybe because he saw her brimming eyes. She then explained that she had been very drunk the day before, even though she hadn't drunk much, and that she had cried because she had been jealous of Ryan and was afraid that he might have taken offense of her lack of trust, but that he didn't argue with her.

-Oh, so you two are good, then? No fights? -He tilted his head, playing with the ice cube at the bottom of his empty glass. -You two seem to be very close…

-Do you want more tea? Yeah, we're ok. -She nodded as she poured for them both. -I'm gonna check the pie, it should be ready by now. Are you gonna tell me what happened or is it something too personal?

-No, I guess I can tell you, in parts… -He sighed, pinching the skin beside his thumbnail. -Thank you for asking, by the way…

She came back with the fragrant and steaming pie, resting it in the middle of the table, beside three sets of dessert dishes.

-So you are really a great cook… -He sniffed. -I think I wouldn't mind burning a hole into my palate just to taste it right now.

He laughed and she smiled. They fell silent as they waited for the pie to cool down enough. After some meditation, he sighed and explained.

-I have a half brother… He's problematic. -He looked down, then took his thumb to his mouth and nibbled at the skin he had been trying to pinch. -He got into trouble and my father is trying to mend it. I don't want to tell you much about it, but, well, I kind of had to play the snitch… I didn't have a choice, but I don't think he'll understand… I don't know if I'm fearing more for him or for myself right now.

Belle creased her eyebrows. She didn't really know what to say.

-What do you mean by fearing for yourself? Is someone coming after you? -She gasped. An inner selfish part of her rationality told her she shouldn't have him inside their house if there was a criminal wanting to hurt him, but the thought was quickly shut out by her urge to offer him help. -Can't you go to the police?

-No! I wouldn't turn my own brother in to the police… Half brother, I mean. -He shook his head. -I prefer to let him… I don't know... Break some of my fingers again, or whatever he'll come up with, this time.

Belle flinched, then looked up behind Noah.

-Christmas must be very delightful in your house. -Ryan mocked. He sneered a bit at her frown, then pointed to one of the plates. -Is that one for me?

She nodded and watched him serve himself a piece that was practically a third of the pie.

-It's very hot, please be careful… - She started to warn him, then saw him rolling his eyes and turning his back to her.

He paused and turned to Noah.

-What is it? Coke? Harry? Meth? GHB? -He asked, tilting his head as Noah widened his eyes. -Relax, I'm not a cop. Just curious.

Belle looked from one to the other, not understanding a word of what Ryan had just said. Noah hesitated, but caved in under the dark inquiring eyes.

-Uhm, he started with heroin, but then he met a guy on the internet that cooks a mix and started buying from him. It's only that this time he had this huge order of a mix of Fentanyl and Benzodiazepine, but the car was robbed right after the change, and…

-Fuck, Fentanyl and Benzo together? Your brother is an asshole. -Ryan pulled a chair and sat down. -How huge? Do you think he really tried to pull a fast one on the guy?

Noah seemed to relax a bit with Ryan’s friendly attitude. He hesitated but answered everything.

-Half-brother. -He corrected, not showing any sign of annoyance. -Besides my father and sometimes bumping into him after college, I have nothing to do with him… I don't know, he's complicated… I mean, I don't think he tried to screw his customer, not because it's dangerous, but because it could harm his reputation as a dealer, right? But he's not well known for being clever… Or for caring about consequences.

-How much? -Ryan insisted.

-I don't know… -Noah looked away.

-C’mon, we won't tell anyone, I'm just here imagining how hard a blow your father will get for your brother's foolishness. -His smirk was friendly and intimidating at the same time. -We both know your father isn't stupid. He must be very pissed about losing a huge amount of money because of this and he has to have a limit.

-Half-brother. Fifty… -Noah sighed, then quickly added. -I'm not sure, though, I'm just guessing.

Ryan let out a whistle. Belle was trying to understand what was happening. From what she had managed to grasp, Noah's brother was a dealer and had tried to take advantage of someone that bought drugs from him.

-Why did you tell on your brother? -Ryan asked after a while. -If he'll get back at you later… Why bother risking your life for him?

The boy’s eyes darted between Belle’s and Ryan's. He chose hers and didn't look away.

-Because he's still family, and we have to look after each other. -He didn’t mind correcting anymore. -He could die… He would be dead if I hadn't done anything…

-How bad did they beat him? -Ryan said as if he hadn't heard a word.

-Four ribs, eight teeth, one arm and I think he might have to go through surgery to fix his jaw. -His voice failed in the middle of the phrase, but he still kept his eyes on Belle’s. She couldn’t look away, feeling like he was begging for her help. -There was so much blood, I didn't recognize him at first.

-They didn't really try to kill him, though… Didn't go for the areas that really matter if you want to. -Desmond's voice was very cold and there was some threatening message behind them. He didn't miss Belle's shiver. Fuck, this is for him, not for you. -That means they still want the drugs or the money back, it's not a game over yet.

Noah nodded and looked down, sniffing a bit. No, you don't get the right to feel relief, look into my eyes, piece of shit.

-He deserved it, you know that, right? -Belle's eyes flew into his dark eyes, surprised at how he could say it so nonchalantly. Noah's eyes too looked up with a mix of confusion and disbelief. -And I doubt he didn't have other means of getting fifty grand if he's that big of a dealer. You shouldn't have involved your father. That was very dumb of you.

-I was scared. -Noah gulped and looked down. -I didn't think...

-Not a smart thing to do when you're making a decision that can get you killed, depending on the outcome… Do you deal too? -He sighed. -Or do you buy...?

-No, and I don't do any drugs. I'm gonna be a doctor, I won't ever get near anything that can harm my health… -He explained, clearly proud of his answer.

Desmond laughed out loud.

-That we'll see when you get four hours of sleep on a daily basis, you'll probably reconsider the “my body is a temple” motto. -He lifted one eyebrow. -But I'd advise you to keep that idea in mind for as long as you can. You won't last much if you rely on drugs.

He got up and stretched his back. Then leaned over Noah, with both hands closed in fists over the table. Belle's eyes travelled through his muscles as they contracted.

-Do you happen to know who his dealer is? The one that cooks…? -Desmond's face didn't give any sign that he was asking it for any other reason than pure curiosity. -Or where he is from, at least? And the client, did he mention his name?

-No, sorry. As I said, I don't want to have anything to do with drugs, so… I mean… -He stuttered under Desmond's suddenly severe eyes. The smile had vanished in a blink of the eye. -To tell you the truth I only know those details because he was totally out of his mind, he thought he was dying, and I needed to keep him awake, so I kept asking and he kept answering…

-Ah, that totally makes sense. -His tone wasn't mockingly or ironical, but something made it clear that he didn't believe him.

Belle moved on her seat, uncomfortable with the silence that followed. The only sound heard was Noah's gulp.

-Belle, my love… -Ryan turned to her with a soft tone, sitting down again. She knew he was faking it but her heart fluttered anyway. -Did you make coffee?

-No, Ryan… But I can bring you a cup, if you don't mind keeping company with Noah while I'm in the kitchen. -She wasn't a fool, she knew that he wanted to have a private conversation with the boy, but couldn't think of any excuse to stay. -Or you could come along, Noah…

-Are you really inviting the guest to watch you make coffee? -He sneered. -I can stay a bit, it's not like the documents are gonna run away.

Belle blushed and nodded, hurrying to the kitchen. She leaned on the wall and tried to listen, but she knew it would be impossible, unless she had his perfect hearing, which unfortunately she didn't.

Desmond leaned back on his chair and looked down at the boy. Noah wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight if he decided to beat him to death. That wasn't exactly entertaining, but at least it was convenient.

He sucked on his canine and looked intently into the green eyes that looked like they wanted to fall off it’s sockets. You’re scared to death… You should be.

After a few seconds, just to allow the boy to build up despair, Desmond leaned forward, crossing his arms over the table. Noah’s eyes flew to his biceps and he laughed inwardly.

-Noah… Noah Gustave Linnet Zimner. -His voice was as low as possible, just enough so the boy could hear it clearly. He didn’t hear Belle filling the kettle with water, so he was certain that she was trying to eavesdrop, as always. -I’m gonna be totally honest with you now. She likes you.

Noah’s eyes darted to the kitchen’s door. Desmond cleared his throat to recapture his attention. It worked perfectly and the boy jumped on his seat.

