Maybe this will save you some confusion as you see the chaos, or maybe you'll cause less chaos for your friends. 1) Your friend is in a weirder relationship than you know. Their current mood determines what part of their relationship they show you, but they never show all of it. They hide abuse during the happy moods, and mask their abuse of the other person in bad moods(or even all moods). 2) Your opinion of the other person or the relationship doesn't matter much. They will breakup or get back together after a 2 day breakup even if you gave 10 reasons to do the opposite. You can say something but feels >>> outside objectivity (as objective as you can be considering they hide details that might change your opinions) 3) The time to go "hell yes, he/she was never any good and you are better off without them" isn't in the first few days of a breakup unless you like feeling stupid. They will likely get back together. 4) Them complaining about the other person is just venting, they can do that for hours per day, for weeks and months on end, and still get married next year. You can take somewhat seriously the problems in the venting, but keep in mind they are still likely going to go home and bang the other person so taking it too seriously is weird. 5) If you don't like the person your friend is with, you can still be polite unless you want to end your friendship. You don't have to be dishonest and pretend you like the other person, but nothing bonds a couple together like it being implied they are idiots for liking the other half. 6) Partly related to #5, a couple is a unit, poking at the unit can be dangerous. Cops going to domestic abuse calls often get attacked by the abused half because the unit unites to fight outsiders. 7) Couples argue, most of them patch it up multiple times. Unless you have a lot of energy, don't get too invested in it. Edit: 8) If all your friends, who you talk regularly with, hate the person you are with, think back and see if you were the one poisoning them with all your complaints. If you only say negative things about them, why would your friends have a good impression of them? Final advice, while you yourself are in a relationship, don't fuck with your friends. Don't lead them out on a branch then step back and break it, leaving them in midair after they tried to support you. Based on my personal experiences, so maybe other peoples results vary. Some more recent examples (but far from complete after 50 years of it): A) My trash coworker often listened to his female friends complain about their bfs and didn't understand why they didn't sleep with him instead...He was just a tool for them to vent and they never discussed the good times with him or why they stayed together as couples. B) A friend told me she was breaking up with her bf, a couple days later told me they were engaged. She told me she was breaking up with him again a few months later...a couple months after that she was pregnant. The relationship lasted a couple years after that. She mentions breaking with her new bf every month or so, they went official on facebook/talked about engagement about a week ago. C) A coworker broke up with his gf. Most of his friends absolutely hated her, started trash talking her, etc. About a week later they got back together, around a year later they got married. Didn't last so everyone got to trash talk her again a few years later but many of them felt stupid saying some of the stuff they did during the first breakup. D) 'Lesbian' breakup mentioned in other thread, lots of spam posts on Facebook about "respecting yourself more than needing the dick" (several variations), lots of friends liking and posting how horrible he was, him posting publicly stuff about how he taught a lesbian how to suck dick, etc. All her friends were stunned when they got back together after supporting their breakup. They are having their 2nd kid this winter. Edit: Btw, if this sounds frustrated it is. Not because I cared much about those relationships, but because of how many 3rd hand complaints I listened to over the years from the friends who felt 'betrayed' because they felt it was their job to dig into the couples relationships
The golden rule is, don't take sides and don't get involved. At least, until it gets violent and abusive and you can't, in good conscience, let them be.
So basically don't give a fuck unless someone is beating their significant other(or don't even when this shit is happening because their stockholm syndrome might fuck you over)
I don't quite feel it's that firm a rule, take sides if you want, say a few comments, but realize you are talking to yourself more than 'helping'. Getting deeply emotionally invested in the success or failure of your friend's relationship isn't healthy for anyone. I've never really seen a violent/abusive relationship other than my parents when I was a small child btw. I have seen a lot of cheating though.
Bingo. Though the abuse that i meant also extends to psychological abuse as well. Been through shiz and been given the boot from trying to extricate a certain acquaintance from a toxic relationship unwanted. It kinda stings, but oh well. Yepp!
Again, stronger than I feel. My opinion: If you think there's violence then report it to the cops. You likely aren't trained. If you get stabbed by either you will regret it.
Yeah that's what I was saying. I just said it because I remembered this story about a dude calling the cops on his friend because he was beating his gf. The friend got arrested but the gf fucked the dude over because Stockholm's Syndrome.
so, just listen to whatever story they share with you, don't judge them and give advice just when they ask you
Oh, I judge them. But most people aren't any more flawed than me so it's mainly for my personal amusement, not slapping them in the face with like I did when I was younger. I do still have a serious dislike of hearing the same complaint twice, I'm not sure that will go away. Mostly though if people talk about their relationships it is to vent, not get help.