Well I only skimmed through but wow, the comments were a doozy and very enjoyable although polarizing https://thoughtcatalog.com/joss-hill/2015/02/a-letter-to-the-scared-guy-dating-the-single-mom/ What do the older guys on this forum think?
It's a true comment , the second one. But then again all us geeky guys also fap to the hotties that would make terrible girlfriends and would put out if we got the chance. Which we really don't due to gender role divisions being messed up with the females being able to choose their partner while we mostly get the leftovers that the jerks don't want or are fed up with them after enough heartbreaks, lol. Most of us would fap to and die for a chance to bang a pornstar like girl. It's just that we have less consequences to worry about (pregnancy etc.) Single moms whining about guys is like you whining about your pornstar gf that NTR's you.
Im not that old but if you were banging a guy so much without protection or the pill what does that say about you. Single moms due to being widowed are different but if you can go as far as having kids outside a stable relationship all that says about you is that you dont care about the child and those around you. From the article is sounds like she got pregnant at 19 not married to anyone and is crying whiles looking for attention whiles deluding herself that everything will be ok. At that point she is had the baby for her own pity and not for the future.
Tbh I couldn’t read past the 3rd paragraph.. way to whiny! In my opinion, for a relationship to work, other than trust, love and respect there has to also be an equilibrium. You can’t have it your way all the time and you can’t be a cuckold and let the chick wear the pants in the relationship. You can’t be all clingy cause even if you enjoy it, the other person might not and even if they do, it won’t stay that way for ever. Equilibrium people. Equilibrium. Well that’s my opinion anyway..
Also if a single mom who supposedly only dates bad boys starts coming after me i dont want to turn into the next guy in her list that doesn't take responsibility
https://www.snopes.com/step-dad-pulls-funding-daughters-wedding/ Not sure if this is real, but this is why i wouldn't raise another guy's kid, or part of it. Adopting a kid would be fine, since you'd be the actual dad legally too. Playing one for a while until she changes her mind and the deadbeat dad comes back in the picture, and the kid actually cares for him more than you even though you've been there for them etc.
If you date a girl that has kids then they are included in the deal if you want to get a serious relationship i dont see how she can have a problem with people taking a step back from that if they dont want kids. Especially as its someone elses kid you are going to have to raise which is why alot of guys dont want relationships with single moms.
Huh, what was the purpose of the letter? It’s not entirely clear to me, though I don’t think the way the author approached it is wrong in any way. To me, it reads more as a laying down expectations letter than anything else. And to some extent, I think I would have similar expectations if I was in the authors shoes. I’m sorry, but my kid would come first. That’s unnegotiable. I’m not looking to date for the fun. I’m looking for someone who can settle down with me. If you’re not interested in that, or at least that serious in the first place, then I don’t have the patience or energy to spend time on a flimsy relationship. I get that’s why single moms are scary to date, because their expectations are higher. However, the stakes are higher too, and they can’t risk a relationship with a flaky guy.
My friend's mother is a single mother. Her youngest child is ten years old. She used to pretend that she didn't have kids with her ex-boyfriend, but eventually that was found out and they broke up. Now she has a new boyfriend that is accepting of her children, however the kids all hate him and make him feel uncomfortable. Since they're a bit older (she has five kids ranging from ten to twenty-two from her divorced ex-husband), there really isn't a need to take care of them like what the issue is with younger single mum families, but let me tell you that the awkwardness is real. All in all, I think dating single mums is always going to be a pain.
That letter is raising far too many flags, literally SCREAMING 'Get the hell away!' Everything is about what I need, how you should be, how great I am, how I can't wait, how you will lose out if you don't choose me, how I can do well without you. When a person goes to this length, to explain himself, he or she is desperate. And very suspicious, so you shouldn't take their words as they are. Especially the fact where everything is about her cant be ignored. I have personally always believed that when you care for a person deeply, or choose to care about a person deeply, unknowingly you agree to care about the people in their life, whether of past or present. Children that are not yours, raise a flag here. An ex husband who still lives and meets those children, raise a flag here. Since the ex is in the loop, the single mother keeps getting reminders of past, raise a flag here. Now something must have broken off that relationship, and it was serious enough to disregard the future of a innocent child. What guarantee do you have that it will not turn out the same with you, especially when both of you don't have children together, she has someone to compare you with, and a demon of a ex that has left a deep mark in heart.
Most annoying of all , 'single moms can't find guys, you assholes!' , whereas they're trying to get with enrique iglesias lookalikes that have their own 'seed' that's wanted by the masses. If you wanted to find a guy to settle down with, i'm sure there's plenty of less attractive guys that would jump for joy at the opportunity to get sloppy seconds. But people want their cake and eat it too. 'pffft i can't find a guy' *goes on dating app or whatever and gets a message* 'ewww what a creep!'. If you have baggage (i'm sure people might take offense at their kids being seen as such) you'll have to be accommodating of other people's baggage or shortcomings too.