-I have no fucking idea why, but she thinks you’re kind and polite. I know better. You’re not polite, you’re just one of those shitty wallflowers freaks that try to make out with any girl that smiles at you. I know how fucking stunning her smile is, but too bad for both of us, she flashes it to practically anyone or anything. -He kept his voice low. -I know you'll cling to her like shit to a shovel… I was totally fine with it. I swear I was. Because, till this moment, all I could see when I looked at you was a wet puppy she found in the gutter and brought home thinking it was cute. But right now, I see a huge time bomb, and I don’t want her to be anywhere near you when you explode.

Noah's expression didn’t change a bit. Have a bit of self-respect, motherfucker! You should at least be showing some irritation by now… It would be so much easier if Noah decided to take a swing at him now. He didn't think they would get rid of his father, but at least there would be no mood for having to act friendly around each other. And Noah would think a thousand times before approaching Belle again. Maybe even Belle would back away, afraid that he would hurt the boy again. He didn't mind it if she thought it was jealousy, this time. Her safety should come before his pride, always.

-So here’s what I will do. I’ll give you an advice and two options. -He finally heard Belle filling up the kettle. There was a huge chance that she would reappear, with the excuse of waiting for the water to boil. He had to end this quickly. -The advice: fuck off. Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her, don’t fucking get near her. But just in case you’re not smart enough to follow my advice, here are your two options: don’t ever let your cunt of a brother get near her. Don’t let him ever even get a glimpse of her. Do you understand what I’m saying? I don’t want to ever find out your asshole brother laid eyes or talked to her.

Noah just nodded slowly. Desmond waited. He started to get impatient as he heard the water boiling. He would have to compensate Belle later for having enough self-control not to snoop this time. When he thought his patience had run out, the boy sighed and whispered.

-You said two options… -His eyes darted from the kitchen’s door to the dark eyes.

Desmond smiled and got up, towering over the green eyed boy.

-The other option: Try my patience. If anything happens to her... And I mean anything, at all, if your brother even just says something that makes her feel slightly annoyed, it doesn’t even need to be the kind of shit I know you’ll eventually drown in… -His voice accidentally raised as he growled the words, but he quickly recovered his composure. -I swear to God that what they did to him will look pretty and sweet, compared to what I’ll do to both of you.

He leaned even more making sure that Noah couldn’t look away from his eyes.

-I’m gonna kill you. -Desmond whispered. -Gonna kill you both. And no, you can’t go to the police, because they won’t do shit against me. And no, you can’t use your father’s protection, because I know exactly who he is, and I can assure you that his power doesn’t match mine by half. I'll kill him too if he comes to us looking for revenge.

This time it was a bluff, but by the boy’s wide eyes and dry mouth, he could tell he had no clue it was. Desmond savored the panic in the boy's eyes for a few seconds, then softened his eyes.

-But I must admit… You are slightly decent for the family you have. -He meant it. He could see that the boy didn't have the malice or psychopathy necessary to be like his father or brother. -And I would hate to see her gloomy face when she learned about your broken neck, so let’s do it like that: you keep your damn mouth shut. If I learn that your father heard a word of this, I'll act before he does. And keep your brother away from her. In return, in case you feel like you need protection from him, you can come to me. That's included in the first option I gave you.

Noah nodded. After what seemed like ages he finally managed to take his eyes away from Desmond's. He looked down, instead, to his trembling hand on his lap.

-I like her too… And I don't mean it in any sexual or romantic way. -Noah murmured. Desmond couldn't help but chuckle. -I mean it. She's beautiful, but she's yours. I would never have anything with someone else's girl, woman. I thought we could be friends, since we're gonna study together in UF…

He misinterpreted Desmond's eyebrow raising and gulped.

-Just friends, nothing more. And she even refused to come with me in my car, she must have thought I… I mean, she's faithful to you, obviously. -He rolled his eyes as if to point out it was unnecessary to mention it. -But I'll walk away, ok? And don't worry, I won't say a thing to my father or anyone. I mean... I don't even talk to my father that much.

Desmond crossed his arms in front of his chest, satisfied.

-But I can't guarantee my brother won't look for her. He already saw her, thought she was… -He held his tongue and Desmond urged him to keep talking, paying close attention. The smell of coffee hit their nostrils. -Beautiful. And when he puts into his head the idea that he wants a girl, he doesn't mind if she has someone. So, I will keep an eye on her if he gets near, just in case.

Desmond sighed. He didn't want to move again, although he hated the heat. Belle was happier here. And one day they would be able to leave the house a bit more and she would be able to put her feet on the sand as she wanted so much and dive into the salty water. He wanted to watch it, he wanted to see it first hand.

If he asked the marshals to remove them, he would have to explain his motives, too. And they already had a crazy head of crime organization to deal with, it would be stupid to turn in this one right before they left. It would be obvious they were the snitches. They would certainly look for Belle. His hand clenched into a fist when he remembered the old man's eyes on her, up and down her body over and over again. The old bastard had certainly memorized her face.

-Tell me if you think he's really willing to approach her. Do it before he makes a move. -Desmond grabbed a notepad and a pen, then wrote his new cell phone number in it. Belle cautiously approached, placing a cup of coffee in front of him and another in front of Noah. Surprisingly, she didn't seem offended or annoyed. She looked worried. Maybe even hopeful. Great, you're thinking I've offered to help him, don't you? It wasn't all wrong, though, he had just offered protection in case the boy cooperated, hadn't him?

Belle sat beside him and grabbed his hand. Ryan couldn't help but smile as their fingers intertwined. Noah’s eyes flew from their hands to the door.

-I should go home. -The boy gulped, folding the sheet of paper a bunch of times before pushing it into his pocket.

-Ahm… Do you want to come for dinner? -Belle’s voice snapped Ryan out of his unpleasant thoughts of what he would have to do in case the boy decided to involve his father in their exchange. -We three could have our meal together, your parents won't be back so soon, you shouldn't be alone if you're not feeling safe.

Noah looked into Ryan's eyes, but didn't get any feedback about what he was supposed to answer. The choice was still his.

-Thank you, but… Don't worry about me. I mean… Aaron is in the hospital right now, and I don't think he'll be sent home today, and he doesn't live with us… -He explained, not looking at her. -I think we have some leftovers and I can order something too, if there isn't.

-Or you can come and have a meal with us and we can chat until your parents come back. -She offered. Her eyes darted between Ryan and him.

Ryan got up and let go of her hand, brushing her cheek with the back of his before walking away.

-You're welcome to have dinner with us, Noah, you decide what you'll do. Don't let her whine you into it, but don't forget about our talk, ok? -He said, nonchalantly, taking his plate and fork with him, then winked at Belle. -We might not have any dessert left, though.

-I could bring some ice cream… -Noah tested, clearly wanting to check Ryan's reaction, but he just shrugged and walked away.

-That would be nice of you. -Belle smiled. -Will you come, then?

The boy finally looked into her eyes. He was clearly feeling confused and uneasy. After some thought, he nodded.

-At eight? -Noah asked, checking his watch. He grimaced. -Aw, no, just ten minutes left.

-Can it be eight and a half? I'm behind schedule… -She pressed her lips. She would have to rush things up a lot to have everything ready by that time. Good thing she had all the mise en place ready and that fish didn't take long to cook.

-At nine, then? -He smiled.

-Nine would be great. -The relief was clear in her voice. More than an hour would be fairly enough and she could even take a shower before he arrived.

 

Chapter 21


After she walked Noah out, Belle headed for Ryan's study, even though she knew it would mean less time to cook.

-Hey. -He greeted her. So he wasn't mad. She sighed in relief.

-Was that ok to invite him? I feel like I should've asked you before, but I couldn't find a way to do it. -She bit her lower lip.

-No, it's ok. -He nodded. -Do you need help?

-No, don't worry. -She crossed her arms and sighed. -Well… What did you two talk about?

-Didn't you get to listen while you were trying to eavesdrop? -He smirked. -Thank you for not interrupting us, by the way. But don't worry about it, it's between me and the kid.

-He's twenty. -She creased her eyebrows. He made a face as if asking her “And what about it?” -He's just a few months older than me.

-I know. -He put his hands in his pocket and waited for her to go on.

-He's not a kid. -She grew irritated. -And I want to know what you two talked about.

-If I were to tell you, I wouldn't have asked you to leave the room. -He said simply. -You don't wanna know and I don't want to tell, and he won't, either, because I told him not to, so don't bother asking.

