that if someone likes you or cares for you deeply, they'd reach out more frequently sometimes, it feels like you're waiting for someone to message, but they never did or it feels like never enough, feels late, feels like an afterthought. so then you'd messages first. then you talk. and everything normal again. but then in time it's always you who starts, or it's always you that's free. or it's always you that replies when you can. there's only so much instances that you'll start the convo, right? but the rough part for me is that sometimes, when it feels like I'm not getting as much as i give, i lose interest. like why should i try anymore, I'm tired. i want to feel important too. i want to know things remind you of me. I'm feeling sulky now and don't want to reply fast anymore maybe it's the clingy part of me hahaha
I think I'm the opposite. I'm not a conversation starter type of person, so I usually didn't message someone except if it was for business.
perfectly explains how i always feel. I always give out more to people i care about or is interested in, i always start the convo, try my best to respond well and everything but whenever i feel like my efforts are not appreciated or seen enough, i always thought of a quote i once read before (not word for word cuz i forgot lol) "don't bother the people who's clearly ok without your presence" so after a little bit of self doubt, i just stop caring and doesn't talk to them unless they start the convo themselves
Has happened to me so many times that now a days I don't show interest in anything with as much enthusiasm as before...
I always feel like that. I always get scared that if I keep talking to them, they'll get sick of me. I just want to feel important sometimes. I always have, actually. I always feel like a second choice. Usually, I'm not even a choice. I feel like I'll never get the chance to be that important to anyone. hahahaha
Im probably the opposite. Wait first for talk. Rarely initiates convo, like maybe 1 out of 10 times you would. Most introverts have this tendency. Also if you initiate talks too often, introverts like me would get annoyed. Specially busy introverts... since you would initiate often, they will just not initiate if you dont give them breathing space. Sometimes intoverts or people just hates small talk. Hates texting. Or just simply do not know how to start a conversation. After growing up friendships and other relationships just disappear through time. Ppl keep meeting new friends and just letting go of past ones.
I appreciate it when someone reaches out to me and wants to talk, but I never do it myself. A small voice in my head keeps saying, "You will only be a hindrance," "They are busy; they will be annoyed if I bother them" "If they want to talk to me, they will reach out first." I know it's not true, but logic will never win the battle with my bugs in my head. Plus, I have a very low need for human interaction, therefore, what for you feels like "We haven't talked in ages" for me is "we talked recently."
I think you're not wrong for feeling frustrated. It could be a sign, or it's just a mismatch of nature like the others have mentioned. The latter was the case with my best friend and me. She can chat non-stop for hours every single day. I, on the hand, can handle not talking/messaging people for months or years (I'm not joking, I'm practically the happiest person during the whole COVID-19 lockdown). So, it should be obvious that it's just not my nature to contact ANYONE often. So, this best friend of mine, back then, always called me first. I have practically never called her first unless it's necessary. It's not that I don't care. I do think about her often. I just don't want to talk with anyone. That's all. I don't mind taking her call though as long as she doesn't call me too often. One day, she complained about her relationships with others. She didn't explicitly say it, and considering her nature, I know she wasn't secretly taking a jab at me but her complaint was similar to yours. That's when I kind of get it. Since then, I try to reach out to her first every now and then instead of waiting for her to reach out to me. I'm still an introvert but she is my best friend and I do want her to be happy. If a call from me every now and then could make her happy, I don't mind doing it. Just don't expect me to be a chatter bug who would call/message her every week. So, my point is, perhaps you can try to tell that other person your real feeling?
I don't like to reach out to people (like anyone) because of my introverted nature. Also because everytime I reach out it feels like I'm inconveniencing them even if they're my family or even the closest of friends, it's not really me not caring about them it's kinda the opposite. I know it comes off as cold or as arrogant sometimes and many people tell me "Why don't you reach out more often?" Or something along those lines. The point is sometimes people who deeply care about you are just a little scared to reach out or maybe they are a little short on time but it really depends on people, some are just naturally more outgoing than others. People show their love and care differently some like to talk about it, some show it yet don't talk about it, some don't really know how to even show it yet they care about you deeply. So don't feel bad if they don't reach out, people are just like that weird, fked up and a little bit stale.
I’ve lost friends, even best friends, because I was tired of being the only one to reach out and decided to wait for them to reach out instead. *sigh*
Is it wrong to think that if someone likes you or cares for you deeply, they'd reach out more frequently @Bad Storm No, it's not wrong to think that way. Sometimes, people do not share a similar response in certain situations. That doesn't mean, however, that you should just be fine with it or just let yourself lose interest completely. Both are also wrong. So, let them know what you're feeling and be ready with their answer. Depending on what they say or do after that, you can decide how you'll proceed.
I'm terrible at texting and messaging people and all my friends know this, so this doesn't really apply to me. But I've heard horror stories from both sides of this equation. Like, person A was confused why their friend, person B, suddenly started ghosting them and their friendship ended. Looking at their chat history, it turned out person B started the conversation 99% of the time and just stopped one day, and, since person A also didn't start any conversations even when person B stopped, the friendship just died. I've also seen it from person B's perspective. Like, person B was tired of always starting the conversation, so they decided to stop and wait for person A to make the first move, instead. They never did, so the friendship died.
It can be quite taxing to be waiting for someone, yet the person never starts anything. On the other hand, sometimes it's just hard to find topics to talk about. Hard to keep contact. On my end, the only people I've actively started conversations with were my ex-boyfriends, back when we were dating... Other than that, I have never really started conversations with people much. I do love talking to others. I don't mind talking for hours and hours on end, but... I usually don't know how to start a conversation, so I usually don't. I generally talk more in groups (like here, in forums, or in discord servers or things like it), since talk just kinda flows naturally on those. So uhn... I can relate to how you feel, but I also relate to the other side, I suppose.
It's rare to find an equal relationship. Usually, you'll find someone who gives more than the other and that's fine. If you feel there's something wrong and that the other person doesn't give you attention or time, then you have two options, in this common case - first, accept it and move on, find someone else who will appreciate you. Second, if you're emmotionally attached to that person, try to win their admeration. It's as simple and as complicated as that. Tbh, the second option can be time consuming and emotionally grinding with a low success rate. Option 1 is the one that I would personally.