inb4 all the younger girls answer instead I don't have any issues pursuing a relationship with a single mom. That said, the chances of me desiring a relationship with someone is quite low to begin with. As rewarding as a good relationship with a partner (and kids) can be, even when I was NEETing, I never had enough time in the day to accommodate my desire for all my hobbies. I can honestly never have too much "me" time. I do think though that many guys are misunderstanding what the point of the letter is. The letter isn't addressing "you" to begin with if you are NOT that "shy" guy the author or the single moms she's speaking for. Don't want to date a single mom? Sure, don't, great on you. But I don't see why you have to berate single moms and the author because of your personal experiences and/or ideals. 90% of the comments were simply slut shaming or whining about alpha males and talking about cucks. This is a rather poignant quote from one of the comments : "BUT on the other hand, please don't forget about the single parents who are on their own by choice. These choices aren't easy and were made to protect themselves and their child; maybe due to an abusive partner, or a toxic relationship, maybe because they were left after the other partner was unable to handle the responsibility. I know through experience that this is sometimes the situation, that the responsible choice is not to perpetuate a cycle of damaged people but to escape it and create a new and happy life. That being said, there are many different reasons why people end up the single parent and before we decide to judge we should humble ourselves, remembering that although there are many single parent stereotypes, not all people are single parents due to bad decisions. Judge me all you want, I made my choice out of love and hope for a happy life, not out of laziness or greed or irresponsible choices." Everyone makes mistakes when they are younger. It's not always easy to have or use birth control (whether it's from the lack of accessibility, health issues, and/or social pressure). Stereotypes may have a basis in reality, but reality itself is too complex to so easily sum people up with a few words. While two single people starting a relationship can definitely help simplify the complexity of modern day relationships, there's absolutely no guarantee that that plus good intentions alone will forge a long lasting good relationship. anyways, a part of me wanted to go a bit deeper into this (and how it relates to us with respect to the animal kingdom, etc. etc.), but I feel like I distilled the core of what I wanted to say. All in all, life is complex regardless of single moms looking for men, too many salty self proclaimed betas with an axe to grind in the comments, and life ain't going to be cookie cutter perfect no matter how much you didn't mess up earlier in your life.
.....There are both good and bads... I got a story from one of my teacher. She taught at a private school before and 7 girls all decided being pregnant and having a child in high school was a great idea... so yeah, they random got a guy to do them and all seven of them were pregnant and had the child :/ Certainly their bf were not going to stay around and help... it was their parents and other family taking care of their child they foolishily decided to have to be popular... There has got to be a limit to how foolish one should be...
Didn't read the article, but I'll say random babies are like tattoos, but x100 worse. Preggered < age 25, or even 30 sometimes nowadays, implies the girl lacks any sense of purpose and goals - cus they're fine with becoming a maid for some hellspawn for the next 20 years getting in the way of education/career/dreams etc - which implies lack of intelligence. So even ignoring the hellspawn unrelated 2 u, the girl by itself would be an auto-dodge for anything serious 4 me. Apparently a new born kid results in more unhappiness than the death of a loved one or long term unemployment as well. So, even supposing the girl was actually pretty quality, ytf would you want 2 endure the most annoying period of a hellspawns growth phase, when it got nothing related 2 u? The girl in the article should just wait for like 10 years, once the kid grows past it's annoying phase, maybe some dumb guy will be willing if she paints a nice enough picture - or she should just search in the gutters for some total loser desperate guy. Honestly I think it should be legal for peeps 2 kill babies pre age 5 or something, in case of regret.
As a female i dont know if me writing this is worth it since this site seems to include mainly males. However, based on the article it does seem like the woman who wrote it is in "fantasy mode", which i mean that she is just writing about her thoughts, ideal relationship, and her hope of finding love. It is true, she does sound like she is more focused on what the guy can give her and her emotions, but like i said "fantasy mode." However, the responses to her article were not needed. Every person has a story. Females who sometimes have children when they are young is not because they fall for the "bad boy" or "cool due" who played them, but also due to the fact of neglect, family abuse, and seeking attention. When people are young, female or male, people are emotionally weaker then when they are older. That doesnt excuse it, but it is a factor. Even young people getting married, such as 16, is allowed in certain states in america due to family pressure/obligation. Children are also born not because the female want to have them, but the family doe snot allow abortion. I believe this story was false. Yes, adoption is much more easy, i agree, but sometimes the biological father never return either way. Like when this happened. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/teens-pregnancy-pact-shocks-mass-town-19-06-2008/ People are needy social beings, and when we are young, we are even more needy. That is why cliques are created, where this types of "pacts" are made
The question is do you love her? Or not? Everything else is just trivial matters.. In other words leave it or take it.. As simple as that
A pretty good example of Culture and its impact on birth control http://asianwiki.com/Suzuki_Sensei I hated watching that drama. The first part was great but the later part was all about the teacher saying he will never use condoms because he does not believe in condoms. And it was a drama targetting kids with casts born in 1997 or maybe younger. I found it disgusting and backward. His girlfriend got pregnant and he was hailed as a messiah A woman can choose to give birth, it is her body but a man has no right to decide for her. I do not agree with most of the comments but with a TV show like that and the point SnowTime made about the pregnancy pact A lot of crazy things happen and it has nothing to do with stupidity to be fair Just pretty skewed world views Honoka Miki a now popular who was 14 or 15 at the time starred in Suzuki Sensei. I felt my stomach turning in disgust when I watched Suzuki sensei. http://asianwiki.com/Honoka_Miki