This thread was because I just watched Koe no Katachi, and it sparked a lot of deep thoughts. I think it is interesting that many of the respondents here have different definitions for what they consider bullying. It is a very vague topic to in some sense, furthermore, a lot of time it's hard for many of us to reflect and actually decide whether we did bully, or whether we were bullied back then. Honestly, I don't trust my own memory, to some extent. This is because I tend to suppress things I don't like about myself, to the point that it's hard for me to clearly remember certain aspects about myself in the past. For example, I'm 90% positive I was homophobic when I was younger. However, I honestly can't remember if I harassed people or made fun of people for it back then -- and if I did -- either I've suppressed it from my memory or it was so trivial to me at the time that I didn't even bother to remember it. In this sense, when I was watching Koe no Katachi, I felt as if I was seeing a lot of myself in Ueno (the "villainess bully" that everyone hates), because in some senses I felt like I could have easily been just like her, either in the past, or if I had grown up in another way. In particular, I can relate to wanting to be looked at positively by the people whom I like. Additionally, I do not think I am a naturally a particularly empathetic person, so when I was younger (and didn't care much about empathy), I had no interest in understanding people who were very unlike me. In short, I was never bullied. I wasn't popular, but I was loud, opinionated, smart, self-confident, did sports and had a ridiculously long resume of club leadership positions (....you know... that type of over-achieving person), and was never short of friends. I had friends from multiple different social groups. The most notable of those friends for this discussion, is that I tended to attract the socially awkward people like a magnet. I think this is possibly because me and my closest friends were geeky, but at lunch, all of the people at the bottom of the social pyramid at school would typically sit at the periphery of our group. They almost never participated in the conversation, and in fact, not everyone in our group even liked them (or would consider them to be friends), but they were there nonetheless. One of the socially awkward girls (who was very overweight) probably considered me to be one of her closest friends, since we did all of the nerdy clubs together, and in fact we talked a lot, though to be honest it would be hard for me to say whether I actually thought of her as a friend. In either case, she is probably the first person who comes to mind if I were to speak about bullying. While there wasn't all that much direct in-your-face bullying that I ever saw, one thing for sure was that there was a lot of talking behind her back. And seriously, everyone in the school said bad things about her and mocked her when she wasn't around (but I mean, obviously she was aware that people badmouthed her). It wasn't just because of her weight. People thought of her as "creepy" and she had anxiety (as students, nobody appreciated that), meaning she did weird things like chewing on her hair or eating paper when stressed. Nobody wanted to be associated with her (and to be honest, myself included, when in public). One time I walked into an empty room and found her crying under a desk. She was in this kind of position (see mangacap), underneath the table. I think that is probably the most salient memory for me. Do you consider that bullying? It's not necessarily physical bullying or directly-to-your-face bullying (at least, based on the little that I could see). However, when somebody is ostracized by the entire school, and not even your friends are willing to stand up for you....... She wasn't the only one. There was an immigrant who "smelled weird" and people made fun of his nasal-y voice. There was a quiet (slightly overweight) kid who stuttered every sentence and talked really really really really really slow. There are quite a lot of examples I can think of throughout the years -- of people that virtually no one in the school liked.
When I was young I was bullied a lil bit. One time thing maybe but can't remember. I also bullied too~ well more of playing pranks really. I've never seriously bullied anyone.
There's many form of bullying, and can range from something trivial (annoyance) to something more extreme (being vented on physically). The easiest way to tell is when you tell them to stop, and they don't, yea, they are targeting you for whatever reason. As for isolation, you can't really do much about that, and the best you can do is try reaching out. The most annoying event I had was when some punk kids tried to lock me out of my apartment building entrance. It always ends up in a fight. Although I transfer to a lot of different school for extra help in education, since I'm in spec. ed., I never really had a problem of isolation. I just talk to whoever was next to me, and when I'm not talking, I just spend my time alone drawing. It's often through activities, like gym class, whatever sport happening during lunch time, and from my drawings that I made friends.
I went through a fair amount of bullying... I usually fought back and we were both suspended from school though, so it usually led to a 3+ months break on the bullying because people didn't want to get suspended. It happened until the end of middle school I guess... I learned how to cope with it better in high school, even if it didn't really stop. Never had to go through it on uni. For a while on middle school I was actually on the bully side... But I didn't notice it much myself, I just thought it was funny... I stopped after a friend called me out on him as how they were my only friends and I never stopped annoying them... I ended up losing those friends, but they did help me quite a bit in getting better... Those weren't my smartest years... >.>
I have been a bully myself often and let me tell you that the worst kind of bullying is the mental one, where you constantly insult a person everyday. Most people only do this on people who they thik are weaker. That means even if they flare up and fight, they lose. Win-Win. Let me tell you the best way to shoo away the bullies. You watch movies right? Because you need to act, first get against a wall, your hips and shoulder blades should be touching the wall, this should tell you if you have a bad posture. Keep standing there for three to foure kinutes to get used to the correct posture. That was one. Two is dont provoke the hounds. How you provoke them? By getting their attention, being around them i.e sitting with them or conversing with them. You ont laugh when they crack jokes or bully other people, only strong people can laugh at weak people and get away. Three is even more important, in fact this is the most important step ever. Bullies, before they decide on a target always test their target and see if its a target or a strong being. How do you look strong? If they talk to you first, you look them in the eye. Never ever look down ever during your conversation with them, stare them hard. If you have to look away, look sideways but never down. If they bring their hands forward for a handshake, clench their hand with all your might you can muster, and keep holding that hand for sometime, shake it a little abnormally, eg for long time or twist their arms like Donald Trump does. If they crack jokes at you, ont laugh. Smile and look them in the eye, and if needs be, say to them 'I hope this does not go where I think it is going' and walk away, walk slowly with your head straight, make sure you are not looking down or walking fast. I had this friend, and one time seniors sorrounded him in our recess. He was alone I hear from everyone who was watching they were all big. He laughingly says to them 'Beat me, all of you can. But I know all your faces now, I am not sure you will now?' And then he laughs changes the topic and they are all friends suddenly. Bullies who prey on weak people are weaker, you just need to hit at their weakness. Most people dont het that. So say your bully insults you,mdont get into an insulting competition with them, they are the shark and you want to fight in the water? You drag its ass on land and smash it. Fifth is friends. People are afraid of groups, especially if the group stocks togather and everybody is acting stead fast.
