Short Story Another writing prompt.

Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by Ekfreet, Apr 26, 2020.

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  1. Ekfreet

    Ekfreet Goner

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    A second attempt at a semi-dramatic story. I am welcome to all kinds of criticism.

    Untitled.

    Fortune never smiled upon you did she?

    Dead parents and a sister you chose to take care of sacrificing your present at the measly age of seventeen.

    When other siblings would bicker to no end, you became what I needed the most. My pillar.

    You always woke up early to prepare breakfast for me despite of returning late from work everyday. You helped me with my homework and even learned how to style long hair because you never wanted me to miss out. I will never forget the face you made when you had to ask the lady which pads she would recommend me to use.

    When we finally got the life insurance checks, the first thing you did was to pay older kids to keep an eye on me. So that no one gave me trouble for being the odd kid without parents.

    Only now I begin to understand the amount of experiences I robbed you of. You never went out to drink with friends or even had the opportunity to fool around. The reason why you never had a girlfriend was because of me, wasn't it?

    You were just there. Always there for me. I'm sorry for all the times I made you stay up at night because I missed mom and dad. But you probably needed those hugs as much as I did.

    I simply never realised how wrong it was. You were just a little kid, like me. But you spent all your time worrying about me. Taking care of me.

    It never once occured to me growing up that you were a child too. A boy that needed reassurance. Who took care of you? You taught yourself everything.

    I wish life had been easier on you.

    Sometimes I wonder if it might have been, had I not been around.

    I wish there were more pictures of you smiling. But, because of you, I'm smiling in every one.

    Thank you for everything.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2020
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  2. Zomula

    Zomula Well-Known Member

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    I would add some context on why this soliloquy is happening. It seems a little confusing to read it without ever learning why the sister is feeling the way she is. Is she at her brother's funeral? Is he dying? Is she dying? Are they both alive, but estranged and she's looking at a photo album and coming to a realization?

    The wording and the writing itself is pretty good, but the lack of context leaves it a bit unfinished to me.
     
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  3. Ekfreet

    Ekfreet Goner

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    Dead. From pushing away someone from a car accident.

    Happy to give closure to anyone in need of one :D
     
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  4. Ekfreet

    Ekfreet Goner

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    You know what? You should shamelessly plagiarize other people.

    Take a story with a writing style you like, and COPY IT.

    [​IMG]

    I sucked at writing and I still do. But practice makes best. Taking other people's writing styles as references can be a good way to slowly improve.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2020
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  5. cocelean

    cocelean Member

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    I wanted to pretend I didn't read that and assume the sister grew up, matured, and told her brother this on her wedding because I would be in danger of drowning in tears otherwise. But, once you've read something, you can't un-read it...
    Why couldn't it have just been left to our imaginations...

    Great story though! Now if you would kindly excuse me while I drown (T▽T)
     
  6. melomarl

    melomarl Azathoth's Spawn | Faceless

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    I think it's good enough on its own because my emo heart only wants to feel the pain with no closure. :blobpeek: