It doesn't help that the eldest in this house has a short fuse, and just because I'm constantly at the centre of trouble most the time, I'm the reason and cause for it all. But it makes it worse when you're the middle child for some reason apparently. Especially at gatherings? People oh so love drama. The more the merrier, I suppose. "You like pudding so you MUST have been the one to eat it all, of course," "You usually take the dog out, so it's YOUR fault you didn't take him out today that he made a mess on the floor," "You're the one to use the controller last, so you are probably the one to have broken it," "You're always arguing, so you must have been the reason you guys are fighting," "Because you were home alone, you definitely were the one who let the cat out, because the window was left open and you didn't close it. You were here all day, why didn't you notice that I left it open?" Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions. And when you go to defend yourself, well knowing it wasn't you, they get super angry and are offended you'd even try to 'lie your way out of it', making you more frustrated and upset. --- TL/DR Do you ever get blamed for things all the time? How do you deal with it, because my only escape is to hide outside and curse and kick the trees until they've calmed down. ;-; I need better ideas, because I always lose my cool when this happens and get upset. Or ''overly emotional'', society says. Also, it really wasn't me, honest. I can't eat an entire bowl of pudding, I'd get sick. TT__TT God damn it all. I mean, SERIOUSLY?? Their thought process is: Ollie liking pudding + Giant bowl of pudding missing = Ollie ate it all!!!! CURSES!!!
The best thing to do is to explain calmly, If It’s not possible, just say you didn’t do It and ignore them. Arguing isn’t worth your time, especially If you know you’re going to get blamed no matter what you say. I often get blamed for things I didn’t do too. I'm just the less favoured child, even though I'm calm and don’t cause troubles, unlike my sibling. That’s just how life is, some parents aren’t fit to be parents. Happy New Year everyone
I know the feeling very well. You get blamed for things out of your control. You get blamed whether you were there regardless. I've very well stopped trying to reason with them and just go on with my day, usually with my hobbies. I'd suggest you find your personal space where you can feel safe, enjoy the silence and just get away from all the bs that usually gets thrown at you. If these are emotional vampires that feed off drama one technique used effectively is called 'Grey rock' which is to only engage when absolutely necessary and to be as boring and give off the answer with the least engagement with them as much as possible. Hope this helped op. Happy New Year.
No, but i do get blamed for things i did do. Im the middle child. But when there are 8 siblings in the family and we don't lie amongst eachother things don't get blamed like that. In my family unfortunately everything is a group punishment so whenever one person gets in trouble we all get in trouble...
I don't understand parents who do that; why punish everyone, who didn't do anything wrong, instead of correcting the bad behavior of the person who is in the wrong. This is a bad teaching, and some people grow up thinking they can get away with being cruel.
I'm the second oldest, but I get blamed for everything my brothers do. If they get bad grades, it's my fault. If they don't clean, it's my fault. If they don't listen to my mom, it's my fault. If there's no food on the table, it's my fault. If the dogs made a mess, it's my fault. Me and my older sister practically raised my brothers and blame anything they do on us. I'm the most responsible(?) one to them and they believe I should be able to control them when they're not my kids nor are they my responsibility. My mom insults us for the littlest thing, and the boys don't listen to her. We've been telling her that she didn't do her role as a parent and that's why they don't listen to her. Ever since I've been away to college I don't get blamed much, but whenever I come back home it's a reminder of how that shi mentally fucks me. My sister distanced herself and since she's not on good terms with my mom, my mom doesn't say much to her. The punishment aren't bad? It's just horrible insults, but I'm used to them (doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me though). When I tell other people how I grew up and what my punishments were they always give me a wtf face. Ngl I thought it was normal since this is how most hispanic families are. I just silently do what I'm told, but this is what made me submissive and not want to argue. Arguing to me creates more problems that I don't want to deal with. Unfortunately, i'm very emotional now and cry whenever someone yells at me.
If you're being accused of something you didn't do, you have to show your anger. I'd rather yell at someone than have someone yell at me. and if it still shows up as my fault i will do it and show the difference.
Whenever I get blamed for something I didn't do, I just go and do whatever they're blaming me for (within reason). If I must get punished, then I might as well commit the offence in the first place. E.g. Some kid in school claimed that I shoved him down a hill and the teacher didn't believe me. So I just dragged him to the hill and shoved him down in front of the teacher. It's very important to help keep liars honest.
The sad part is that your mom doesn't think she's wrong because that's probably how she was raised. She might have went through the same childhood as you and thought that's how things should be. Have you discussed this with her siblings? Sometimes, people just don't know any better because no one taught them. Sadly, there's probably not much you can do except making sure you don't make the same mistakes as her.
Yupp, that sounds like you collected some bad karma in your previous life. Try to take your doggo out more often to fix it. Just pretend you are diabetic and don’t eat pudding anymore. Then they wont ever blame you for that again. Quick fix. Take the dog out more often, it’s not too hard if you are young and have the time anyways, it might not be your responsibility but if you are the only one with a brain then do it. About the cat? F*** cats i hate em just get rid of it. Breaking a controller? We all know u did it. Just admit it! Also, don’t argue, what’s the point when you are losing anyways. It’s just a phase anyways, eventually u grow out of it. Note that this is not legal advice and l can’t be held accountable if you get beaten up by your parents for following said advice.
My mom said she was raised similarly (in Mexico), though they punished individually not by group and she had/has a much better connection with her mother, just that her mom was always busy trying to earn money for food and/or pregnant so each kid got a role. My mom was supposed to manage all the younger ones and make sure they did their role. I didn't but my younger brother did. It was pretty excessive. I remember being small and embarrassed to admit I'd messed something up. Right away the blame would fall on him without evidence and I would have to rush to confess before my parents and him started fighting because he would argue back, and at that point the punishment would be for being disrespectful. As a semi-bystander, I can say that arguing back doesn't help. Later on, when he was older, my brother would just calmly state his response without trying to prove them wrong or argue and I think it met with more success. (Ex: "I did not do it." "You can think/say whatever you want but I did not do it." "Ok."). It does tends to irritate people though (me included). But it takes 2 to argue and when you don't engage it kinda blocks the other person. They'll still blame you probably but it won't be as much of a dramatic event and will be less draining/frustrating for you.
my mom lived her childhood trying to get grandma's attention. she also lived with the insults, punishments, and stuff. it was normal for us because that's how we all grew up and then we got older and interacted with more people and realized we grew up fucked up. every time I visit Honduras or visit a Honduran household kids are always being yelled at, insulted, or publicly humiliated whenever they get in trouble. her siblings are more laid back, my cousins are always surprised to see how my mom treats us and grew up afraid of her. thing is, my dad, my aunts and uncles, and family who grew up like that were traumatized from it and decided they were against it. my dad hates it whenever she insults us and they've fought multiple times about it. my aunt tried telling her it's traumatizing to raise a kid with insults and my mom got mad. really, there's a lot of things wrong with my mom i got a whole ass list on the fucked up shi she made us go through. me and my siblings just handle it because at this point there's nothing we can do.