(Rant warning) We recently went to a wedding, and even tho my friend was vaccinated she apparently go covid. So she told everyone this on the Snapchat group chat, you know just informing everyone that she tested positive so be careful. But anyway, we also have this other group chat with the SAME people (but not everyone that's on the snapchat group chat is on this one) on Imessage but she isn't on there cuz she had android and it doesn't really work well with apple groupchats. (I did try adding her multiple times, but either it doesn't work or her phone starts glitching out so she said just leave it, it's fine). ANYWAY, I casually say to someone in the message group chat "oh I don't know if you saw on Snapchat but x got covid" and then we start talking about if we felt any symptoms, or if their family members who went to the wedding felt anything, about we should all get tested just in case etc etc. Literally harmless talk.But apparently, my friend is so mad that I told someone else cuz "confidentiality" but it's literally the same person who saw it on Snapchat? The people who I was talking on message are ALL on the snapchat chat so they could have seen it. I didn't tell anyone who she didn't publicly tell herself. And again it wasn't even "backbiting" we were literally just discussing the symptoms and how we should all get tested. She thinks I was rude, annoying, and wrong. Her words. I'm literally not even mad just baffled cuz I don't see what the issue is. She also said I shouldn't be telling anyone for safety purposes which I don't get what she meant but she won't explain except "I'm not here to argue goodbye" The only reason I'm here ranting is that I don't want to tell this to anyone in real life because I don't want to make a bigger issue since she is sick right now. Maybe she will want to talk after she's not sick anymore. So I just wanted to anonymously talk about it where there is no risk for more issues or fights
Aw, that sucks to hear. It’s very thoughtful of you to hold off on asking her about it right now since she’s sick. It does sound like she’d being irrational, but you might want to give her a bit of wiggle room. She must be a least a bit stressed hearing she’s positive. Doesn’t mean it’s right she was that harsh on you, since it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. But definitely have a talk with her after she’s feeling all better. Hopefully with a clearer mind you two will be able to work it out.
lol maybe. She might just hate that groupchat since she's not in it. (Blame Apple) I feel like she might just be mad because she thinks I went around her back or something, so she might not like people talking about her getting covid if she's not there. I don't get it but I'm thinking she feels "embarrassed" that she got covid or something so she might be defensive. Idk. She refuses to talk to me now. (even tho we weren't talking about her really but more about the covid situation at the wedding in general)
It's the feeling of losing control; in a space where she is not present and not the one sanctioning sharing news about herself, in principle, she has no way to control the flow, regulate it, defend herself or do damage control on the off-chance it goes haywire (in some places, Covid patients are treated like lepers). Coupled with a feeling of added helplessness from her sickness, I can see why she would lash out.
I am assuming that since she wasn't actually on the group, whoever conveyed the information in that group to her may have spiced it up a bit. Plus, she may feel anxious now, as a general CoVid thing. I would give her some time, to get better and to come back to her normal self. As a patient, you hate getting calls or enquiries from your folks cuz it's very annoying. Better leave her be.
yea that's what I'm thinking as well. Even though covid is just a sickness (anyone can get it), some people really get weird about it. Like they wouldn't wanna go near you or treat you like an alien. So it looks like an emotional reflex to be scared of something you are not in and don't know of. She's probably stressed out we're talking about her or something. Ngl I AM a bit annoyed but I am def planning on waiting it out and try to reason with her. If she wants I'll personally show her the whole conversation we had on my phone, or switch to another groupchat. yea she needs time. At least to get better from covid. But that's not a good image, I hope whoever conveyed that information to her didn't "spice it up" cuz I seriously hate stuff like gossiping to make issues or fights.
Sorry, just my biased opinion here. I hate irrational people who needlessly create drama. I don't care if it's in the moment and she's just taking out her frustrations on you. The world doesn't owe her shit. It's not shameful to get covid to hide it from others. But because I know people are brainless like that I wouldn't have posted a message in the group chat if I were you. If anyone didn't see it, I don't care. Sorry for your friend. Not sure your friendship will stand the test of time. Just saying. It'll eventually get tiresome dealing with her. Just take me as a meanie on the internet.
Well cap America sumed it up...just let it slide. If she blows it up later on then try to bring your reasons up, right now just give her the space. U didn't do anything wrong per se, I mean yeah updating on friends life is normal but in a time where the pandemic is literally demonized it's very easy to alienate and cause negative feelings at her. She shared it elsewhere so it's not that serious, maybe she's just confused in the havoc.... Wish her quick recovery from my side !
