And if maybe you moved forward already, how did you do it? What made you? How are you now? I was listening to a song on repeat and thought of the word "sonder". It is the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own. I got thinking about other people, what are they thinking, what are they feeling. What are things they never told anyone simply because no one asked? How much of their thoughts and experiences mirrors my own? What amusing and shallow random thoughts they kept to themselves? I guess, I'm on my usual random musing.. hehe Good day, everyone.
am I currently the lowest I've been? no, but it's close. Not a 1, but that's because it's out of 5 and I think 1 should be reserved for when you're actually on the verge. I'd say I'm averaging 3 out of 10 on any given day, so I've been lower, but not by a hell of a lot. It's just how it is right now. good day
I was a shut in for quite a while in my late teen to early 20s after getting out of high school. I struggled to get my first gf in my early teens that didn't go well and that slope was the same for the coming 3 other GF I did get the last being in high school that lasted till few months after high school where she broke up with me so she could date a guy that was going to her college, but that wasn't what triggered me into being a shut in it was just one piece of many things I had already been struggling with. 1- Depression before breaking up this was already a thing the void in my chest has existed ever since I became a teen it just grew worse over time women was the first thing I turned to in order to try and fill this empty void that just grew worse. 2- undiagnosed autism I wasn't diagnosed till I was 22 there were many struggles while learning I just thought I had trouble learning things, but it's the method that ppl used that led to me having trouble learning things, but once I focused and found the method that worked for me I'd learn it faster than most my peers. 3-no ambition or goals. aimless and the above just left me feeling like a sail boat with no sail I had also put so much effort into getting high grades and raising GPA and doing extra activities to boost my college application apart from the pressure of having broke parents no money to actually go to college and find a job once I graduated I felt exhausted and burnt out there are more things, but most of the time I felt more alone when I was with friends than when I was by myself so at one point I pushed everyone away to the point that I erased everyone from my contacts and if they showed up to my door I just told them my phone broke and that I didn't have a phone little by little friends became strangers. As you can tell from above eventually went to therapy 2 times a week at the start and once a week after improving and slowly with low dose pills chemical imbalance in my brain was fixed. I finished college, but my diploma for computer science is just for decoration I couldn't get hired anywhere unless I left the city I am in so at the age 24-25 I worked at a bar that was fairly quiet and I would spend my work hours serving drinks and reading on my tablet. until I got a job translating Spanish to English this company also paid for me to get my business degree as having someone who can speak many languages in their roster helped them with meetings/documents and many other areas. In short life has a lot of dark tunnels and good times are short, but I still walk forward and gained a lot of wisdom from all my mistakes and successes. I never once contemplated killing myself I always thought that only the weak would do such things like running away from life. being a shut in did pause my life, but I don't regret taking that break. All the bad relationships taught me how to have good ones too. I don't have kids im still on the fence on that one so is my wife. we still have plenty of time to consider it, but I just don't see myself wanting to raise a kid. part of me is still very selfish don't want to share or divide my time for anyone else even tho I already am doing that with my wife I just don't want divide it further. If there is anything to take from this long rant is that it's ok to make mistakes and fall down in life and getting up and walking forward will only get smoother with time as you experience everything that happen or the decisions you make. We are all having the human experience. <--currently listening to <--- my favorite
I had a rough two years lol. To keep it short, I hated everything about myself and I basically cried myself to sleep every night. I hated my life, i hated my mind, I hated my possible future. It took 2 years until 2022 when things started getting better. I was healing. Healing was hard, honestly. Every couple weeks, I'd break down again. One week, happy. Another week, shitty and crying. Actually, I hadn't had a breakdown in a while. It happened again last night, but I'm feeling better. I know that it lasts for a bit. I'm still healing, but, I'll get there. I know I can.
The lowest i’ve been..you mean shortest ?…probably when I was still an embryo the same size as a coin on my ..mothers womb…..I’m probably much taller than that now…
the last two days have been quite hard at work, so I'm a little stressed, but it's definitely not the lowest I've been. i remember the exact date of my lowest time ever, and it's the 25th of November 2020 when i spent the night at a police station due to some shit that happened, the next month after that was pretty rough, and I'd say it was the worst month of my entire life. i never really told anyone outside of it about what happened exactly and probably won't ever but it was pretty traumatic and sometimes i get flashbacks of it.
The lowest was my childhood (3 grade to 12 grade) I used to have painful flashbacks to those times. I started writing and worldbuilding for a novel and the flashbacks don’t come anymore. I guess it’s a reason to continue writing even thought I don’t think my stuff is any good. Maybe I’ll just keep it to myself. I am almost complete the entire magic system, well for the over world. The underworld is about contracts which I haven’t done at all.
A year ago I was as a low as I have ever been. It probably somewhere around -10/10. But my situation has improved and it's -3/10 rn.
My lowest point was middle school. My parents got a divorce and my mom left, so I had to take over a lot of the things she did at home. I had a very hard time since I was very close to her, and my younger siblings would say I acted like her at times. It’s hard being compared to a person who caused a lot of pain to my family, so I just stopped doing anything and just read books all the time to escape. I didn’t want to die, but I also didn't want to live. I just wanted to stop existing. The only reason I got through those years was my dad and being a part of my high school marching band. They helped me to stop ignoring my pain and eventually get through it all. I’m now doing great, and I can say I am the happiest I have been since I was a young child. There have been lasting consequences from my mother’s actions (being afraid of becoming my mother), but there will always be scars after painful experiences. Just gotta do the best I can with what I have