Her cheeks burned. She thought about insisting, but didn't want to get into an argument with him again. She reluctantly turned to leave but grunted and crossed her arms, looking at him.

-Was it about me? -She couldn't let it go so easily.

-Basically. -She was surprised that he would admit it.

-Then I have the right to know, don't I? -Her nails dig into her arms. -Are you jealous of him, Ryan?

-If I tell you I am, does that mean you'll stop talking to him? -His eyes were unreadable but there was no sign of irony or amusement. It seemed like a genuine question.

-No. -Belle answered after some thought. She couldn't stop talking with someone that she might have to meet every time she left the house, especially if there was a chance of them studying together, only because he wanted her to.

-Then no. -He shrugged.

-That's not how jealousy works. -She frowned.

-It is, for us. We're not a couple, Belle, you can do whatever you want. Try to be discreet though. Or don't, it's not like I give a fuck, I just don't want you to get hurt by people talking shit about you. -He shook his head. -Do you need something? I'm finishing my last report and I want to help Lucas with the case and to rest a bit before having to sit through that dinner.

-What happened? -She stepped forward and pushed the door to get as close as possible to him. -What got into you?

-What do you mean? -Ryan glared at her.

-You were so sweet and gentle a few hours ago, and now you're… -She gestured, pointing at him up and down with her palm. -Like this.

-That's my normal behavior, in case you didn't notice. -He sighed, pulling her shoulder to force her to turn her back on him, then pushing her by both shoulders back to the living room. -This morning I was suffering the after effects of having two orgasms on a row. Thank you, by the way, but that certainly doesn't grant us the title of couple. Call me if you need help, if you don't, let me work.

He turned his back before she could say anything and closed the door behind him, which was convenient, since she didn't know what to say and was too embarrassed to try to come up with something. She decided to focus on cooking, trying hard not to feel humiliated by his words and rejection.

She finished cooking and went to her room to take a shower and get ready. When she got into his room, with her hair still pulled up in a bum and the towel wrapped around her, she saw him lying on the bed staring at the ceiling with his feet on the floor. His hair was wet and the smell of his perfume filled the room.

He didn't look at her and she headed straight into the closet to get dressed. She was bending to put her pants on when he appeared by the doorway.

-Privacy, please! -She shouted and threw her wet towel at him before he could say anything.

-What? -He asked, confused, watching her pull the pants up and fumble with the button. -What are you talking about? I saw you naked a couple of times by now!

-I know, but it's weird anyway. -She ran her forearm behind her neck to pull the hair from inside her shirt, since the bum had come undone while she put it on. -And you yourself said we're not a couple.

-Still… Ok, sorry. -He looked like he would protest, but just realized he didn't mind it enough to spend his time arguing about it. -Why did you ask me if I was jealous, if you wouldn't stop seeing him?

She paused.

-Because I wanted to know if you had threatened him the way you did to that guy the day our things arrived… -She decided not to tell him that she expected him to be jealous of her, because then she would have to admit she herself was jealous of him. -When I came back it looked like you had threatened him.

-I'm not jealous of you. -He ignored her accusation. -I acted like I was, so that boy would stay away from you, I already told you why.

-Ok. But what about Noah, did you threaten him? -She looked straight into his eyes. She could see the golden ring in his irises, only that this time she couldn't identify the greenish tone in it.

-What are you doing? -He asked her, squinting his eyes. They darted from her mouth back to her eyes.

-What? -She was confused. -Just answer my question, Desmond, you won't distract me from it.

-Chill out! You were staring at me with a funny face, that's all… -He took a step back. -I won't tell you a thing about what we discussed, you might whine as much as you want. And stop calling me Desmond, beetle-headed!

-Beetle-headed? -She opened her mouth, feeling outraged. -You don't have the right to...

The doorbell rang and she chewed on her cheek, as he walked away with the excuse to answer the door.

Noah was way more relaxed after they finished their meal. Belle asked a lot of questions about the university and he answered all of them with details, taking longer than necessary to eat because of it. Ryan looked more bored than annoyed, and his attention eventually locked on Belle, absorbing her expressions and excitement about going to the university.

He felt frustrated. She hadn't come up with the subject to him yet, still she seemed to have shared it with that boy. Her notebook would arrive this weekend, when one of the marshals would visit them. He also would have to get a car, since there would be no excuse anymore to avoid it. The idea of leaving their “fortress” was unnerving. He didn't want to expose her to random people's stares, because he was afraid that it would be only a matter of lack of luck and time till she bumped into one of Daniel's followers. The university too sounded like a huge red flag. The range of age of the most zealous minions was between seventeen and twenty five. It was like playing Russian roulette, but with half the chambers filled.

-That would be great! I would love it! -She smiled broadly, leaning over the table. What would be great? What the fuck would you love? He snapped out of his thoughts, darting his glare from one to another.

-We can go tomorrow, if it's ok for you? I don't feel like staying home anyway, it would be nice to relax a bit. -Noah scratched his hateful goatee and Ryan made a disgusted face involuntarily. Belle caught a glimpse of him and her smile vanished.

-Don't you wanna come with us, Ryan? Are you gonna have to work tomorrow? -She tried to grasp the meaning of his look.

-Go where? -He frowned. Are you out of your mind? You're not going anywhere with this shithead, much less without me! -Yes, I have to work tomorrow and we'll have a visit. A client will come here.

-Noah invited us to go to the beach tomorrow, he can drive us! -She looked so excited that his chest squeezed. -We could go after you finish working, can't we, Noah?

-No we can't. -Ryan cut him before he could even open his mouth. -Thank you for the offer, but I'm gonna get a car this weekend so, don't worry about it. I can take her another day, when we don't have an appointment.

-If you’ll be busy I could… -The boy started, but swallowed his words at the dark eyes’ warning look. Ryan's mouth curved up at one side. You have more balls than I gave you credit for, offering to take her alone. Go on… -Never mind.

What a pathetic pussy… Green eyes darted everywhere to avoid the dark eyes, but Ryan didn't look away.

-I'll take her when we have enough time. -He said bluntly, then turned to Belle and took her hand, softening his tone. -That's an important client, I need you here, ok?

She just nodded, not bothering to hide her disappointment.

-I'll bring the ice cream… -She looked away from him and bit her lower lip.

-No, you must be very tired, I've got this. -Ryan got up and kissed the top of her head, sliding his hand from one of her shoulders to the other before heading to the kitchen. She didn't catch his meaningful scowl to Noah, since she had her back to him.

The green eyes followed him until he vanished through the door. He hesitated, then poked Belle's hand with his index finger.

-Can I ask you something extremely private? -He whispered urgently. Belle cringed for two reasons: firstly, she knew that Ryan could hear him, because it wasn't much of a whisper, secondly because she desperately wanted to answer “no”, but she really needed to have a friend, now that she had lost all of hers, and didn't want to push him away.

-That depends… I might not want to answer. -She almost didn't let any sound out.

-I know, just don't resent me for asking, please… -His eyes darted to the kitchen’s door. He held his breath, gathering courage, then let it out in a hissing whisper. -Does he beat you?

Her eyes opened wide.

-No. Why would you ask that? -She asked, so startled that she forgot to whisper. -He would never hurt me.

-Ah, sorry. -He whispered. -Please, forget I asked you.

He shook his head, very embarrassed.

-Why did you ask? -Her tone was less kind.

-It's nothing. I mean… -He gulped when she frowned. -He's big and he's clearly very possessive. And you have this kind of submissive… I don't know, I just thought you might be needing help. Just wanted to check it, sorry.

-You thought wrong. -She didn't know exactly why she was so angry, but for a moment she felt the urge to ask him to leave.

Ryan came back with the ice cream and they ate in silence. She grabbed his hand and kissed it when he rested it over the table for a moment. He observed her, then mimicked her gesture with a kind smile, and Noah looked down at his dessert.

-Thank you for having me… It meant a lot to me, really. -He sighed as he followed Belle to the door, then whispered. -And sorry for that question, he frightened me to death tonight, I was afraid for you. I mean, I know it's none of my business, but I wouldn't be able to sleep if I hadn't checked it.

-You're welcome. Don't worry. -She wished more than ever that he would just shut up and go away. -See you, Noah, take care of yourself, please.

He nodded, knowing that it was both a legitimate wish for his safety and a request for him to mind his own business.

Ryan washed the dishes in silence, then headed for his bedroom. She didn't want to follow him, like a puppy, but she still felt the need to know what he had said to Noah, especially now that he had confirmed that Ryan had threatened him.

