Oneshot A Letter To A Future Dream

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by BB_Tensei, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    Summary: A very short story (~1500 words), exploring a concept. It's about romantic relationships and the fabric of reality. I hope you, the reader, enjoys.

    Chapters: One-Shot:
    Hello there,

    This is my letter to you, my future self. The following recollection will be told solely through my eyes, and help you remember what we experienced ten years ago, should you ever forget this eventful time. Unless you want to. I have no attachment to these words themselves, only to the memories of the last two months, so you may burn the words if you no longer feel the need to cherish the times. If this is so, only a ghost of me will remain to haunt you, but of course you know how these things go with you and me. It cannot be helped.

    Well first let me introduce somebody. It is my classmate, Mayu-chan. You know, it's surprising to me at this point to call somebody without honorifics, but my only regret is still being too shy to call her Mayu only. Actually I did manage it once, but I'll write about it later. Mayu-chan is a sly person, or at least she thinks she is. I myself think she's too open, loud and misunderstands things about a person's feelings. Trying to be manipulative is perhaps a type of protection against people, who are usually more dishonest than her. She never did so to me, regardless. Mayu-chan hates her 'friends' in class, is what she told me. She told me a great many things, but our conversation began with a simple “Hey” and then there was awkward silence. She then looked like she wanted to ask something, staring at me intently. I looked away in slight discomfort, but then it hit me and I opened my mouth slightly, wondering if there was something smart to say in this situation. All I had was “Sorr-” but she interrupted me, asking something I didn't really catch, thinking to myself ah, saved! and snapping back to attention, just nodding by habit at whatever she was talking about.

    “Really? Let's go!” she grabbed my hand and dragged me off out of the classroom. I got a bit flustered, but didn't panic. You know I must not panic. I did though, when I saw where she took me. My voice felt like somebody else's, when I asked her why we were in the small garden behind the school. Do you remember that garden? At that time I didn't even care we had one to begin with, nor did I care much to be there, but when I tried to calm myself down, I realized we actually didn't, did we? So it disturbed me slightly. I clumsily asked Mayu-chan, who was looking around in sudden distress as well, and she didn't know. The way it feels when these things happen is more awkward than anything. I hate losing control of myself, I hate the feeling of having to be constantly searching for things that don't fit. Remaining calm. But I turned to Mayu-chan, who was shaking me full of sentences ending in exclamations. It was strange to say the least. It made me curious why she noticed.

    I later learned, of course, that the only reason there aren't more Mayu-chans is that she's unique. Meaning she actually saw me as human. After that incident happened, her gaze kept finding itself on me, until I could no longer bear it, and stared back at her, displeased. Somehow she blushed from that and mechanically turned her head away, sneaking a final peek at me. It was rather inexplicable. During the break, she started walking in my direction, but some of the classmates started talking to her, and she couldn't get away until the end of break. I watched all of it. I stared right down at them for the whole break, but nothing occurred, nobody commented, and I assume nobody even noticed me. It was the usual when I'm calm. Just when it turned disappointing, she looked at me guiltily, before sitting in her spot at the front row.

    When I asked Mayu-chan why she took so long, she responded that she had waited much longer, than I could imagine. I didn't trust, but I truly believed her at the time. Well it wasn't that long, now that I think about it. Time used to fly so easy, and I'm still not used to so much happening. I shudder to think of the world where I will no longer need to be.

    Two weeks ago I told her “If it's you, it's okay”. And I let myself free. I let my joy take me, and the little voice inside my head shut up to let me feel the bliss of her presence. She was daring when she took me to the beach at night, and we watched the moon reflect upon the waves. I watched her face reflect the moon, brighter and more beautiful than that pale reflection in the water. Her hair was so soft, her lips were soft. I'm not sure about mine, but she never spoke of it, just consumed them with gentle eyes closed. I'm not sure how I feel in her arms, but for me it is elation and beauty.

    Before that was doubt and ambiguity. Maybe it's time to remind you more about Mayu-chan. Something particular about her is that she's the opposite of me. She's seen by all, know by all, she has friends everywhere, and people keep talking to her. It was weird when she decided to take notice of gloomy and quiet girl like me. I used to fear that her passion toward me was the same passion she throws at everything, and I was deceiving myself, because I could see her eyes.

    Ever since that fateful day, when I finally spent some time alone with her, that vacation she brought me to the lake to swim and forget about worries, I have looked into my love's eyes. Eyes are not the window to the soul, as many may think, but Mayu-chan's are gemstones that shine in the deepest darkness, dispersing doubt, giving hope to those they deem worthy. I followed those eyes everywhere, they followed me, piercing me through my heart every time mine met hers. The eyes said I love you.

