Novel ✪ Memory Corruption (R-18) (Book 1 and 2 Finished) (Book 3 on release now)

Welcome back @saye ! I missed you =) you and some others that I'm not seeing since I left =. Hope they'll be back =.

aaah, nice! That's the intention. They both love to read and they like different things, so I'm gonna hint some books that I love and hope that some people will give the books a chance since they are all excellent in my opinion.

Oh, please, do it! And if you think something is off, tell me, too, please I miss the comments a lot!

 

Chapter 23


They both avoided contact for two weeks. He would leave breakfast ready for her, she would eat it alone, then she would leave lunch and dinner ready for him and he would eat alone after she left for her studies in her room or for her daily walk with Noah. The only time they met was at night when they slept into each other's arms without saying a single word and often avoiding eye contact. In the first week, there were two occasions when she decided to sleep alone in her room, both motivated by the same thing: she had smelled alcohol in his breath. She didn't tell him why, just sniffed, checked his dilated pupils and walked away from him, without a word. Whether he had noticed the pattern or something else made him change his behavior, it didn't happen again during the next week, not a single time.

The worst part was that she missed his voice and his smile, badly. The only time he had spoken to her was when she commented about the temperature that was surprisingly cold inside the house when she came back from her walk, and he explained that he had fixed the air conditioner but didn't know yet how to regulate it properly. Noah helped her deal with the situation, filling the void left from her lack of conversation with Ryan. She felt bad about using the boy to soothe her loneliness but then again she had the impression that he was doing the same with her. She was studying a lot for the tests and soon enough he was asking for her help with his own disciplines.

-You're so smart, you're gonna be a hell of a lawyer! -He praised her after she helped him with an especially complicated assignment. She blushed and looked down, embarrassed with his flattering. -Can't wait to study with you, I hope we have a lot of classes together. How is it going, by the way? With the transfer?

-It's fine, I'm still gonna need to fax some documents. -She lied. -But I think I'm in.

-Nice! -He smiled broadly and threw his arms around her, then realized what he was doing and jumped back awkwardly. -I'm so sorry!

-It's ok. -She blushed and looked away at the curtains of Ryan's study.

-Can I hold you, then? -He said, unsure.

-No, please. -She pressed her lips. -Sorry.

He nodded and backed away, putting both hands in his pockets.

-I might be wrong, but… I think my father and Angel are gonna visit you again soon. -He sighed, eager to change the subject. -They are gonna try to set that dinner again. My brother is safe now, and I have no idea what your husband did, but Aaron decided I'm not worth the trouble. He literally said that to me. Anyway, I'm trying to delay it as much as I can. I told my father I need to sleep earlier the next two weeks because of the exams, but… I mean… I can't hold them back forever.

-It's alright, thank you for warning me. -She smiled.

Ryan broke the silence on the seventeenth day. She was cooking and he walked into the kitchen, poured a glass of water and leaned back on the counter, observing her from behind.

-You have a therapy session set for tomorrow. -He said, nonchalantly. -You need to be ready at five, so we can get there fifteen minutes early, ok?

She stared at him. It was strangely delightful to hear his voice. She had forgotten how sexy his Adam's apple movements made him look when he drank water.

-Ok. -She nodded after waking up from her daydream. He nodded too and put the glass in the sink. -I miss you.

Ryan paused and turned to look at her with a cautious expression. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, biting her lip. They just stared at each other for a moment, then he opened his arms to offer her a hug. She threw the spoon over the counter and ran to hold him, burying her face on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and sniffed it.

-I missed you too. -He whispered. -Are you ok?

She nodded. The smell of the food started to get strong and she had to let go of him to avoid burning it. When she looked back he had left the kitchen.

Ryan came back to have lunch with her and they shared their theories about the books, now that he was done reading the second one. Later he helped her fix dinner and even pranked her, by hiding things she had already put over the counter behind his back, and watching her go back and forth looking for it, then getting confused when she found it exactly where she had left it before. She spanked him with the spoon when she finally realized he was the one messing with her and he apologized when he noticed it had bothered her slightly, embracing her shoulders from behind and kissing her temple.

He drove her to her therapy the next afternoon, and put an arm around her waist as they headed to the reception, explaining that she shouldn't leave the building, unless it was on fire or collapsing. She knew by his scowl, when she giggled, that he meant it. He waved goodbye, saying he would come and escort her to the car when the session was done.

Therapy was… Brutal. It was nothing like Magda's sessions, but after less than fifteen minutes she was crying like a baby. Ryan had explained that her sessions were confidential, so no notes or recordings would be taken, although she was sure that the psychologist had to have some kind of file with a fake name stored on a drawer. She explained everything that had happened in the last month and she could tell by his face that he was overwhelmed by the storm of information she threw at him. After she calmed herself, he started to separate the subjects by order of priority, based on what she had signaled that had been hurting her the most. The top one was Ryan. More specifically her fear from and for him. This therapy was a lot more intense than Magda's sessions and when the psychologist announced that the session was over, she felt glad, but, at the same time, disappointed. The doctor took some minutes after the session to explain what they had done and what they would start to do in the sessions to come. They would expose her to fear with progressive intensity until she reached the point of having the seizure. When he explained that they may make use of hypnosis at some point of the therapy she literally got up to leave. He seemed very interested with her reaction and told her they would talk about it in the next session.

When she got out of the room, Ryan was waiting for her, standing beside the door, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, as if he was a security staff. Belle didn't remember how tall or strong he was. It was like seeing him for the first time. She paused in front of him and examined his body up and down, then his face. His eyebrows creased slightly but he just waited until she was done.

She feared him, more than ever before. After a lot of breathing in and out she approached him and the fear melted away, as his face softened in a kind smile and he opened his arms to offer her a hug. She hesitated but rushed to his arms and rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes as she heard his fast heartbeat. She felt him sniffing her hair and kissing the top of her head, not once but a lot of times.

-Are you ok? -He asked her with worry engraved in every syllable. -I was worried for a moment…

-Everything will be alright, Ryan… Thank you. -She sniffed and bit her lower lip. Her face was swollen from crying. I must be looking awful. -I love you so much.

He didn't push her away or stiffened his back, just pressed her tighter against his chest and she could swear she had heard a sigh of relief, but guessed it was probably just him accepting that she wouldn't stop saying those words he hated so much.

On their way back home they listened to her songs, since on the trip to the therapy he had forgotten to offer and they had sat in absolute silence, cut only by sporadic clicks of his tongue and him asking her trivial questions about temperature, comfort or how she was feeling. This time he smiled at her, before pulling her seatbelt to unroll it, since she had fastened it without paying much attention, then asked her how the session was. When she told him she didn't want to talk about it, he pointed out she was looking cute with the tip of her nose all red. She didn't believe he meant it, but he swore he did and they laughed about it for half of the trip back.

The days passed by and their interactions became weirder than ever. They had built a routine, so they felt comfortable enough around each other. Still, there was a sexual tension between the two that both of them feared but fed and nurtured. Whether subtle or blatant, they provoked each other randomly and pushed themselves away when things got too serious. Belle studied while he worked, but they both set their pauses so they could have lunch, a walk in the afternoon and dinner together. Everyday.

Noah was upset at first, but quickly told her it was alright, since he needed to study for his exams. Feeling guilty for discarding him now that Ryan was getting closer to her, Belle planned her schedule to meet him on the days she wouldn’t have therapy, at five, which soothed her, because she had managed to keep the same routine everyday. That way she had it all meticulously planned: breakfast, study, cook, lunch, walk, study, walk or therapy, cook, dinner, shower, sleep.

Everything in her life seemed to get smoother, as everything in her day had turned totally predictable. The only uncertainty now was her feelings for Ryan and his for her. They smiled, talked and laughed with and at each other, and Ryan would always hold her hand or keep an arm around her shoulders or waist during their walks. At night they would sleep together, and there were a few occasions, when they accidentally let their guards down, that they both felt a sudden urge to kiss and dry hump each other, but then one of them would decide to put a stop to it, before clothes were taken out. Belle often felt frustrated. Ryan often felt annoyed. They would then lie with their backs to each other afterwards, but always would wake up in a tangle of arms and legs.

