Rate my new Synopsis!

Discussion in 'Author Discussions' started by Osamaru, Mar 10, 2023.

  1. Osamaru

    Osamaru 『Shem's Best Pal ✧ Lexi's Ani ✧ Hamster's Keeper』

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    3,403
    Likes Received:
    34,127
    Reading List:
    Link
    I'm working on a Rewrite for one of my more popular novels, and wanted to get your all's opioin on the Synopsis before I release it at the end of the Month.

    Tell me what you Think!


    Alpha Strike: An interstellar Weapon Platform's Guide to Cultivation

    Depending on who you ask, ALPHA-555-12-4412 is a unstable, unpredictable, and possibly insane Sapient AI of dubious morals with a love for everything that goes “Boom!”.

    All qualities that make him perfect as the “Spearhead” for the Third Galactic Federation of Sapients’ “Galactic Unification Project”, the point of first contact (and if necessary, suppression) of newly discovered worlds. More than a few new worlds have all but begged the Federation to step in and put the collar back on, even if that means being bootstrapped into an interstellar community they have little to no context or standard for.

    But when Alpha finds himself trapped in a world filled with reality-warping magics and thousand year old Cultivators, He quickly learns he might be out of his depths for once.
    And like any good fish out of water, he adapts the best he knows how; by giving the fish sick robot legs and equipping it with a battleship-rated intercontinental Railgun.

    Soon all the Worlds of the Grand Firmament will learn; He’s not trapped inside with them, they’re trapped inside with Him.

    ========

    Reader’s Warning! - Side-effects of this story may include, but are not limited to, [Insomnia], [PTSD], [Anasaphilia], [Cachinnation induced asphyxiation], [Paranoia that you’re being constantly watched by a Omnipresent interstellar intelligence of dubious origins] (you are), and [Totally rational, AI-centric, Technophobia].

    By reading the first word of this Synopsis, you have given your legally binding agreement to absolve the Third Galactic Federation of Sapients and all associated parties from any and all damages caused as a result of this story, in the past, present, future and outside of time or causal reality.

    [Non-Causal Reality damages are open for discussion.

    For details, see section - ̴̠̑̀͋̕.̵̲͚͉͓̐̔͐γ̴͙̙͓̺̿͌̚b̷͎̌̏̆̕ǫ̴̛̬̞͍͚̑̍d̵̮̭̭́̈́̋ ̵̘̣̗͙͝ɿ̸̡̦͚̜͊̈́̋̕ὐ̷̛͎̺̰̯̟̈́ö̵̤͚́͑̽γ̵̧̝͐̈ ̸͙͍͚͛͌͝b̴̮̽n̷̨̏̄̂͘͝i̵͍̙͒̓ʇ̴̠̅̚ ̵̛̗̩̝̘̅̇̏͝ͅɿ̸̥̼̞̈́͊̇͒͠ɘ̷̧̨͂̆̉v̶̖̭̈ɘ̸͖̾͂ń̷̥̟͝ ̵͇̱̊́͠l̴͖̾̈͑͒̒l̴̲̦̮̂̈́͗̎͝ͅ'̴̛̱̍͑͘γ̴̥̝̼̞̈́͐̆͠ɘ̶̥̈̑̆̕ʜ̷̰̒̐͝T̵̼̐ ̵̹͐.̶̹͓̆̎ϱ̷̧̤̀̚n̵͔̼͋į̴̟̥͍͂͜b̸̛̩̲̥̭̪̍͌b̴̥͙̈̎̐́̚i̵̛̲͎͔͋͊ʞ̵̛̩̞̜̥̀́͘͜ ̷̛͉̓Ɉ̵̰̞̉̀̂ƨ̶̧̰͖̈υ̸̧͕͚͝Ⴑ̸̭̄̂ ]

    ===

    We’ve all read stories where “generic protag A” is transported to another world, filled with magic and chaos, power and danger, and legends that shake the heavens!

    So what happens when that person is instead, a (slightly) insane, meme-filled AI, with all the tech of a Galaxy-spanning Federation bent on conquering every World in its path?

    I have no Idea either! And I wrote it!

    Let's find out together!

    (WARNING! - The Author is not responsible for any actions, words, or impressionable youths corrupted by, the MC.)
     
  2. Arbelbyss

    Arbelbyss 『Abyss Scion』『Epiphron』『Tempestarius』

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Messages:
    2,126
    Likes Received:
    10,398
    Reading List:
    Link
    Oh, you're going to re-continue this... somehow I feel and think like this is your third rewrite.
     
  3. Osamaru

    Osamaru 『Shem's Best Pal ✧ Lexi's Ani ✧ Hamster's Keeper』

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    3,403
    Likes Received:
    34,127
    Reading List:
    Link
    ?? No, I've never rewrote this one before.
     
    kuro106 likes this.
  4. Xian Piete

    Xian Piete Author of many mediocre stories

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2017
    Messages:
    334
    Likes Received:
    300
    Reading List:
    Link
    I would say that the many grammatical errors need to be fixed. The synopsis content looks okay, aside from the atrocious grammar.
     
    itsmeharu likes this.
  5. mir

    mir Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2016
    Messages:
    4,073
    Likes Received:
    5,699
    Reading List:
    Link
    :sushi_peak: Works. Got me to start reading it.
    :sushi_hide:
     
    Nom de Plume and Osamaru like this.
  6. Nom de Plume

    Nom de Plume [Shio’s Disciple] [True Villain] [Equip: Gunblade] Novel Updates Staff

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    2,688
    Likes Received:
    13,011
    Reading List:
    Link
    Hmmmm maybe an 8/10? It’s not bad. The reduction in stars is from the synopsis being so packed with hooks that I’m a little overloaded. My personal preference is a plainer synopsis that hits the main point, but that is just my own perspective. It’s already an improvement over your original synopsis and it’s impossible to write in a way that pleases every potential reader. I rated pretty high since it does capture the energy of the protagonist and the type of humor included within your tale. This means your synopsis should attract users that would be truly interested in your book! That’s very important.
     
    Osamaru likes this.
  7. Diametric

    Diametric Waifu Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    1,565
    Reading List:
    Link
    It's great! Where can I find this novel? Because this synopsis made me want to read it :blob_grin:

    But I don't like the part after the second set of equals signs. It feels less like part of the synopsis and more like an AN about the synopsis, which adds basically no new information about the story. And then you redid the same joke of a warning about how the story might affect the reader.
     
  8. UnknownSaint171

    UnknownSaint171 To Something Sounds Cooler

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2016
    Messages:
    1,792
    Likes Received:
    785
    Reading List:
    Link
    It's not bad! But it feels better as a starter chapter

    What errors? I don't see anything wrong with it