Resolved how do you make ammends? im so confused

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Kauvnsanhr, Jun 9, 2022.

  1. Kauvnsanhr

    Kauvnsanhr Active Member

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    You see I have this very specific friend, I lost contact with them but started chatting with them again about two months≈ ago? and since that time I've been consistently hanging out and chatting with them. and during that time we've become even closer though we were already quite close before, but then I accidentally asked them something that made them mad in some way and I don't know how to make amends.

    Okay, let me explain, you see this friend of mine has always been popular ever. They're smart, good-looking, caring, and attentive, but a little antisocial and only belongs to a small specific group of friends. they're not in any way mean they're kind! very much so! just a tiny bit reserved. Do you know that feeling when you see someone so good you get a little intimidated to approach them? That's the kind of aura they give off! untouchable like some kind of heavenly being! so sometimes we joke around about them being some kind of main love interest and that they should find a female lead to go out with already, now there's really nothing unusual about me joking around about how good they are since I have always done that even when we were younger (we knew each other since elementary school days so we basically grew up with each other). but this time around when I asked them and showed them some pictures of people I think they would like and told them that if they liked any ill set up a date for the two of them but instead of thanking me or being happy they just looked at me with this like glare-like stare before saying something along the lines of "I already have someone I like." and then looked away.

    the days after that we're like quite odd, my friend isn't one to initiate anything but this time they seemed more reserved. like more than usual. so I thought it was weird, I kept asking them if anything was wrong? what happened? but every time they just replied with; everything's fine, nothing happened, don't worry. but every time they say that I just get more and more convinced that I did make them mad. I'm not bad at communicating I just haven't encountered this kind of problem before, I mean I know that I may or may not have made them mad but why? I'm so confused, please help.

    Edit/update:

    Sorry for the bad grammar for this time but, I've finally talked to my "friend" now and have "made-up" with them . I- I really am just I quite literally this is maybe driving me a little crazy? Just a few hours we talked it out
    I took initiative and asked them "are mad at me? I'm sorry if I crossed your boundaries and made unnecessary comments and made you uncomfortable. I've wholeheartedly reflected on my actions and will never do such a thing as trying to set you up again. Ill also remind everyone not to do that anymore. I didn't know you would be uncomfortable in sorry I will never do it again." and told ten that it's fine if they didn't forgive me because I kinda deserve it, and I expected a " I forgive you" or a "I don't forgive you." But instead I got a very very mad friend yelling at me and asking me if I was done playing with them now. Apparently? They liked me and they have sending hints all this time. Ah fuck. Thinking of it still makes me shudder. Apparently they thought I knew of their feelings and that the reason I was setting them up was because I wanted to show them that I didn't like them so front up and so on and so on. Man. I just- wow. To the two people that said that they might just like me that I laughed at,. I'm sorry. Ah fuck I really can't t do this right now. Maybe my life really is a romance novel sigh... Well in the very least we "made-up" right? it's just that ill have to rethink my while relationship with them and give them a proper answer now. Bye. I think I'll take a break from society for a while and work on my own feelings now. Ill need a long time to calm down and fully process this because honestly WHAT THE FUCK. oh well. You have your update now bye.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2022
  2. Galooza

    Galooza The One True Walapalooza

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    As a reserved guy, I can tell you any reserved people have this expectation that anyone should be able to take a hint when they're saying too much. It looks like the joking, idk if by we it was actually both of you or not or they casually took it awkwardly without saying anything, but either way it looks like it finally struck that nerve. And now, the pestering stage is the worst thing to do. Gotta let the steam off for a bit.
     
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  3. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Bruh

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    They might have been uncomfortable with it or you might have struck a nerve/talk about it even after him giving a hint. It’s a nice thing to send them messages to check in on them or let them know that you’re worried or something, but messaging them a lot especially when they are annoyed or not in the right mood, it’s not the best idea. Best to lay off on the messages for a bit and let him cool down.
     
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  4. Deleted member 456425

    Deleted member 456425 Guest

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    I would wait a bit then directly apologize. Not because I'm in the wrong, but something I did didn't sit right with my friend. Then, you try to explain your side too, like you're doing here and/or ask them what made them upset. Work from there.
     
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  5. Resplendor

    Resplendor High Lord of Souls

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    If this was a romance novel, I'd say they probably like you.
    But since it's not, the best way you can make amends is to explain that you're sorry for making things awkward and then drop it. Either they'll come back to you with their own feelings once they've sorted them out or you can both forget about it and move on.
    Also, maybe stop putting them on a pedestal? They maybe a cool and good person, but it's hard to be a real friend to someone who hero worships you. It's like they could never show you their bad side or show any of their darker emotions without you possibly shying away. Nobody needs that sort of anxiety.
     