This went on for two months. The deputies, Paul and Brandon visited them once each, but she never mentioned anything about wanting to move away from Ryan. She was a bit upset with him when she realized he wasn't following the doctor's instructions to tend to his bruises only so they would take longer to heal, and so he would get more prescriptions for painkillers, but when she came up with the subject, he pushed her away. Belle had decided to take the semester off. Noah was so disappointed that he didn’t show up for their meeting during spring break, telling her he would travel with friends that she was now convinced that he didn't really have. She didn't feel guilty and didn't reconsider it, though, because she had already lost too many classes, and would have to join in the middle of the term, calling even more attention to herself. Besides, the tests weren't so easy and even though Lucas had told her that she was allowed to fail, she didn't want to go through the experience of failing.

That morning, though, she woke up full of confidence and decided to try. She knocked on his study's door and straightened her back.

-Hey… -Ryan sighed as he opened the door. -Are you ok?

-Yes… And you? -She looked into his eyes. -You look a bit tired…

-I'll be fine. -He looked back at his desk. -It's too soon for lunch, so I guess you came here because you need something…

Belle frowned.

-Is it a bad time? -She tilted her head.

-There's never a bad time for you, Belle. Tell me what you need. -He chuckled. -What can I do for you?

-I wanted to talk with Lucas… -She smiled, blushing a bit.

-Hell, no! Sorry, Belle, I won't make the same mistake twice. -He shook his head. -I can pass on your message, though.

-Why? Are you hiding something else from me, Ryan? -Belle frowned and crossed her arms. -Are you gonna wait till I find it out, in the worst possible way, and then beg for my forgiveness later?

Ryan flinched. She had grown a lot more confident during those past two months. She couldn't tell if it was because of the therapy or because they were beginning to get on really good terms again, but she felt encouraged to confront him when he tried to control her. He too had changed. It was noticeable that he, more often than not, would step back and let her have her say before calling her attention about what might be wrong with her idea or attitude. He would still tease her about her age or act overprotective about some things, but she couldn't remember the last time he had raised his voice or really scolded her.

-Is it about the university? Are you planning on applying for summer term? That would mean your classes would start on May tenth. -He closed his eyes for a few seconds, probably to check the university’s calendar in his supermind. -Do you want to take the tests?

-Yes, I want to try. -She smiled.

-I'm pretty sure you're gonna make it. -He smiled back. -Give me some minutes, I'll call him.

-I was serious, Ryan. What are you hiding? -She crossed her arms. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. -Is it about Daniel? It's been a while since you arrested him, but you never told me when I'm gonna have to go and testify against him.

-You will wait here. -He said calmly, stepping back into the room to close the door.

-Do you really wanna do things this way again? -She murmured, almost inaudibly.

He sighed and reopened the door, pinching the bridge of his nose.

-Why the fuck can't you just understand that I care for you and that I'm not hiding things from you out of spite? -He let it out in a tired tone. -If I don't tell you something it's because it's gonna do more harm than good. Be patient. I'll eventually tell you, just not today. Ok?

That was unexpected. She thought about it, then nodded.

-May I talk with Lucas, then?

-No. Even though he's a smartass, when it comes to women, he's a pussy. He'll just tell you anything you ask him. -He shook his head. -Just wait here.

She leaned her back against the wall and crossed her arms. He chuckled before closing the door.

-Lucas said you can choose three of these days. -He handed her a paper filled up with dates and names that repeated in a pattern. -They will apply the tests all at once, one year per day, so it's gonna be tiresome, six hours straight. Don't try to push it farther than you can handle, take at least one day of rest between, ok? I'd take at least two, you have enough time.

Belle nodded, lifting her gaze from the paper to his perfect dark eyes. She could see worry trying to hide somewhere inside them. Maybe he thinks I'm not good enough and that I'll fail… Or maybe something happened with the case.

-Daniel is refusing to talk, isn't he? -She tilted her head, paying special attention to his reaction. He just rolled his eyes and looked away. -To be honest I was a bit sad when you told me they had arrested him, because I thought we would have to go back to New York and…

She just realized what she had said, when his eyebrows knitted together so tight that he looked like he could beat her.

-I didn't mean it. -She murmured.

-Yes, you did, and that's fucked up. -He shook his head. -Don't be stupid, don't choose this over your real life.

-Well, I'm sorry that you have things to miss, but I don't. -She shrugged. -Still, I really didn't mean it, I want Daniel to be stopped, even if it costs me this.

He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips.

-Fuck that, I don't give a fuck for your fantasies. -He muttered under his breath. -Is it ok if I drive you to the university or you think we should get another car? There's space in the garage.

-Noah could drive me, I would never make you drive six hours per day because of me. -She was surprised he even thought about that possibility.

-I asked you if you prefer to drive yourself to the university or if it's ok if I take you. -He glared at her. -I didn't give you the option of getting a ride with Mr. Goofy.

-He goes there everyday, it wouldn't cost him anything. -She tried to explain.

-Good for him, but you're not going with him. -Ryan walked back toward his study, still looking into her eyes. -I won't argue about this, you're not going anywhere with him.

-Why not? -She reached out and grabbed his shirt so he wouldn't be able to close the door in her face.

-Because I know it's a matter of time till he's killed by someone trying to get to his brother, it's stupid to be near a living target! -He almost screamed. -I don't even know why I'm explaining this, either you drive yourself, or I will!

-I don't have a driver's license. -She explained.

-I would obviously get you one. -He rolled his eyes. -All you'd have to do is prove you know how to drive. It's a quick test, and I doubt they are gonna reprove you if Brandon intervenes.

-I don't know how to drive. -She looked away. He stared at her.

-What do you mean? -He frowned. -You're nineteen. You should've learned a good while ago, what happened?

-I never had a car. -She wanted to walk away. -I never needed one, I always had a driver, and after I emancipated I would get a cab, or an Uber or a ride with a friend.

-Of course you didn't have a car, because you didn't have a driver's license… But you must have... I mean, at least once? -He wasn't sure anymore. -Well, I think it might be a men’s thing, then.

They stayed in silence. She let go of his shirt and huffed. He sighed and gave her a sympathetic smile.

-I could teach you. -He shrugged. -It's not difficult, especially if we get you one with automatic transmission, it's like playing video games… But with a one ton plus weighing weapon.

She grimaced and he laughed.

-Well, tell me if you decide you want to learn. -He tugged a strand of her hair to make her look up, wrapping it around his fingers then letting it slide free. -Meanwhile, yeah, I'll drive four hours everyday for your sake.

-Six. Noah said it's a one and a half hour drive. -She corrected him.

-Probably because he's pathetic even when it's about driving. I bet I can make it in forty minutes. Relax, I won't try to, not with you inside the car at least. -He shrugged, then laughed at her worried expression. -Anyway, choose the dates and let me know until the end of the week, ok?

She nodded, but didn't go away. He stared at her as she folded and unfolded the paper.

-Are you trying to make a bird? -He mocked her. She looked up, puzzled. -Thought you were trying to make an Origami there. What's bothering you, are you nervous?

-I was just thinking about last night… Why did we stop? -She sighed, remembering how passionate they both were the night before. They were so horny that at some point they ended up wearing only their underwear. -We could have done it… And don't tell me you were tired, because I know you stayed awake for at least two hours after.

Ryan's face stiffened. Belle just stared at him.

-So? Do you know why? -She insisted after a couple of minutes.

-No, I don't. -He looked above her head. -But we shouldn't do it anyway, so it's good that we are having enough self control to stop… We just have to work on avoiding starting.

She frowned.

-Ryan, you know I love you.

-Yes... -He looked at his feet and leaned on the doorframe.

She was surprised. He hadn't flinched, hadn't walked away, or clicked his tongue, or tried to deny it.

-So you know that I want you to… Want me too? -She tried again.

-You're known for making stupid decisions for your life. -He sighed, still not looking up. -I, on the other hand, am known for destroying my love interest’s lives, literally, on more than one occasion, by the way. So, yeah, let's keep it the way it is, and you go and find another guy to fall for. At least this will be something good about university, maybe you can meet someone decent there, just don't spread word that you're married and choose your victims wisely.

Belle flinched and backed away from him. He looked up and smiled empathetically.

-One day you're gonna feel ashamed for saying those kinds of things to me. -That was all she could say without crying. She turned her back to him and locked herself in her room, to concentrate in deciding the dates.

