Advice On How To Make Someone Realize Their Actions

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Yukari_me, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. Yukari_me

    Yukari_me I Gotta Put Me First

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    I just wanna know your thoughts on this. So a friend of mine is currently in depression (nothing new) but he thinks that he is pretty miserable enough because of the people around him. He trust way too easily and is a bit of a pushover who constant smiles like an idiot. Whenever there's a fight between his friends that cares for him he blames himself since he is the cause. He doesn't wanna pick a side in fear of losing the other person that cares for him so this one person gave up on him. We (me and the person who gave up) decided to make this idiot realize that reality isn't some utopia and is full of shit and that he can't always depend on people and not realize that he tramples on their feelings unconsciously. We also want him to know that by holding on to 2 things and refusing to let go only hurts the people around him. What are your advice on this? What do I have to watch out for when giving him a slap of reality?
     
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  2. juniorjawz

    juniorjawz Well-Known Member

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    You need to learn the art of faceslapping.
    No need to use your actual hands. Words will do the job. You just have to think how will you go for it.
     
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  3. akki

    akki [Ani's C☕ffee-mate #3] [Shady Merchant]

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    People judge things differently when it’s something related to them compared to when it’s about others. Find a situation that’s similar to his but is happening to someone else. And ask him what that person should’ve done. See which side he leans towards~
     
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  4. Saitama.sensei

    Saitama.sensei [[xiantian lifeform]]

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    Make him watch movies or anime’s that follow the same sense.. as in, trying to persevere 2 relationships or friendships would cost him both.
    The only one I can think of that’s remotely related would be “my teenage romantic comedy snafu”
     
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  5. Alyuna

    Alyuna Tactical Dove, Best Birb

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    Why not tell him 'what you've already told us'?
    edit: second thought, I suggest you follow these two pieces of advice below me, after reading them I agree with their opinion
     
  6. 13th Echelon

    13th Echelon Piping Hot Member

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    Real friends do not give advice. They just stick together and let him/her realize it on his own eventually.
     
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  7. Cosmic_

    Cosmic_ [Novel Addict] [Lazy Writer] [Meh Editor]

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    My advice would honestly be to let him learn these things himself. Your words can only do so much and only when he realizes these things himself will he actually take action and truly acknowledge it. The best you can do is talk to him while making sure he knows that y'all care for him and are concerned. He'll have to change himself so you can only support him.
     
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  8. Raidou99

    Raidou99 [The Forgotten]

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    No offense but... This feels like some guy is two timing (or something like that) and the girls, who he is two timing with, want him to know that he can't have both of them at the same time...

    To answer ur question, i think talking it out in a straight manner would be the best possible way. Both sides should just express ur points, without getting off topic or getting distracted due to emotions.
     
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  9. BarryKaizer

    BarryKaizer your crazy fairy godmother of death

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    hire a bunch of guys to beat him with the butter sock
     
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  10. xilainia

    xilainia Well-Known Member

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    Let him realize it the hard way. Action is more stimulating for realizing things
     
  11. Bugis-san

    Bugis-san Well-Known Member

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    Depression is a serious matter.

    I think just do what you think is the best for him/her. Yes, I agree with your view. Guide them to realize the reality and be more matured.
     
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  12. Wayang Emperor The First

    Wayang Emperor The First 《The First Loli》《Cute Little Kid♡》

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    Anime and novel with same story?
     
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  13. TamaSaga

    TamaSaga Well-Known Member

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    First, figure out if you're willing to accept the consequences if you try to solve this for him. If so, then...

    Instead of breaking it in gently, traumatize him.

    If not, keep the status quo.

    Remember, the fallout isn't just going to affect you two. It can, and probably will, hit a bunch of other friends and relatives. But nothing gets solved from lack of trying.
     
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  14. xilainia

    xilainia Well-Known Member

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    For me i was naive before. But because of a trauma i learnt it the hard way but now i'm not hurt anymore by people.
     
  15. gdimmu

    gdimmu Well-Known Member

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    My advice will be something similar to what was said before, unfortunately it is impossible to make someone change, the resolution to change must come from the people themselves.
    What you should do as a good friend, is listen and offer your shoulder, you can of course offer some advice(maybe try telling what you would do if you were in a similar situation).
    I think the best solution would be trying to get this friend to do things that are good for combating depression such as exercising, having a healthier diet or simply doing their hobbies.
     
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  16. xilainia

    xilainia Well-Known Member

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    Do not give your opinion about the other people. Because if you say harsh things and he doesn't like it, you risk that he will not say anythings to you anymore and it can be dangerous if he is in a depression
     
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  17. Trabca

    Trabca Well-Known Member

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    I am of the firm belief that shock therapy, while it may not be the best treatment for such issues, is definitely one of the most effective ones. You can either orchestrate it yourself, along with your friend, or just wait for it to come naturally, because it definitely will. Although, you should probably try out other, safer methods first. Shock therapy's kinda like a "bend or break" situation. Does that phrase even exist?
     
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  18. Shance

    Shance 『Trying to evade the wall in the front』『Failing』

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    How about a psyquiatrist? I believe that everyone needs one.

    Edit: also, the situation sounds vague and not something I have seen or done or felt, so I have no real effective way to help.
     
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  19. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    I like you and your friends style. It’s better to have a friend use tuff love. Than to fall victim to a heartless stranger.
    Do you know mankind’s greatest gift. It’s free will. Empires have fallen to it and our greatest achievements was created by it. No one is responsible for another mature persons life. All you can really do is advise as best as you can. Your friend needs to be cut loose. The strings holding him up are now a hindrance.
    The world can be a scary place, but life can also be very exciting.
    Let him sweat a couple of days. Then sit him down and be straight with him. Sometimes you have to be decisive and see the pros with cons. Then choose which will be the best for him. Be a man. Stand up and face your problems. Even if the answer is wrong. It won’t be the end of the world.

    Good luck.

    On a side note: Remember the obvious answers aren’t always the only answers.
     
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  20. lychee

    lychee [- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀

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    If you think you have an issue, you (and your other friends) can confront him about your feelings. For instance, if you feel like you have been hurt, it is definitely not a bad thing to seek a confrontation about the problem that is hurting you, and vocalize to him that he is in fact hurting you.

    However, I think you should be careful about how you approach this conversation.

    People with depression are already hurt in their own way, and it's nearly impossible for ordinary people to relate. He may also be badly hurting to begin with, and he might not respond well if you try to use strategies like "slapping" or "traumatizing" him, because that is kind of is like hurting him even more or pouring salt into an open wound. You don't want to be the person that tips a depressed person over the edge because of something you said.

    Instead, I think it's better to do this:
    • Tell him that his actions have been hurting you, and you're hurt, directly and bluntly.
    • Don't force him to agree with you or approach him with a blaming tone.
    • Don't tell him what he should do.
    • Don't assume to know what he's thinking or feeling or experiencing.
    • Ask him what he thinks, and see if he can come up with a solution the two of you can agree on together. It's important to validate his feelings and emphasize that you want to be able to find a solution where neither of you are hurting, and that you do in fact support/care about him.
    • If he doesn't seem affected or willing to bend, the best thing to do is just reiterate that you've been hurt, and end the conversation there.

    It's not worth it to force people to change who are unwilling to change.

    Sure, maybe "shock therapy" might work on ordinary people, but I really really don't recommend it for mentally unstable people in particular...........
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2018
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