-Ryan… -She murmured, sitting on the bed beside him, already wearing her nightwear. -We need to talk.

He didn't lift his eyes from his phone. In fact he didn't give any sign that he had heard her.

-Really? Are you gonna ignore me now? -She crossed her arms.

-Are you gonna ask me about my talk with the kid? -He didn't lift his eyes from the screen. She nodded. -Then yes.

-I want to know and I won't let you sleep till you tell me, so why don't you just tell me?

He just ignored her. She felt the rage boiling up inside her and began to make plans for forcing or persuading him to talk. She reached out and tried to take his phone away, but he was already expecting it and grabbed her wrist before she could touch it, still not taking his eyes from the screen.

-Let go of me! -She tried to retrieve her hand, but he was gripping it hard.

-Nope. -There was a hint of amusement in his voice. She struggled a bit more, trying to use her other hand to open his fingers, but this only gave him the opportunity to lock her fingers too in his grip. He sighed. -Stubborn as a mule...

She tried to bite his hand, but as soon as he felt the heat of her breath on his skin, he lifted his arm above his head in a way that she would have to stand up to reach their hands with her mouth.

-That's… -She whined.

-Unfair? -He completed it for her. -Get used to it, life is unfair, especially if you're not smart enough to pick the right fights to engage in.

She was feeling humiliated. If she leaned forward, she was almost certain she would be able to bite his biceps, but she didn't want to hurt him for real. After a minute in this position she felt some discomfort in the tip of her fingers and forearms, knowing that soon it would start to tingle.

He scrolled through the text he was reading, and texted a bit afterwards, using only one hand. Then he put the phone away and yanked her to his lap, by her hands and nape, forcing her to wrap her arms around his neck. She lost her balance with the sudden jerk and fell forward, burying her face in his chest. He let go of her hands and pulled her up by her thighs, making her straddle him, then took her face between his hands.

-You're lucky that I just read one of the best news I've had in years on that briefing and that you're the one responsible for it. -He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. -Or else I would kick you out of this room.

He was indeed in a great mood. He hugged her to his chest, pulling her head to his shoulder and caressing her cheek and back.

-What happened? -She wanted to stay mad at him, but her curiosity was acute. -What news?

-Your lawyers handed over your old external HDDs and me and Lucas have been running wild after anything that could link Daniel to at least one of the terrorist attacks. -She immediately lifted her head and looked into his eyes. He was smiling broadly. -Turns out you have not only pictures but videos of him wearing the same hoodie he wore in an attack on a park, that caused the death of two people, and the clothes he wore on the night they planted the bombs on the subway. Now we can arrest him, for real.

Belle gulped her protests about privacy invasion. Those were indeed great news.

-I must admit it took a ton of self-control not to blackmail one of the judges I have dirt on to get a prison order for us to get him right now…. -He pressed his lips. -But I want to make it right this time, I'll follow all the rules. He'll be arrested at six a.m.

She creased her eyebrows. Blackmailing was already an awful thing to do, but considering it was a judge he was talking about, it sent shivers down her spine.

-And we are sure we're gonna find something on Trevor too. He refused to talk and the bit he did makes me wanna choke him to death. We'll keep looking. -He kissed her forehead and tightened his arms around her. -Thank you a lot.

Belle tried to swallow her pride. There wasn't anything really compromising in those HDDs… She had never sent or taken nudes, never done anything illegal that could've been filmed and never had something really shameful recorded, besides that night that she was really drunk. Her cheeks grew very red.

-I'm sorry. -He whispered, putting her hair behind her ears with the tip of his fingers. -Don't feel ashamed, we're not doing that to invade your privacy.

She nodded.

-Ryan, please tell me what you said to Noah… -She was desperate to change the subject. Most of those videos were of her singing and she wanted to jump off the window when she remembered that. -I can't pretend it's ok for me to not know about it.

-I just told him to stay away from you and keep his brother away. -He sighed. -Happy now?

-No, I wanna know if you threatened him. And why don't you want me to be around him?

-I did. I told him I'll kill them both. -He sighed, as if saying that was the most boring thing in the world. -I told him I'll kill his whole family if I have to.

She gasped and involuntarily backed away from him. That caused their groins to fit together in a way that on another occasion would've made her moan, but she hadn't noticed it until he let out a gasp of his own and she felt him getting harder.

-You… Why? Why would you do it? -She tried to raise her voice, but it came out as a whine.

-He had already seen my gun, he was suspicious of me. I don't think you noticed it, but he kept looking for it in my waist since the first time we met him. -He snorted. -He knew I was either a cop or a thug. If I'm gonna feel exposed, I'd rather be the one who makes the rules.

-Still, you didn't have to threaten him. -She tried to get off his lap, but lost her balance and fell seated on him again. He smiled and moistened his lip, biting it and exhaling hard. Her cheeks flushed and he laughed. She hid her face in his neck, too embarrassed to try to get out again now.

-Could you just, please, let it go? -He sighed, rolling his eyes. -I did what my guts told me to, Belle.

-Did your guts really tell you to make a death threat against someone that literally was nothing but kind to me? -Belle lifted her head and creased her eyebrows. He glared at her. She huffed and hid her face in his neck again.

-You should stay away from him. And you will stay away from his brother even if I have to lock you up here. -He whispered in her ear. His words weren't romantic or arousing, but his tone and the feeling of his hot breath behind her ear as he whispered made the hair on her nape and arms and legs stand up. -I'm just trying to keep you safe. Do you understand it? Are you still upset?

It was impossible to deny anything to him with his mouth so close to hers. She nodded and lifted her head to look into his eyes.

-Really? -He smirked, locking his arms around her waist. -What can I do to make it up to you?

She had meant to say that she understood it and that she wasn't upset, but there was no way she was gonna miss the opportunity of getting compensation, considering what she knew he meant by making up.

She smiled shyly but closed her eyes and leaned forward, feeling his hot tongue touch her bottom lip slightly before it invaded her half open mouth.

While enjoying the feeling of him kissing her mouth passionately and his hands exploring her whole body, Belle caught herself trying to absorb everything that had happened in the past month.

She had come from just this shy, overly self-conscious, nerd girl, who kept the worst friends around her, always trying to take care of them and forgetting to take care of herself, then suddenly everything she knew fell apart. The only friend that really cared for her more than for himself was dead, and it was her fault. The girl that she thought needed her help and protection had literally tried to kill her just to avoid going to prison. Her best friend was a psychopath, and was making a great effort to kidnap her to do only god knew what to her. She refused to think about Trevor as her friend, especially after he beaten the shit out of her and implied he would take her somewhere to be raped by a bunch of guys. He was nothing but sick and violent. Not that Daniel would fall somewhere far from that... She sighed and Ryan frowned, parting their lips.

-Are you ok? -He asked, caressing her jaw with thumb and the back of his fingers.

She nodded and pulled him to another kiss, but her mind drifted away once again.

She was losing the last year of high school and would have to cheat her way into college, which for her was beyond shameful. She had found out she was addicted and had recovered from it, or at least she hoped she had. She would have to admit that she had developed a new addiction now, if she really intended to be honest to herself.

She remembered feeling ecstatic when she met the hero from her dreams after almost ten years, then feeling awful when he was cold and distant, almost rude to her, then feeling ecstatic again when he said he was gonna protect her and help her prove her innocence. And now, here she was, in his arms, having indecent thoughts with every touch he made through her body.

But something felt very wrong.

-Belle, what's wrong? -He murmured in her mouth, pushing her back slightly by her shoulders. -Is there something bothering you?

-Who are you, Desmond? -She asked him, knowing that sadness was forcing its way to surface in her voice. -Should I fear you?

-What the hell? -He looked confused. -What does that even mean?

-Why would you threaten to kill someone to “protect” me? -She air quoted. -More than that, you said it yourself that his father is into something shady… Would it be wise to go and threaten his two sons?

-You don't know how it works, I had to stand my ground. I had to show him I'm ahead of him and that I have the upper hand. -He seemed slightly offended by her scolding. -You don't know shit about how to deal with this kind of people, the fact alone that he even knew that he had to look for a fucking gun in me, that should be enough for you to not trust this asshole.

-You looked for guns in everyone that approached us when we went out the other day… -She pointed out.

-My damn point exactly! -He grew even more irritated. -I checked for it because I had the intention of doing something about it if they had, I would look into them to know what kind of shit they were into and I would deal with them if I had to. He had that intention too, now I doubt he still does.