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  6. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    You can start by taking them off the pedestal your justifications suggest you've put them on. Next, you might just've carried a joke too far or hit upon some trigger and set them off. From your recounting of events (limited, but all we have to work with), I personally feel there was nothing in there more than just some fooling around with an intimate friend, some pulling of legs, but it might've somehow come off wrong. Just apologize, but don't grovel, and leave it up to them; you'd have done your bit.
     
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  7. rhianirory

    rhianirory Well-Known Member

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    one of my friends recently got married and they suddenly became obsessed with setting up all of their single friends. as someone on the receiving end of all those "I'll set you up" comments I can tell you it gets old. fast.
    worse, it always makes me feel like they think I'm too incompetent to find a date on my own and it pisses me off.
    I'm guessing your friend is the same.
    apologize and stop offering to set them up.
     
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  8. Ricelord

    Ricelord Well-Known Member

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    Offer a meal. Just say it's been a while and you would like to have dinner with them. Work from there.
     
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  9. Bomberman

    Bomberman Member

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    From what little information I have I can see 2 plausible reasons:
    1) they think you're being condescending or
    2) they like you
    I'm guilty of being oblivious to the latter back in my teens so that's the first thing that came to mind. As to how to make amends, regardless of what the reason might have been: communication. Don't expect them to open up to you, just blurt out whatever it is you're feeling while making it clear how important they are to you. Miscommunication and wrong assumptions are usually at the root of this kind of problem and leaving them to fester doesn't do anyone any good. Best of luck to you (y)
     
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  10. Kaminomikan

    Kaminomikan 神のみ感

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    Because it seems you don't understand what you did wrong, I will try to explain it to you.

    You fucked up.

    Why the fuck you believe that what you think they would like would be what they like? Those are your tastes, period!
    And you go and show pictures and try to be set them up? can't you not put your nose in other ppl affairs? WTF ppl think they have any right to try to suggest about who, how or when someone needs to start a relationship or be involved with anyone?

    and this part...
    why? WHY? do you think that ppl should be grateful, thank you and be happy about you putting your nose in the personal affairs of others? and you write it as if it should be natural to them to feel grateful to you?

    hope that explain to you, why you fucked up.


    tl;dr: you tried to become involved in something that does not concern you, and that you think it does, so other guy is putting distance so you understand it doesn't.

    Solution: say sorry and wait till the waters become calm again, and don't fuck it up again.

    ps: now when things calm down and the apology gets accepted, don't fuck up asking who they like and offer to set a date with whoever it is.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2022
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  11. Kauvnsanhr

    Kauvnsanhr Active Member

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    Uh I do agree that they should be grateful to me thing that I wrote was too presumptuous, i shouldn't have worded it like that but I get your point ill ask for their boundaries when things calm down a little thanks.

    hm. I think it's more likely to be the first option just the thought of them liking me is a bit too farfetched one can have dreams but that is more or less impossible... ill clear things up with them first and apologize for them for acting too much and deciding things for them. thanks.
     
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  12. ongoingwhy

    ongoingwhy Meat Pie Lover

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    Do a dogeza. :blobpeek:
     
  13. Kauvnsanhr

    Kauvnsanhr Active Member

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    hm. I think I've figured out my shortcomings now, I was a bit confused but I think you are right on me putting them on a pedestal. I thought before that since so many people act like that towards them that there wasn't anything wrong with it but I was wrong. and the romance novel part haha made me chuckle a little it'd be nice if it was like that lol but that's impossible. thanks.

    i will. truly.
     
  14. Mnotia

    Mnotia The Trash Man

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    My brother in christ youre just like me fr fr.

    But in all seriousness, youre friend was just riled up. Happens to the best of us but that doesnt mean you should dismiss it.

    Talk to em and tell em that your sorry for pushing the subject and that if they find it uncomfortable in the future you can try to avoid that subject.

    Relationships shouldn't end off of stuff like this. The conversation will make both of you grow as people.


    You may never know they may even like you.............I am joking please do not ask them if they like you.
     
  15. Kauvnsanhr

    Kauvnsanhr Active Member

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    Heh.
     
  16. Jevanka926

    Jevanka926 Grumpy and Awkward <3

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    Oh trust me, sometimes life can be pretty ridiculous. Here are some tropes I got to experience:

    1. FL likes someone from her friend group but she didn't know that another friend likes her. It turns out she's the only who didn't know
    2. Second/Third ML/ Childhood friend that regrets not confessing sooner after a misunderstanding happened