    It is when she drew away from her active social life and began to always spend her time together with me, when my doubts were dispelled. A lie I allowed myself to live.

    I loved the love I could obtain, it made me blind... For a while. I had my eyes open, then my eyes closed, then open again, as if they were grasping for air, inside a sea of absurdity. The strangeness kept occurring. Things happened that shouldn't have, reality was rewriting itself, by changing the places I previously thought gloomy into a backdrop for our romance. I think at this point Mayu-chan didn't care, and my eyes were grasping for breaths of reason, so I decided it was good.

    But I knew that this wasn't real. But what was real I had a sudden thought? Is something that only exists in the past part of actual reality? Was it really my fault? Maybe I had all along lived inside Mayu-chan's dream. I was a dream person, fated to a role I desired to play out to the finish.

    I deluded myself, yet loved truly. If I hadn't deluded myself, the delusion wouldn't have grown. I would have been only left with true love, though that perhaps is a delusion, a bias of hindsight.

    I have a question, dear me:

    Why am I happy, yet I cry out in sorrow?

    The world you live in might have been different, if I wasn't so selfish. As would have been Mayu-chan's. When I realized what was happening, I was collected. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have been, I should have asked for the impossible and ate my cake too. When she took my first kiss, I cried. It didn't discourage her, even though she wondered what was wrong. But it was, but I was happy, she was happy... I didn't know what to do.

    Yesterday I couldn't find her. I think I'm insane. Either that or my doubts have wounded her heart, and she left. There is no other explanation that makes sense in this world. But I was happy, my insanity held a person to confirm my rational mind. As did she my irrational heart. My everything.

    Somehow I feel that everything that I remember actually happened. I believe that her warmth, her smile and her energy that spurred me to leave my timeless state of still coldness, and enter her embrace was more real than anything else that happened.

    I doubt myself, not the bliss. I will search for her, until I find her, or the time comes to read this letter.

    I have a question, future me:

    Am I allowed to love?

    You will know the answer to this, as you are my future. I leave this memory in your hands, to help you decide.

    Yours Truly,
    Yume
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2018
  2. m7vpc

    m7vpc Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Harem_lover

    Harem_lover Loves Spice, and works with Spite

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    Your writing style is good, loving the time capsule idea, it can show you how much you changed in the past years.
    However not to be rude (I skimmed the story) why would you wanna remind yourself of such a sad experience? I mean 10 years from now you could be having a nice time then all of a sudden you are reminded of a dead relative or something, I mean that can REALLY ruin your day.
     
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  4. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    Well the story is weirder than somebody dying, actually. She has justification to remind herself. Feel free to read it, when you have the time.
     
  5. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    Great story~! Of all the things I was expecting to come from this writing competition, I have to admit that psychological horror (?) was not one of them.

    Unfortunately my word count checker says this only has 1499 words, so please add at least one.
     
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  6. Bangobombz

    Bangobombz Well-Known Member

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    Often times it is the heart that knows long before the mind can process or even make heads of whats going on... Best of luck and stay strong... Hope you can look back at this in a few year's time and see how far you've grown and that your still you
     
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  7. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    Thanks!
    Weird, must be the Mayu with the weird formatting. Well, added more to be safe. For me the genre is more surrealist tragedy, but let's not be hipster.
     
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  8. LeakLeaf

    LeakLeaf Well-Known Member

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    so this is a true story? cuz I like it and i hope you find true love
     
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  9. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    Not really, but thanks. :D
     
  10. LeakLeaf

    LeakLeaf Well-Known Member

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    oh damn now I'm so embarrassed I said that yesterday or today I did not sleep til 6 in the morning
     
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  11. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    It made me happy, so it's all good!
     
  12. Seraphic

    Seraphic Uncomfortably close

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    So I read this last week and reread just now, but although I've got an idea, I'm still not sure I totally understand what's being implied.
     
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  13. Melina Red

    Melina Red Well-Known Member

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    Thank you I really like this short sad story.
    Here is 1000 nuff for this great story
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2018
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  14. BB_Tensei

    BB_Tensei [Catatonic Sloth] | [Occasional Antagonist]

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    Praise and almost all of your nuffies... I'm pleasantly amazed. <3 Thank you even more!
    Well, it's actually rather simple and there are hints all over the place. :D It would be a shame if I explained everything explicitly, woudn't it?
     
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  15. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    BB_Tensei likes this.