Belle looked down.

-Did you mean it? -She didn't want to hear the answer.

-Yes.

She lifted her eyes, terrified. His face was impassive.

-You mean you’re really gonna kill him? If he does something against me? -Her voice was thin and shaky. She dropped her gaze. Looking into his cold eyes suddenly became unbearable.

-Yes. If I have to. -He lifted her chin with his index finger, forcing her to look into his dark piercing eyes. -And his cunt of a brother too, if he ever comes after you.

-But… You'd go to jail! -She whined and he laughed. -Why are you laughing? Even if we ignore the fact that we’re talking about the lives of two people… You'd be in great trouble, and even if they didn't arrest you, I'd be alone while they prosecuted you!

-I'm not stupid, no one would ever know it was me. -He shook his head.

-How is it even possible? -She felt shivers with his nonchalantly tone. -How would you do it?

-Overdose for his brother, probably. And for him, people like him commit suicide all the… -He started, but shut his mouth immediately. -Fuck, I'm sorry.

Belle just looked away and clumsily got off his lap.

-Belle… I'm really sorry. -He murmured, trying to turn her to face him when she curled up with her back to him, but she shoved his hand away from her shoulder. -Please...

He sighed after a while and turned off the lamp, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

-Have you done that before? -She whispered, wiping a tear from her nose. -Suicide someone?

He was silent and she knew the answer.

-Sometimes you can't get them to be condemned, Belle. -He tried to explain himself. -Sometimes waiting for evidence costs much more lives than one.

-Like with Daniel? -She asked slowly.

-No, he has already got too much attention to himself. -He pointed out. -And I have a motive. I don't do this shit for my own benefit, I do it for the sake of others.

-How many people have you killed, Desmond? -She couldn't believe her ears, she wished this was nothing but a nightmare.

Ryan didn't correct her. He kept silent. Nothing in this world would make him answer that question to her. Ever.

-Do you even know how many? -She asked after some minutes, her voice crackling and wet.

-I do. I remember the face of each one of them. -He sighed. -I don't enjoy it, I swear I don't feel anything good about it.

Belle pressed her lips and just kept crying in silence. Her back stiffened as she felt his hand stroking her hair gently.

-Do you regret it? -She sniffed.

-Only a few of them. -His voice was cold to her ears. -I regret the ones I had no intention to, that I didn't directly… And one that I took long, that I really didn't want to, but pulled the trigger anyway... Sometimes I wish I didn't.

-Why is that? -The sour taste in her mouth and the pain in her stomach begged her to stop asking. -Why do you regret that one?

-You don't want to know. -He sighed.

-I know I don't want to, but I need to. -She finally turned to face him, sitting up. She could see the pain all over his face, even in the dark. -Tell me, please. If you have any respect for me at all, tell me.

-No, Belle, please… -He rubbed his face in exasperation.

-Desmond. Answer my question or I won't be able to trust you anymore! -She sobbed and whined. -I need to know, I don't know who you are anymore, please, I need this! I need to know who I'm living with!

He looked into her eyes with a mix of emotions that she couldn’t really identify. Resolve was the last one she saw before his mask of impassivity took over.

-Because he was six years old or so. -He murmured and put his forearm over his eyes.

Belle rushed to the bathroom as soon as she felt the bile rising to her throat. She spit a lot of times inside the toilet, but the vomit didn't come.

She cried a lot, though, spit a bit more, then washed her mouth and face and walked away, deciding that tonight she preferred to sleep under the hideous butterflies, than beside that psychopath.

 

Chapter 22


Belle woke up with something tickling her cheek. She hadn't slept until the sun was up, which probably saved her from having a lot of nightmares, since she had been too exhausted to think.

Still, she had that nightmare of her watching Desmond suiciding Bill. He was restrained, legs and hands, sitting in a chair, and Belle watched as the agent applied shot after shot of heroin in both his arms. She wanted to make him stop, but instead she just sat on the floor and watched it, sobbing and crying. When Bill stopped breathing, Desmond took off the ropes, then went on to cleaning his fingerprints from the crime scene. She started to argue with him, finding out he had done the same to her parents, years ago, setting fire to her house in a way no one would be able to flee. When she finally managed to move and jumped on him kicking and biting, he grabbed her by the throat and pinned her to the wall. You were always a nuisance, and now that we've got Daniel, I can finally get rid of you… He then started to undress her. She kicked and screamed, but he easily restrained her, holding both her hands above her head and kissing her mouth while he took off her pants along with her panties. She desperately bit his lip, hard enough to make him bleed. His hand raised to slap her, but when she flinched and let go of his lip, he just cleaned the blood with his tongue and took her naked body in his arms toward a bathtub. You always made it so easy… I won't even have to explain anything, when I came to check you, you were already dead.

She tried to brush the source of the tickling away, and was started when her fingers intertwined with his.

-Good morning… -Ryan said with the kindest tone she had ever heard him use. -Sorry for waking you up, but it’s past midday, and the deputy will arrive at any moment.

-What? Which one? -She rolled over to stretch, using that as an excuse to escape his touch.

-Brandon. -He seemed slightly upset with her rejection but didn't say a thing. -I'll prepare you a brunch. I ate your breakfast for lunch with the leftovers from yesterday.

-You don't need to do that, I can… -Belle didn't know exactly why, but she didn't want him to do things for her. She was confused and hurt by him. More than that, she was afraid of him.

-I know I don't need to, I like to take care of you, it makes me feel good. -He sighed. -I'm sorry for saying those things to you last night, Belle. I just didn't want to lie to you. I regret saying anything at all, from the talk with Noah, to my past... I'm very sorry.

-Do you really believe the problem was that you revealed it to me? -She sat up and the confusing emotions from last night came back and hit her like a wrecking ball. -You're insane. You're sick!

-Never claimed to be anything else. -He muttered. -I told you from the start that I wasn't who you thought I was.

-You didn't tell me you were a murderer! -She wanted to yell at him, but her voice died midway and she just moved her mouth at the last word. She added in a hiss. -You didn't tell me you killed children!

-Child. It was the only one. If you don't count Samantha's baby, I mean, he wasn't exactly a person yet, but yeah… -He mumbled and she felt even more infuriated at the mention of her baby that he talked about as if it was an insect.

-The fact that you think the number can make it seem less disgusting makes it all worse! -Her voice raised again. -You should be so ashamed! You should be compensating, you should at least… I don't know!

Ryan observed her with an impassive face as she tugged at her messy hair, letting out a groan, then threw a pillow at him with all her might. He let the pillow hit him square in his chest and neck, then calmly put it back beside her. She started to cry and he was obviously struggling not to take her in his arms and soothe her. She hid her face in her hands and let out a long moan of frustration.

-Belle… -He waited until she was done crying, and was just sniffing and rubbing her face in her sleeves. -If you can't stand being near me anymore…

He started to say but looked down and gulped as soon as their eyes met. There was a pain in them that she couldn't understand.

-What, then? -She wanted to know what he was going to propose. What? Are you planning on making a schedule so we won't meet inside the house? Or are you gonna say we should get a divorce and live in different houses?

-Nothing. I'll tell you later. -Ryan said and she glared. He went on to explain. -If I tell you now, you'll probably do something stupid out of reflex, then regret it later, and it's something that can't be undone. Let's talk at night after Brandon leaves, ok?

Belle nodded.

-I'm very upset with you. And disappointed. And I think you should turn yourself in. -The last phrase hurt so much to say, that her voice shook and failed. -I think you're not any better than…

Belle took a deep breath. It wasn't true. She had almost said something that would hurt him, on purpose, and she didn't even believe it was true.

-Not better than Daniel? I know. And to tell you the truth, I think I’m relieved that you finally realized it too. -He looked into her eyes and there was no emotion in them anymore. -Maybe it's for the best. That “love” thing was changing us both, for worse. I was selfish not to let you know about it earlier.

He got up and pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling hard.

-But, if I still have the right to ask something of you, just remember that while he wants you under him to be his slave for life, all I want is to keep you safe so you can live your life to its fullest, as soon as he's gone. -He stopped by the door and said, not looking her way. -While he expects you to feel pain and keep your head down, I just want you to feel happy and safe and confident. That should count for something, I think. But I could be wrong… As I already told you, I'm better at hurting people.

She sat cross legged on the bed and stared at the wall for a few minutes, then got up and went to the bathroom to take care of her appearance.