That day she had therapy and they changed the subject for the first time. Ryan wasn't a menace anymore, and her fear for him getting hurt had lowered to an acceptable level, that wouldn't disable her. She hadn't told the therapist about Ryan murdering children and faking people's suicides, but she felt like she could finally treat it as something they would have to work on just the two of them, if they were ever willing to try to build a future together. It still hurt to think about it, but at least she wasn't afraid of him.

The new subject was Daniel and she had finally revealed the hypnosis problem. The therapist immediately realized that should have been the first thing to work on, not Ryan, but didn't hesitate before making her imagine herself in the most horrible situations with Daniel. She had a seizure within forty minutes of the session. There was no doubt. Daniel was her breaking point, not Ryan.

-We're gonna have to work on it. -The therapist wiped her forehead with a wet towel. It smelled like alcohol. -I'm gonna call a colleague and we'll start regression next week if he's available. It's time to bring your memories back, Miss Herrera.

Belle shivered. She wanted to remember, because it would help Ryan. But at the same time, she was too afraid of what she might find out.

Ryan had to get into the room for the first time, because her legs were too weak for her to walk out on her own.

-Nice to meet you, Mr. Herrera. -The old man greeted him.

Desmond looked the man up and down. He was lean, bald and had a meticulously designed goatee. His glasses gave him an air of intellectualism, and his black turtleneck made Desmond frown. The room wasn't exactly warm, but nothing in this world would justify wearing a turtleneck in a room that was far away from being cold. He felt like he was the weird one, since Belle was wearing long sleeves too.

-Nice to meet you, Mr. Fontaine. Is she gonna be ok? Should I take her to the hospital or do something? -He looked into the man's eyes only for a brief moment, his attention focused on her trembling lips and hands.

-No, just make sure she drinks water and rests, she'll be fine in a couple of hours. -The older man smiled. -I beg your pardon for my intrusion, but.. Are you planning to seek treatment after Miss Herrera gets stabler?

Desmond's back stiffened and he lifted his head slowly.

-I'm fine. -He said, simply. -I don't need this.

-In case you change your mind, we have a family plan. It has a good discount, and you'll have three free sessions. -The man leaned on his desk and wrote something on a piece of paper, then handed it to Desmond. -We can start next week, if you feel comfortable with it, just set it with my secretary, please.

Desmond glanced briefly at the words written with a fancy calligraphy, then crushed it with one hand, crumpling it into a ball, and threw it inside a small bin behind the man.

-Thanks. -He muttered, before turning and taking Belle into his arms. -Should I bring her on Friday, even if she's not recovered?

-She will be, but yes. Consistency is part of the healing, you can't go back and forth with therapy and expect it to work the same way...

Desmond's eyes became darker and he frowned, turning toward him. Was it directed to him? Are you kidding me, old geezer? He looked at Belle, curled up in his arms, wondering if she had told anything about him leaving therapy. You're fucking lucky she needs my attention now, you dick!

-I hope I'll see you soon, Mister Herrera. -The man smiled as Ryan left the room, with Belle pressing her face against his neck.

She recovered faster than he had expected, although she was clearly embarrassed about having to be carried out of the clinic. When they got out of the car, she declined his help, but thanked him anyway.

They had pizza for dinner and ate in silence, but she decided to tell him that the session had been about Daniel, and that now he could rest assured that he had nothing to do with her previous seizures.

-No, you can't affirm that. -He sighed as he kneeled on the bed to approach her and lie down beside her. -It could've been only a coincidence. You should actually try to talk about me in the next session.

-I've been talking about you for the last two months and never had a… -She shut her mouth when he snapped his head around to stare at her with a frown. -It's not as bad as it sounds.

-How could it not be as bad as it sounds, Belle? -He shook his head. -Fuck, how did you even gather enough shit to talk about me for two months? What the fuck did I do to you?

-It's not… I didn't say bad things. Not all the time. -She looked down.

-I researched about this kind of therapy. You focus on getting over traumas or fear. -He sat up, creasing his forehead as if trying to understand something impossibly complicated. -Damn, what could justify two months of… You know what? Nevermind, I shouldn't even be talking about that with you.

-It's not bad, truly, he helped me to… -She tried to explain herself.

-I really don't wanna know, Belle. -He laid with his back to her.

-Are you mad? -She put a hand over his shoulder. For a moment she thought he would shove it away, but he just sighed.

-No, Belle. Please, just let me sleep. -His voice was overflowing with disappointment and tiredness.

-Are you annoyed, or upset? -She insisted.

-No, I'm happier than ever. Shut your mouth and eyes and go to sleep already. -He snorted. She sat up and leaned over him. -Fuck, leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it.

-I love you. -She whispered.

-Fuck you and your love. -He sighed, pulling his pillow and covering his head with it. His voice came out muffled as he shouted. -Go to sleep, you demon!

Belle just stared at the pillow for a long time. He eventually put it down and looked at her.

-You won't let me sleep, right? -He rolled his eyes when she nodded. -Great. I'm gonna workout, then.

He sat up and grabbed his holster and gun, heading to the door with both in his hand. She got up to follow him but he turned and pushed her toward the bed.

-No! If you follow me, I swear I'll take the car and you won't see me for a week. -He glared at her.

Belle tried to figure out if he was bluffing or not. She decided not to try it and sat on the bed. He nodded and vanished through the door.

For two days, they simply ignored each other's existence, but Belle noticed his bandaged knuckles on his right hand.

Noah immediately noticed Belle's change of mood and pressed her until she told him that Ryan had found out she had talked about him and their relationship to her psychologist. Not knowing a thing about the context, the boy promptly started to give her advice.

-Well, you shouldn't talk about this with him… I mean... It's private. -He pouted. -I don't really believe in psychology, to be honest. It sounds to me like selling holy water to cure diseases...

-I used to think like you, but now I believe it helped me a lot. -She nodded. -Sometimes I wish he would seek help too…

-Why? Does he do something that bothers you? -Noah looked at her sideways. -I mean… You just married, it is kind of worrying if he's already shitting the bed…

-He's a perfect husband, shut up. -She replied, annoyed by his remark. -He's perfect. I just wish he would go so he could feel better about himself. It's helping me a lot. Do you remember how I used to bite my lip when I got nervous? I didn't know it was a tic, and now I'm learning to control it… I would love it if he could do the same, I like myself more now.

-Oh… I liked your tic. I bet he did too. -Noah tilted his head only now realizing it's been more than a month since the last time he saw her biting her lower lip. -I didn't mean it to sound weird, I just meant it was part of you, for me, it didn't bother me. Good thing I don't have a tic.

-You do say “I mean” a lot. -She pointed out. -And you poke when you want to call people's attention, that's kind of rude… And you always scratch your chin when…

-Hold on, are we analyzing my flaws now? -He frowned, poking at her biceps. -Don't do this, I'm already self conscious enough!

-Yes you are, therapy could help you with that… -She mocked, laughing at him. -No, but jokes aside, I think… Ryan?

She looked to the side and saw him standing very close to them, with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

-We need to talk, come inside, please. -He said, without giving away any sign of emotion. -Hi, Noah. How's your brother?

-Hi, Mr. Herrera. Half-brother… Dealing. -Noah kicked a pebble to the side.

-Too bad for him. -Ryan shrugged, holding out a hand for Belle to take. She jumped to the path he was standing in to avoid stepping on the grass and waved goodbye to Noah.

-Did something happen? -She whispered.

-Corey wants to talk with you. I tried to postpone this as long as I could, but he's threatening to come here, and I don't doubt Andrews would leak our location just to fuck with me. -He sighed as he locked the front door. -You screwed up my authority with the team. Lucas won't shut up about me hiding the truth about Roy.

-Maybe if you were a bit more honest, they would have your back next time. -She murmured. -What is it that Corey wants to talk about?

-Yoko Ono’s apprentice… -He huffed behind her.

-What? -She frowned, looking back as he pushed her inside the study.

-Sit down. -He pointed to a chair in front of his desk. She recognized it as being one from the dinner table as she sat on it.

-Daniel is on the loose. -He said, sitting behind his desk.

 

Welcome @imeren =D you came from Wattpad, right? Did you really read everything at once? Hahaha just curious

 

Thanks for the welcome, author! English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Actually, I've been reading your story for a while. I found it in the discussion of the novel "Under the Oak Tree", and I really liked it. I've wanted to support the story with likes and comments, but for some reason I didn't this before, so now when I signed up I did everything at once.
It's incredibly interesting to watch the development of the story and characters. Thank you for giving so many details, describing the characters in such a multifaceted way. Each chapter literally makes my heart shrink or flutter and each I look forward to. I also wanted to say that if it'll be an opportunity to buy a paper book in the future, I would gladly buy it!

