Asking for a feedback on a chapter I wrote ~ So earlier, I had no internet and I was really bored so I decided to write the idea I had in mind lately. It’s roughly written (i wrote the rough idea ig) and because internet came back, I couldn’t really continue writing (due to various reasons like etc. lmao) Anyways, here it is. Word count: 884 In Wu Jiu’s peaceful sleep, a sudden series of tinkle gradually roused her unconscious self. It was slow, and the tinkle reminded her of the sound that the bells she used to tie around her ankle when she was young, made. It gave her a sense of serenity and nostalgia. When Wu Jiu was completely awoken, she found herself standing on the edge of a cliff, feeling oddly light and faint. Her position provided a panoramic view of the mystical world’s scenery. The flowing rivers, the tall mountains that pierce through the clouds like a sword, the serene skies and the fogs that gave a layer of mystery and ethereal beauty...it reminded her of the picturesque views she admired on her journey to immortality. It also reminded her that her adventure to ascension had ended. It should have. She died after all. Before she could continue her train of thoughts, a transparent rectangular box materialized with a tinkle before her. And a string of words appeared inside. [The <System> has saved your soul from getting destroyed, giving you a chance at life. As well as a chance to continue your path to immortality.] The question in Wu Jiu’s heart was then answered. So, it was this <System> who saved her? Since it had saved her, Wu Jiu was naturally thankful. Because of it, she had the chance to continue pursuing immortality. After all, ascending and living a fulfilling life was her ultimate goal. ··· Wu Jiu was unsure what <System> was and could only guess that it was a treasure from the Higher Realm, the place she wanted to reach. As she thought so, a new string of words replaced the previous. [The <System> can help you ascend to the higher realm. However, you can only receive this ‘help’ as rewards from completing tasks.] [Your main task is to help <Saga of the Fallen> rise from obscurity.] [<Accept> or <Refuse>] Naturally, since the <System> had saved her life, she must repay this debt. And anyway, this could also help her continue cultivating so she had no issues. But, wanting to confirm something, she asked; “What will happen if I refuse?” [The <System> can only let your soul disintegrate into nothingness.] Wu Jiu felt a chill in her heart. Although she already guessed it, she still felt a chill after confirming it. If she was unwilling to help the <System>, it would also naturally be unwilling to help her. Wu Jiu was unclear about what <Saga of the Fallen> was and could only guess that it was a work. If so, what did it mean by helping it rise from obscurity? Did it simply mean to make <Saga of the Fallen> well-known? But she knew that the task would not be so simple. She wanted to ask some questions but since she had no other choice but to accept anyway, she decided to ask later when she finds a more comfortable place unlike the edge of a cliff. She was not in a hurry. Thinking like so, Wu Jiu bobbed her head: “I see. Then, I accept.” The word <Accept> lit up with a tinkle and the transparent box faded away. Then, she heard a mechanical voice inside her head. 【Installing <System>... Successfully installed <System>!】 Afterwards, a space tear appeared before her. 【This will lead you to a space where people like you gather.】the voice sounded again. Wu Jiu nodded her head, lifted a foot and stepped into the tear. The space tear led her to a simple room with unfamiliar furnishings. It only had a bed and a table with a chair. Wu Jiu didn’t need much as a cultivator and so naturally didn’t care much. 【This is your personal room.】the voice said simply. Wu Jiu nodded her head again. She then sat on the bed and asked the question she had in mind earlier: “So, what is <Saga of the Fallen>?” 【For that matter, the <System> will be transferring information you need to know to complete tasks. My role will then end there after.】 【Good luck!】 After the voice finished talking, she felt a wave of information inside her head. Wu Jiu was familiar with this feeling and digested the information calmly. ··· Since the rise of virtual reality games, virtual reality MMORPGs or massively multiplayer online roleplaying games, in particular, were increasingly becoming popular, overtaking other game genres. In such games, players could experience a world different from reality, become someone or something they couldn’t in real life, fight battles fearlessly and go into adventures. Not only that, players can even earn real money in some of such games. No wonder it’s so popular. While the popularity of other games like MOBAs or multiplayer online battle arena games have declined. The virtual reality MOBAs games in the market were low in quality, with most of them barely reaching 40% realism so very few players were interested in playing them. And due to losses, these games had to shut down one by one. And <Saga of the Fallen>, was a virtual reality multiplayer online battle arena in the making.
You need an editor. I don't just mean for helping you find grammatical errors. Find someone who can ask you questions like, "Why does the system talk about itself in the 3rd person?" Also, your word count. 900 words is like 3 pages printed. A really short chapter. Ideally, you should aim for 1500-3000. For web novels, I like to write mine 1500 not too short and not too long. Enough for someone to read over a 15-minute break.
Yess, I have been thinking of getting one for that purpose. And yes, I was just overcome with lazinessI usually write around 1000+ words tho.