The deputy came right after she had finished eating. Ryan was sitting on the opposite side of the sofa and she was holding her legs to her chest. The deputy had brought a bunch of things: a notebook for her; a pile of books for him and she immediately recognized “The Wise Man’s Fear” among them; some documents, including his driver license, her school history claiming that she had completed high school four years ago, a prescription for heavy painkillers for him and two passports; a pair of documents for them to read and sign; a locked suitcase; and a cellphone, that she thought was hers, but was handed to Ryan.

-Let me know if you need anything else. -The deputy said, after talking with them for about forty minutes, asking how she was adapting, what she thought could make it more comfortable, if she had seen something suspicious and if she felt safe. She blatantly lied, not bothering to sound honest and noticed Ryan shifting on his seat and staring at her intently. -See you next month, then.

He left and Belle felt as if someone had lifted a weight from her chest. She had been terrified with the idea that Brandon could notice the tension between them and that it would harm Ryan somehow, but her emotions were boiling and bubbling, threatening to burst out.

He sat there, watching her, with a crease between his eyebrows.

-What was it that you were going to tell me? -She had sat through the whole process telling herself that her reward would be to satisfy her curiosity.

Ryan sighed. She concluded he was expecting her to forget about it.

He moved to get near her, but stopped when she flinched away, still holding her legs to her knees.

-You can ask to be moved. -He said bluntly. -Change location and identity again, but without me.

-What? -She said it louder than she had intended. -Why would I do that?

-To get away from me? -He looked puzzled by her question. -Of course that would mean we would never meet again. I won't be allowed to go to court anymore, unless I'm summoned as a witness which I highly doubt I will. Still, you wouldn’t have to wait till next month to make the request, it’s usually processed within a month after request, but I can make it take two or three days, especially in a case like ours, you know, with the sexual abuse accusation...

She looked into his eyes and her cheeks burned.

-Is that your solution? To send me away? -She was beyond hurt. -What happened to the “keep me safe” bullshit?

-I didn't say I want to, I don't. Let me make it clear: I want you to stay with me, wherever it is. -He clicked his tongue at his choice of words, then quickly tried to correct it. -Until the case is closed, of course.

She nodded, still feeling the effects of the anger.

-Why would you bring that up, then? -She bit her lip so it would stop trembling.

Ryan let out a sigh and ruffled his hair.

-Because I want you to be happy. -He said, simply. -There’s no point in keeping you alive, forcing you to live a miserable life. I don't want to force you to be near me, if that harms you. I want you to be safe, but I can't force you to stay with me.

Belle just nodded. She started to feel claustrophobic.

-I'm gonna go sit by the pool. -She announced, getting up.

-Are you sure that's a good idea? You can't swim… -She almost laughed at his attempt to keep her from doing what she wanted to, without sounding like he was controlling her. -Do you want me to come along?

-No. -She said, and shook her head to emphasize.

He just nodded and walked away, heading to his study.

Belle didn't take a towel. She wasn't planning to get wet. When she approached the pool, she saw the boys and girls playing some sort of game where the girls were sitting on the boys shoulders and trying to push the other back.

She watched the exchange with a crease between her eyebrows, worried that one of them might get hurt or drown. A blond girl fell back and her head missed the edge by one feet. All of them seemed to have at least one tattoo. Some of them had piercings too, on their faces, nipples or belly buttons. She was observing that, when one of the boys spotted her and winked at her, waving his hand to tell her to come closer. Two girls turned their heads to look at her. They were sharing a joint. One of the girls whispered something in the other's ear and they both cracked into laughter.

Belle shyly approached, then waved a hello and voiced the greeting out very low.

-You're new here. -The boy had green eyes, very similar to Noah's. She wondered if this was his brother, but then remembered that his brother had been beaten, so this couldn't be him. -What's your name?

She looked around. The nine pairs of eyes had turned to her.

-I'm Belinda, but you can call me Belle. -She smiled and her cheeks burned.

The two girls burst out into laughter again and a guy joined them, kneading the butt of one of them to call her attention, then reaching out to take the joint and suck it. The smell of burning grass was very strong and she took a step back to avoid the smoke.

-Do you smoke? -The guy that had laughed offered her the joint. He had a piercing on his eyebrow and at least four tattoos, one in each arm, one around his neck and clavicle and another on his belly. She didn't look down, but she could guess it went down to his leg.

-No, thank you. -She was feeling uncomfortable just by staying there. It felt wrong being around people doing drugs.

-Of course she doesn't… -One of the laughing girls giggled, taking the joint back and looking her up and down. She had a big star made of flowers tattooed on her shoulder and a shiny ring on her nose. Belle smiled. She liked the tattoo.

She opened her mouth to ask their names, but the blond girl that had fallen in the pool almost shouted.

-Oh my god! Why do you wear those to come to the pool? What are you, a redneck? -She had a nasal voice very similar to Angel. Their noses looked similar, too. -Like, that's so embarrassing!

The girls burst out laughing again and the boy between them choked on the smoke as he started to laugh too. All three had bloodshot eyes. The others chuckled, but not so loud.

-She has a disease, moron. -She heard a voice behind her and turned her head to see Noah standing close behind her. -And it's not even like yours, Betty, I mean, your genital herpes won't go away even if you go through surgery.

There was a chorus of howls and laughter and one of the laughing girls let out a loud shriek when she almost fell into the pool.

-What disease? -The girl crossed her arms and looked like she was about to cry.

-She was born with a spot on her forearm that is too sensitive to the sun… She could have cancer if she exposed it too much. -Belle was surprised with his creativity. She wished she had come up with that excuse when she was fifteen. -But she is seeking treatment and if this one doesn't work she'll go through surgery to remove it… And, unlike you, it won't be just to look pretty, because she already looks way better than you, even with all your efforts. By the way, the nose looks way better, now it's still too big for your face, but I don't feel like dodging every time you turn around.

The howls and laughter were back.

-Is she your girlfriend, Zim? -The boy that had called her asked.

-No. -Noah put his hands in his pockets. Then, seeing the boy's smile, he added. -She has a husband.

-I don't mind sharing. -The boy mocked.

-If you see his size you'll want to take it back, JP… -Noah sighed.

-What? You of all people are now afraid of getting beaten by a guy? -The boy sneered. -Maybe you're losing your might…

-Do you want to test it if I am? -Noah lifted one eyebrow and the expression looked out of place in his gentle face. In fact everything, from his words to his tone, everything sounded surreal to Belle. The boy shook his head and got into the pool. -Didn't think you would.

All of them averted their eyes and pretended to resume their conversation.

-Do you want to stay here? -He whispered to Belle. She shook her head. -Let's take a walk, then?

She nodded and walked away, not bothering to wave them goodbye.

-Bye, Belle, it was very nice to meet you. -The green eyed boy swam to catch up with them when he noticed they were walking away. -Sorry for the girls, they are just jealous, they always act like bitches when a new girl arrives, but they will be friendly after the guys lose interest in you.

She was taken aback by his honesty.

-It's ok. -She decided not to give him any reason to keep talking.

-I'm Jack, by the way. You can call me JP, everyone does. -He smiled and scratched the back of his neck. -Don't be sad because of that, they are just childish, but they are nice somewhere deep inside them.

-Ok. -She said simply. She was a bit hurt, but it wasn't something new, being mocked because of the sleeves, or because she was shy, or because she refused to go out on a date or because her parents were dead had been a daily routine when she was fifteen.

-You look better when you smile… -JP sighed. -I'm regretting inviting you to come near us now.

-Are you done, JP? Shut up and get lost. -Noah finally intervened. -And leave her alone too, she's not one of you, potheads.

-Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed… -JP mocked but swam away from them.

-I told you they were awful. -He murmured. -I'm sorry you had to go through this.

-No, I'm fine, thank you for standing up for me, about the sleeves… -She looked down.

-It was nothing. sorry for exposing you, though, I mean, I didn't know if you wanted to reveal it to them, but I figured it would be better than having them theorize about it… -He pressed his lips. -Sorry if it was a secret.

Belle tilted her head. So it wasn't his idea, he hadn't come up with that excuse on the spot.

-Did Ryan tell you? About my disease? -She searched his eyes. He nodded. -When?

-This morning. -He sighed. -I came to talk to him and I kind of asked. I mean, I asked him why you wear long sleeves. He didn't tell me any details, though, I only repeated what he told me.

-Ahm. -She couldn't say anything else. Why hadn't he told her about it? And why did Noah look for him? -What did you guys talk about? Why did you look for him?