 

English isn't my first language too, so, high five and to me yours sound perfect (but I'm not good enough to judge )
Ah, thank you so much, really =D and thank you for the likes there too, they are helping a lot.
I plan to have it sold on Amazon, I had my first feedback form an editor not long ago and she asked me to hold on, we'll see if it's worth doing that or looking for a publisher. But if I do sell it, I'll let you know here beforehand

 

You have a great talent! Thank you very much, I will not miss this event!

 

what are we gonna doo these chapter names are stirring me up so badddd i've just realised that story is nearing the end so I listened to the each song carefully to grasp the overall flow. WHAT IS THIS WHOLE ''LET ME GOOOO'' each title name seems to be from Ryan‘s POV imo, and only getting worse with each chapter.
Kiss me started with ''okay, Im in love'', then circles went ''mmm maybe it was just sex tho'' after that thats what you get finally admitted ''okay Im in love and it hurts, fuck'' then with or without you and under serious attack came with ''gosh Imma total mess and it has to stop'' and everything you want is like ''mm making all the bad decisions?'' then lying from you wrapped everything up in an awful wrap like ''the very worst part of you is me. so let me goo'' ... AUTHOR, do you have anything to sayyy

 

The only thing I can say is that the story isn't getting near the end xD it's about the middle of this book, I think.
For the rest, what could I say? Good job? XD

PS: I told you you'd want to kill Ryan=.
PS2: I'm still waiting for that huge comment you said you'd make about past chapters

 

Hey long time.
I'm soo happy you're back. I've been keeping up with the chapters but never got time to thank you enough. Kinda broke my heart that its soon gonna end. But waiting for Ryan's POV.

 

Hey, it's not anywhere near end xD really, this one will probably have more than 60 chapters =.
Ty! I'm happy to see you here again too, how's college?
In a couple of hours I'll post a

Spoiler: ...

snusnu/smut/fluffy scene

=P

about Ryan's POV, I got stuck in a chapter and can't move on =( it's about something I have absolutely no experience to describe and I want to write it anyway, so, yeah, I'll take a while to imagine/research about it to make it right. In other words, I might not post it at all or post it but have to stop in the middle (which would be frustrating, not only for me)

 

Spoiler: ...

snusnu/smut/fluffy scene

i see you're having much fun exploring their intimacy

 

Don't act like you don't like it too

 

dont call me out like thatt hush hushh

 

Chapter 24


-I was gonna tell you only after you were approved on your tests for the university, but he thinks you have the right to know now. -He tapped rapidly on the desk. -I warned him it might jeopardize your performance in the tests, but as I said, there was no point in arguing if he's gonna put our lives at risk coming here.

Belle was confused. She looked into his expressionless dark eyes and shut hers.

-What do you mean by on the loose… Wasn't he arrested two months ago? How did he escape?

-They never got him. -Ryan sighed. -He got word about the warrant, hours before we had it, so he escaped in the middle of the night. I sent people to keep watch just in case, but apparently he had escaped before they got there.

-You're saying he's free… And that he'd been hiding somewhere for the last two months? -She couldn't breathe. -And I was relaxed and feeling safe all this while, but we weren't safe?

-Even if he had been arrested, we wouldn't be safe, Belle, someone else would take his place. We would just get a chance to dismantle his group. -He looked down. -Nothing changed. The only difference is that now he's wanted, so if he shows up in a public place, he might get arrested. Chances are that he fled the country again. Brazilian authorities had been warned but, to be honest, I don't really believe they are looking for him there.

-And Corey thought it would be best to tell me this now, that I'm in the middle of my treatment to get over my fear from Daniel? -She felt outraged. They had hidden it from her for two whole months, they had waited for her to feel some kind of peace, just to destroy it all so suddenly.

-Yeah, go on, say that he's a jerk, say it out loud, please. -Ryan leaned back on the chair. -Say it, “you were right, Ryan, it was the best for me that you didn't tell me, because it didn't help a bit to know about it now”.

He mimicked her thin voice, which only added to her outraged mood.

-You are the jerk! -She raised her voice and frowned. His smile immediately vanished. -Why do you keep things from me? You're always hiding something! Stop lying to me, stop hiding things from me, stop pretending you don't feel things! You always do this! And then you come and say you're sorry as if it meant anything! Why do you do things if you're gonna apologize later? Why are you like this, Ryan?

His eyes opened wide in the middle of her phrase and he rushed to press the red button on the screen of his phone, that was in front of her, over the desk.

-Was he hearing us? -She looked from his phone to his face. -What's your problem?

-Shit! -He muttered when his phone started to vibrate with messages. -Damn it, Belle… I didn't expect you to have a fit, not against me, at least. Fuck, this is gonna cost me…

-You are two assholes. -She crossed her arms. -What are we gonna do?

-Nothing, they'll probably mock me for weeks, but I'll just ignore them. -He sighed. -I really hope he wasn't recording it…

-I was talking about Daniel. -She squinted her eyes. -What are we gonna do? Do you think it's dangerous for us if I go to the university now?

-Belle, I already told you, nothing has changed. University was a risk before and will still be a risk even if we catch him. -He shook his head. -But you can't stop living for fear of dying, just be careful, and follow my instructions, we'll be fine.

She nodded.

-Have you decided about the dates? I'm gonna text it to Lucas, I don't feel like seeing his stupid grim now that Corey probably is telling everyone in the precinct about what you just said…

-Well, next time tell me if someone can hear us. Don't do things behind my back and maybe you can count on me to help you. -She frowned, sliding him the paper with the dates circled. -I'm gonna fix dinner.

Ryan tried to engage in small talk during dinner, but she wasn't in for it. He tried to lift her mood by talking about the book, as a last resort, when they lied in the bed, but she cut it, telling him to shut up and let her sleep.

-I want the other Belle back… -He murmured almost inaudibly.

-Treat this one better and she might show up again. -She huffed and turned her back to him.

That night it happened again. She woke up from a nightmare about Daniel, only to find Ryan's lips and tongue tracing drawings around her neck and nape, whispering in her ear that he'd never let anything bad happen to her. She didn't know how she hadn't gone crazy yet with their game.

She turned to him and they started kissing passionately. He pulled her closer, clutching at her hips and she embraced his with her legs, biting and kissing his neck. Her hands anxiously rubbed against the skin of his bare back and abdomen, her nails scratching lightly here and there.

-Belle… -He whispered in her ear.

-Ryan… -She moaned in his, licking his earlobe and sucking it. He sighed and the heat of his breath on her neck made the hair on her nape and arms stand up.

-Belle, we should stop. -He mumbled when she closed her hand around his hardened member and rubbed it up and down.

-No. -She tried to keep her voice firm, but it sounded like a plea.

-We can't… -He murmured, kissing her mouth again and cupping one of her breasts, kneading it softly with another sigh. -We should stop sleeping together, this is torture.

She grunted and decided to end this ridiculous nonsense for once and for all. She sat up, pushing him by his shoulder, to force him to lie on his back, then straddled him. He let out a hissing sound, as she rocked her hips back and forth. She took off one hand from his chest to brush her hair to one side, hoping she could make the movement seem sexy. By his lustful gaze, she could only believe she had succeeded.

-What are you thinking about, Ryan? -She ran her index finger over his half parted lips.

-That I'm certainly gonna rot in hell… -He sighed and nibbled at the tip of her finger. -Fuck, why do you have to be so damn hot and gorgeous?

That was more than enough to give her the boldness to go on. She lifted one leg and pulled her shorts and panties down at once, letting it hang on the other leg. His eyes darted from her naked crotch to her eyes and she saw him snapping to sobriety in a second. He tried to lift himself, using his elbows, but she slipped her hand inside his shorts and boxer briefs, pushing it down.

-Belle! -He gasped, grabbing her wrist, but it was already too late. She rubbed herself against him and as soon as he felt the wetness and warmth, he collapsed back and let out a moan.

-You want this too. -She leaned forward, still gripping him, and whispered in his ear. -Tell me that you want me too.

-Fuck, Belle… -He huffed. -Goddammit.

