Novel Another World:Rise Of The Vongola Familia

Hello everyone IsekaiSan here-^_^- i am new so treat me well i am writing a novel called ''another World:Rise Of The Vongola Familia'' i am not sure how long i am gonna continue this since i am doing this to enjoy myself weather I will continue writing or not in the future is UNDECIDED well if u guys liked it it might just boost my motivation though -^_^-

yosh!! ive decided i will be posting at 8:00 pm (GMT+8) Philippines time most of the time

FOR SUGGESTION AND DISCUSSION PLEASE GO OVER TO THIS THREAD TO AVOID MISSING VALUABLE ADVICES THANK YOU HERE

Synopsis- MC got send into another world by truck-san waking up in the middle of a forest infested by monster our mc with his vongola system will do his best to create the first mafia familia in another world!!!

Isekainote- sorry for the delay of chapter 3 thats all





Genre: action, another world, fanfiction, fantasy

Table of content
chapter 1:A different world and a cheat system.(part 1) (part 2)
chapter 2:Bathing , monster , dying will mode and hyper intuition
chapter 3:Training in the forest of dread



chapter 1: A different world and a cheat system.(Part 1)

Inside a room that is covered in darkness which only source of light is a computer where i Akihiko Hikaru and yeah i know my name don't match my appearance dress in a shabby t-shirt and grey pajama with a long untidy hair while watching katekyo hitman reborn ep 200 yeah i was marathoning the anime and i was just 3 ep away from the ending

(Akihiko)''Have you ever been so hopelessly outclassed in battle''

(IsekaiSan-byakuya line from the anime in subbed version in ep 200 at 20:13 time our mc is being a chuuni right here)

''Katrang!!!''(car smashing sfx) (IsekaiSan-if you have suggestion for a better sfx you can message me at my NUF Acc IsekaiSan)

(IsekaiSan-AKIHIKO (明彦): Japanese name meaning "bright prince."HIKARU (輝): Japanese name meaning "radiance.")

a truck suddenly smash in our house and its just had to smash on the place where my room is located and so while my room wall was smashed into pieces and sunlight came to my dark room which burned my eyes i thought about my computer which had fallen in to the floor because of the shaking i only had one thing i regret at that moment

[ah i wanted to finish the anime since i was done with the manga i guess this is my only regret]
i thought inside my head and in a flash i lose consciousness

''chirp chirp''(bird cry)
(Akihiko)''uh my head hurts'' while i was holding my head was splitting from the pain i stand up with great difficulty and close my eyes for a while because of the intense light which showered me after getting use the light i opened my eyes only to find myself in the middle of a forest

(Akihiko)''this where is this?'' i muttered the last thing i remember was watching katekyo hitman reborn wait?! dont tell me this is the legendary rammed by truck-san and sent to another world

taking another look around the place i notice something strange in my arm or more precisely my fingers there was ring that shouldn't have been there the Vongola sky ring which was used by Vongola Primo and was passed through generation after generation until it reach Tsunayoshi Sawada the 10th generation vongola boss

that very same ring right now is in my index finger after inspecting its appearance which is definitely the same from the anime i touched it and at that moment a voice which sounded with a deep tone which feels mysterious and lacking in emotion at the same time suddenly echoed in my head

(Vongola system)''Verifying signature..signature verified the vongola system greets the master as a beginner the system gives master a mystery box in order for you to paved your way towards greatness''

AUTHOR CORNER
(message revamp) the first few chapters is going to be in 1st person POV so for those who got confuse please keep this in mind thank you

 

lol combine the X-Gloves with the Twin Rain Swords

 

uhh. . . hmmmm i think making the system like the Roland system in crazy lich will be a good one . . .
and so if it's the vongola. . .
then they will be playing with fire?
oh and please think of a rather coolway to use the flames. . . .
like compressing it,

last will the mc be like Tsuna? i hope it will be a serious type pf comedy. . .

 

Sooooooooo it's In Another World With Naruto System, but with katekyo hitman reborn? lol I like the Naruto System story (sort of) so I'm looking forward to this one.

 

havent thought that far yet but ty for the opinion as for how the mc going to be i plan to make him unique and yeah i will try making it serious with comedy @replay please do tell me if u have other ideas as for using flames in a coolway im researching it rightnow

 

yeah i find inspiration in it cause i also liked it just dissapointed with the ending of it though ty for the reply by the way

 

Too many weird systems coming these days. Hedonist System , Dating Sim system, Strongest system...now a vongola system. I am waiting for the ultimate "*** system". *sarcastically. Hell yeah

 

well im planning to make it as unique as possible so ill appreciate any ideas for details thought not for the plot

 

Do you want my honest opinion?
Honestly, you need to have a proper punctuation marks and a proofreader.

 

wtf is a vongola?

 

i do want the honest opinion as for youre critics ill try to improve on it since im new im still grasping here and there so any critics if it will make it better is appreciated

 

What is Vongola? Google search brings up a mafia group from an anime/game series called reborn.

 

ummm basically taken from the manga katekyo hitman reborn vongola is a mafia family basically i used the name since its cool and using something like IN A DIFFERENT WORLD WITH A MAFIA SYSTEM just sounds so lame

 

The story is good yeah, seems promising, but you seriously need that thing I mentioned above. And for example, use something like this:
Ah, I wanted to finish the anime since I was done with the manga i guess this is my only regret. (Itali zed cause it was a thought)
I thought inside my head and in a flash i lose consciousness.

Chirp! Chirp!

"Ugh. My head hurts." I mumbled while I holding my head. It was splitting from the pain as I stood up with great difficulty. Closing my eyes for a while because of the intense light which showered me , after getting used to it I opened my eyes again only to find myself in the middle of a forest.

"Where the hell is this?!" I burst out. Cause the last thing i remembered was watching katekyo hitman reborn.......

 

ahhhh right, i forgot that their familia is named vongola. last time I watched katekkyo hitman reborn has been like six-eight years ago.

 

ahhh yeah didnt notice that ty shem-chi

 

No prob ^^ if you need some help, you can ask me, I'll help as much as my internet could XD

 

Interesting idea, but 3 big tips.
1) Change the title. We already have In Different World with Naruto System and people complained it was just a fanfic.
2) READ In Different World with Naruto System if you are not already, so you know how to avoid some of the bad things they did.
3) Increase the word count, or combine chapters later one.

Over all though, Well done.

 

ty for the tips and encouragement for 1) i do plan to change the title when i think of a better one i it just feels weird to right temporary there so i didn't write it 2)i have read it so i do plan to avoid the things i think it didn't need but i still this is a fanfic since im using the katekyo hitman reborn as the main base 3) i just started but later i plan to make the chapter longer i just started writing this 2 hours ago so i also think its a bit short but it will get longer later that i assure

 

Depending on how you plan on formatting/Releasing it, you want to aim for between 1500-4000 words. Most people seem to be comfortable at around 2000-2500.