-Protection. -He sighed. -He offered it to me, and I didn't think I would need it, but my brother called me at three a.m.
He was really furious and I don't think breaking my fingers will be enough to satisfy him this time. I thought it was better to be safe than sorry.

Belle was confused. Ryan told her he had threatened to kill him, but now Noah was telling her he had offered him protection. A shiver ran down her spine when she thought about the possibility of it being just a trap.

-You don't look so good. I mean, no, that's not what I meant to say! -He panicked, putting his hand over his forehead. -I just… I mean, did you sleep well?

-I just have a lot on my mind, don't worry. -She sighed.

-If you need help… -He offered.

Belle looked away. Only then did she realize they were in the garden, behind their house. She looked back and saw the curtains of Ryan's study. She wondered if he was inside, watching her videos and checking her photos.

-It's cute… It's actually beautiful. -He smiled. She looked at him, puzzled. -The way you two look at each other, it's overwhelming to watch.

She creased her eyebrows.

-I'd like to have someone look at me the way he looks at you, or the way you look at him. -He exhaled hard, then chuckled pointing at the shut curtains with his thumb. -Even when you can't really see him. Maybe someday I will. If I get really lucky.

She nodded, feeling her cheeks burn.

-How did you guys meet? I mean, don't get me wrong, but until one sees you two together they can't even dream that you are a couple.

-Why’s that? -She tilted her head.

-Well, because you're nothing alike, like water and fire. You're so small, delicate, gracious… You're kind, even with those… Girls. I mean, you literally smiled at them after they tried to humiliate you. -He went on. -And your husband is… A monster?

She felt the urge to defend Ryan, but remembered their talk last night and found out his remark didn't hit far from her own concept, lately. No, he’s not!

-He's not a monster. -She didn't know if her enraged tone was directed to him or herself. -He's not. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

-I didn't mean it in a demeaning way. -He quickly tried to appease her. -Let me think about it in a more poetic way… Maybe a titan, then. I mean, he's so much taller than you, and he's… Looks like he could snap your spine with one hand… This is kind of uncomfortable about you two, like, imagine a nymph and a giant...

Belle frowned, trying to gather the courage to ask him to shut up.

-And you can't deny he's rude. He's… -He finally looked at her and saw the embarrassment and discomfort there. -What I meant to say is that… You sound like peace, he sounds like war, do you get what I mean? But in a good way, I feel like he would do anything to keep you safe. To make you happy.

She nodded, feeling her heart squeeze.

-And you kind of look great together. Quite odd, a bit disturbing, but great. -He chuckled when she blushed. -But anyway, how did that happen?

She sighed, how would she explain without talking about her true past?

-He saved me... When we were teenagers. He took me out of a… -She looked away and quickly made up a narrative. -He took me out of the car, it was an accident, a car crash. Both my parents died, but he risked his life to rescue me.

-Oh. How old were you?

-He was seventeen. -She quickly made the counts in her head. -I was fourteen.

-Hm… -He looked at her sideways. -So you were underaged… And he…

-No, we never met again till I was nineteen. -She was glad to be able to tell something true. -He was kind of distant at first, and tried to push me away, but… But I fell in love with him.

-Can't imagine how someone could ever want to push you away. -He frowned. -But then again, he doesn't look like the romantic type either… You don't even wear a ring.

She looked down at her hands and realization dawned on her. Of course no one knew she was married. She didn't have a ring.

-Oh, we did use it. -She lied. -But only for a few days, because they were loose, we were afraid of losing them.

-Both rings? -He smirked.

-Yeah, we were a bit nervous and we both lost some pounds… -She bit her lower lip.

-Why don't you just adjust it? -He tilted his head.

-Because we left them in… -She covered her mouth with her hand, as she almost said Brooklin, then pretended to yawn to disguise her odd behavior. -Seattle.

He nodded. They fell silent. She stared at the curtains again, gulping the lump that had formed in her throat.

-I think I'm gonna get in. I still need to prepare dinner. -She got up from the bench that she didn't even notice they had sat in. -Thank you again for your help and company.

-Don't mention it. -He smiled. -Please let me know if you want to take another walk, I like being with you.

-Me too, thank you. Bye.

Belle rushed to his study as soon as she finished locking up the door and turned the doorknob before she could stop herself, but it was obviously locked. She knocked two times, one very shyly and one more urgently, then began to back away to look for him at the kitchen and gym. The door unlocked behind her.

-Are you ok? -His voice was cautious. He clearly didn't know what to expect from her. If she didn't know better, she would say there was fear in his eyes.

She turned to him and walked with her head down until her forehead bumped into his chest. One of his hands instinctively rubbed her back and the other cupped her cheek to lift her face.

-What happened? -He whispered. His tone was a mix of worry and anger, as he looked into her brimming eyes. His jaw clenched. -Who hurt you?

-You. -She murmured, then locked her arms around his neck and forced it down to hug him.

He let his arms fall beside his body for a few seconds, but bent down and took her in his arms, holding her.

-Are you ok? -He repeated. She shook her head. -Is there anything I can do?

She thought about it for a long time, then shook her head again. Her legs were numb from the grip around his waist, since he wasn't really supporting her weight, just had his arms wrapped around her waist and back.

She reluctantly loosened the grip of her legs and stretched them, trying to touch the floor, but her feet just dangled.

-You're so cute sometimes, did you know that? -He smirked, bending to help her reach the floor. -Please stop crying, I'm absolutely not worth it.

She wiped the tears and looked down, moving her feet in circular motions to reduce the numbness.

-Is there something I can do for you? I left Lucas hanging… -He sighed. Belle looked up and realized he was genuinely upset about having to kick her out of the room.

-Can I talk with him? -She tilted her head.

Ryan flinched. He looked back and forth from his phone over the desk to her glossy eyes.

-I don't know… I don't feel like it's a good idea... -He sighed. -Hold on.

He walked toward the desk and grabbed his phone.

-Hey, Banner. -He sighed, staring at her.

-Is she alright? -Lucas answered on the other side of the line and Belle realized he had put it on speaker.

-About that… -Ryan sighed again, then ruffled his hair and leaned on the table, supporting his weight with his hand. -Do you think it would be a problem if…

He cut the phrase and looked up as if remembering something.

-Is Myers with you? -His voice was restrained.

-No. But I can put him on the call if you need to, I just need him to log out… -Lucas started to mumble.

-No! Is there any possibility of him walking in while we are speaking? -Ryan's eyes darted to Belle's. -Or of him having access to this call?

-No, man, chill out, I'm working from home, it's Saturday. -Lucas laughed. -This call is untraceable, don't worry. What got into you?

-Nothing. Belle wants to see you. -He looked down, as if saying it annoyed him. -She wants to talk with you.

-Oh. -Lucas sounded so surprised and happy at the same time that Ryan smiled involuntarily. -I'll need just a minute, sorry!

There was a sound of something falling to the ground and chattering and Lucas cursed. A cat could be heard meowing in the background while he fumbled with something that made a crackling sound.

-You don't need to put your makeup on, Banner, she's gonna see you through a seven inches screen, she's not gonna notice your pimples. -Ryan rolled his eyes. -Anyway, are you absolutely sure they can't have access to this call? If they come after her because of this shit…

-I'm ready. No, relax, there's no way in the world they can track this. -Lucas’ voice was shaky and he was panting. -Where is she?

Ryan signaled her to sit in the chair, then handed her the phone and pressed a button to turn on the video call.

Lucas was thinner and there were purple circles under his eyes.

-Hey, Belle… Long time no see… -He smiled, pulling his glasses up the bridge of his nose. One of the lenses was broken in the middle.

-Hi, Lucas. Sorry for the glasses. -She grimaced. -How are you?

-I should be asking you, I'm fine, as fine as possible, Desmond is kind of trying to make me work till I die, but… -He paused and looked up. -Did you tell her the news?

-About Daniel? -Ryan immediately signaled her to stand up and sat on the chair, offering her his leg to sit on. She blushed and her eyes flung wide open. He clicked his tongue. -They all know, relax.

She looked at him with an outraged expression.

-I didn't say anything! They just guessed, and I can't lie to them, they know me too well. -He tried to defend himself. -Do you want me to stand up again?

After some hesitation she sat on his knee. He huffed and pulled her close, leaning her shoulder on his.