-Tell me, Ryan! -She insisted and moved her hip, letting only the tip in, but taking it off as soon as he gasped and wrapped his arms around her waist. -Tell me what you want, Ryan…

He pulled her face closer to his, kissing and sucking at her neck.

-What now, are you trying to make me beg? -He purred in her ear. His voice was so roarse that it left a tickling sensation inside her head. -I want you, Belle… I wanna fuck you until you scream my name. I want to bury myself inside you until you forget yours.

She felt a mix of arousal and embarrassment at his words, but her hips moved forward and she let him slide down inside her, very slowly. He sucked the air through his mouth, closing his eyes shut and creasing his forehead and eyebrows.

She moved up and down very slowly, enjoying his reaction to every move she made, watching him bite his lip every time she tightened her grip around him. She knew he was getting impatient, that he wanted her to go faster and stronger, but she remembered all too well about how he had tortured her inside the bathtub, and this time she was the one who had the reins. He thrusted his hips up, but every time he did so, she would lift her body, using her legs, so she would be out of his reach, making it impossible for him to thrust deep inside her.

-Belle… -He complained after a while.

-Beg me. -She commanded him, moistening her lips.

He looked at her with a smirk. His eyes travelled from their sexes intertwined up to her nipples pointing out under his shirt, to her messy hair thrown over her bare shoulder, to her sexy mouth, to her perfect chocolate eyes with her slightly moistened eyelashes.

-I've created a monster… -Ryan sighed. He grabbed both her wrists and pulled her toward him. She tried to resist, but lost her balance and was forced to lie down over his chest. He pulled the shirt up from her back and took it off, scratching and caressing her bare back and waist, before throwing the shirt aside. -Please, Belle…

He let her sit back to her original position, but kept caressing her belly, her breasts and waist.

-Please, let me fuck you hard… -He said it and put both hands on her hips and pulled her down while jerking his upward. She let out an involuntary moan. -Yes, Belle, let me make you moan like that… I’m begging you, Belle… Let me make you come, moaning my name.

Belle couldn't play the bold girl anymore. Her cheeks burned red and she felt the urge to hide her face in his neck. She closed her eyes and nodded. He immediately pulled her to his chest and switched positions. She let out a grunt when he got out of her and opened the drawer, looking for the condoms.

-Hold on. -He pressed her belly down with one hand when she squirmed to pull him back over her with her legs, using his teeth to rip the wrapping. -Shh, calm down, my tigress.

-You look so sexy when you do that… -Belle moaned. It came out involuntary, like thinking out loud.

-Do what? -He tilted his head while he rolled down the condom.

-When you use your mouth to open it. -She sighed.

-It's a bad habit, don't encourage it. -Ryan smirked and shook his head, pushing her leg to the side with his knee.

She couldn't look away from his eyes as he stared into hers with a mix of passion and something that resembled pride.

-I love you, Ryan… -It slipped through her lips before she could hold it, sounding like an oath.

Her eyes opened wide when she realized what she had just said, but, to her surprise he didn't scowl or look offended. He just bent and kissed her mouth very softly, cupping her cheek with the hand that hadn't touched the condom. Ryan was sustaining his weight with his elbow beside her head, his chest glued to hers.

-I know. -He murmured, nudging her nose with his. Her heart slammed her chest so hard that she panted. -I'm sorry, Belle...

He kissed her again and leaned his forehead in hers, keeping his eyes close for a few seconds before opening them and staring into hers.

-Are you sure you wanna do this? -His voice was impassive but there was a crease between his eyebrows.

-Don't you? I'm the one who teased you into it… -She immediately regretted asking it, afraid of his rejection.

-Of course I do. -He chuckled. -I'd have to be blind, deaf, crazy, and limbless to have any hope of not wanting to fuck you.

She grimaced at his choice of words and he pecked her cheeks and nose with small kisses, making her giggle.

-But I'm serious, we are getting into a cycle here. If we keep having sporadic sex it will be harder to stop later. -He said it, but rubbed himself against her anyway, making her shiver with anticipation. -Damn it, you're so wet. How can you be so fucking hot?

-There's a solution for that problem… -She panted, biting his neck and bending her knees to grant him easier access.

-Does it involve you wearing a chastity belt? I'm not becoming eunuch to protect your virtue, I'd rather keep being a pervert. -He laughed at his own joke and she rolled her eyes.

-Or you can just stop denying your feelings, so we can have sex everyday. -She shrugged, finally getting his attention. He looked at her with a serious expression, but only for a few seconds.

-You wouldn't handle it everyday. -He squinted his eyes and slid inside her at once. She moaned and dug her nails into his biceps. -So damn beautiful...

Belle threw her head back, exposing her neck, and he didn't waste time before starting to nibble, kiss and suck it. She remembered how uncomfortable this position had felt on her first time, but now it wasn't so bad. In fact it felt good, there was something new, like a sensible spot that sent shivers through her belly every time he grinded against it. There was still something being pressed inside her, but the sensation the spot gave her was enough to make her ignore the pressure.

-Shit, I forgot you don't like it like that. -He cursed after several minutes, misinterpreting the crease between her eyebrows. -Roll over.

-No, it's ok. -She embraced his waist with her legs and he grunted with pleasure.

-It can't be good only for me, Belle, you have to enjoy it too. -He kissed her chest, then sucked her nipples. She moaned and arched her back involuntarily while squeezing him so hard that it slipped off of her. -Yeah, like that…

She smiled and he kissed her mouth as a reward for her moans.

-It's good like that. -She spread her legs to invite him to come back.

-That's because I'm not taking it deep and not thrusting hard, but I want to. -He moistened his lips and pressed them together. -Please, roll over, don't be stubborn now.

Belle shook her head. She didn't believe the problem was the intensity of his movements. She wanted to feel more of this, it was different and felt better than before.

He sighed and pulled her by her butt, then positioned her knees against his chest and thrust in at once, making her gasp.

-Use your legs to control it, ok? -He caressed her thighs and waist as he explained. -Push me if I go too deep and tell me to stop if it hurts or feels uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel pain because of me, do you understand it?

She just nodded. He went on, first slowly and soft, then built up speed and she had to push him back when his crotch hit hers too hard. She thought it would feel uncomfortable to be in this position, but besides her breasts shaking up and down and the fact that she couldn't reach him to hold him, it felt good. Looking into his eyes and his half open mouth, she felt hot and powerful. She kept pressing him, trying to find the spot he had touched before, but it wouldn't happen again.

At some point she asked him to change position. He suggested doggy style, but her legs were sore and she didn't want to get on her knees. He apologized, rubbing her thighs, and laid her on her stomach. She liked it this way, since he had to do all the work, and she just had to hold the pillow and enjoy his bites and kisses on her nape, back and neck while he lifted and dropped his weight against her buttocks, kneading her breasts and waist. When she started to moan, he locked one arm around her shoulders and held her firmly against his chest, thrusting it deeper and faster. His other hand gripped her hip and pulled her butt against him in rhythm with his thrusts.

Then it happened: he hit the spot over and over again, making her vision tunnel for several seconds. She was startled by her own loud moan, and felt his hot breath huff against her hair when he let out a sigh of satisfaction. The sensation was indescribable. It was as if every time he lifted from her, she could think clearly, but when he got back inside, her mind shut down and there was only a tingling hot sweet sensation that filled her belly, chest, mouth and burned on her veins.

-Are you near? -He panted in her ear.

-I want to feel you cumming inside me, Ryan. -She moaned without thinking, then buried her face in the pillow, ashamed.

For a moment the sensation faulted, but his moan and grip to her hair in response to her words awoke it stronger than before. She focused on the sensation and felt her whole body shiver as he jerked and throbbed against her with loud grunts and curses. Ryan laid over her, sustaining most of his weight in his elbows, but pinning her to the bed, then kissed her mouth passionately, although they both had to pull back to pant or moan sporadically. She could feel him throbbing inside her and her insides pressing him in convulsive movements. He kept like that for a couple of minutes, until she stopped moving.

-That was insanely hot. -He panted and carefully lifted himself from her, holding the condom in place, afraid it might slip off. -If I didn't know better, I'd say you lied to me about being a virgin.

She rolled her eyes and put her arms under her chin.

-I'm serious. That was the hottest orgasm I ever watched or had. -He smirked, kissing her mouth even more passionately. -I'll be right back, rest a bit then go pee, ok?