lol, I actually agree with you that the mental are the worse. Physical heals with time since bullying has a limit with violence. My neighborhood was the place where you don't fight, you will get pick on or get shit stolen from. As for mental ones... lets just say the GM place I work at for 9 month was consider relaxing to me compare to the stress at home, whereas other GM would have mental breakdown within a couple of month. This is with hackers targeting me and attempting to dox me too.
I was bullied when I was in elementary but I always say it to my mother and then my mother talks to the teachers. Bullying solved. Bullying in Japan is a lot more worse. The bullied kids mostly keep silent that leads them to suicide.
I was never bullied, I think my face had a helping hand in that. Apparently I have a case of resting bitch face ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Had a few ppl tell me that they were afraid to talk to me at first since I always looked pissed. I did witness bullying in middle school. Girl was picked on to the point where she brought a knife to school after they said they were gonna jump her. Was right next to her when it fell out her binder too <.<. Apparently it was over a guy
I've never been bullied, and don't think I've ever witnessed anyone being bullied before but...I think some of my classmates used to talk behind my back, though they were all friendly when talking to me. One of my friends told me: "Hey Psyx, don't you know that they talk about you when you're not around?" And honestly, it was okay with me as long as I couldn't hear them. It's like...'people can have their opinions of me', though it would hurt if I heard the actual words. At the very least, I can tell myself that it's okay because I don't talk about people behind their backs just to make myself feel better. ...though it's a pretty vague line between back-biting, gossiping, and being curious about what other people do (or do they all mean the same thing?) I suppose the difference is the intention? Or am I just being a hypocrite who tries to justify her actions...?
Yeah I was bullied a little, so what? granted said bullying did get a little violent, but that was only for half a year, and the bastard got what they deserved.
If I was bullied...I don't really remember, the memories are a bit hazy I guess. In elementary school I could vaguely remember someone making fun of me....We've grown and the last time I saw him, he looked a bit...scared? Maybe It was because I was taller? I was just walking through the hallways though, so I was confused until I remembered who he was in the first place. I've never seen any 'real' bullying, just some banter between friends. Actually there was 'bullying' in middles school, and there was, I believe 1 or 2 times I was an arse because I was trying to fit in....I was.....10x or many more time more immature in middle school. There was one time I tried saying something back to a class bully in middle school, and he almost pushed me to the locker during passing period (never did anything beyond that), I guess he matured since then since we were chill with each other in highschool.
I frequently got bullied in my whole gradeschool year. But the most memorable one to me was when I was in 3rd grade where almost throughout that school year- everyday i cried. It was because of my seatmate. He takes my things, verbally abuse me and tease me with my other classmates. I was the type of person back then where I do not talk to any of my classmate. I was just there, sitting and attending lessons. I don't even have a friend there. Quiet and diligent type. But i didn't think of not going to school anymore, idk why? Even when my mom came and scolded the bully, even the teachers. They couldn't stop him. So i got tired, i remained silent of what he was doing to me coz even if i told them, they can't do anything. Even if the teacher made him change his seat and put him farthest away from me. He still comes to me, only me. Then after that school year he transferred. I forgot how it turned out in the end but i'm fine now. Now this is in my university days. While i was walking through the hall, I saw him again To be continued. This is actually true LOL
Yes I would certainly consider that bullying. Ostracization or shunning is certainly an example of bullying, in fact it is considered one of the worst forms of group bullying, a sort of social death penalty. It's almost like expelling them from the society, without necessarily physically doing so. Psychologically, shunning can cause psychological damage and can be considered a form of torture. And while I can't say if you were one of her bullies (which you easily could have been since bullying can lead to a sort of Stockholm Syndrome), you were at least an enabler whose lack of action likely hurt the victim worse.
I live in my head most of the time, so I'm rather oblivious when it comes to bullying, except for when it gets physical. Don't know if this counts as bullying, but (I think) people talked about me behind my back in school. I didn't even know about it till two years after, and it costed me an opportunity to get a leadership position. The seniors never bothered to figure out whether the rumours were true, and no-one bothered to inform me at all until a friend did. In any case, I had somewhat of a reputation for being caustic when pissed, but quiet when not. So nobody ever tried verbal or mental harassment, or I'd verbally windmill 'em all.