-I told her that he was gonna be arrested today. And I told her how we managed to get the evidence too. -Ryan said and Lucas nodded, lifting his glasses to brush his eyes with his fingers. -Are you ok?

-Yeah, I'm just… This thing is sucking up my energy. -He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. -Well… You wanted to talk to me, Belle, are you ready to go to college?

-Hm, not yet, I need to check the tests... I only received the notebook this afternoon. -She murmured. -But if I can't, I'm ok with applying to the University of Florida and starting from the beginning, the right way.

-I guessed you would… But I would advise you to skip it. It will be easier for you to get a job later and it's not like you're not gonna have the social experience, since you're getting into law school. You'll spend an awful lot of years studying. -He pointed out. -But do what you think it's better for you. Let me know if you decide you wanna go, I can get you into UF this way.

Belle nodded. She wanted to change the subject before Noah's name was dropped into the conversation.

-But how are you guys? How is Corey? And Roy? And Peter? And Mike… And Jacob? -She asked, then felt confused when the smile vanished from his face and a deep crease made his glasses slide down his nose.

Ryan reached out and tried to end the call, but she leaned forward on the table and managed to take it out of his reach. Lucas’ face turned from surprised, to confused, to uneasy to outraged.

-What in the world, man, didn't you tell her? What's your problem? That's so wrong! -His voice rang loudly from the speaker. -Man, she has the right to know, that's… Wrong!

-Shut the fuck up, Banner! -Ryan grabbed her arm and tried to pull her hand to take the phone from her grip. -Goddamnit, Belle, let go!

-That's wrong, I won't take part in this kind of dirty lie again! -Lucas screamed on the microphone. -It's like when you died but backwards! Stop messing with her head, you guys are sick! I would be very upset if I was the one that had...

Ryan finally managed to take the phone from her and press the button to end the call. Belle was leaning over the table with both arms stretched toward the other side of it, and his body was practically laid over hers. His heart slammed on her back and his breath sent strands of her hair to all directions.

He panted and leaned back, cursing low.

-What was that about? -She jumped from his lap and whined, brushing her hair from her face and pulling it to one shoulder. -Tell me.

-No. -He shook his head. -It was a mistake to let you in here, get out.

-I won't. Not until you explain what this was about. -Belle stomped her foot like a child. She already knew what it was about, but she wanted to pretend it wasn't real. The almost nonexistent possibility that she might be wrong was the only thing keeping her from storming out of the room. -Desmond, please…

-Ryan, Belle. -He corrected her and got up too. -You don't wanna know... Please, don't make me tell you.

-It was Roy, wasn't he? That I saw… In the corridor… -She whined. His eyes dropped. -Why? Why did this happen?

He opened his mouth and closed it. Shaking his head.

He reached out, offering her a hug but she shook her head and covered her mouth with one hand, tugging at her hair with the other and taking two steps back.

-Because I left the bunker. That was what you were gonna say, right? -She sobbed through her hand. Her whole body was tingling and her head was throbbing. -I was… He wasn't gonna… He only stopped because of me! Oh my god!

-That's not true, we don't know what would have happened, Trevor could have trapped us both. -He shook his head and took a step toward her, but she backed away two. -Please, Belle, don't blame yourself… It was my fucking stupid plan. His, in fact, but I agreed without considering all the variables. We weren't expecting a random girl to come after me, we thought Daniel would. Or Trevor.

-You were shot because of me! You heard me talking to him and let your guard down, didn't you? -Her words seemed to take him by surprise and his ears grew immediately red, but he didn't say a word. She opened her eyes wide and lifted her hand from her mouth to her hair, tugging it. -Oh my god, I almost killed you too!

He looked to the shut curtains, then back to her, slowly approaching her, as if she was a deer that he wanted to grab before it stormed off.

-Let's go upstairs, someone might hear you, Belle. Please… Belle! -He strode toward her when she turned to run away and took her in his arms before she could fight him. -Fuck, you're freezing! Shhh… Calm down... It's alright…

She sobbed almost as much as she had sobbed that night, crying and howling. He took her to his room and wrapped her in a blanket, urgently rubbing her arms and legs to warm them. Only then she realized her hands were pale, almost purple and her lips were trembling. She welcomed the sensation, knowing that it was a matter of seconds before she would pass out.

Belle woke up with his hand brushing her hair from her damp forehead. She tried to sit up, but he pushed her chest down and shook his head.

-Don't. Rest a bit, you’ve just had a panic attack. Do you want some water? -He pressed his lips, reaching out to take a strand of hair from the corner of her lips. -Belle, I never wished so much that I could erase something from your mind… Please, let it go, it wasn't your fault.

-You've blamed me, didn't you? -She closed her eyes, her voice sounded weird to her ears. -That night, in the bathtub, you said… How could you keep this from me this long? How would you feel?

-I didn't know that you didn't know… I found out the other night. -He grimaced. -Sorry for blaming you, I was feeling guilty for wanting you… And before I found out, I was confused too, about how you could even think about it, because the main reason we're here… They killed him and you made them believe it was me. And then we…

-What does that have to do with anything? -She creased her eyebrows.

-I should be dead, not getting laid! -He raised his voice, but soon dropped it. -Fuck! He should be with his wife and his son. I should at least be mourning him, but instead I’ve been using your body as a distraction.

Belle flinched and looked away but could feel his gaze in her while he cursed under his breath. He took a deep breath, then laid beside her. Suddenly, he grabbed a pillow, pressing it with both hands against his face, then screamed out loud, with all his might. It was mostly muffled by the pillow, but made the hair on her arms and nape stand up. It was as if pain, anger, frustration and angst could be wrapped together and transformed into sound. Belle sat up and watched it, terrified, knowing that she would never be able to forget that sound. That was the last thing she was expecting, for him to have a breakdown along with hers. She wiped the tears from her face, then tried to yank the pillow from his grip. He resisted at first, then let go of it. His face was red but besides the shining dots on the corner of his closed eyes, there were no signs of crying. She held his head to her chest, wrapping one arm under his chin and the other behind his nape, leaning her cheek on the top of his head and resting one leg over his chest. She curled into a ball and he turned sideways curling toward her too, wrapping his arms around her waist and hiding his face on her neck. She ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, but kept her eyes wide open until it was too dark to see anything.

-Fuck, I left my phone downstairs… -He moaned, rubbing his eyes. -And I should've worked out. Fuck!

-I can go fetch it for you… -She sighed.

-No, I shouldn't have left it unlocked too. Are you ok? Aren't you hungry? -He tilted his head and carefully ran his fingers through her hair. -Are you sleeping here tonight?

-So many questions… -She moaned and pouted. -Do you want me to fix dinner?

-No, my stomach is hurting, I don't want to eat anything now. -He shook his head. -Shit, my head is killing me. Where are those fucking painkillers? I'm gonna turn the lamp on.

She covered her eyes but saw the orange light through her fingers, slowly getting used to the clarity. He gulped the pills that she guessed he had bought that morning, then turned to her and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers.

-I'm sorry for everything you're going through. -He avoided her eyes. -I'm sorry for how you found out, too. I just didn't want you to go through anything resembling what I've been enduring...

She closed her eyes. His pity made everything even worse. She killed his best friend and made him go through a lot of pain for being shot twice, he should hate her, not worry about her.

He told her he might take a while to come back, because he would try to force himself to workout as much as he could manage to.

Belle couldn't believe his attitude. He didn't say anything that could hurt her. He didn't shove the truth at her face as he should have. He didn't blame her, even though they both knew that Roy would still be alive if she had just been mature enough to sit and wait at the bunker. He didn't hurt her. Instead, he shared her pain, taking part of it to himself and suffering it all over again with her.

Belle thought about her favorite book, how the protagonist explained about the doors of mind to cope with pain. She had always jumped to the second door, the door of forgetting. But right now, without the pills or Daniel tampering with her memories, all she could count on was the first door, the door of sleep. That, because she had to keep the other two well locked, for right now, more than ever, she was sure that if she were to walk through one of them, he could possibly end up following her right behind.

 

welcome back, author!! I have been following up the story as usual I doubt anyone would abandon this masterpiece anyways... I just wanted to quickly chim in and say that I appreciated how Noah (basically you) described them as "nymph and giant" and "peace and war". Those just sit right, I was happy.

and thank you for the concept of the ways mind deal with pain. I just looked it up, since those other 2 doors are not named in the chapter. it was in a way book recommendation like the other books Belle mentioned before.

 

heads up, since I might leave a long comment about previous chapters when I get a chance