If she wasn't precious to me, I would say I 100% agree with you. I'm not a sugary person, and I'm pretty blunt so I hate drama and I hate irrationality. If it was up to me, I would publicly debate her on why she's absolutely wrong and just being irrationally emotional. I would say not my problem, deal with it. But despite how different we both are, she's been my friend since I was 15. We've had so many times together, and I admit, she can be petty, but I'm gonna try as hard as I can to make sure we stay friends. Life is so long, and there's so much that can happen that it becomes almost impossible to stay friends with people. And this isn't even serious. We've had plenty of fights before, but my motto has always been to understand, forgive, and forget. If you don't try with people, you will lose them. And maybe that's fine but I really don't want that
Has she ever done the same, or does the understanding, tolerance and forgiving only come from you? I sure hope it's both ways, for your sake. I've lost friends I knew since kindergarten, and then since middle school. People change, not necessarily for the better. And it always starts from something small and it snowballs into irreparable differences. The friendships that survived for me are all with people who're like-minded, open-minded, understanding, and clear-headed. That's just my experience. I hope talking it out will work for you. For me, it only made people more frustrated because their ego was too big to accept it might just be their fault, their mistake, their misunderstanding. That turned out too negative. I really hope it'll work out for you two and she'll realize what a precious friend you are.
Yeah, I think she's just just sick and it's making her angry and irrational. I can get irrational when I feel sick too. Don't feel mad at her for that.
Maybe expectations and reality didn't match? When people share that they are sick they either want to discuss it, some support or at least some reactions and attention? But here you guys are - going to another chat group without her and talking about it. Actually it's a pretty normal reaction? Anyway, when you share something and then people go to discuss it somewhere without you is not a good feeling. + it's stress and whatever.
hm, I usually don't say stuff like "aw hope you get better". But she knows that. Plenty of other people did say that to her tho. And for context this is how the conversation went: "Don't know if you saw on Snapchat but x got covid" "How?? She's vaccinated?" "Prety rare but it can happen I guess. Everyone has different bodies and reactions to the vaccine." "Has anyone else felt symptoms" *people talk about how they felt kinda sick* *people say if you have to go to campus for anything, get tested so you don't endanger people* *We discuss where it could have happened at the wedding, the food or the dance circle* *Argue a little it whether it came from the dance circle, after the wedding, or from the foodservice* *We discuss if my other friend's mother and sister felt anything since they were there* And that's it. She was barely talked about. The reason why we were talking on a different chat is that Snapchat sucks for long conversations. We usually send like 1000+ messages when we talk. And most of us don't like talking on Snapchat (cuz of the app itself), and we usually talk on Imessage all the time. Her part just came up as a single aspect in an entire convo about dyeing hair, my cat who almost died, adoption, marriage, and other random stuff. She prob doesn't know this but if she would let me talk, I would show it to her if she wanted. Since I'm really not hiding anything.
People aren't really logical even when they are in perfectly normal condition, so what would you expect from someone stressed/upset/confused? Also, knowing something and acting on it are entirely different things. Maybe even if you're usually like that, she was still expecting some special treatment? If you're close friends such situation isn't impossible. Just wait till she calms down and it will get better
Well, I was planning on waiting regardless because I do see how she is being like that cuz she might be sick and confused. Personally, I wouldn't say it's a normal reaction, but I am giving her time because she's sick. And I don't mind talking and explaining. But she knows me very well, I doubt it's because she wanted a get well message
Were the people you discussed with (about this friend being COVID positive) the same people who attended the wedding? If yes, then there's no issue, especially since transmission data is critical and disclosure is encouraged. It's a public health notice and courtesy since it doesn't sound like she was informing other wedding attendees. If no, then you're in the wrong. Health is a private and sensitive issue. That's why even medical records databases are kept private and recorded with numbers instead of actual names. The reason behind this is stigmatization and possible workplace/insurance penalties. We have strong disclosure and discrimination laws and it's not up to us to decide whether someone else's medical condition is made public if it's not in public interest. It does not matter whether that person inadvertently disclosed it through other means (SnapChat, etc). e.g. Someone you know XXX has AIDS from a blood donation, and they might have mentioned it on a FB post. You should clearly not go around telling/reminding people who are FB friends with XXX, "Hey did you see on FB that XXX has AIDS?". I'm using an extreme example of AIDS so everyone can more easily understand the stigmatization involved.