-Stop talking about pee to me… -She hid her face in the pillow. She heard the toilet flush and water flowing before he reappeared with his hair wet. -What is that about peeing after sex, anyway?

-I already told you it's not my place to teach you that. -He rolled his eyes as he laid on his stomach beside her and stroked her hair. -I love the way your hair looks when you lie in this position. You're so sexy…

-In case you forgot, my mother died before we had the chance to talk about sex. -She bit her lower lip, then caught herself doing that and let go immediately.

-God, I missed that so much... -He sighed.

-What? -She arched her eyebrows.

-You, biting your lip… -He reached out and rubbed his thumb against her lip. -Did you know you got me speechless the first time you did that looking at me? I wanted to punch myself to death.

-Liar. -She rolled her eyes, but moistened and bit her lip again.

-I'm not lying. I remember it perfectly. -He smirked and turned sideways, pulling her to his chest and kissing her forehead. -I told you to walk through the door and you refused, then bit your lip.

He grimaced as if it was too embarrassing to remember. Belle remembered that moment. It seemed like years ago, but it had been less than four months since then.

-I didn't know what to say, so I just pushed you in and tried to catch my breath while you had your back to me, but you practically threw your body against mine right after. -He sighed, letting show how much the memory bothered him. -I didn't want to look at you for a while after that, but it was just impossible…

She couldn't help but smile. Even if he was lying, which she doubted he was, because she knew he didn't lie, it would be a cute lie.

-I know it's bad for you... It's actually good that you've learned to control it. Forget what I said, ok? -He sighed and laid on his back, pulling her, so she laid over his chest and leg.

She started to drift away with the soft feeling of his fingers untangling her hair, but he poked her nose with his index finger and brushed her hair back.

-Go pee, my stubborn little Succubus. -He mocked her.

-Fine, fine! -She moaned and bid his will. When she came back, he was deep asleep. She put on his shirt, then decided not to wear back her soaked panties, fitting her back against his chest and her bare buttocks against his groin. His arms immediately moved to hold her and he kissed her nape in his sleep, sniffing and letting out a low moan.

-I love you, Ryan. -She sighed, cuddling against him.

-Uhum… Good. -He answered, but she knew he was unconscious.

 

Chapter 25


The following days passed in a blink of an eye and the day of her first test finally arrived. She was nervous and he noticed it as soon as he got into the room with her breakfast and saw her biting her nails, something he knew she wasn't used to.

-Hey, don't do that. -He scolded her, pushing her hand away. -I know you can afford a dentist, but don't ruin your teeth because of a stupid test.

-I don't think I'm ready. -She sighed. -Can't I postpone it for next week?

-Aw, shut up, I know you'll be the obnoxious girl that sits in the front row and answers all the questions. -He sat beside her and tried to force a grape into her mouth. -Eat. You burned too many calories last night.

Belle smiled as she remembered “last night”. They had sex everyday, sometimes more than once, except one night, because she was too sore. She had lied, saying her head was aching, as Chloe had once told her she used to do when she wasn't in for sex. Even then, he had licked and sucked her until she almost came, promising it would help her with her headache. She thought about faking it just so he would stop torturing her, but he gave up after a few minutes, realizing she wasn't in the mood for it.

-Do you need help to relax? -He smirked. -It's my day off, and we still have almost six hours…

-Thought your day off was only on Saturdays. -She tilted her head.

-No, it shifts. Riviera had changed it only to screw me, because she knew I wouldn't have enough people with free time to work for me on Saturday. She once tried to change it for Sunday, but apparently they can't survive a day without me and without more than half of the precinct at once. She can't live without me, I bet she's been crying in the shower everyday since I left...

You're so cocky... She smirked. He kissed the tip of her nose, misinterpreting her mocking smile with a proud one.

-But Corey asked me to switch with him. He has a new girlfriend and wants to spend some quality time with her... -Ryan looked down. He shook his head slightly and offered her a buttered toast, looking up to observe her mouth while she licked the butter from her lips. -Good for him. He needed one, urgently.

-Why do you say that? -She covered her mouth to talk while she chewed.

-He was starting to get too much like me. -He grumbled while he chewed a bite of her toast.

-Sexy and smug? -She mocked him.

-Grumpy and unbearable. -He shrugged. -I'm gonna fill the bathtub for us. I fixed the hydro, by the way. You can enjoy a massage today.

-When did you do that? -She creased her eyebrows. She used her own bathroom to shower, so she couldn't have seen his mess and it had been more than a month since the last time she had used the bathtub.

-I don't remember the exact date, why? Ah, got it. I fixed it while you took your walks with Mr. Goofy. -He put the plate over her lap and got up, heading for the bathroom.

That's weird… I thought you were working while I went out for our walks. She mused as she ate.

When he came back, he put the plate aside. There were still some grapes and one waffle inside it, but she wasn't hungry anymore. He pulled her forward by her legs and she already knew what he was gonna do, except that this time he took off her shirt before he started to massage her whole body, giving some special attention to her feet.

-Hm… Today I'm having the premium package? -She moaned and leaned against his chest when he moved his hands to her breasts, kneading them.

-Today I don't have to work. Wait for it, when I get my vacation... -He whispered in her ear and bit her earlobe. She let out a small shriek. -Easy, don't get aroused, you just ate. Let your body work, you obscene.

She chuckled and he went back to the bathroom, probably to check the temperature of the water.

-Ok, let's get in. -He offered his hand to help her get up. She couldn't hide her satisfaction about him getting in with her.

Ryan kissed her neck from behind after he took off his shirt, then lifted her by her waist to help her climb onto the tub. She sat down and watched him take off his shorts and underwear, tossing it beside his shirt on the floor.

He bent toward her and pressed some buttons on the edge of the bathtub before getting in. It took a few seconds, but the sound of the engine came and the jets began to blow against her back, startling her. Belle jerked involuntarily and he chuckled, pulling her to his lap after sitting down on the opposite side of the bathtub.

-I want to skip the test and spend the whole day like that… -She whined as she nudged his cheek with her nose.

-I'm not letting you do that, because I know you're gonna regret it. -He smirked. -But we can resume it after your test, don't worry.

His hands slid through her thighs and one of them stopped between her legs.

-Reach those two bottles for me, will you? -He purred in her ear. She shivered and leaned forward, stretching her arm to reach the bottles and grab them. She practically grinded against him to do so, earning a soft moan from him. -Damn… You drive me crazy and you're not even trying to.

She leaned back against his chest, kissing his neck while dangling the bottles in front of him.

He took one and let some drops spill inside the bathtub, quickly filling it up with foam. So that was the right amount… She pressed her lips, embarrassed, as she remembered spilling half of his bottle inside the bathtub back in his home and messing up the whole bathroom floor with foam.

He put the bottle aside and dripped a generous amount of the oily content of the other bottle on his hand, before putting it aside too.

-Lean forward a bit. -He bit her shoulder and rubbed his jaw on her nape. She abided, getting goosebumps all over her body. -You're always so tense… We need to do this more often.

-I wouldn't complain... -She closed her eyes.

He rubbed her back, his hands sliding easily against her skin with the aid of the oil. It smelled good, a bit citric, a bit musky, but she couldn't associate it to any smell she had felt before. She felt her muscles relaxing once more, even though she hadn't even realized she had become tense again.

Belle woke up in the bed, although she didn't remember getting out of the bathtub or getting dressed. She was wearing panties, shorts and her own T-shirt. Her hair was still wet and a dry towel had been placed between it and the pillow, so she knew the bath hadn't been a dream. The oily sensation and the citric smell on her skin confirmed it.

-Look who's awake. -She heard his voice from behind her. -Sleeping beauty totally broken… You didn't wake up no matter how much I kissed you.

Belle stretched her arms and back, surprised that nothing hurt and rolled onto her stomach to turn to him.

-Hi… I think I fell asleep… -She pouted. -Sorry.

-You think? You hibernated. -He chuckled. He was dressed too, and texting on his phone. -I think you are relaxed enough now... But I expect you to compensate me when we come back, it wasn't my intention to put you to sleep. Not at all.

-Are you working? -Her cheeks burned and she tried to change the subject.

-Just a bit. -He sighed. -Simon is briefing me about the case.

-Is he alright? Is he the one leading the team now? -He nodded and she sat on her legs beside him, trying not to peer at the phone’s screen. -Did they find out something about Daniel?

He glared at her.

-What?

-You know I won't tell you, why do you ask? -He clicked his tongue and put his phone in his pocket.

-You don't have any excuse anymore to keep me in the dark about the case. -She pointed out. -I'm not suffering the effects of the withdrawal anymore, we are as safe as we can be and I can't communicate with anyone, so you can't say it's because I'm a suspect.

-You have other things to worry about now. Terrorist attacks and the death of innocent people shouldn't be on your list.

-Did he kill someone? -She looked at him with wide eyes.

-See why I don't tell you shit? -He rolled his eyes and pulled her to his chest. -Don't worry about this, there's nothing you can do.

Belle nodded and tucked herself into his arms. There was no point in fighting over this and ruining their perfect day. Still, she wasn't satisfied with his answer, especially because she didn't believe she couldn't help him. The last time he had told her she couldn't help, she had been able to recognize Daniel's room in Rio. If she had just let him push her aside and not insisted on checking his drawing, they would still be looking for his hideout somewhere else.

-Tell me this, at least… Did you find his apartment in Rio? Did you find out who's the politician helping them? -She murmured in his neck.

-Yep. -He nodded. - And now Corey is having to report to an FBI team that's working on it. It's something huge, actually, but not my problem yet, it involves a whole scheme of corruption in Brazil’s political system. To be honest, I don't give a fuck about the outcomes of that investigation because I know not a single one of those politicians is getting punished. Corey is wasting his time, and there's not much he can do, anyway, NYPD can't do shit about international issues. We’ve only kicked a hornet nest.

-That's awful. -Belle looked down. Ryan just nodded.

They stayed like that, kissing and cuddling until lunchtime. He helped her prepare a quick meal and waited while she got ready to leave.

-You're gonna do fine. -He assured her before opening up the door of the car for her. -There's no need to worry, it's just a test.

She took a deep breath and tried hard not to think about the possibility of failing. They drove in silence, because she was concentrating on revising the subjects in her head. The trip lasted one hour and five minutes, but it seemed to have lasted less than ten minutes.

-We're forty minutes early, do you want to wait inside the car or will you go and explore the building a bit? -He checked his phone, not looking at her.

-Are you coming with me? -She thought about it, observing the structure of the building. She didn't believe she would get lost or something, but couldn't count only on her brain to be sure that she would be in the right room on time.

-Do I have to? I don't want it, to be honest. -He sighed. -It's better if no one even knows I exist here. Your life will probably be easier.

Belle didn't ask why. She knew he thought she would want to get into a relationship with someone in college later. In her heart it was obvious it would be impossible to think about anyone else while she had him.

-I'll come in and wait, then. -She didn't really want to wait alone, but at the same time didn't want to force him to sit there waiting with her inside the car.

-Are you sure? You're gonna look weird standing by the door for more than half an hour. -He smirked. -Some asshole might even make fun of you. I would, in my college years, to be honest.

-Were you the bullying type? -She shifted in her seat to face him. -Of course, you were the popular handsome guy.

-I wouldn't say popular. I had some unwanted attention and some welcome ones… -He looked away through the window. Of course you had lots of attention from the girls... She herself wouldn't ever get near him if they had studied in the same school or college, still would certainly be into him. -But I don't like to think about myself as a bully douchebag. I didn't just randomly picked up fights, most of the time I just had no patience with assholes. And sometimes I can't help but make fun of losers, it's stronger than me…

-You were a bully… -She sighed. That wasn't exactly a surprise. The tall, muscular, handsome guy couldn't be a kind person too. It was already a surprise that he was smart and honest.

-That's kind of unfair of you to judge me, you didn't know me, you can't tell what I was and wasn't. -He frowned, probably understanding her silent conclusion. -I don't regret anything I did in college. All the times I had to slam someone's face on a wall, I was in my right to do so.

-I guess most people manage to go through college without having to slam anyone's face on a wall… You're just hot headed. -She smirked.

-Gonna show you the hot headed… -He unfastened his seatbelt and leaned toward her. She backed away till her back touched the window, but his phone rang and he huffed, sitting back. -Saved by the bell... Herrera.

She watched him frown and her heart began to pound. He didn't say a word, just listened and looked away.

-Right, let me know if you get something else. I'll be back online in one hour. Don't press him, he won't break. Let him talk and make him believe he’ll get what he wants. -He said very low, as if hoping Belle wouldn't hear it. -I have to go, I'll join you in one hour. Right, you too.

-Did they find Daniel? -Belle asked promptly.

-No, I need you to get into the building now. I have to go back. -He leaned over her and opened her door, smacking a light kiss in her lips. -I'll come get you in five hours. If you finish it before I get here, please, don't disappear into another building. Just wait for me and meet me here at six, ok?

-What happened? I'll only get out of the car after you answer me this.

-You'll get out right now! -He frowned. -I don't negotiate with blackmailers. Out!

She pouted, but he pulled her by her neck and nibbled her lip, kissing it lightly.

-Good luck in your test, not that I believe that you need any. -He smiled as he pushed her by her shoulder to urge her to leave her seat.

-Please, Ryan, at least tell me who you were talking about! -She insisted, grabbing his shirt.

-I was talking about Trevor. Get out. -He rolled his eyes. -The longer you take to leave, the faster I'll have to drive to get back in time.

This was enough to make her jump out of her seat and rush inside the building. She heard the engine roar as he maneuvered and left. She ignored his advice and waited weirdly in front of the door of the room where she would take the test. Some students passed by her and stared, wondering what she was doing, and a girl laughed after another girl whispered something in her ear, but she couldn't know if they had even looked at her. After what seemed like hours, a girl around her age came and unlocked the door, then turned on the lights and checked if everything was in order inside. She looked at Belle with an expression that said “Are you really waiting for permission to get in?”, then made a gesture with her hand to grant her permission anyway.

Belle smiled and nodded, thanking her almost inaudibly, then got in and sat on the front roll.

A long time later, a man with white hair and a grey beard came in and put his suitcase over the desk in front of the white board. He stopped one foot away from her desk and reached out as if offering his hand for her to shake.

-Good afternoon. Can I have your ID, please? -He said in a monotonous tone.

Belle quickly handed it to him. He checked it, comparing the information to the ones on the top of the front page of the test, then nodded and put it down, along with her ID, in front of her.

-You have six hours, Miss Herrera, starting now. Please read all the instructions on the first page before starting. Good luck. -He then sat on the chair behind his desk and didn't take his eyes from his cell phone for the five hours that followed, except for the few times he stopped to stretch or drink water.

Belle put on a mental note to remind her to bring water on the next test. She double checked her answers and was confident that she had nailed at least ninety percent of the questions. That should be enough and she was proud of herself.

The man smiled at her for the first time when she handed it to him and bid her goodbye as he watched her leave the room.

When she got out of the building, the sun was almost down and Ryan was waiting for her, leaning beside the passenger’s door with his arms crossed.

-Hey, how was it? Are you ok? -He smiled at her and took a step forward to turn, to open the door for her.

She ran toward him and threw her body over his, holding him and kissing his mouth. He didn't stagger an inch, lifting her from the ground with no effort and holding her tightly.

-I guess this means success? -He laughed when she finally parted their lips, then grimaced. -You really shouldn't do this here…

-I don't give a damn if someone sees us, I want them to know that I'm already yours, ok? -She rolled her eyes.

-Except you're not. -He frowned and let go of her, bending to make sure that she could stand before pulling her arms away from his neck. -We're not together, you know that. I don't want to have this discussion with you, Belle.

He opened the door for her and she noticed he slammed the door after she got in. She observed his face while he drove back home. It was impassive and he was tapping on the wheel, which just worried her even more.

-Did I do something wrong, Ryan? -She asked after half an hour of absolute silence.

-It annoys me when you act as if I was your boyfriend or some shit serious. -He didn't take his eyes from the road. -It makes me feel like I'm abusing you.

-I'm sorry…

-For what? -He glanced at her.

Belle didn't answer. She didn't know what she was sorry for, but the first thing that came to her mind was “That I'm not good enough for you to love me too”. It certainly wouldn't help, so she just shrugged.

-Nice. -He shook his head and clicked his tongue. -If you were a friend of yours… Chloe, for example… And she told you she was in your situation, with me, what would you think about it? What advice would you give her?

Belle knew where he was trying to lead her.

-I would tell her to just follow her heart, Ryan. -She sighed. -And you should listen to yours. You know you feel something for me even if it's still not as...

- Goddammit, Belle, we won't discuss your crazy delusions now! But really, would you? Would you be ok with an older guy fucking your friend every day, knowing that she loved him, but that he didn't, and that she was hoping they would become something more, even though he would never want to? -He said it with a hint of disgust in his voice. -Your advice would be for her to just follow her heart, really?

She cringed, trying to swallow the lump on her throat. It's ok, he didn't mean it, he is just feeling pressured, like that night in his room... She kept telling herself that he was snapping at her but would soon apologize and be honest, she just had to be patient and let him feel assured that she wouldn't snap back at him.

-Why do you use that word? -She hoped changing focus would help him think straight again.

-What word? Fuck? -He glanced at her to see her nodding. -Because it's accurate enough. What word should I use?

-Have sex, make love, being intimate… -She looked down. -There's a lot of terms that won't make it sound like you're treating me as a whore.

-Well, technically I am treating you as a whore. -He sighed. She gasped. -Sorry. Just being honest. Besides sex, we don't really fit in any classic model of relationship… I fuck you and we go do our own things, that's all.

She crossed her arms and bit her lip.

-What, now? -He snorted.

-Think about what you just said and you'll know what. -She murmured, looking away. -You're only saying those things to push me away. And it's low. And disgusting.

-No, I'm just making sure you know that I don't love you and I never will. If you wanna stop, we can stop, you are the one in control of this, I literally don't have anything to lose in this exchange. I'm only taking, not giving anything in return. -He cleared his throat when she huffed, then softened his tone. -I'm not saying it isn't great, it is, really. I just don't want you to think you're gonna get something in return, because I'm not willing to sacrifice anything at all to have you. Either we keep doing it the way we are today, or you can put an end to it, I'm ok with either one.

-Why don't you go and get a whore, then, if it's just someone to “fuck” that you want? -She spat the words and fulminated him with her eyes.

-Do you really want me to answer that question? -He grimaced.

-Yes! -Her voice was slightly louder.

-No, you don't. -He sighed. -And I don't pay for sex, I don't need to.

-What were you gonna say? What was your answer? -She tilted her head. -Answer me, you're always forcing me to answer you, that's unfair!

-I don't need anyone, I have you. -He pressed his lips. She squirmed in her seat and he smirked. -I told you, you didn't wanna know.

-Basically you don't need a whore because you already have one, then? -She tried to keep her voice calm, but it was shaky.

-That's not what I said. -His tone was controlled, still she couldn’t help but imagine him laughing while he said it.

-But that's what you meant! -She raised her voice, almost screaming, and he looked at her with a warning look.

-Why all that drama? What for? -He gripped the wheel. -If you really feel so offended, then stop sleeping in my bed!

-I will, then! -She wiped the tears that were forming.

-Fine, then! -Ryan nodded. He took a deep breath, then stole a glance at her. -No, no, fucking no… Why? Why are you crying?

She didn't know what gave her away, since she had her head turned in an angle that made it impossible for him to see her face.

-Fuck! Belle… -He moaned. -Please, don't…

He put a hand over her thigh and rubbed it slightly with his thumb to comfort her, but she pulled away from him.

-Shit… -He muttered under his breath, taking his hand away immediately. -I'm sorry… Really, I didn't think you’d… I'm so sorry, Belle…

She made her best to ignore his voice and closed her eyes, trying to force herself to sleep, to no avail. As soon as the car stopped she got out on her own and ran to the door, but had to wait for him to open it, since he was the one who had the keys. He didn't mock her as he would in a normal situation, just opened the door and held it for her.

-Belle… -He murmured as she passed by him. -Let's talk, I didn't mean to hurt you.

-Screw you, asshole! -She screamed halfway up the stairs as soon as he shut the door.

-Fuck! -He shouted back.

She went to his room just to get an armload of clean clothes, praying that he wouldn't follow her, then ran to her bedroom and locked the door.

Ryan got into his study and looked around. His heart was slamming against his chest the way it would if he had ran a marathon. This time it had been different, this time no apology would mend it. This time she was probably done with him, for good.

He sighed, feeling an aching squeeze in his chest and throat. This sensation had been visiting him more times in the last four months than it had his whole life. She was the source, of course, but he was to blame.

There was no logical explanation to why she kept coming back to him. If there was an official list of how to fuck up a relationship, he was sure he had marked more than half of it.

He thought she had had enough when she had found out about the little boy he shot in the head, but no, her love and kindness had managed to surpass even that. Finding out he had hidden Roy’s death had certainly broken her trust in him too, but she had found a way to forgive him and come back to him, once again, even though nothing in the world seemed to be able to mend it. But the third time had paid for all in the worst manner possible, and this time he had aimed his attack directly at her.

His phone rang but he didn't bother picking it up, just walked toward the desk and turned his computer on. There were only two things he could do to make things feel normal: work or drink.

His hand opened the lowest drawer before he even stopped to think, and the bottle made a tinkling sound as it slid with the sudden motion. Ryan stared at it for a while, remembering her disgusted frown when she smelled the scent of alcohol in his breath.

-C'mon, Banner, you better have something interesting for me… -He sighed and used his foot to close the drawer.

 

Hello author,

I have been following your story and it’s turned into my new addiction, you leave me craving for the next update after each chapter. I created an account just so that I may express my appreciation for your work. I must admit, chapter 25 left me rather disturbed, and I would love to share some feedback if you are interested.

 

Welcome, @TZia =D thank you very much, I'm very happy to know you like it.

I'd love to read your opinion about it, please

 

Hello Author! I would like to say first of all thank you for sharing this story with us. I like it, actually I'm fond of it and I read every chapter with greed I must say that you are gifted. Waiting for you to post 26 impatiently!!! I have some questions if you have time.. Please do not ever stop writing with this gift you have Greetings from Turkey ❤️

 

Welcome @pepinomama thank you so much, I'm very happy that you're enjoying it. I don't intend to stop, at least not until I finish this one
I'd love to answer them, if I can =) please, do post them.
Amazed to find out I've reached someone in Turkey with this ty for you comment

 

I LOVE the story and it has a very intriguing plot. I was very much engaged into the character development. I would like to share my thoughts as a reader and please do not take this as criticism. You are a very talented writer and I am impressed with your writing style especially considering that English is not your first language. My feedback is mostly to help me process the development so far and understand what you as the author are trying to convey to the readers.
OK so here are my thoughts, up to now what I got most was the sense that Ryan was struggling with his 3 fears and this was well portrayed by his pulling back from Belle after they shared some intimacy (both emotional and physical). It seems that he took one step forwards and then 3 steps backwards. Also his insisting that they were not a couple and that he could never love or want to love Belle, gave me the impression that he was trying to convince himself above all. And this seemed to be the case until we got to chapter 25 which was heart-wrenching and brutal (maybe it’s because I’m really invested in the characters and I really felt for Belle and honestly wanted to beat Ryan, but you had warned us). I found that there was a disconnect between Ryan’s fears and the way he behaved, maybe it would have helped if as readers we got a bit more the sense of conflict within Ryan but I didn’t get that, he just came off as an insensitive a**hole who was using Belle as his personal whore. But maybe that is his true character and if this is the author’s intent, then we have a real problem because now it’s become a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship and Belle needs to get out, but she can’t because she is kind of trapped due to the WPP. I would also be disappointed if Belle becomes another woman who falls in the “wanting to be a saviour” syndrome and will stay and continue to be subjected to the abuse thinking that her love and loyalty will change him. Sorry but some people are too emotionally crippled and broken and no amount of love will fix them. I’m beginning to think that Ryan might fall into that category but not enough detail has been revealed about his past that could explain this. Another thing I’m struggling with is Ryan’s concern about abusing Belle, he made a big issue of this in book 1 and also in book 2 and yet he has no problem telling her that he is just using her for sex, how can this not be considered as abuse? Now giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is not an a**hole and just someone who has been through a lot of trauma and just needs healing, then I feel that we reached a breaking point. He really needs to have a “come to Jesus” moment and acknowledge his true feelings about Belle, even if he is not willing to share them with her, he needs to at least acknowledge it to himself, otherwise there is no redemption for him and I am cheering for Belle to give him a swift and decisive kick to his family jewels and get the heck out of there! I think that we need more of Ryan’s POV to help the reader understand what is driving this behaviour, maybe this will be revealed in future chapters?